State of Mind
by Ambivalence
Summary: Three boys among hundreds get a new chance at a real life, but can the damage of the past years be erased? TaitoYamachi, DaikenKensuke ...Discontinued until further notice...
1. A New Life

**(A/N)** Hey, it's me again! Finally got up the energy to try another fic. It's just a start, but maybe it's something! There will be yaoi later on, most likely with Taito/Yamachi, Kensuke/Daiken, and Hikeru/Takari, but tell me what you think!   
**Warnings:** Future yaoi/shounen ai, child/sexual abuse issues, angst,   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the Digimon show, only some of the original characters found in the story and the story plot itself.   
  
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"The mind is slow in unlearning what it has been long in learning." Seneca, Troades_  
  
  
Part 1 - A New Life  
  
"Tell me... tell me again, what's it like?" 

"Like heaven, compared to this place. But I don't really remember, I've told you that, I was only four." 

"Four an' a half, right?" 

"That's right, four and a half. It was a long time ago, so long ago that I'm not sure it even really exists." 

"But what _do_ you 'member?" 

"Well... I remember... food. Lotsa food. It was good too, not the type of grey shit we get here. 'Like what the older boys talk about... ya know, cookies and stuff." 

"I wish I could taste one of those. Rio's always talking about food like that, an' it makes me hungry." 

"Yeah, well, just ignore him, he doesn't really know what he's talking about anyway. You want to know what else I remember?" 

"What? Please tell me." 

"I remember that there was no pain, not ever." 

"Really? You gotta be joking..." 

"No, I'm not. The things that exist in our life don't belong out there, it's true. But I guess that just wasn't how we were supposed to live, that's just for people who deserve it." 

"Oh... You must be right, you always are. What else?" 

"Um... I think... I think I had... well it was before... but I remember a baby, I suppose she was my sister... or maybe it was a boy, I don't know..." 

"Sister? F'real?" *sigh* "I wonder if I have one? What do you think?" 

"I don't know, maybe. It's possible. Or maybe a brother." 

"Maybe two! Hey... D'ya think... well, could we be brothers? Not real ones of course, just pretend. I've always wanted one. Shin an' Kochi are brothers, they said so." 

*chuckle* "Of course we can. You'd be my first choice for a brother, so we'll be brothers in heart if not blood, okay?" 

"Yeah! Okay! Wait a minute... What do brothers do anyway?" 

"Well... they look out for each other I guess. Since I'm older than you, I'd protect you from anything that I possibly can, like Shin does for his younger brother." 

"Sounds good... Y'know what? I'm really tired now... they really wore me out today." 

"Alright. Just lay your head down, we should have been asleep hours ago anyway." 

"Hmm... Taichi?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm glad you're now my brother. I love you..." 

"I love you too Dais-chan, now go to sleep. G'night." 

*Yawn* "'night..." 

The young maroon haired boy fell asleep instantly, dreamless and still hurting but content nevertheless just to be with his newfound big brother. The older boy, however, found sleep a long time in coming. He wanted to remember more, more about his life before this nightmare, more about his family and friends. But try as he might, nothing but a few very faded images of the outside world would enter his mind. It was like something from a whole other life. This was his world now, had been for years and likely for many more to come. It was even worse though, in his mind, for the poor smaller boy who shared the room with him, one who had never known anything other than this life. A lone tear slid down his cheek, unnoticed as the boy watched his companion's sleeping face. So innocent it seemed, but if one looked harder it was easy to distinguish the pained and alert tension that seemed permanent to that face now, like it was for all the boys and girls here. Maybe one day... but no, it wasn't good to build hopes in a place like this, they were never redeemed and so it was pointless to even wish or dream of a better place where there was no pain. 

Still troubled by these fleeting thoughts, Taichi slowly slipped into a state of dreamless sleep. Maybe freedom was only an illusion, but he would never let his 'brother' know it. 

=-=-=-=   
1 Year Later

It was cold tonight, more so than usual, causing the two forms on the bed to shiver as they tried to sleep a little longer. The darkness of the cell-like room seemed like a thick, chilly blanket that covered everything completely, pushing away any noises of the outside area. Taichi lay on the bed staring out into this darkness, hardly blinking while finding it impossible to let sleep come. It was almost morning anyway, and soon one of the Masters would come to kick them out of bed to begin the day's work. Beside him, Daisuke let out a small whimper as he fitfully tossed in his sleep. Taichi hugged him closer to his chest, trying to warm up his little adopted brother, though knowing that it would be impossible to get rid of those ever pursuing nightmares that had been plaguing them both for years. 

He had been up all night thinking. Well, not so much thinking as wondering. It seemed lately as though his mind had left him almost completely and he couldn't for the life of him remember any more to this nightmare that they were living in. He _could_ remember a time when he was a bit more rebellious, more optimistic about this place and the chance of escape. But that was long ago, and he couldn't even recall what life before this was like. All there was now was to obey or be beaten. Do what the Masters told you to do and you would eat and sleep and live to see another day without being covered with bruises and cuts. This was his family now, as sad as it was, but he knew no other. It was pointless to resist them, and so he had learned to train himself and his friends to obey their every command, to bend to their will. If they did this, they couldn't get hurt, and Taichi would do anything to protect the younger boy from harm. It was the right thing to do, wasn't it? Maybe this was all there was to life anyway, maybe everything that he used to remember had been a lie. 

A couple of years ago Taichi had tried to argue, tried to defend against what he had thought wrong, though he had no actual reasons. In his heart he had known and that had been enough for him. But he had been beaten down unmercifully, then taken to another room where a Master told him what was right. '...Without _us_you would be nothing, boy. _We_ are your family and you should love us for it. We keep you fed and off the streets; we let you sleep under our roof. And this is how you repay our kindness? All we ask of you is a few hours of work to make up for all that you take from us. _Don't_ever question this again, do you understand?...' And then Taichi knew, he knew that this was all that he had and nothing else mattered. He had felt ashamed for hurting his family this way. Now all he lived for was to please, even if there was still a tiny nagging thought in the furthest, darkest corner of his mind that was telling him that this was all wrong. 

"Tai?" With a slight jump, Taichi turned his head to look at his friend, wondering how long the other had been awake for. "I'm cold." The small body shook with the chill that seemed to seep into everyone's bones these days. 

Regretfully sighing, Taichi rubbed the other's back slowly, trying to give what little heat he had to the one who needed it most. "Me too Dais. Don't worry, a Master will be here soon to get us up, and we'll have breakfast. Maybe it'll even be hot porridge this time." 'And then we'll start 'work', giving pleasure to other needy men with no lives,' he thought with a grimace. No matter how much he knew that this was what he was alive for, he still couldn't get used to it. But to obey was to live and that was all that mattered. 

Hours later they were still laying in that bed, huddled together as the cold air froze them. Taichi couldn't figure it out, they should have been out of here a long time ago according to his internal clock for which he was so proud of. Something wasn't right. It wasn't his day off, nor Daisuke's, that much he knew, so where were their Masters? Daisuke had fallen asleep again, still shivering, and Taichi was beginning to worry that maybe they had somehow been completely forgotten about. But no... his Masters wouldn't do that to him, he had to make money for them. Especially if he wanted to eat today. Daisuke and himself were too thin as it was. Had he done something wrong yesterday? But if he had, then wouldn't they still come for Daisuke? Something was very wrong. 

Suddenly the door was jerked open, much to his relief. Silently he shook Daisuke awake and they stood up awkwardly by the bed, knowing not to make a sound. There was silence, then a curse, causing Taichi to look up in confusion. Wait, that wasn't a Master who he recognized, did they hire a new one? That would explain the reason for being so late. Quickly he stuck his gaze back to the floor, hoping they hadn't seen his movement. It was against the rules to look up at a Master unless given permission; the same went for speaking. 

Some sounds and curses were heard before the room was suddenly flooded with light, blinding him as he quickly took hold of Daisuke's hand to keep the younger one from looking up. "Oh Kami-Sama, would you look at them!" A strange voice exclaimed, causing Taichi to flinch a bit. They wouldn't bring _customers_ down here, would they? That went against everything. "They're so thin. 'Kuso, this is disgusting! How could those heartless bastards-" 

"Aruki, shuddup, you're scaring them... I think. Hey, what're your names?" A gentle voice was suddenly in front of them and Taichi could see a set of unfamiliar shoes from the position he was in. 

Must not disobey, "Taichi, Master." 

"Daisuke, Master." The other boy's voice followed suit. 

"Oh." There was an awkward silence, then "You don't need to call me... uh, Master, you know. My name's Blaine and that fellow over there is Aruki. We're here to help you. Now come on, we're getting you out of here." 

Taichi's mind went blank, not understanding this strange man's request. What did he want? Both of them? He wanted to ask, but made himself keep quiet until he was given permission. There was a nervous twitch in his mind, not liking this irregularity at all. Why had the Masters let these two down here anyway? Because they sure didn't sound threatening enough to be Masters themselves. 

"Hurry up and get them out of here Blaine, it stinks. They're probably just confused right now; bring them up to some fresh air and light and see what happens from there, okay?" The first voice impatiently grumbled from by the door, confusing poor Taichi even more. He felt Daisuke's hand tighten almost unbearably around his own, making him realize that the younger boy was probably just as scared and confused as himself. He squeezed the hand back reassuringly. 

The gentle voice spoke again, "Just a second. Hey Taichi, how long have you two been living here?" 

Taichi looked up before he could think better of it, shocked by the question. Nobody had ever asked that before. It had never mattered. Who cared, as long as they did what was expected. Was this some sort of trick? Wincing, he looked back down to his feet, hoping desperately he wouldn't be punished, "I don't know, Master. 'Since I was four, I think. And Daisuke was brought in when he was about two or three." Please, please just let them get this over with. Taichi hated all these strange questions. He didn't see a point to them except to prolong the inevitable. 

"My God... That young?" Aruki spoke up in a disbelieving voice. "They must have been here for over ten years! No wonder they seem so... ugh, that's horrible." 

"I know..." Blaine sighed, before holding out his hands to the shaking boys, "I want you to come with us, okay? I promise, we won't hurt you. You're free now and the bad guys are going to be locked up, do you understand?" 

Neither boy moved, nor did they dare to look up. Taichi's mind desperately tried to grasp the meaning of this, but it was futile. Nothing made sense. Then suddenly a thought occurred to him, one that made all the pieces fit together. Slowly he bowed a little and asked fearfully, "Please... May I ask a question?" 

The man seemed surprised by this but he nodded, "Of course." 

"Are you... are you our new Masters?" He asked, trembling a little. They had never moved anywhere before, always having the same Masters. Why would they suddenly decide to send them off to a new place? Maybe it was a punishment, or maybe a reward... who knew how their strange minds worked. 

Both of the men seemed to choke in astonishment, staring at the two boys as if they had just disappeared before their very eyes. Taichi hoped he hadn't said anything wrong. "M...Masters?" The first guy, Aruki, finally gasped, "'Course we're not!" 

The second man shook his head, trying to sound soothing as he explained, "No... no we're not ... Masters. See, you don't have masters anymore, they're all gone, locked up in jail. You and your little friend are free from them." He stopped when he noticed the boys start to shake, scared looks plastered to their faces. Slowly he walked over to them, kneeling so that he could look up into their faces and then placed a hand on a shoulder of each boy. "Shh, it's okay. Come with us and you'll understand in time, alright?" He could see that both of the youths were very frightened and confused, this bombshell suddenly dropping down into their lives when they had thought that this was all there was to life. Blaine had a feeling that life was about to get even more turned upside down for these two. They probably hadn't any idea that there was more to living than giving away their bodies to every sick minded man that walked up to them. Fighting back a wave a nausea at the thought, he stood up again, "Could you please follow us?" 

Neither boy answered, but after a few minutes of silence Taichi suddenly realized that they might be going against orders by not following. He would hate to be punished for this. It's all a game, he told himself, the Masters have thought up some new twisted game for us to play. These men will lead us somewhere for us to do business with, then we'll come back here and eat and life will go on as always. With these beliefs set firmly in his mind, Taichi tugged a little at his silent friend's hand, indicating that they should do what the men told them to. They let the strangers lead them out of the dark room and out into the corridor. That was where they got their next biggest shock of their life. The door to every room was open and strange men were coaxing the children to come out, most already crowding towards the main doors. Every kid had a scared expression, but most knew well enough to remain silent while the strangers just kept up the one-sided conversations. 

"Taichi! Why are they doing this?" Daisuke finally asked in a low whisper, clinging desperately to his older roommate's arm. This had _never_ happened before. 

Taichi shook his head slightly, discreetly staring around until he spotted a few familiar faces. "I don't know Dai-chan, but don't worry, I'm sure everything'll sort out." He assured the younger boy even though he was feeling very nervous himself. Patting the thin back comfortingly, he quietly pointed out, "Look, see? There's Wallace over there with Hiroshii. And ahead of them I can see Shin with his bro, and Rio, and Anako, and everybody. That means it's a big thing if they're getting everybody out. I'm sure the older ones know what's going on." Daisuke just nodded faintly, still not looking too sure. 

"Okay boys, how're you holding up?" Blaine looked back at them, but when neither answered he just sighed and went on, "We'll be going outside shortly. I know this will be a pretty new thing for both of you, but I don't want you to be scared or worried. Everything will work out. Just stick close to me and your friends, okay?" Taichi nodded for the both of them, still not sure as to what they were talking about. Outside? Nah, the must just mean the main hall or something. 

It wasn't until real sunlight hit their shocked faces that reality suddenly dawned on them. Their whimpers were lost among the confusion that spread through the ranks as they huddled together. This was wrong, oh so, so wrong. Suddenly they saw two of the oldest boys pushing towards them. None of the strange men or women, seemed to try to stop them, making wonderment spread through Taichi. What was going on here? 

"Rio! Yuki!" The tearful cry fell from Daisuke's throat before he could stop it, but none of the strangers seemed to notice. Still clinging onto Taichi's shirt with one hand, he grabbed onto Yukito, a nineteen year old dark-blonde boy. The small group of boys stayed close together, desperately trying to make sense of things. "Where're the Masters?" Daisuke whimpered, staring around wide eyed. 

Rio spoke up first, just loud enough to be heard over the din that the youngest and least trained children were making, "I don't have the slightest fuck'n clue, everything's screwed up alright." He nervously glanced over his shoulder at the nearest adults. Even he was unwilling to disobey the Masters, and he had to be the most outgoing kid among them. He was one of the best for keeping up everyone's spirits when things seemed hopeless, even if he did have a tendency to make up extravagant stories. "These bastards aren't even trying to keep us in line! It's like they don't care." 

"Do you think it's a trick?" Taichi nervously asked. Honestly, he didn't like the look of things. The whole compound was now crowded with the kids that had, not more than ten minutes ago, been ripped out of their normalcy and home into a strange new world. Everyone was afraid. 

Yuki shook his head, toying with Daisuke's short hair lightly for comfort, "Nah, I've been here for fifteen years and this hasn't ever happened." He sighed, then suddenly straightened, adding mostly for the youngest's benefit, "Well... time to play soldier." The others looked over, then suddenly down at their feet when they saw Blaine coming towards them with a woman behind. They straightened their shoulders as best as possible while keeping their eyes downcast. 

"Hi there Taichi, Daisuke. Are these some of your friends?" The man spoke to them gently, not surprised when the only answers he received were two obedient nods. "This is Doctor Hariko, she's been assigned to take a group of boys. Is there anyone else you know who you think would like to stay with you four?" The two adults waited for a minute before he added, "You may tell us, we're not going to hurt you." 

Of course three of the boys turned a little towards the eldest as he had the most right to speak here. Taichi mouthed a name and Yuki nodded, carefully looking up to see which kids were closest to them at the moment. Finally he spoke in a submissive voice, "If it pleases you... there are a few who would like to join us." 

The woman spoke this time, her voice gentle as she smiled at them, "Of course. Why don't a couple of you round up a few and bring them back here." This brought on even more confusion. She was going to let them wander off? Just like that? Her smile never faltered, "Don't worry, I trust you. Here, why don't the two oldest go since they will find the way back more easily." She nodded to Rio and Yuki and they hesitated for only a second before briskly walking away. Taichi knew they were only doing it so not to disobey a direct order. 

With a slight sigh, Taichi turned his attention back to his brother. The red-head seemed to be holding up okay, and looked much less frightened than he had a few minutes ago. He squeezed the smaller hand, grinning a little when the dark cinnamon eyes turned up to regard him in a thoughtful manner. Taichi could tell that Daisuke was just dying to speak, then with a sudden thought he asked the two adults with a small bow, "May we have permission to talk freely?" It had never been allowed before within the Masters' presence, but these people seemed different. So far nobody had been reprimanded for doing things out of regulation. 

Without much surprise, Dr. Hariko nodded quickly, "Yes dears, of course you may. No need to ask. You're free of all that tyranny now." 

Taichi had no clue what 'tyranny' meant, but he did know that it was okay to talk now. Before he could say anything though, Daisuke asked in a timid voice, "Why couldn't you jus' bring the jobs here instead of moving all of us?" 

A small amount of amusement flickered through Taichi as he saw the expressions of horror on the adults' faces. The question wasn't one they should be asking, but Taichi was kind of curious himself. Was Daisuke right? He hadn't thought of that as a reason for all this unorderly behaviour. Although, he could guess from the looks that they received that this wasn't the answer. "There will be no more _jobs_ young man. You are all free from that now." The doctor answered, still looking disgusted, "I am taking you to a special place where you will get cleaned up and have someone talk to you and to help you. Also, we will find your families so that you can go home." 

"Home?" Taichi gasped before he could help it. But this was his home! His entire life had been here among his large family. This made no sense at all. He already had a family! 

They weren't able to explain further though as at that moment Rio and Yuki came running back, a few more kids in tow. With a relieved grin, Taichi quickly motioned one of the boys over to him, "Takeru! 'You alright?" 

A younger blonde boy, who was around the same age as Daisuke, gave a small cry of recognition before running over and giving both Daisuke and Taichi a large, tight hug. "What's going on guys? I don't understand! What are they going to do to us?!" He looked up at Taichi with pleading cerulean eyes, a dazed and worried look etched in his face. 

The oldest of the three wrapped his arm tightly around his second closest companion of the place, trying to reassure him, "It's okay Teeks, there's nothing to worry about, honest. I don't understand either, but I don't think that they're planning to hurt us at the moment." 

Daisuke managed to squeeze himself between his two friends, hating to be left out of the comfort circle, and tried to explain what he had understood to the newcomer, "See that lady? She's taking us to another home. 'Says we'll get clean and talk to people and stuff." He shrugged as if it was no big deal, grinning madly with this newfound explanation. 

"But where're the Masters? I don't think they'd like this very much." Takeru whispered, taking a daring peek around, "I haven't seen any of them this morning. Master Sanji was suppose to wake our section up this morning, but instead these scary men showed up." 

Taichi shrugged in answer, not knowing what to say. Really, he had no clue about what had happened to their Masters. But in a way he was glad they hadn't been seen; the Masters probably would punish them badly for coming outside like this. He then noticed that the area seemed to be becoming less crowded, groups of kids led by adults were walking off the compound! 

"Well, are you kids ready to go then?" Dr. Harako smiled cheerfully, indicating that they should follow. Of course, no one moved. She frowned a bit, but kept up the gentle expression, "Now come on, don't be afraid. We're just moving you to a new place. You'll like it there." 

When nobody seemed ready to move or offer the reason, Taichi hesitantly spoke up, making a point to keep his eyes on their shoes like the rest of the kids were doing, "We shouldn't even be out here, Ma'am, if the Masters catch us trying to escape we will be punished." 

The doctor laughed a little, though she was watching them all with sorrowful eyes, "You won't be punished, children, I can promise you that. There are no Masters for you to worry about. I'm taking you to a safe place far away from them, okay?" 

With a helpless little shrug, Taichi stepped back a bit, not knowing what in all hell was really going on here. If this really was a game, it sucked. He slightly looked over at Yuki questioningly, hoping that the older boy would decide what to do. There was no doubt in his mind that they would still all be severely hurt for not following the orders of this woman. The tall blonde apparently decided the same thing and nodded with a small sigh, "Alright, we'll follow you Ma'am." 

Twenty minutes later the entire group was sitting in a large moving bus, all of them scared to death of where it was taking them. Many of the older children couldn't even remember the last time they had been out of the building they had lived in for most of their lives and this change was very disturbing. Almost every kid had their face pressed against the windows at the moment, exclaiming over the view. Taichi himself was getting quite a kick over seeing the city once again. None of it was familiar but it was exciting never the less. He was watching it over Daisuke's and Takeru's shoulders, having set his two friends closest to the window. Neither of them spoke much, their eyes widened in disbelief. Finally his brother turned to look at him, "Tai?" 

Taichi smiled, trying to cheer up the somber look in the other's eyes, "What's wrong oniichan?" The endearment failed to bring even a small smile. 

"I..." Daisuke looked down at his hands, "I wish we could go explore or sum'thing. You know, before we got back to work." 

The blonde also turned away, bringing up his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. "Me too," he sighed tonelessly, "It looks pretty nice out there. Aito, my roommate last year, told me about this park he remembered once. 'Said it was full of trees and quiet-like. Nothing to do with this shitty life we have." 

Feeling depressed all of a sudden, Taichi sighed as well and took a small look around at the others riding the bus. Many of the kids, except for the youngest, had slumped back into their seats, the realization of never getting out there anyway dawning on them too. "Well... don't worry about it." He knew that sounded lame, but he couldn't think of anything better to say. Finally, after getting no response from the other two, he leaned his head onto the seat back and tried to get some rest for the remainder of the trip. The one thought that stuck in his mind was that even if they did get freedom some day, would any of them know what to do with it? 

=-=-=-=   


Masaharu Ishida was the first to hear. He was nearly out the door, headed for work at the television station, when the phone rang. "Yamato, could you get that? I'm going to be late!" Nobody answered him, the constant sound of guitar music never ceasing from the direction of his son's room. With an exasperated sigh he threw down his coat and ran over to the telephone, managing to pick it up before it went silent. "Ishida residence." He greeted, glancing at his watch impatiently. There was important work to be done at the station, he didn't have time for a delay. 

"Am I speaking to Ishida Masaharu?" The cheerful female's voice was unfamiliar, but he confirmed and waited with very little patience for the point of this call. "My name is Nadine Situ. I'm a social worker for the Tamachi Children's Home and I'm calling with news concerning your son." 

Confused, Masaharu looked towards the door behind which the only son he had was practicing. 'Though he wasn't much surprised over the fact that Yamato was in trouble again, it was kind of strange that he was ticking people off all the way in Tamachi. "Look, I'll talk to Yamato about whatever it was he did later. Right now I'm late for work, so if you could just let it go this one time-" 

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. You misunderstand." So the stoic blonde wasn't in any kind of trouble, that was always good to hear. But then why would they be phoning? "I was told to inform you that we have found Takeru, your second born." 

Nothing. He didn't feel a single thing, just standing still with the phone in danger of slipping out of his limp hand. This wasn't possible... in fact, they hadn't even mentioned the youngest boy's name for years now. The police had told them that there was next to no chance of ever finding him... impossible. Takeru was dead - just like his mother two years after the incident. After a few moments of silence he whispered into the phone, wondering what sort of sick joke this was, "How." 

The ever cheery girl explained to him, sounding as if this wasn't some miracle taking place, "Well, I'm not permitted to give away too much of the information, but the police recently raided a place and found over four hundred children and teenagers being held there. When you come down here somebody will tell you the rest. Are you able to make it down here today? We need to get everything sorted out as soon as possible." 

"Uh... Yeah... yeah, as soon as we can." Masaharu set down the phone, his mind dazed as all thoughts of work flew out the window. Feeling numb and unable to comprehend what was going on, the man slowly walked over to the teenager's bedroom door. His hand rose to knock, but stopped half way. How was Yamato going to take this? Everything had suddenly become so complicated. It had taken over a year to convince the boy that his brother was never coming back, which had nearly broken his heart and soul. As it was, the following years had been filled with trying to help a depressed teenager get on with his life. Yamato had at one point, after Natsuko had passed away, resorted to drinking and drugs before his father found out and sought him some real help. It had been horrible, especially for Masaharu who had always felt that he was never able to do the best for his son, never able to actually get him to talk and work things through together. It had been just recently that Yamato had been gaining some of his spirit back, his band having a lot to do with it. Music had always been the boy's solitude and had proved a good energy release over the years. 

But now... "Yamato?" He choked, finally tapping at the door. Still no answer, but he supposed that he shouldn't be expecting one. Turning the handle, he slowly opened the door and peeked around it, finding the tall blonde sitting in front of the window with his newest guitar. Fingers danced gracefully over the strings, a sad melody filling the air. "Yama... I need to talk with you. Now." Startled out of his stillness by the desperate tone, the pale boy turned around, staring at his father with narrow azure eyes. "I... God, I don't know what to say..." 

"'Bout what?" Yamato finally sighed, gently setting aside his most favoured possession and standing up to face the other man. "I thought you were going to work." Masaharu had no clue how to go about this... this phenomenal news. It wasn't even registering in his own mind yet. When he still hadn't figured out how to continue, the teen continued, "Anyway, I have band practice in an hour." He shrugged, not knowing what to else to say to his silent father. 

"Yamato..." Finally the man couldn't stand it and just blurted it out. He had never been able to take situations like this delicately. "They found your brother... Takeru." 

Surprisingly not even a flicker of recognition or shock passed across the emotionless face. Yamato stared at him for only a minute before turning around to pick up his guitar again, "Right," was all he said in a toneless voice as he shoved past to the door. 

Knowing he had to react quick before his son escaped him, Masaharu turned and grabbed onto the other's thin shoulders, making him face him. "I'm serious Yamato! Kami-sama... I've never been more serious in my life. Please..." 

Twisting out of the hold, Yamato faced his father, anger finally overcoming the frozen mask as he glared, his eyes daggers of blue ice. "Don't you _touch_ me! And stop spouting that bullshit, it's fucked up lies! Takeru's _never_coming back. You told me, the doctors have told me, every fucking person has told me. Next thing I know you'll be telling me that mum's come back from the fucking dead! Just shut up and leave me _alone_!" 

Shocked over the outburst, Masaharu finally realized how torn up over the tragedy the seventeen year old still was. He hadn't seen before how upset his son really was behind that mask that was always over his face these days. It hurt to hear this pain, to see how Yamato was finally convincing himself like this, "No Yamato." Blue eyes widened at the calmness in his father's tone, fright and pleading denial flickering through them. "We were wrong." 

"No... Takeru... He can't be alive..." Yamato whispered, collapsing into Masaharu's arms, his body shaking as years of misery suddenly crashed down upon him. Tears that had been held at bay for all of those years finally came pouring out with his distress. "He can't be... Dad, he's dead... he's dead... TK..." 

=-=-=-= 

~ I'm so sorry Kenny, I don't want to do this to you, but you have to understand. I'm just not ready for a long term relationship yet. 'Bye luv.~ 

Darkened amethyst eyes glowered at the screen in front of him, narrowed with anger and pain. He read the short message over and over, trying to prove to himself that it really was there. Finally Ken slammed his finger down on the delete button to destroy the offending words. "Sorry?! He's not sorry! How dare he! And by email, the coward." A pale fist pounded down on the desk, but the stormy eyes suddenly saddened, the anger draining away. "It's not fair..." The boy shook his head, trying to hold back the tears. It just wasn't fair. He had been so sure that there had been something between them, something lasting. They had been together for so long and he just wanted to break it off? Just like that? 

"That... That fucking cheating, lying JERK!" The tears started, but he angrily wiped them away. Turning away from the computer he rested his head in his hands. It was true, his boyfriend had been cheating on him and Ken had known it all along. It was just... he had hoped it was just something that would stop after Asrik finally realized how much he really loved him. "Stupid, stupid. I'm so stupid for believing him..." 

The sound of the phone suddenly jerked Ken out of his quiet mutterings. Hoping whoever it was could take his mind off of this disaster he leaned over and picked it up. "Ken?" 

Sure that he recognized the voice at the other end of the line but confused by the frantic tone, he hesitantly answered, "Yes." 

"Oh God, Ken, I... We're on our way to Tamachi. Can we... Can we pick you up on the way, please?" 

"Yamato? What's going on?" Something had to be wrong, the Yamato he knew _never_ showed this much emotion to anyone, even when there was more than ample cause to panic. 

"I'll tell you on the way. Hurry up!" And he certainly sounded panicky right about now. Ken heard the click of the phone and hung up his own with a sigh. Oh well, at least this should take his mind off of his own problems for the time being. Running into his room he quickly shut down his computer and changed into a clean shirt. Whatever was going on with the Ishidas he would certainly help out with it as much as possible. Yamato had been there many times for himself when he was in trouble or just feeling down about something, so he was not about to leave his friend hanging now. 

As he passed the kitchen Ken remembered his parents and scribbled a short note, just in case they noticed he had left, which wasn't likely anyway. Grabbing his house keys, he locked the door behind him and hurried over to the elevators. As the tall teen idly waited for the elevator to bring him to the ground level he wondered about what reason Yamato could have for coming all the way to Tamachi. Just to get him? Or maybe there was another reason. There had to be. Yama had said 'we' so that meant someone else was with him, most likely his father. The bell went off and the doors opened, saving Ken just in time as his thoughts started to wander onto the darker subject of his own affairs. Briskly walking out the building doors, he stepped outside just as the Ishida's van pulled up. 

Mr. Ishida was driving, as Ken had expected, but his main concern was Yamato as he slid into the middle seat. When he actually got a look at the blonde's face though, he did a double take. Had... had Yamato Ishida been _crying_?? "Yamato? What's the matter? What happened? Where are we going?" Naturally Ken himself started to feel a bit panicked. That happened when your best friend, who had always been the cool one between them, suddenly looked ready to freak. 

The older teen whimpered before whispering, "Takeru..." 

"Who?" Ken shook his head, sure his hearing was playing tricks on him. They couldn't be talking about... No, he was long gone. But when Yamato just looked at him with the most pained expression that Ken had ever seen, he finally accepted what he had just been told. "Oh Yama... I don't understand." 

It was his father who spoke up this time, sounding like he was almost in shock, "They found Takeru. He's... he's at the Children's Home." 

"I just... I wanted you to..." The young musician whimpered again before burying his head into Ken's shirt, tears starting to flow. 

Trying to comfort the distraught boy, Ken wrapped his arms around him but didn't know what to say. Takeru was... alive? That was a miracle! It had been so long since the tragedy that had rocked the Ishidas' crumbling lives. In fact, it was then that Ken and Yamato had really became close friends, needing to help each other through despair as Ken's own brother was killed by a drunk driver only a week before. It still hurt to think about that time. They had actually met at the psychiatrist's building, their parents sending them their to help them get on with their lives. One word led to another and the boys became inseparable ever since. Whenever one was feeling down the other was always around to cheer him up. There had been a few bumps along the way of course, especially when Yamato's mother died. It had become too much for the fragile teen who soon turned to drugs for an escape, leaving Ken to himself and pretty much trying to destroy all reason to their long standing friendship. This fortunately ended when Ken, Masaharu and a few other close friends had joined forces and managed to draw Yamato out of his defensive shell, bringing him back to the reality of still having people who loved him. Since then Ken was practically part of the family. 

The van came to a halt suddenly and he looked out the window to see the large stone building of the Tamachi Children's Home, the place where they let children in need stay until families could be found. Slowly he drew away from Yamato, pulling the now silent teen out of the van with him. Masaharu joined them, looking worn out and confused. This was definitely something that none of them had foreseen. 

They spotted the lobby desk right when they entered and walked up to it. A cheerfully smiling lady sat behind it, greeting them as they approached. "And you are...?" 

Yamato's father answered while the two boys hung back, nervously glancing around the room. "Ishida. Someone phoned us earlier. They mentioned that some children were found and that..." He stopped, unable to say it out loud for the moment. 

"Ah, yes. I remember." She picked up a phone, spoke to someone in a quiet voice then hung up and turned her attention back to them. "Okay, just go down the hall to the second door on the right. Nadine will need to fill you in on quite a lot before you can see him." 

Masaharu nodded wearily and started to follow her directions. Taking Yamato's hand in a comforting grip, Ken smiled at him, "It'll be okay, Yama. You'll see." 

Yamato didn't even flinch, putting on a strong face as he squeezed the hand back. They followed his father as he mumbled, "I hope so. My brother... back with us... How..." 

=-=-=-= 

Hikari Yagami knew there was something wrong the second she entered her family's apartment; there was just that sort of mystifying feeling in the air. Silently she slipped off her shoes and set down her coat, wandering over to her parent's bedroom where muffled noises were coming from. She put her ear to the door for a moment, assessing the situation before she brought attention to herself. Someone was crying... her mother? Suddenly feeling unsure, Hikari gave a small knock and entered when she heard her father's voice asking her to come in. The sight of her mother curled up on the bed, sobbing into her father's shirt was enough to make her gasp. She immediately ran over and joined them, demanding to know just what was going on. 

Her dad looked down at her confused face with a mixed expression of hope and uncertainty. "Hikari, dear, I think there's something that you should know." 

"What is it? Is someone hurt?" She asked finally when he didn't give any hint of continuing. Something that was making her mother cry this much had to be big. 

"No... Not exactly." He sighed then, reaching over to run his free hand through her shoulder length brown hair as a soothing action. There was an air of shock around both of her parents and his face looked distant, as if he was thinking of something else entirely. "It's just... Well, you have a... a brother." 

With a blink of surprise, Hikari shook her head, completely confused. "Brother? Is mom pregnant?" That certainly wasn't something to be crying over! 

"Ah... no, she's not pregnant." Mr. Yagami corrected as his wife let out a muffled cry. He bowed his head, looking as if he couldn't believe what he was about to say. Finally he took Hikari's smaller hand in his own, staring into her eyes as he said, "You have... an older brother." 

"What?" Hikari shook her head, trying to clear her mind and focus on what he was trying to tell her. It didn't make any sense. Surely she would _know_ if she had any sort of sibling at all. No, unless he was invisible, she did not have an older brother. "I don't understand, daddy." 

"I guess I shouldn't expect you to right now. It's very big news to digest, I know." He sighed again, kissing the top of Mrs. Yagami's head as he tried to comfort her. "His... his name was... is Taichi." He choked and hugged his wife closer while she continued to sob. 

"Who?" Now that she was thoroughly baffled, she couldn't help but wonder who they were talking about now. Nothing was quite clicking into place within her mind. Big news indeed, suddenly being told out of nowhere that you have a nonexistent big brother. For as long as Hikari could remember she had been an only child and she hadn't the slightest clue why this was suddenly changing. 

"Oh 'Kari, we thought he was dead. That's... that's why we never told you. He disappeared only a couple of months after you were born." His voice was very serious, leaving no doubt in her mind that this was all true, even if it made absolutely no sense. 

Trying to grasp the meaning of all this, that she really did have a brother, she whispered, "He... he's not d-dead then?" 

"No... not dead. But he's... well, we'll talk about that later. Right now we need to calm your mother down and get to Tamachi as soon as we can." A silence fell over the room then, except for the occasional tearful mumble from Mrs. Yagami, as everyone tried to understand that this was really happening. For Hikari, she couldn't really feel anything except bewilderment at this unexpected twist of events. She had never known a brother, too young at the time to remember, and still it wasn't really registering in her mind. But the young eleven year old knew enough that her life, and many other's connected to her, were about to change drastically, for better or for worse.

~*~

To Be Continued?  
  
(A/N) Well, How is it? Should I continue? Looking forward to any comments/advice that you guys & gals have :)  


  


  



	2. Faces of the Past

  
**A/N:** Sorry for the wait! I tried to get this up sooner, but school work just takes up so much time these days... Oh well. Um, still no couplings yet, but there will be in later chapters. Uh... I really can't think of anything else to say at this point so... read already! ^_^  
**Warnings:** Future yaoi/shounen ai, child/sexual abuse issues, angst...   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the Digimon show, only some of the original characters found in the story and the story plot itself.   
**~*~  
State Of Mind**  
  
_"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."   
-Arnold Bennett,   
_   
Part 2: Faces of the Past  
  
There was the slam of a door, the clouded glass window on it almost shattering from the impact, as a tall blonde stormed out of the office and down the hall, visibly shaking with a mixture of raging emotions. Visitors and employees alike sensed the dangerous temper and dodged out of the path of the seething boy without hesitation. Teeth grinding with frustration, Yamato spotted a washroom and made a sudden turn into the safe haven, locking the door shut behind him. For a moment he stood in one spot, hardly breathing as he worked to calm his rapidly beating heart while making an effort to clear his head. Finally he was able to gain back some sense, taking a deep breath before slowly making his way over to the sink. Once there he stopped without touching it but let his eyes lock onto those in the reflection produced by the mirror above it. 

All the noise from the outside world was muffled in this tiny room, only his harsh breaths could be heard clearly. The distraught teenager stared hard at his reflection, but instead of seeing those haunted icy eyes staring back at him the images from his mind were brought forth. The past that had for so long laid buried deep within him finally broke free. 

He could remember the young boy as if he had just been with him yesterday. Those large, innocent eyes that had always looked up at him so adoringly, and the wide happy smile that had always accompanied the toddler wherever he went. Golden blonde hair swept across his forehead, just like his older brother's. There was that air of pure joy and adorableness always around him that just made everyone want to pick up and cuddle him. Takeru, Yamato's sweet younger brother. He had only known the little boy for three years, but in that time Takeru had become the most important thing in Yamato's young life. In that time Yamato liked to think himself his brother's protector and advisor, fitting into the role easily as the younger one encouraged him by always trying to stay as near him as possible. 

Then something had to destroy all of that. It had all happened so fast, all in the three minutes that it took Yamato to turn his attention on the large rack of magazines in the mall. Three minutes and when he turned back his brother was nowhere to be found. In that moment his life became a living hell as guilt, panic, fear and a great sadness followed him everywhere he went. Takeru was gone because of him, because he hadn't been able to do his job properly. Even his parents had seemed to blame him. 

And now... Just when he was finally starting to put the past behind him, this had to happen. "Oh Kami... TK..." Suddenly it all became too much for Yamato as he groaned and slid to the floor, cradling his head between his shaking hands. Images of the past and present assaulted him, causing a small whimper to escape at the thought of all the torture that his brother had since endured. In his mind it would have been better if Takeru had just died. What the doctor had told them about what had gone on in the eleven years since the boy's disappearance made death seem so much more inviting. He couldn't believe that anyone would make children so young do... those... perverted... "Ugh!" With a painful spasm, Yamato leaned his pale face over the toilet bowl and emptied his stomach's contents into it. Too much... he couldn't face this, not right now. 

"Yamato? Are you okay in there?" Masaharu's voice came through the door, sounding hollow and tired. 

Reluctantly standing up, Yamato rinsed his mouth with a bit of water before opening the door to face his father. "What do you think?" Was all he said, pushing past the older man. He knew his father worried about him all the time, but he just didn't have the energy to put those worries to rest. 

"We... we can go see him now." His father's statement made him freeze in his tracks, but he didn't turn around. No, he really didn't want to see the estranged Ishida now, it would just make all those descriptions become reality. 

Yamato was about to keep walking before another thought occurred to him. If he just left now, he would once again be abandoning his brother who desperately needed help. Maybe this was a chance to set things right. All he needed was patience to gain back his brother's confidence. Maybe... "Alright." 

Father and son walked back to the office, both silent and quietly trying to gather up the courage to face this new challenge. When they finally made it back to the doctor, she was standing outside her door with a large, victorious smile on her face. As if she was completely responsible for this miraculous reunion. "He's in here now, Ishida-san. Just remember what I said, he has grown and changed a lot since you last saw him." 

Both Ishida's took a deep, calming breath before following her into the office. Yamato was totally unprepared for the sight before him as he spotted the boy standing in the middle of the room. He stopped short, feeling the breath catch in his throat. This couldn't be Takeru, he didn't look a bit like him. The youngster stood there calmly, not even moving a muscle at their entrance, standing as still as a statue, eyes downcast and hands at his side. The tall, incredibly skinny body looked nothing like the cute, chibi boy that Yamato remembered so vividly. Dirty, blonde hair hung limply almost to his shoulders, contrasting sharply with the unusually pale skin. And even worse, there seemed to be no sign of life in this boy's form. "No..." He breathed denial at this unexpected vision. It _wasn't _Takeru, not his little TK who used to run around the apartment with such energy and spirit. This... this _doll_ couldn't be his brother! 

The room filled with silence, the doctor looking between the others with a confused expression as if she was expecting some kind of celebration. Masaharu had collapsed in a nearby chair, but neither boy moved. One because of shock and denial, and the other in training. Finally his father spoke, his voice trembling, "T-Takeru?" 

The thin, frail-seeming body straightened a little more as a short nod answered the question. Yamato could almost feel the air of confusion emanating from the boy. He didn't know them either... Feeling himself finally snap out of the shock, Yamato stalked over to the other boy, needing to find something that he could match up with his image of the little boy from the past. He needed his Takeru to exist again. Takeru never moved, even with the older one standing only inches away. With anger once again welling up inside of him at this passivity, Yamato's hand shot out and grabbed Takeru's chin, pulling it up as eyes widened with disbelief and fright. 

"Yamato!" His father exclaimed suddenly at this abrupt behavior. Yamato ignored both him and the gaping doctor. 

Searchingly he stared at the large eyes inches from his own, looking for something. Though the boy didn't move, Yamato could feel the throat pulsating with fast breaths beneath his fingers. The color of these eyes, that was the first familiar thing for him, bright cerulean that hadn't faded even through the years of depression. Though they lacked the former life, innocence and glimmer of self-confidence, they were still his eyes. It was something for Yamato to use, to make this all seem so much more real. "Takeru?" He whispered, seeing for the first time what he had lost all those years ago. The stricken boy didn't move, didn't utter a sound. A jolt of frustration, "Well?! Say something!" 

The large eyes blinked, brow furrowing a little. "L-like what, Master?" 

Feeling as if he had just been shot through the heart, Yamato jerked back with horror running through him. 'Master'? No... this boy couldn't think... no, not this. "Wh-what? What?!" 

Suddenly Takeru seemed frightened, flinching a little as he bowed slightly, "I'm sorry, Master, I don't know what you're asking of me. Please tell me!" 

Yamato couldn't speak, his mouth hanging open as he stood frozen on the floor. His father was beside him in an instant, also staring at the still bowed youth. The doctor, seeing that things were suddenly going to be difficult for all three of them, decided to get this last part over with. "Ishida-san, I will give you a folder of information sheets on how to deal with this sort of thing. It isn't all that new, you see. And you won't have to handle it all yourself; Takeru will have to see a psychiatrist every week to help him fall back into normalcy. But I'm afraid that we are very overcrowded right now due to getting so many children at once, so you will have to take him home with you when you leave. This is going to take a lot of patience and cooperation to help Takeru here, but I'm sure you can manage if you just take the time to make sure he fits into the normal routine at home." She paused when she noticed the gaping mouth of the father. 

"Take him home? Like this? Are you sure?" Yamato was thinking exactly those thoughts himself. 

The doctor nodded reassuringly, "Oh yes. It's the best way to get him back into his life, you see. He needs to be reintroduced to everything as soon as possible for the quickest results. Just don't push him too hard and it should work out fine. And make sure to come back once or twice a week with him so that we can check up on everything." 

Through this entire report on what was about to happen with him, Takeru hardly moved a muscle, looking almost defeated. It was as if he wasn't even there. It hurt Yamato all the way through to see his once lively brother brought down to this. Anger, frustration and fear built up inside of him. What if Takeru never did come back to them? What then? What if he thought they were his masters for the rest of his life? No. He couldn't let that happen. Maybe he had brought this on, but that didn't mean he couldn't fix it as well. Yamato wasn't going to let his brother live like this. Even if it took up all his energy and willpower, he was going to try to restore the life in those eyes. He was going to do this, as a brother and friend. Now was his chance to mend what he had broken. "Come on Takeru, we're going home." 

=-=-=-= 

Eavesdropping was a very bad habit to get into. It's rude and could get one in a lot of trouble if caught. Ken knew very well the inappropriateness of this action, but for the past five and a half minutes he had seated himself in a chair that was strategically close to the receptionist's desk. Usually he would never have even considered intruding on someone else's privacy but a certain name had caught his attention. Plus, he figured that he had the right after they had banned him from going with the Ishida's, saying it was a family only thing. Not being the type to lift grudges very quickly, the bored teenager stubbornly tried to catch the words to the conversation going on behind and to the left of him. He could only make out so much, as the lady was talking on a phone, but from that it was easy to deduct what was going on. 

"... hai Genou-san... many have... Iie..." 

Well, maybe it wasn't so easy. 

"... Well, it's been over ten years, you can't expect... Iie Genou-san, I know..."   
"..."   
"Well there are a few yet without... Aa... letsee here... Namu Sai, Harati Toku, Motomiya Daisuke..." 

Ah, there it was. That was the name that had been tugging at the edges of his mind. Motomiya Daisuke. It sounded so familiar, yet he couldn't quite place where he had heard it before. 

"Iie, we are unable to contact their parents ... Well, how do we know if they are even _alive_ anymore, Genou-san?" 

The mention of the parents pulled at Ken's memories, something he had just heard about a few years ago. The Motomiyas... and a car accident... a semi had been involved... no survivors. Confused, Ken shook his head, trying to clear it and think logically about this unusual information. And that's when it hit him. He _had_ known a Motomiya once, a long time ago. But after a few years his young friend had mysteriously vanished, leaving Ken thinking that the entire family had just upped and moved away without saying good bye. He had been hurt, to say the least. And then the story on the news only three years ago about the family... Not really paying much attention at the time, he had not connected this with the little boy he had once known. 

Daisuke... he was here? But that would mean... Ken abruptly stood up, making up his mind quickly as he gracefully slid out of the waiting room. He had to see this 'Motomiya Daisuke' for himself, to be sure. This was one mystery he felt that he just had to solve. There was only a slight memory left of his old friend, including reddish hair and most adorable puppy eyes that nobody could match, but it had been so long ago. By now the boy could be completely different, if it even was who he thought it was. 

Now, to figure out how to get to where all the newly found kids were staying. Thinking logically, once again, Ken finally managed to find a map of the Children's Home and looked at it carefully. They would have to be in one of the large hospital-like wards on the second floor, being the only place large enough to hold so many children. The hard part would be sneaking up there. But when Ken set his mind to something, he always found a way to pull through. Raising an air of confidence and sureness around himself, the lithe teen quietly made his way to the elevators. He hoped that no one would notice him as it would be difficult to answer all the questions, but he didn't hesitate to step into the first open lift. 

When the doors opened again on the second floor, narrowed violet eyes peered around the side and Ken breathed a sigh of relief when he found the hallway empty. Well, it wasn't like they would have guards around here anyway, but he still kept his ears open for any sounds of approaching footsteps as he walked down the hall to where he knew the doors would be for the first room. Taking a deep breath, and another glance around, he inconspicuously opened the door and slid inside. 

The scene in the large room filled with beds caught him by surprise. Every bed had one or more kids sitting on it, but for so many of them it was uncharacteristically quiet. A few whispers, whimpers or sniffles could be heard, but in Ken's experience he knew that there usually was supposed to be a lot more yelling and talking in a room full of children of so many different ages. Nervously, Ken looked for the nearest kid before cautiously making his way to him. It was a small child, around six years old, sitting at the edge of a bed by himself. Bright green eyes glanced up as Ken approached, staring at him with uncertain interest. 

"Um... Hi. My name is Ichijouji Ken, " He smiled slightly, trying to look nonthreatening to this obviously abused child. "I was wondering if you could help me locate someone I once knew." 

The child blinked slowly, hugging his knees a little closer to his chest. The young eyes darted around the room for a second before coming back to Ken, "I... I don't know. Who?" 

Ken was startled at the suspicion in the soft voice, but shook it off quickly. He wished they had told him what had happened to these kids, at least then he'd know where he stood with them. "His name is Daisuke. Do you know him?" 

"Iie. But... but maybe you should ask Yuki. He's the oldest here, you know." 

"Uh... okay. Which one is Yuki?" Ken asked as he took a step back to get a better view of the room. 

With a tired sounding sigh, the child pointed over to one of the other beds, "Over there. The blonde one." 

Ken hesitated a moment before giving his informer a grateful smile. Then he turned and headed to the other kid. He tried to ignore the others around him as he did so, but still he caught glimpses of dirty, sorrowful faces. Once again he wondered what had happened to them. 

It was obvious that this Yuki guy was one of the oldest; tall and more at ease as he spoke quietly with another teenager on their bed. Ken felt a little better as he noticed this. "Hello. Are you Yuki?" 

The teen cut off his conversation to look look up at Ken, curious green-blue eyes staring searchingly at his face. The boy didn't say a word until his careful examination was done. "Yes... who are you?" There was obvious caution in his voice, as if he wasn't sure how to address the newcomer. 

"Ichijouji Ken." Ken replied, bowing a little. When he looked up again he noticed shock in both the boys' eyes. "Umm... I was trying to find someone... Motomiya Daisuke?" 

"Daisuke, eh?" This time it was the other boy who spoke, long spikey black hair hanging to his shoulders. He narrowed his dark eyes. "If you're just looking for a good fuck, we-" 

"What?!" Ken gasped, hardly believing his ears. The other two jerked back as well, surprised at this sudden outburst. "What do you mean by that?" 

The blonde regained his wits first, looking very suspicious now. "Rio's just saying that we could probably do a better job than him. More experience. Of course, if the Masters told you to go to him..." 

Feeling a bit faint, Ken slowly shook his head, marveling at how calmly these two could talk about things like that. "M-Masters?" Finally he just took a deep breath and decided to ignore the confusing implications. "Look, do you know where Daisuke is or not. I used to know him a long time ago, I think, and I just want to see if I'm correct in assuming he's here." 

With a sudden sarcastic smile, Rio nodded and spoke up before the other could, "Ah, so you're a free 'un, huh? Lucky rich bastard." 

Yuki rolled his eyes a little, shrugging apologetically at Ken, "Don't mind him. Well, I suppose it's alright, seeing as you're only a kid yourself. He's on the other side of the room, over there by the windows," He turned a bit to point to the opposite wall and the beds lining it, "He'll be sitting with another boy, an older one with the biggest hair that you'll ever see. You can't miss them." 

=-=-=-= 

In the space of one day, the lives of hundreds of children had been drastically changed, causing confusion, uncertainty and no small amount of fear. Nobody had been expecting this, to move to somewhere so far away from what they had come to call home. Nothing was familiar and none of them knew quite how to take this or how to act. 

Sitting quietly on one bed placed against a large window was Daisuke, who was trying hard not to worry about the future. He was as confused as any of the others, but managed to stay calm in the company of his big brother. If Taichi hadn't been there to reassure him, he didn't know what he would have done. As it was, he was having a terrible time of remembering not to stare around too much in case one of the adults spotted him. The last thing he wanted at this point was to be punished. 

"How're you holding up, Dais-chan?" With a startled blink, the young boy looked up at his companion, noticing the worried look in those large brown eyes. He had drifted off for a moment there, staring so intently at his hands as he had been. 

With a small shrug, Daisuke shifted a little closer to Taichi, "Okay, I guess." He answered softly, knowing without reason that they all had to keep quiet. The Masters had always hated them speaking out of turn. "Do you think Takeru's alright?" 

"I'm sure he is," Taichi reassured with a small smile. The tired concern never left his eyes, and Daisuke could see the uncertainty that lay behind that mask of bravery. "I bet he's going off with his new Master at this very moment, ready to make up all this stupid wasted time." Some time ago, most of the kids had come to the conclusion that that was why they were here - they were being sold off. Independent businesses would probably be checking them all out, taking them to new places to keep going on what they had been doing for so many long years. 

Daisuke nodded slowly, huddling a little further into the bed. "Do you think we're ever going to see him again? I'll really miss him." 

"Of course we'll see him again," but the older boy's voice did not hold as much conviction as it should have. He sighed, "Well, I'll miss him too." 

"Will they take you away from me too?" The thought frightened the red-head even more than anything else. He hated to be alone, hated being without his brother. 

Taichi didn't answer. Instead he reluctantly stood up, slightly motioning to Daisuke to do the same. Without question, he did so, knowing that one of the strangers must be on the way over here. Feeling a wrenching pain in his gut, Daisuke unhappily kept his eyes on the floor, blinking back threatening tears. His brother, the only other friend he had in this world, was going to leave him. He just knew it. 

"Taichi, is it?" The teenager nodded once in affirmation, knowing as well what was about to happen. "I need you to come with me. There's some people who would like to meet you." 

Gulping back a protest that would surely only end up causing him pain, Daisuke only squeezed his eyes shut as he felt Taichi shift away from him. "Be brave, Dais-chan." He heard the whisper just before he opened his eyes again. When he did, the space beside him was empty. Completely alone for the first time in a long while. The only time he could remember being without Taichi for more than a few hours was the one occasion where he had failed to obey a Master. They had sent him to a small room, all by himself. Dark, cold and silent. He had never been so scared in his life. When they had finally let him out, he had been so shaken up that it had taken Taichi a whole day to convince him that he was alright, that his brother was there for him again. Never had he disobeyed again. But now... 

"Excuse me..." With a gasp, Daisuke's head jerked up and he took a step back, tripping onto the bed. Seated rather abruptly, he could only look up at the person standing in front of him. It was another boy, one around his age, but he seemed so different from anyone he had ever known. Piercing violet eyes stared down at him, filled with an untainted strength and curiosity. There was no hint of the ever present weariness in him that hung around everybody from where Daisuke came from. Shoulder length blue-black hair framed the pale face, so soft and silky looking that Daisuke had to repress a sudden urge to reach up and run his fingers through it. Who ever this strange boy was, he couldn't have ever belonged to this family. "Are you Daisuke, by any chance?" 

With a shiver, Daisuke nodded slightly, quickly reverting his gaze down towards his hands. Surely he couldn't be allowed to look upon someone so obviously from the world of Masters. "Oh... I... I'm Ken. Ichijouji Ken." Not knowing if he was supposed to respond to this or not, Daisuke just kept silent, waiting for some sort of command. Was this person going to be his new Master? But... he was so young. "Can't you speak?" Daisuke nodded again, still not sure if this was enough permission to actually say something. "Oh." 

There was a few moments of silence. Daisuke could feel those sharp eyes examining him, taking in his every detail. He wondered a bit whether he should do something other than sit there, but decided against provoking this stranger. Taichi's departure still hung fresh in his mind, and mixed with the sudden appearance of this boy, Daisuke honestly felt like either crying or screaming. But he knew better than to do those things in front of a superior. 

Ken, as the boy had so called himself, finally broke the silence with an impatient sounding sigh, startling Daisuke from his panicking thoughts. "Um... I'm not going to hurt you, you know. It's okay to look at me. Or to talk for that matter." Apparently the bluenette had figured out the need for these permissible comments to get any sort of response from the cowering teen. 

Feeling uneasy over this anomaly, on top of everything that had already occurred within the last twelve or so hours, Daisuke just wasn't sure what to make of it all. Finally he decided to do what the boy had told him to do, considering that he might be disobeying orders. He still wasn't sure how Ken fit into everything, whether he was a Master, the practicing child of one, or just some rich freelance. When he did hesitantly look up he found the disturbingly bright eyes still upon him, staring thoughtfully into his own eyes. Daisuke blinked, then quickly shifted his gaze so so that he was looking just over the boy's left shoulder. There was just something very unnerving about direct eye contact, it wasn't often practiced and it frightened Daisuke as it had always meant some form of punishment before. 

"Could it really be... He does look..." Ken was muttered quietly, before speaking a little louder, "Who are you?"   
Confused, Daisuke wondered what the catch was to the question. What if he gave the wrong answer? _Was_ there a right answer? "I... I... uh... I'm Daisuke, Master." Was all he could come up with. Who else could he be? 

"What did you call me? Master?" The shaky tone caught Daisuke's attention, and a quick glance caught the horror in the other's eyes. He must have been wrong, this wasn't a Master. Shit. 

"Gomen nasai, Ichijouji-san. I didn't know that you weren't a Master. Please forgive me." He stood up, his weak knees hardly able to hold him up as he bowed a little. Hadn't Taichi always told him never to assume anything until told the facts? 

Standing there, staring wide eyed at the carpet, Daisuke couldn't tell what the other boy was thinking. Was he going to hit him? Hurt him some other way? Was this even worthy of punishment? He had no way of knowing the new rules. "I... um, that's okay... Daisuke. Please, call me Ken. And... stand up, I'm not going to hurt you or anything." With a dazed feeling, Daisuke did as he was told, standing straight once again. What he wouldn't give to have his reassuring brother with him right now. Taichi always knew what to do. "I just meant that... I wanted to know a little more about you. I know you're Daisuke, but you must have a last name. And I would like to know where're you are from, who your parents are. I'm trying to figure out if I know you, you see?" 

He didn't see, but there wasn't much he could do about that right now. "I... don't think I have a last name. 'Just Daisuke." He mumbled, wondering why this was all so important. Surely he would have remembered Ken if they had ever met before. Anyone this extraordinary never escaped his memory. "And... and this... this is my family." He gestured slightly towards the rest of the room and the children in it. "The Masters are my parents, I suppose. I don't exactly know what parents do, but..." Daisuke shrugged helplessly, hoping this would satisfy the other enough. 

More silence. And when Daisuke finally gained the nerve to take a peek at the boy, he found Ken staring at him with a pained and amazed expression. Violet-blue eyes blinked once, then again before his mouth managed to form words, "You mean you don't remember anything else but this? How old were you when they kidnapped you?" 

"Kidnapped?" Daisuke shook his head with the now familiar feeling of confusion. He had only ever heard that word from some of the recent strangers, but it had no meaning for him. "When they took me in, you mean, Ichi...Ken-san?" An impatient nod answered him. "Well... We, I mean me and Taichi, figure that I must have been maybe three years old. I'm not completely sure though... it was a long time ago, Ken-san." 

"Oh." Ken suddenly took a step forward, startling Daisuke slightly. "Then that would be around the time that... It _is_ you!" 

Daisuke almost cried aloud with surprise and shock as Ken grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to make eye contact once again. Stubbornly he made himself stay silent, no matter how out of order this seemed. "Daisuke! Kami... so this is what happened to you! I had thought you had just left, but all this time... Oh, Daisuke, I'm so sorry." 

Scared out of his wits by this time, Daisuke felt his stomach clench with fear. He didn't know what was going on, but he honestly thought that this boy had gone crazy. The helpless feeling started to take over him as he thought that maybe he really _should_ know what was happening. Maybe this Ken person really was someone he knew and should still know. What if this wasn't a mistake! He felt sick, knowing that this teen was going to find out that he couldn't remember. What would happen then? "I... I'm sorry, Master. I c-can't remember... Please... Master..." The words slipped out before he had thought about it, but he couldn't stop apologizing. He was in the wrong here, he always was when compared to his superiors. 

Ken pulled back, a heart-broken expression on his face, "Oh Daisuke... I forgot for a moment there." Shaking uncontrollably, the frightened boy only nodded a little in response, awaiting his punishment for this disrespect. "I'm not sure what exactly happened to you but... but I'm getting the idea of it." He sighed, and the red-head could feel those sorrowful eyes on him once again. The soft, apologetic tone of Ken's voice baffled him terribly. "Oh Kami... You're parents, I forgot about that too. What are they going to do with you?" 

Daisuke, of course, had no answer to that. It was the one thing that had been worrying him this entire time. He stood where he was silently, eyes downcast as he was even more terrified now of upsetting this unpredictable teenager. "But... but maybe... No, we couldn't take you in. My parents can barely take care of me as it is." Ken mused quietly, still watching the other boy thoughtfully, "And Yamato has enough problems now, working things out with Takeru and all..." 

"Takeru?" The name slipped out without warning as Daisuke desperately sought to hold onto something that he could understand. Ken looked at him with surprise, causing him to flinch a little. 

"Oh! You know him?" The question caught Daisuke off guard as he could only stare blankly at the other. Ken just smiled a little and shook his head, "Well, of course you would. Stupid question." The bluenette sighed as Daisuke averted his eyes to the floor once again, "You have no idea, do you?" 

Trying not to let the overwhelming feeling of bewilderment get to him, Daisuke blinked away the threatening tears. For a second there he had thought there was a chance of being sent to where ever his blonde friend had gone. "No idea of what, Mas... Ken-san?" He mumbled, wishing that this stranger could just go away already. All he wanted right now was to run over to Yuki and Rio for some comfort; they always knew how to deal with these situations, just like Taichi. 

"... of how much you've missed." Daisuke detected a note of sadness in the other's voice. Then determination, "But don't you worry, I'm going to do something about this. I'll think of something, I always do 'though it may take a little while. I know a few people who might be persuaded to take you in." 

Like he cared. All this would do for Daisuke is send him even further from the people he knew. But there was nothing he could do, his only lot in life was to follow orders. "Yes, Master." He intoned numbly through force of habit, knowing that he would probably be among another handful of strangers by the next day. 

"Stop all of this 'Master' nonsense. I told you to call me Ken." His sharp tone caused Daisuke to wince. He'd have to keep a better check on himself than this. It was dangerous to forget what a superior had already told him once. They hated to repeat themselves, and he knew it all too well. 

"G-gomen nasai, Ken-san." 

Ken just sighed and shook his head, "Well, I guess Rome wasn't built in a day. We'll work on that though." A sudden hush filled the already almost silent room, alerting Daisuke to the presence of yet another of the adults entering. Probably come to take away some more kids. He noticed the strange way that Ken suddenly appeared to be trying to make himself blend into the carpet, "Um... I think I should get out of here before I'm caught. I'll be back though, soon, and with a way for you to go to somewhere that I know will be okay. You can count on that." With a smile, Ken gave a little wave and slipped away, avoiding the nurse as he exited through the opposite doorway. 

Not knowing what else to do, Daisuke just stood there for a few moments, staring after the strange boy. For some reason he almost wanted the other to come back, at least then he wouldn't be so alone. Ken didn't seem to be like the other Masters, he was too considerate, too nice. Maybe he would see him again later, if the boy kept his promise, although from Daisuke's experience that was not a big possibility. Oh well, at least it had helped to keep his mind off of his brother and Takeru. 

"Daisuke?" He looked over at the two older boys who had come over to him once the adults had finally left. Concern was evident in their eyes as they walked closer, "You okay?" 

Daisuke nodded a little, feeling somewhat better at seeing the familiar faces, "Yeah." He sat down on the bed with Yuki and Rio, sitting between the two of them for comfort. 

"'Sorry for leaving you alone with that guy, we didn't know that Taichi would have to leave so soon. But it looked like you handled it pretty well from our view," Rio said, ruffling the younger boy's hair a little. Daisuke just shrugged, intent on forgetting his problems amid two of the few people he actually trusted. 

"Who was that boy, anyway?" Yuki asked finally as the tired youngster snuggled into his dirty, torn shirt. 

Daisuke peeked a large, cinnamon eye up at him and, for the first time in a long time, he smiled a little, "Ken-san." 

=-=-=-=   
  
(A/N) Whew, so far so good? Thank you for all of the reviews! They just make my day! Anyway, I'll go get started on the next part asap... 


	3. Fear of the Unknown

** (A/N)** Well... at least it didn't take me *two* weeks to post it! Hmm, not much really happens in this part, but hopefully the couplings will start in the next one.   
**Warnings:** Future yaoi/shounen ai, child/sexual abuse issues, angst,   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the Digimon show, only some of the original characters found in the story and the story plot itself.   
  
  
~*~  
  
** State of Mind**  
  
"Perhaps even these things, one day, will be pleasing to remember." - Virgil_, Aenid_   
  
  
Part 3: Fear of the Unknown  
  
It was very strange, how in such a short period of time the entire outlook on life could change so extremely. One moment, the only problems there were consisted of passing the day's Math exam, coming up with new routine ideas during cheerleading practice, picking out the best birthday present for her best friend Miyako, and similarly solvable situations. But now everything seemed to have turned upside down and inside out. The dark part of reality had hit hard and fast, leaving her with a slight breathlessness. 

An hour after she had arrived home from school, Hikari had left again with her family to go down to the Children's Home in Tamachi. The entire trip had seemed completely surreal, and no matter how hard she tried to imagine it, she just couldn't convince herself that she really did have a brother. Never in her life had anyone mentioned anything of this sort to her, but suddenly they were on their way to pick up a supposedly deceased older boy of the family. It was impossible to grasp the existence of the situation. Once they had arrived, they had been quickly escorted through the busy building to see one of the doctors. The place was packed with families from all over city, many of them crying or just staring into space with the shock of what was happening. 

The next hour and a half had been a nightmare as Hikari slowly learned the truth of the matter. The doctor needed to make sure that they understood completely what had happened so that when they met the long lost boy they would know why he had become who he was. The story had filled Hikari with horror, even though most of it was speculation as they couldn't possibly know everything that had went on in the past eleven and a half years. Male prostitution... that had sickened her the most. All these young boys, some even as young as only two years old, being forced to work in an oppressed state to fill the sickening needs of older men and make some money for their 'Masters'. They had lived their entire past life like this, never allowed to come out of the building 'lest someone recognized the children and called the police on the bad men. But it seemed that someone did that anyway, most likely an angered customer of the 'business'. 

After that explanation, Hikari hadn't been the least surprised to find the teenager so submissive when they finally were able to meet him. Taichi had just stood where he had been led to, only answering direct questions with nods or simple words. His body seemed so lifeless, so worn out by the life he had been forced to lead. But though he had kept his impassive brown eyes on the floor, Hikari could sense the fright and confusion surrounding him. Sympathy tugged at her heart as she tried her best not to seem threatening in any way, feeling sorrow at the way he flinched when someone's voice raised a little too much. He must have undergone so much in the years in which she had never known he'd even existed. 

It had been over an hour since then, and now Hikari was just waiting with her new found big brother for her parents to come back and take them home. She had been surprised that Taichi would be allowed to leave so soon, but she understood once she realized just how many kids had been taken in. They probably would have been home by now, but another good friend of hers had intercepted them and insisted on talking to her parents about a matter concerning another of the children here. Hikari knew well that if Ken Ichijouji was set enough on getting his way with the matter, nothing would stop him. 

From her position in one of the waiting room seats, Hikari spotted a familiar blonde over by the desk. Ken had already explained why he was here and how Yamato was taking everything. She knew how hard this must be on everyone, especially Yamato who had at least known his brother before the young boy had disappeared. Ken wasn't the only one who had helped to bring Yamato back from the frighteningly strong depression. With a sigh, Hikari turned away, deciding that now wouldn't be the best of times to go over there and talk to him. Yamato had always been the type who needed time to himself to sort things out. Instead her attention turned to the other boy standing beside her. 

Taichi was still staring at the ground, his hands clenched at his sides. She still couldn't believe that this really was her brother. "Um... Taichi?" His expression became a little more alert as he nodded slightly to the question. But other than that he didn't move. "You can sit down. You're probably tired of standing by now." She told him kindly, patting the seat next to her. Even if he was a stranger to her right now, she still wanted to get to know him enough to make this whole 'big brother' thing more real. A surprised look came over him, and she could practically feel the thick confusion and panic seeping from him. Quickly he shook his head a little, but shifted uncertainly. "You don't want to sit down?" Hikari knew the real reason, but she wanted to get him talking. At least a little bit. It was unnerving the way he kept so still and silent, as if trying to blend into the background. 

"I... I can't, Mas-" He bit his lip quickly to keep from finishing the word. They had already told him not to call them Masters, and it seemed as though he took those type of requests seriously. 

Hikari tilted her head, trying to see his eyes, but they were still keeping carefully away from her. "Call me Hikari, please. And why can't you sit down? You look capable enough of bending your legs to me." 

He blinked, seeming even more shocked. "It's just not... right." His head lowered even more, long chestnut bangs shading his face, before whispering, "It would make us seem equals." 

"Oh, right." Hikari sighed, shaking her head. She could see already how much work it was going to be to get him back on track with the rest of the world again. It was so sad to see how deeply those bad men had wounded him. Maybe another topic would help, "Do you know Daisuke?" 

At this Taichi's eyes widened as his entire body went rigid. He seemed to be trying to keep himself under control, but she could still see the way his breathing rate had increased. Hikari knew she had hit on something here, but she wasn't sure quite what. "Y-yes. He's-" He choked a little, stopping himself from continuing the sentence. 

"He's what?" Hikari queried, wondering why he seemed so upset. 

He sighed a bit, "He's my brother." 

Hikari blinked with shock, then understanding. "Oh... I see. So you two are really close then?" 

"Yes." The way he said that one word, so sadly, caused her to feel the need to get up and comfort the poor boy. But she suppressed the urge, realizing that he would probably have a heart attack if she did. 

She instead tried to explain what was going on at the moment. "Well, that's great then! See, one of my own friends is trying to convince my parents to adopt him as well. So Daisuke could end up living with us too." She smiled at the sudden elation in his features, but he had had years of practice not to show these feelings. Then she thought of something else, "Taichi? Why are you acting like this around me? I'm even younger than you are." 

"Acting like what?" Taichi asked quietly, his eyes focussed on the same spot on the floor. 

Hikari sighed, "Nevermind." Then they fell into silence once again. Hikari turned her attention back to the other families in the room, wondering if they were going to be able to handle all this change. She wasn't sure yet if she could herself. It was going to be tough maintaining patience with these boys if they were going to keep acting like this. Not that she blamed them, but it was still hard. 

A few minutes later the rest of her own family came out of one of the side doors and headed towards her and Taichi. She smiled when she saw Ken following close behind, keeping in step with another boy of their age. She had had no doubt that he would succeed in winning over her parents. The new boy was so much like Taichi in his manner; meek and ready to obey anything asked of him. She could see his nervous looks at how Ken made sure to stay exactly beside him, not letting the young red-head to get behind like he had been trained to do. When they finally managed to weave through the crowd, the four came to a stop and Hikari stood up. 

"Hikari, this is Daisuke, the one I was telling you about earlier." He winked a bright, violet eye at her, looking very happy to be giving this boy a home. Beside her she could feel Taichi become alert again at the name. 

Hikari's father just sighed wearily, "I guess Daisuke is going to be part of the family as well now. Ken made some very persuading points." 

"Hello Daisuke." Hikari greeted warmly, walking over to the still boy. He was about her height, but seemed so much smaller as he, like Taichi, kept his gaze on the ground. It seemed even stranger to see him like this since was closer to her age than Taichi. 

There was a bit of awkward silence as nobody could figure out what to do next, but finally Ken spoke up as he looked over his shoulder. "Well, I guess I'd better go and find Yamato, he'll be needing some support right now. You'll be okay now, Daisuke?" 

Hikari watched with interest as Daisuke answered, noticing how his tone didn't seem quite so expressionless as Taichi's. "Yes, Ken-san." 

With a grin, Ken nodded, "Good. I'll make sure to tell Takeru that you guys are alright. And I'll come back to visit you soon, okay?" 

"Yes, Ken-san." Daisuke answered again, 'though his eyes lightened slightly at the promise of a visit. It was obvious that Ken had gained quite a bit of respect in the boy's heart. 

"See you later, Ken." Hikari waved before turning back to her parents. She caught the discreet glance between the two silent boys in the process. 

Her mother gave her a shaky smile, "I guess we're ready to go home now." She looked over at Taichi, and then Daisuke, "Oh my... I can't believe this. Two sons in one day..." Her tiny laugh came out choked as she clutched once again at her husband's arm for support. 

"Yes... It's quite a big change." Hikari's father responded, starting to lead everyone slowly out of the building. The two boys didn't move. "Ah... Taichi, Daisuke... come on then." 

Taichi started forward first, and Daisuke followed closely, angling his stride to fall in place beside his 'brother'. Hikari smiled at the two as the three of them followed her parents out the door. She could easily see the struggle not to stare around as they stepped out into the fresh air. The sky was already almost black with night. 

It was going to be hard work to bring Taichi and Daisuke back into a normal life, especially after living so long under the tight control of their 'Masters'. She just hoped that they would be alright in the future. Surely this would leave some permanent scars, but they still had years overcome the instinctive commands drilled into their heads from the past decade. Even if it was going to be strange to suddenly have two brothers, Hikari was going to do her best to help them fit in. 

=-=-=-= 

Takeru had learned early in his life , as did all the children from his home, that a good memory would save a lot pain from occurring. As a result, he had worked every day to remember everything he heard and saw. Masters would only have to say something once and he would never forget it, which was definitely a good thing when it came to something like this. Names of every person he had ever encountered during his time at work were seared into his memory, as were their personal likes and dislikes, so that when he was sent to someone he had seen before he could please them without worrying about making mistakes. Even now, in all of this confusion and divergence, his mind set to work with what he knew. It was the best way to keep him distracted from what was going on around him. 

Although he knew better than to look up, his ears were sharp to pick up anything useful, anything that would help him survive in this new world. It had been a gigantic shock at first to meet his new Masters, they were so different from the last ones. They didn't even seem masterful at all. Well, except for that one boy, the one with those frozen blue eyes. When he had been forced to look upon that man, Takeru had felt the power emanating from the pale body. He had been truly terrified then, afraid that he would make some mess of the situation and be thrown away once again. This boy... Yamato, his attitude was comfortingly familiar. For awhile Takeru had been scared that one of those other strangers were going to be buying him, and he would have no idea how to act around someone weaker than what he was used to. But everything was fitting together better now. Ishida was his Master, he had to be. 

Keeping his gaze carefully lowered, Takeru watched another pair of shoes approach, different ones from either of the two Ishidas. Memorizing feet were also very important as he had to be able to tell the difference between masters while not being able to look up. 

"Yamato... how is everything?" The voice was soft, questioning. 

Takeru heard the soft, tired sigh from beside him, "Not too bad, considering what a mess this all is." Yamato answered in his usual irritated tone that Takeru had picked up on instantly as something to watch out for. "I can't wait until Dad's done with the paper work so we can get out of here." 

"Yeah... well. The Yagamis have just left. They agreed to see how things go with Daisuke as well." Takeru's ears perked up at the name. So these boys would know where the others went? Maybe he _would_ see his best friends again. That would be something. Then the black shoes walked over to stand in front of him. "So you're Takeru?" He nodded in response, wondering where this newcomer fit in with everything. Was he also a Master? He couldn't be talking to Yamato if he wasn't, could he? "He sure looks a lot like you, Yamato. Blond hair... blue eyes..." 

"Yeah. It's so hard to believe that he's really back though, you know?" Yamato replied, his own shoes shifting closer to the other boy's. "He's so... different. From what I thought he'd be like when he reached this age, I mean." 

"I know what you mean." Ken echoed Yamato's earlier sigh, "So Takeru, how old are you?" There they went again with the strange questions. All day these things had been sending Takeru's head into confusion. He just didn't understand what these people expected, or how exactly he was supposed to act around them. 

"Fourteen." He answered uncertainly. The problem was that nobody knew their exact age from where he came from, they could only guess. So the way they did it was that the day that they had become part of the family was considered their 'birthday', including of course the age that that they were when they entered. 

The boy continued in a friendly voice, "Wow, I'm fourteen too! Almost fifteen. I'm Ken by the way. And please call me that, no Master stuff, okay?" Takeru fought the urge to look up with surprise and shock. Yamato and the other man, Masaharu, had also told him not to use the word 'Master' around them, but it was still a strange request. It didn't help him any either in figuring out what the point of all this was. 

He heard Yamato snort softly, "I see you've had experience with that as well. Daisuke?" 

"Yeah, but it seems all you have to do is tell them once... except when they freak out over something, then it's 'Master' all over again." He laughed lightly. "I can't wait to see Daisuke again." 

"I bet. Just be careful, okay?" 

"You know I will, Yama. But you better take your own advice as well. I know how you can get when you're frustrated, and helping Takeru is going to take a lot of patience." Ken warned, his voice turning serious once again. Takeru started to relax as the conversation once again left him out. He wasn't used to having the attention unless being commanded to do something. It was nerve wracking trying not to make a mistake in answering these people. 

"Yamato, Ken ... Takeru. Are you boys ready to go?" The two older ones answered with relieved yes's, and Takeru nodded along as the oldest Ishida came up to them. 

He instinctively fell back behind the others, following them a couple of paces behind, but this didn't last long as both Yamato and Ken purposely slowed down to walk on either side of him. This of course, confused him to no ends. This was definitely not right, making them seem like equals! It was impossible to explain this, though, without their permission to speak. 

It wasn't until they reached the car that Takeru finally felt the entire day's anxiety overtake his mind. He stopped a few feet from the vehicle, unable to keep his legs moving without collapsing on the pavement. What were they expecting from him? Who were these people? Did they actually want him to get in that thing _with_ them? What was he supposed to _do_?! All these questions and more circled inside his head like a whirlpool of chaos, causing him to stand there in stupor. Oh... if only Daisuke or Taichi were here, or any of the others. They'd know what to do. He just couldn't do this alone! Always, even through the tough times at home, he had had the others for support. Taichi with his advice, Daisuke with his optimism, Aito with his stories of the outside world. What would happen now, without them? 

"Takeru?" He tried to gulp in more air, but to no avail. It felt like all the oxygen had been sucked out of air. Spots danced before his eyes as he tried to stay upright, afraid to fall in front of these strangers. This was bad... so, so wrong. Why was this happening? He was just fine at his own home with all of the others. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything was screwed up! 

"Shit, he's having a panic attack!" Faintly he wondered what all the yelling was about. Oh no, what if he was making them mad? Blinking madly, trying to clear the darkness that threatened his vision, he tried to take a dazed step forward, hoping that it wasn't too late to fix things. But someone grabbed him from behind, holding him up as he almost collapsed to the ground, "Hold still, Takeru. Breathe, okay? Just breathe..." The comforting voice whispered soothing words in his ear, easing away some of the blind fear. The arms warmed him, making him feel safe once again. This all seemed so familiar somehow, as he if had experienced it before, a long time ago. 

"G-gomen...I'm sorry... I'm sorry Master..." He managed to get out in a breathless whisper, scared out of his mind that this was it, that he had shown them how useless he was. They weren't going to want him now, he was going to have to go back to that scary big room and have more strangers poke at him. 

"Shhh... Stop it. Calm down, it's all going to be okay." Again he was soothed by the strangely familiar voice. 

Finally, after a few more moments of bewilderment, Takeru let the darkness overtake him, slipping off into unconsciousness. Just before sleep took control of his exhausted mind completely, he found a word that he had been looking for, lost in a sea of memories, "Oniichan..." 

=-=-=-= 

The apartment was silent, even with the five people all sitting together in the lounge. It was an uncomfortable silence, the kind where everyone just awkwardly stares at someone else, not knowing quite what to say. It was disturbing for the two unknowing teens who sat stiffly at the edge of the couch, ready to jump up at a moment's notice. It had taken much convincing just to get them there but once they had been certain that it was definitely an order, they had been quick to oblige. Taichi had no idea what to do now, though. The three strangers, two adults and a younger girl, made no move to tell them about what was going on. It was if they were just as confused, which made no sense to him. The Masters had always known what to do before and they never hesitated to make their wishes known. 

Knowing that he would just have to be patient, no matter how long this took, Taichi shifted his eyes sideways a little, trying to make sure that his brother was still okay. It had been a miracle in his opinion that the other boy was able to come with them at all. He had been sure that when he had left the huge room that that was the last time they would ever see each other. If only Takeru had somehow been able to come as well, then he would be able to handle all of this with no difficulty. As it was, he had to have his hands tightly clenched together to keep them from trembling. 

Finally he heard someone shift on the chair across from him, perking up his ears for whatever was to come. It was the woman who spoke, her voice shaky and full of disbelief. It was strange, he had never really been in the company of women before, it had always been the men who were the masterful ones. "I... This is such a big shock, to all of us." She commented out of the blue, "But I want you two to feel at... at home here. I'm sure you must be full of questions?" 

Taichi didn't know whether to answer or not, not even sure if she had been speaking to him and Daisuke. It really didn't make any sense, so he assumed the question was directed at the other two in the room. There was a lot of things he wanted to know, but he knew better than to ask, as did his brother. So they just ended up falling back into that silence again until the man finally spoke up, "Taichi... Do you know who we are?" He asked softly, staring at the boy in a strange manner. 

Thinking carefully, Taichi wondered if this was some sort of test. There was the obvious answer, to him at least, but this situation could be something else entirely. Of course, it was always best to just be safe, "No, Mast... Yagami-san" Shit, he had almost let it slip again. It was so hard to suddenly stop something that had been drilled into his head from the moment he had been introduced to the first Master. But these people seemed to hate being called that for some reason, and it was important not to upset them, not when they had such control over what happened to both himself and Daisuke. 

The man only sighed, "I didn't think you did, but I hoped..." 

"Are you boys thirsty? Hungry? I'm sure you must be after everything that happened today." The woman cut in quickly, her face tight with worry and controlled grief. Strangely enough, she sounded as if she was trying to please them. 

Afraid of what would happen if he actually asked for something, even a glass of water for his drying throat, Taichi just shook his head. He knew that Daisuke would just follow his lead. At his home... well ex-home... there had always been meals twice a day. Once in the morning to give the boys some energy, and then again at night after the day's work. Sometimes, if a customer commented on an exceptionally well done job, they could get something in between as well. The food was never very good, usually just broth or porridge, sometimes some leftovers from the Masters' meals if they were lucky. But they were used to it after so many years and so it didn't seem like a big deal anymore. He was hungry at the moment though, seeing how late it was already. 

"Mum..." Out of the corner of his eye Taichi noticed Hikari give Mrs. Yagami a strange look, causing the older woman to immediately blush and stand up. 

"Oh I'm sorry," She apologized as she stood, smiling at the boys, "You're probably not used to being... being asked, are you? I'll go make some dinner." She promptly left the room, leaving Taichi in even more confusion than before. What did she mean about that 'asking' bit? Taichi had never been 'asked' to do a thing in his life, everything was just demanded of him. It was the way things had always been, why the sudden change? 

With a start, Taichi realized that he was staring and quickly lowered his eyes again. This was really bad. He was forgetting the easiest codes of conduct in all this confusion. Taking a calming breath, he forced himself to clear his mind and just focus on acting the way he had been taught. He wished desperately that they would just stick them in one of the rooms so that he could relax again, and talk to Daisuke. He was sure that the younger boy was probably even more scared than he was right now. 

"Well... I guess the best thing to do is to tell you why you're here." Mr. Yagami finally said, leaning back wearily. Taichi almost let out a loud sigh at this; at last they would find out their duties. "And the easiest way to do that is for you to know who you are." Feeling a warning flicker through him, Taichi just held his breath and hoped to everything holy that he'd be able to understand whatever it was they wanted of him. His hand unconsciously tightened around Daisuke's, seeking to comfort and be comforted. "Taichi... I'm your father, Susumu, and Yuuko is your mother. Hikari, here, is our daughter and your sister. We're your family." He paused, possibly waiting for the other to catch up with what was being said. 

Taichi didn't know what to think. Why was it necessary that this man tell him something so obvious as that. They had known from the beginning that they were being transferred to a new family, though it would never be his real home. He cleared his throat nervously, wondering if they were waiting for some type of response. Finally he nodded and quietly answered, "I know, Yagami-san." 

"What?" Susumu's voice was full of shock, "Well... I didn't think they had told you." He fidgeted nervously for a few seconds before turning to his daughter, "Hikari, why don't you show them their bedroom. I guess they'll have to share, since that's the only extra room we have. You don't mind, do you?" His last question was directed to the two of them, who were trying not to do anything that would anger the others. They shook their heads together, not even trying to puzzle out why their opinion mattered so much to these strange people. The entire thing would be so much easier if the Yagami's would just act like they were supposed to! 

Hikari smiled kindly, standing up as she nodded, "It's this way, guys. Follow me." Taichi and Daisuke obediently did as they were told. Following one of the many rules that had been forced so deeply into their minds, they waited for her to start walking before following at a two pace distance. "We had an old bunk bed in storage that we brought up here for you to use before we left. Everything is cleaned up. Oh, there's the bathroom, just so you don't get lost looking for it at night," She pointed to a door as they walked by. Taichi took careful note of everything she said, just in case it was important in the future. There were so many questions he wanted to ask as she continued, but he was afraid to open his mouth. Were they allowed to just walk to the bathroom without a guard escort? What were bunk beds? What was the schedule for wake up, breakfast, working, dinner, etc.? What were they expected to do? The main problem was that they had no clue what these people were like, what they considered to be insubordination and fit for punishment. He decided it would just be best to keep quiet until he was sure. 

They stopped at a door at the end of the hall and Hikari beckoned them inside. The room was nothing at all what Taichi had been expecting. Daisuke let out a small gasp from beside him. The room was small, but brightly lit with lamps. A large window was set in one wall and beside another was what looked like two stacked beds. There was even a desk and chair, and a small bookcase. Surely this couldn't be where _they_ were going to be sleeping? It didn't look at thing like the cold, empty and dark room that they had lived in all their lives. 

"Well, this is it." Hikari confirmed the place. Then she frowned a little when she noticed that neither of the boys had moved out of the doorway. "You can come in, it's okay. I know it's probably nothing like you're used to, but it's a lot more comfortable." 

Taichi quickly turned his gaze from her unnerving concerned stare, and looked over at his brother. The younger boy looked up at him with wide questioning, scared cinnamon eyes. He sighed quietly and bowed to Hikari, feeling strange at doing such a thing to a girl, "May I have permission to speak?" 

Hikari blinked, then shrugged awkwardly, "Of course... Taichi. You don't have to ask, really." 

Ignoring the last part, Taichi went ahead with an important question, "Will business take place here?" It was the only reason he could think of for getting such a nice room, though the bed seemed a little small and cramped to do much with. 

There was a moment of shocked silence before Hikari stuttered, "B-business? As in... No! Kami-sama, no! I'd forgotten for a while that you..." She trailed off, sounding sick to her stomach. 

"Then... then what are we supposed to do?" Taichi asked, forgetting himself for a moment in confusion as he stared at her paling face. Why did she seem so upset over the question? It hadn't been that bad of one, in fact it would have helped to straighten things out a lot if she had just explained how it all was going to work. 

"Do?" She blinked, still looking a little too pale, before she sighed and sat down on the edge of the lower bed. "I thought you said you knew?" Cringing internally at this last bit, Taichi just lowered his eyes respectfully once again and hoped that they really hadn't been expecting him to know everything. "Don't you guys understand? You don't have 'Masters' anymore." 

No masters? What was she talking about? Maybe it was all a joke, or a trick to see if they were really well trained or not. It had to be. How the hell could they live without the Masters? Never had a day gone by in their lives when there wasn't _someone _telling them what to do, where to go, when they could eat or sleep or work. Without this, he had no idea what to do! No... this wasn't right. Resolutely, he kept his eyes on the ground, squeezing his brother's hand to make sure the younger boy did the same. He wasn't going to give them any reason for punishment. 

"Please... Taichi, Daisuke, you have to believe me. I know this must be hard on you, but we're your _family_, your real one. From before you were kidnapped." She sounded so sincere and desperate that it startled Taichi. 

Daisuke quietly spoke up, for the first time, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "If I can ask a question, what do you mean by 'kidnapped'?" 

Her face went blank as she stared wide eyed at the two of them, full of disbelief. "You mean... you think that... that _they_ were your family?" 

They nodded as one, determined to pass this test. There was no doubt in either of their minds that their previous home was their family. It was what they had been taught, what had been painstakingly pounded into their minds everyday since becoming a part of it all. Why didn't she understand this? 

"But... but that's not right! _This_ is your family, Taichi. And Daisuke, you used to have a real one as well but... well, we're also yours now." Her watery brown eyes glared at their bowed heads, neither of them feeling the need to respond. No matter what they said now, there was a very real possibility of getting hurt. Everything the girl was saying was too hard to comprehend and so it just washed right over their heads. Too long had they lived the way they had. "You'll see, in time. I guess this is a little too much all at once." Hikari went on, her voice softening into a sigh when still there was no response. "Do you want to be alone for a little while?" 

Taichi nodded, almost too quickly, at this. It was what he had been waiting for since they arrived, some time to themselves. He needed to make sure that Daisuke was okay, and they just needed to recollect themselves, to calm down their racing minds. 

With a smile, Hikari stood up, "Okay then. I'll just be in the kitchen helping with dinner if you need anything." When they nodded again, she quietly walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

Both Taichi and Daisuke immediately slumped to the floor, completely exhausted after everything that had gone on that day. For awhile they didn't say anything, just tried to get their thoughts in order, staring blankly at one another. Never in their lives had they experienced anything quite like this. It was discouraging, the way they just couldn't seem to please these strangers, couldn't satisfy the little mind games being played. 

Daisuke was the first to move, slowly crawling over to his older brother until he was curled up on his lap, "'Chi?" 

Taichi sighed, wrapping his arms comfortingly around the smaller boy and placing his chin on the reddish unruly head. He could feel Daisuke shaking slightly against him, most likely feeling just as perplexed and frightened as himself. "What is it, Dais-chan?" 

"If we're not allowed to _do_ anything... how're we gonna get food?" His voice was muffled as his face burrowed into Taichi's shoulder. 

"Well... maybe it works differently here." Was all he could come up with. Really, Taichi hadn't a clue as to how they were going to live if these strangers kept holding back the details of what was going to happen. Right then his stomach let out an aching growl, letting him know just what it's opinion was on this issue. "They have to feed us in the morning anyway, right?" It wouldn't be the first time they'd gone hungry for the night. 

With a small nod, Daisuke mumbled, "'guess so. Where d'you think the others are?" 

Taichi hesitated, "I'm... I'm not sure. Probably in other places like this." He hoped that the others were faring better than they were. Especially Takeru, who had gone off all by himself. Like Daisuke, Takeru had always hated to be left alone and Taichi knew he was going to have a hard time where ever he had gone. 

"Oh." There was a few minutes of silence where neither one of them knew what to say. They didn't need to talk to know that the other was feeling the same helplessness and bewilderment. Taichi once again wished that none of this had ever happened, that he was back where he belonged, safe and sure of what was going to happen next. Before all of this, the future wasn't something to worry about. They'd get up, eat, 'work', eat again and then sleep. It was simple, no complications if it was all done without a fuss. But now these strangers had to come and ruin everything. 

Slowly Taichi lay down on the floor, bringing Daisuke with him so that they were curled up together. There was no way they were going to touch those strange beds without permission. The younger one had already fallen fast asleep, only whimpering a little in protest at the movement before settling down once again. It was going to be a long night, full of sudden wakenings to this new environment. The brightness and warmth was going to cause a lot of confusion, but at least the thinly carpeted floor was just as hard as their old bed. Taichi sighed and closed his eyes, tightening his hold on his brother to gain some of the familiarity of home. As his mind started to wander, he slowly let himself forget where he was, pretending that everything that had just happened was only a dream. 

=-=-=-=

(A/N) Yup, that's it for this chapter. My mind has just been too slow these days to get much done, but hopefully I get some inspiration soon for the next part! Thanks for the reviews!   
  
  



	4. So Many in Need 1

**(A/N)** Hey all! I'm back, finally. I decided to get this part up since I was getting along so slowly, so it's kinda the first part to the chapter, and it's got taito leanings! ^_^ So I'll _try_ to get typing up the next part to this as soon as possible but school of course is the one thing in my way of having all the time in the world to do this... *starts grumbling about all the essays coming up* Thanks for all the encouraging reviews so far! Read and enjoy!  
**Warnings:** Future yaoi/shounen ai, child/sexual abuse issues, angst,   
**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters from the Digimon show, only some of the original characters found in the story and the story plot itself.   
  
~*~  
  
**State of Mind  
**  
_ "We all of us need assistance. Those who sustain others themselves want to be sustained."_  
-_ Maurice Hulst, The Way of the Heart_  
  
Part 4: So Many in Need 1   
  
Bright, burning sunlight shot through the open window as the sun greeted the new day. It managed to hit the sleeping boy directly on the face, disturbing him from his restless slumber. A pale hand flung itself over the squinting bright blue eyes, trying to block out some of the light that was so blinding. Blinking away the night's sleep, Yamato let out a large yawn and rolled over to his side. He then lay still for a moment, taking in the wide view of his room while trying to get his mind back into focus. In a sleeping bag on the floor lay his brother, still fast asleep, his expression peaceful for once. Yamato let his gaze linger on the much too thin form, wondering not for the first time if things were ever going to be normal between them. It had already been two days since Takeru had been found and brought home. Two days of confusion, frustration and guilt. The young blonde, so different from what Yamato remembered from years ago, could not seem to understand the concept of freedom. He still thought Yamato as a 'Master', not daring to do anything himself without permission or command. It hurt Yamato every time Takeru flinched from him, cringed as if he would hurt him, or even worse bowed to him as if he was something great. So far, no amount of explaining could turn Takeru from what he had been taught. 

With a depressed sigh Yamato looked away, feeling the familiar resentment over himself well up inside. What a terrible brother he was, letting this happen, letting Takeru get hurt like this. If it wasn't for his stupidity none of this would have ever happened. Takeru could have grown up with a normal life instead of living all that shit. 

"Yama?" The soft whisper reached his ears as he covered up his eyes with a shaking arm. Ken had once again stayed the night, claiming he had no reason to go home. His parents were hardly ever home anyway to miss him. Yamato was just thankful to have some company, keeping him from going insane with guilt and frustration. "Are you okay?" 

Yamato blew out another sigh, turning his head to glare at his best friend, "I hate it when people ask me that!" He growled, careful to keep his voice low so as not to wake his brother. 

Ken just smiled from the small sofa on the other side of the room where he had slept, "I know. Sorry. What do you think we should do today?" The bluenette was always quick to change the subject when he knew he was irritating Yamato. 

"What day is it?" Yamato yawned again, stretching his arms and wincing when he heard the joints pop. 

"Sunday." The other teen stood up, took the blanket from the sofa and started to fold it neatly. Yamato just shook his head, never ceasing to be amused by Ken's organized manner. 

Then he groaned, "Oh great... school tomorrow. I'm going to call in sick, no way I'm leaving Takeru here alone." The boy wouldn't have a clue what to do with himself if nobody was here to guide him. He probably would just sit on the floor all day and starve. 

"Good idea. I'll do that too." Ken nodded, setting down the now folded blanket, then turned to look down at the pale sleeping boy, "We need to get him out of the house, Yamato." 

Startled, Yamato looked up at his friend in disbelief, "Out? Where? I'm not taking him anywhere where there's a crowd yet. He'd panic again." The image of his brother hyperventilating as he stood shaking in the middle of the parking lot still scared Yamato more than anything. 

Ken shrugged, turning his concerned violet eyes on him, "Okay, we won't. But it's not doing him any good to stay in here all day. He's just getting more convinced that he's trapped here and that he's got to obey us. That's not good, Yama, and you know it." 

With a shrug, Yamato sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Carefully he ran his fingers through his blonde hair, grumbling a bit when he felt the tangles get in the way. "Yeah, yeah. I know it. But I don't like the idea of bringing him out into a crowd of strangers." He reached for the comb on the nightstand, running it tenderly through the messy hair, trying to bring some order back to it. 

"Well, it doesn't have to be strangers. I was thinking more along the lines of taking him to the Yagami's place. I'm sure he'd feel better if he got to be with his friends, Taichi and Daisuke." Ken suggested, still watching the other teenager carefully. The blonde knew that his friend was still as worried about him as ever, and found it irritating how carefully he was treated these days. Just because he made a couple of mistakes didn't mean he was going to turn into a druggie or a suicidal or anything. 

He sighed, placing the comb back down, "Fine. Call them then. I'm taking a shower." Standing up abruptly, Yamato grabbed a fresh shirt and pants and stalked out of the room. He couldn't stand it when Ken looked at him like that, as if he was going to break down or something. All he wanted was for things to go back to normal, whatever normal was. 

After yanking off the shirt and boxers that he had slept in, he turned on the shower, waiting for it to get hot enough before he stepped in. Yamato thankfully stood under the refreshing shower of cleansing drops of water, just letting them soak into his hair and skin, feeling the dirt wash away. He sighed, leaning back to let the water wash over his face. Closing his eyes against the stinging spray, he tried to relax, letting the tension drain away with the water. The last few days had been so stressful as he tried so hard not to do anything that would upset anybody, especially his brother. Of course that hadn't seemed to work anyway. And now it was all he could do not to grab Takeru and just shake some sense into him! Yeah, that'd go over well with everyone. 

Maybe Ken was right. Maybe it would help Takeru to see how he wasn't under anyone's power anymore if they took him out to see other people. He'd probably feel safer if he got to see people he actually knew, and it could work the other way around too for the other two boys. 

When Yamato finally got out of the bathroom, clean and refreshed, he found Ken in the lounge with Takeru. Once again the younger blonde was just standing there, not even looking up at his entrance. Biting his lip to keep from saying anything, Yamato just joined Ken on the couch, "So, what's the deal?" 

"Hikari was overjoyed to find out we wanted to come over. She says they've had just as much progress with the two boys as we have had with Takeru. She agrees that it'll help to have them all together." Ken reported while still thoughtfully watching the statue-like Takeru. "How long do you think he can stay like that?" 

"What?" Yamato blinked and looked towards his brother. The boy wasn't even twitching, looking as if he had been nailed to the floor. 

Ken smiled, shaking his head, "Nevermind. Let's get going then. I've got nothing better to do anyway." 

"What about Asrik? Don't you two always go out on Sunday?" Yamato glanced over, noticing the sudden blank face. 

"We... broke up." Ken said, his voice shaky as he quickly stood up. Yamato followed him, not sure of what to say. It was obvious from the other's tone that his boyfriend had dumped him, which had probably hurt Ken very much. The two of them had been going out for almost a year and a half now, and though Yamato had seen how restless Asrik had become, he had hoped that they would work through the problems together. Obviously the boyfriend had thought otherwise. 

Yamato placed a hand on his best friend's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. He turned the slightly smaller boy around to look into the hurt filled violet eyes, wishing for some way to help as the other had helped him so many times before. "You're okay?" It was all he could think of at the moment, but at least it was something. 

For a second Ken just stared at him, his eyes blank as though they were thinking about something else, before a small smile played across his lips. "What makes you think I like that question anymore than you do?" Not amused, Yamato just glared right back, waiting for the answer. He knew that Ken was having a lot of problems of his own, with his family and getting over the break up, and there was no way he was going to let him off that easily. Not when Ken had gone through so much to get Yamato back on his feet in the past years. Finally Ken rolled his eyes a little, "Yes, I'm fine, Yama. Don't worry about it, okay? Let's just find Takeru some shoes to wear." With that he pulled away and headed for the closet. 

Yamato sighed, then went over and gently pushed Ken out of the way. In no time at all he had found a pair of his old runners and went back to give them to his brother. There had been no sign of any sort of movement. "Here, try these on." He held the shoes out to Takeru, trying to sound as brotherly as possible. The younger boy only stared at the blue and black runners as if he had never seen anything like them before. Yamato cursed under his breath, trying to keep his temper in check. He couldn't stand seeing his brother this way, it just wasn't right. Dropping the shoes on to the ground, Yamato pointed at them, "Just stick your feet in them, Takeru. They're not going to bite." 

Wide cerulean eyes glanced up at him, startled by the last comment, before quickly turning back to the shoes. There was no more delay as Takeru clearly heard the command and slid them onto his feet before waiting for the next order. "Good, come on then. We're going out." Yamato turned and walked towards the front door, not waiting to see if Takeru had even moved. 

The three boys were soon out the door, walking down the long hallway to the elevators. Takeru was once again trying to stay a couple of paces behind the other two but Yamato was having none of that. He quickly held back until he was walking beside the younger boy. Ken spoke from the other side of Takeru, "Are you driving?" 

"No, Dad's got the car and Sachi claimed the van for the weekend," Yamato replied as they stepped into the elevator. "'Won't matter though, the Yagami's are only a five minute walk from here." 

"I know. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to give Takeru a heart attack over your driving skills on his first day out of the apartment!" Ken grinned as Yamato sent a death glare over to him. 

"Har, har. Very funny." He pushed Takeru out of the elevator first, feeling the boy's muscles tense with surprise. Hopefully his friends could get him to relax once they got to the other apartment. 

There wasn't much to say as they walked down the sidewalk in the bright spring sunlight, just enjoying the fresh air and light breeze. The streets were filled with people and cars, all seeming to be in some sort of rush. Every little noise seemed to startle Takeru, causing him to twitch as the other two tried to stay as close to him as possible. Yamato found it all very strange, to be leisurely walking over to a friend's house with a brother he had never expected to see again. Somehow it just seemed unreal. He glanced over at the other blonde, watching the wide, innocent eyes desperately stare at the ground, as if trying to deny that everything around them was happening. Once again Yamato felt the bitter guilt rise up inside of him. Never would he be able to forgive himself for letting his little brother wander into the sort of horrible life he'd been lost to. And it was worse now. He couldn't just pretend that Takeru had had a quick death, or that perhaps he had somehow managed to be taken up by some nice family. No. He had instead, for over ten years, sold his body to the rest of the city. Every dirty, sick bastard out there had touched his little brother in ways that no one ever should. 

"Hey... Yama?" Yamato blinked, not realizing they had even stopped, and looked over at Ken. "We're here." 

"Oh... yeah..." Still a bit dazed, Yamato just turned and headed up the stairs into the apartment building. The other two followed close behind. He could practically feel the worried pair of eyes drilling holes in the back of his head. 

When they finally reached the Yagami's door, he knocked and stood back, suddenly feeling a little curious to know what his brother's friends were like. It was obvious that they would act in the same timid and submissive way of course. 

Mrs. Yagami opened the door, smiling at the small group as she let them in. "Hello Ken, Yamato. I'm glad you came. And you must be Takeru, right?" She looked down expectantly at the boy, but did not seem surprised when all she received was a curt nod. "Well then, it's good to meet you. They're in Hikari's room, you just go right on in." She told the two oldest once they had taken off their shoes. 

"Thank you." Ken said politely, while Yamato nodded his own greeting. They headed down the hall to where they knew the bedroom was, making sure that Takeru was following. 

Yamato knocked lightly on the door while opening it slowly. When the girl's voice told him it was alright, he stepped in, moving aside to let the others through as well. "Hello 'Kari. How are you?" He greeted, giving her a half smile. 

With her own smile, much wider than his, Hikari walked over to them. "I'm just great, now that you guys are here. Mum and Daddy are going nuts over this whole thing. Oh!" She turned around, letting them see the bed, "This is Taichi and Daisuke, my new brothers." 

When he got a look at the two boys sitting on the edge of Hikari's bed, Yamato's mild curiosity turned into complete amazement. He had been expecting both of the boys to be around Takeru's age, but the one sitting on the left looked as if he was quite a bit older. That couldn't be right, what was a teenager his age doing acting like this? He couldn't actually have been in the same place as his brother. Before Yamato could ask about this though, Ken swept past him, almost running up to the younger one. "Hi Daisuke! See, I told you I'd come visit you." The red-head seemed startled as he determinedly held his gaze on the floor. Ken wasn't fazed at all by this, his smile only widening a bit as he sat down on the bed beside Daisuke. "How's life here, Daisuke?" 

"S'okay, Ken-san." Daisuke replied, sounding pleased to have the bluenette beside him once again. 

Yamato hardly noticed this small reunion, however, his eyes never leaving the tall brunette. "How old is he?" He whispered to Hikari, wondering if this was all just one big joke. 

"Who? Taichi? My parents told me that he would have just turned seventeen last week. He was kidnapped when he was almost five." She answered, giving him a strange look before walking around to greet Takeru. 

Ignoring this, Yamato frowned. Seventeen, not even a year younger than himself! Like his poor brother, this boy had been through so much pain. Even worse, he had been just old enough to remember his home, his family, and to know that what went on was wrong. But now, just looking at the defeated look on his face, one could tell they had broken him. Hesitantly, not really knowing what he was going to do, Yamato took a step towards Taichi. Then another. Slowly he approached, taking no notice of the others around him, until he was staring down at the head full of chestnut hair. 

=-=-=-= 

Taichi watched as the unfamiliar pair of feet started to come towards him. By now confusion and fright had become so frequent that he had ceased to really pay attention to his feelings. Each day that they had been here had been like the last, the girl and the adults all trying their best not to hurt him or his brother while they talked to the two of them about senseless subjects. It became so that he only listened for any type of command and shut his mind to the rest of what was going on around him. There was no point to this new life so far. It made him feel so... useless. But now these strangers had suddenly entered the room, three pairs of shoes that he did not recognize. He didn't bother trying to look up to see faces, all he was hoping for was that this was finally it. These were the people they were waiting for, the ones they would make the money from. All he had to do was focus on not screwing it up, make the deal has pleasurable as possible. The happier the customer was, the more money they paid. That was something he had learned very early in the business. 

So when the plain black socked feet stopped in front of him, Taichi was already trying to figure out exactly what he was going to do. It was always good to have a plan in mind. But the stranger surprised him, crouching down in front of where he was sitting so that their faces were level. From this position Taichi couldn't help looking at the other boy's face, finding it's features amazingly young. Piercing, ice blue eyes stared out from the most pale, fine featured face. Golden blonde bangs swept down across the smooth forehead, making Taichi's fingers twitch with the thought of running them through the softest looking mane he had ever seen. Kami-sama... he was _ beautiful_. 

"Um... Taichi... right?" The low-toned, uncertain voice jolted him from the daze he had fallen into, making him realize he had been staring freely into those astounding eyes. Embarrassed, and not just a little afraid at the strange emotions that had overcome him, Taichi quickly lowered his gaze to his hands and nodded quickly. From beside him he heard the Ken guy whisper something to Daisuke, but heard no answer. Daisuke had already told him all about Ken, about how they met and how Ken had promised to come back. Taichi had tried to tell him not to get his hopes up, worried that he would only get hurt in the end, but now Ken was here. Along with this rare beauty in front of him. He almost wished that there was more to this than just doing his job. "Okay... I'm Yamato." Taichi wondered at the slight edge to the other teen's voice, but didn't say anything. He just waited for whatever was to come. "You... you were really... in that awful place?" 

Awful place? Could he mean home? "I..." He stopped, not sure how to respond. Was he supposed to just agree? Or maybe deny that it was awful? Was it a trick, or a genuine question? 

"Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to..." Yamato quickly spoke up, his pale hand reaching out without a thought to rest on Taichi's shoulder. "I shouldn't have brought that up, I guess." He paused before saying, "Look at me, won't you? I'm not going to do anything to you. I promise." 

Taken aback by this strange statement, Taichi let his eyes stray back up until he was looking over the teen's shoulder. Eye contact had always been something to stay away from, and it made him uncomfortable with the memories of the pain it brought. What he did see on the other side of the room, though, caused him to jerk to his feet in complete astonishment. "Takeru!?" Sure enough, it was his blonde haired friend, also looking at him with an open mouth. How did _he_ get here? He hadn't expected to see that boy ever again, much less two days later! They stared at each other without knowing what to think. Daisuke, who had obviously heard the exclamation of surprise, kept his seat but was also staring at one of his best friends from home. It was Takeru who first came to his senses though, shaking his head quickly at the other two before silently placing his eyes back on the floor. 

Shit... he had let himself get carried away by his emotions once again. At a loss for what to do now, Taichi just nervously stood there, his hands shaking slightly with fear of what was to happen now. He shouldn't have done that, yelling and standing up without permission in front of all these other people. That was not a good thing at all. 

"Hey, Taichi, it's alright man, calm down." The other blonde, Yamato, was now standing as well, having jumped up when Taichi had. He was now standing in front of him, blue eyes staring at his face curiously. This did nothing to reassure Taichi, who felt as though he was going to be sick. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He was such a baka! He deserved whatever they were going to do to him now. "Takeru, get over here and tell him that it was alright!" Yamato sighed with exasperation. 

Then it was Takeru who was standing there, whispering uncertainly, "Oh Taichi, I didn't think I'd get to see guys ever again! Don't worry, Yamato-san hasn't hurt me yet, so I don't think he's going to do anything to you either." The smaller boy told him, taking a small step closer. "What's going on?" He sounded close to tears, so confused and needing to know what was happening so bad that it hurt. 

Taichi, feeling a little better, fought the urge to hug his friend. Gaining back some breath, he whispered, "I... I don't know, Teeks. But it's great to see you again. I didn't expect this either." Then he shut his mouth, signaling for the other to do the same. They shouldn't talk freely like this, not in front of the others. 

After a few moments where the room was completely engulfed in silence, Hikari came over to the two of them and put her hand gently on Takeru's arm, "Hey Takeru, why don't we go over and talk to Daisuke and Ken now. I don't think you've met Ken yet, right?" She smiled at him, then at Yamato, "You try to explain things to Taichi while Ken and I try to help with Takeru and Daisuke, okay?" 

"Sure thing, 'Kari." Yamato replied in smoothly before coming back over to Taichi. "Let's go your room to talk, Taichi." He briskly walked away, leaving Taichi to assume that he was to follow. He hated to leave the other two alone, but he was here to do his job and that's all there was to it. Although Yamato certainly didn't seem as bad as some of the men he had slept with, that was for sure. 

Taichi quickly caught up to Yamato who was just slipping into the room that he shared with Daisuke. When he got in there as well, he found Yamato looking around curiously. Taichi stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do next. Finally the blonde noticed this and called him over where he proceeded to stare uncomfortably at him again. Confused by this silence, Taichi cautiously glanced up, remembering that so far nobody had reprimanded him for taking his eyes from the floor. The bright, azure eyes blinked in surprise, "So you are capable of doing some things without being told." He remarked a bit sarcastically. Taichi remained silent, marveling over the fact that he could freely look at this wondrous person. "Um... so you're good friends with my brother, huh?" Yamato continued, obviously disliking the silence. 

Taichi frowned, thinking hard. Then he shook his head, "Who's your brother, Yamato-san, if you don't mind me asking?" He had almost gotten used to calling people by their first names by now. 

"Oh... Takeru, of course. That's why he came with me." Yamato shifted uncomfortably, stepping backwards to sit in the desk chair. He looked up at Taichi with a thoughtful frown. 

Wondering at this, Taichi asked, lowering his eyes so as not to seem disrespectful, "You are Takeru's Master, Yamato-san?" 

Yamato shot back up to his feet, almost falling over the chair, as he sputtered, "Fuck no! Don't you even think shit like that, Taichi. I'm nobody's Master and you just remember that!" He seemed outraged, his fists clenched and Taichi cowered uncertainly. Great, what a good start. _Never_ make assumptions, never. That was what he had always told himself, and now what did he go on to do? He was making a mess of everything! Readying himself for the blow that was certain to come, Taichi closed his eyes in defeat and turned his cheek for easy access. It was his own fault and he deserved this. 

The blow never came. After a few more minutes, Taichi hesitantly cracked open an eye to see what the delay was and found the other boy staring at him with horror filled eyes. The blonde choked, taking a step back again, "You... you were expecting me to hit you... weren't you?" Taichi didn't know what was going on, but he nodded, his mind filled with extreme concern at this sudden turn of events. "'Kuso..." He swore softly, practically falling back into the chair. His face seemed paler than it was before. "And you were going to let me...?" Another unsure nod. What else was he supposed to do? If he'd done anything else, more punishment would follow. It was better to just submit and only get hurt once. Yamato stared at him some more, his eyes narrowed, "Stop nodding like an idiot and tell me why." 

What? Taichi finally lifted his eyes to stare back, shocked. Nodding like an idiot? Wasn't that better than talking out of turn? "Well...I... I deserved it and.. It's better than... than getting hurt more for disobedience... Yamato-san." 

Once again angered flared in those icy depths, causing Taichi to flinch and wonder what he had said wrong this time. "They... they did this to you!? It's disgusting!" Who? But he didn't dare ask. "You... my brother... that other kid, Daisuke... Fuck. How many kids did they ruin?" The now quiet blonde seemed to be talking to himself. Taichi just listened, hoping to figure out what this was all about. This was so unlike anything he had ever seen while doing business. "You really don't know what's happening now, do you?" 

Taking this as a sign to speak up once again, seeing as how this teen seemed to hate silent answers, Taichi spoke quietly to the floor, taking the question very literally, "I'm here for you, Yamato-san. I'm very good, I promise. I have had lot's of experience and I will try my best for you to get the most pleasure out of this as possible. If you will just tell me what you'd like, Yamato-san..." Suddenly he glanced up again when he heard a choked gasp and noticed the complete astonishment in the other's face. Yamato's mouth was half open, his entire body trembling with what appeared to be shock. Taichi's stomach twisted as he once again felt that he was completely missing something here. 

It took a little while, but finally Yamato blinked and with that managed to gather his wits. After another minute he stood up slowly, still shaking, but did not move any closer to Taichi. "You... You think that... that... Of all the fucked up..." He couldn't quite seem to form a complete sentence yet, but what he did choke out told Taichi that he had made some sort of mistake. A big mistake. This wasn't a customer. This wasn't a Master. Who the hell _was_ this guy?! 

Yamato took a deep, calming breath, muttered something to himself, and finally approached Taichi once again. The brunette couldn't help the small whimper as he shrank away from this stranger's reaching fingers. For the second time in his life he felt complete terror fill him up inside. Once again it was because he was being taken away from all he knew of. After the first time, all his life had consisted of was either Masters or clients, nothing else. But now that stability in his life was being threatened again and he didn't know what to do about it. "Dammit Taichi, I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Listen to me! I'm going to _help_ you. I'll explain everything, if you'd just listen." 

Yamato's hand still wavered uncertainly near his shoulder before resting lightly on it. His head still swimming with questions and fear, Taichi just shuddered beneath it, holding back the flood of threatening tears. This wasn't right! Why was this happening again to him? Why?! Everytime he thought he was safe, that he finally knew which people to trust, something happened to take him away from all that certainty! He just wanted to be able to hold onto something reliable. 

"Here... sit down before your legs give out." Yamato advised, his voice softening as he took in the sight of the frightened boy. Feeling completely drained, Taichi submissively sat on the bed, feeling better at finally being told what to do. Yamato sat down beside him, placing an uncertain hand on his arm, "Are you okay?" He just nodded once in answer. Yamato sighed, "Aren't you happy to be away from all that... well, you know..." When Taichi said nothing, he became a little irritated, "Answer me, I want you to talk." 

"It... it was my home." The brunette finally answered, knowing that that was what the other was speaking of. "My family..." He choked, wondering what his Masters would do to him if they ever found out he had left. He hadn't thought of that before, but now that he had he didn't think that any of this was their idea at all. 

Yamato was silent for a moment, still staring with that unreadable expression at Taichi's face. Then he said in a quiet voice, "You really think that?" Keeping back his tears through force of habit, Taichi nodded. "Why?" 

"'Cause they told me they were, that's why." He didn't hesitate to answer this time, remembering all the pain it had taken before he would even consider them to be his family. Would this time be any different? 

"They... told you that... I see." Yamato sighed again and finally turned away, allowing Taichi to relax slightly. There was more silence and through the walls they could here the noise of the television in the lounge. That had been something that had truly amazed Taichi, that huge color tv that seemed to show him the entire world. He had only ever seen one once before, a tiny black and white set in one of the Master's rooms. It couldn't compare to this one, though. Yesterday he had spent hours on end just staring at it, constantly flipping through the channels like he had been shown how to. Daisuke was with him, and they exclaimed quietly, when the others weren't around, at all the strange things going on in front of their wide eyes. He hadn't understood what half of the stuff meant, but it had been very interesting indeed. Hikari had seemed amused over this enthusiastic interest. 

Lost in thought, Taichi was startled as Yamato spoke again, "Does Takeru... does he think they were his family also?" 

"Yes. We were all family." Looking up a bit, he saw Yamato staring at the opposite wall with the saddest look he had ever seen. Feeling a bit less afraid of this person who so far hadn't done anything to him, Taichi shifted a little closer, "I'm sorry." 

Surprised, Yamato looked back at him, "For what? It wasn't your fault." Taichi just blinked and looked away, not sure whether he could believe this or not. It must be his fault, making Yamato angry and now sad. Suddenly he felt Yamato's fingers on his chin, forcing him to look back up at the perfect face beside him. "I'm the one who should be sorry. Anybody who knows me could tell you that I've got a nasty temper. I wasn't angry at you, just at what those bastards did to you and the others." Taichi just nodded a little, entrapped by the beautiful azure eyes in front of his face. He felt as though he was being pulled into the deep blue depths, unable to form a single coherent thought as they held his gaze. And there was that perfect mouth that seemed so close to his own. Perfect moist, rosy lips so close that if he just leaned in a little further... If only this boy would allow him to do his job, he might actually be able to enjoy it for once. "Uh... Taichi?" The nervous voice cut through his dazed thoughts, making him realize how wide those eyes had suddenly become. He had been slowly closing in on those precious lips without even knowing. 

Blushing, Taichi silently cursed and jumped up, horrified with himself for almost doing something like that without permission. This wasn't like all those other times! Yamato wasn't like the other men that came to him, seeking something to fulfill their their pathetic lives. Yamato was different, and he was _not_ here to use Taichi. 

In the process of panicking, he had forgotten about the upper bunk and managed to slam his head full force on it. Hard. Hard enough to bring tears to his eyes as he held his poor head in his hands while trying to blink away the stars that had suddenly popped up in front of him. 

"Shit!" Yamato yelped, jumping up after him, 'though careful not to hit his own head, "Are you okay?!" The previous incident apparently forgotten, the blonde hastily reached out to the whimpering boy, placing his hands gently in the thick chestnut hair. Taichi, scared of what Yamato might do to him for doing something so stupid in his presence, immediately backed away until his back hit the wall. There he cowered, eyes still tightly closed, wondering through the searing pain in his skull what was going to happen next. Every fear that had been previously forgotten returned in a flood. He honestly wouldn't be surprised now to feel Yamato's wrath for being such an idiot. 

Yamato only took the time to see what was happening before hurrying over to where Taichi was. This time he didn't try to touch the shaking boy right away though. "Hey... Why are you so afraid? I'm not going hurt you, I just want to make sure you didn't crack your head open or something." 

Still Taichi didn't dare to move or to say anything. He knew nothing about this teenager standing in front of him. Yamato could easily be lying, ready to punish him on whim. But he didn't run away again as the other's hands once again reached out to him, slowly this time. "There... see? Now just let me have a look here." Taichi's fear slowly turned to awe as the slim body came closer, tender fingers searching through his messy thick hair. His own hands were pushed aside as Yamato sought the injured area. The pain intensified a bit as the bruise was finally found, causing him to flinch with a small whimper, "Hey, it's okay. Just a bump, nothing to worry about." He pulled away, smiling a little. "You're really jumpy, you know that?" 

"'Sorry," Taichi mumbled, still a little dazed. He couldn't believe it, Yamato wasn't mad! 

"Don't be, really." With his smile widening a little, Yamato stepped back and took a glance at the clock on the desk. "Hey, it's past lunch. Are you hungry?" 

That was one thing that Taichi still couldn't get over. Food. It was even more amazing than the television set. There were set times to eat, just like back where he used to live, but it was _good_ food that they got to eat here. All kinds of good stuff that he'd never even tasted before. And so much of it that for the first time in ages Taichi had been feeling completely full and satisfied. Even more, they didn't have to _earn_ the food. They got a meal in the middle of the day without having to do anything for it. The two adults had also insisted that any time during the day that they felt hungry, they were free to just take food out for themselves. Of course, neither Taichi nor Daisuke had felt that they deserved that yet, and so only ate when someone placed the food on the table for them. It had to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. "Yes, Yamato-san." He answered, trying to keep from sounding too enthusiastic. 

"Alright then, let's go get something to eat." Yamato beckoned him to follow, then seemed to have a thought and turned back around, "Oh, and Taichi? Drop the whole 'san' thing and just call me Yamato, okay? You're making it sound as if I'm superior to you or something, and I'm not." Taichi hesitated before nodding, not really understanding what Yamato meant. Of course the blonde was superior, how could he not be? Look at who he was compared to himself. But if those were Yamato's wishes, then they should be obeyed. 

As Yamato headed out the door, Taichi eagerly followed at his usual two paces behind the slightly taller teen. With nobody else around, Taichi stared dreamily at the back of Yamato's head, taking in the beauty of all that golden hair. He had definitely taken a great liking to the thoughtful, wonderful teenager in front of him. For once in his life he felt almost safe around someone he didn't even know that well. 

=-=-=-=

(A/N) Yay! finally Yamato and Taichi meet! Okay... now to get out the part with the other three characters. Only... I'm not quite sure whether to make it Takari or stick Takeru in with a threesome with Daisuke and Ken. I know there's many people who just like their sweet Kensukes, but maybe the threesome thing's popular too. I just don't know! So tell me in your reviews and I'll try to go with the majority! I really don't care either way, but I don't want too many people ticked off over it ^_^;; Thanks!  



	5. So Many in Need 2

(A/N) Sheesh, I can't believe I finally got the time to get this part finished! I know, I know, it's been over two weeks, but I tried! Really! Well, anyway, I'm still not quite sure where what's going to happen to Takeru. A reviewer made a good point about how it would be hard for Ken to take care of two very confused people, but it could still turn out that way. I'll think of something later, being the procrastinator that I am! So... this is the second part of the last chapter... hope you like it!  
  
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."   
-Albert Camus_  
  
Part 5: So Many in Need 2  
  
A very distinct uneasy feeling filled the air once the two older boys had left the room. Nobody of the four who were left knew what to say now that they were alone together. Ken was still sitting beside Daisuke on the bed, Takeru joining in on the other side as Hikari had urged him to. The two quiet boys had seemed to shift a little closer to one another, as if seeking some comfort in this strange new world that they had been brought into. It still seemed all so unbelievable to Ken, that anybody would want to hurt such young and innocent looking children. To have been growing up around that sort of abuse all these years must have been terrible. But then, by now, they would have come to think of it as a normal life, making it all the worse for them now that they were free. 

Ken was smart, a genius in fact. In the private school that his parents had sent him to his average was far above those of his classmates'. But even considering this, he had managed to become one of the more popular kids in school. It wasn't because of his high marks, and he had never in his life considered hanging around the other popular snobs to make himself known, but most people just couldn't help feeling drawn to him. The blue haired, lithe teenager just had an aura of kindness and respect surrounding him, giving him the ability to soothe almost any anger or hurt on his behalf. Without really thinking anything of it, Ken had never really considered this a blessing. For one, he hated too much attention from the public, especially from strangers who had no business prying into his life. Being the star soccer player on his team, as well as the genius of the school, had made it hard not to be surrounded by fawning strangers, but at least some of the awe over his natural abilities had calmed down over the years. Only Yamato had kept him from hating the way he was. It was because of his comforting nature that he had been able to help the blonde so many times before. And now he was hoping that it would work the same way with these poor, misguided boys. 

Right now, of course, his genius did nothing to help. Wishing that he had at least some experience with how to deal with this type of situation, Ken looked over to where Hikari was sitting in front of them on the floor. She caught his eye and sent a concerned, questioning look his way. He shrugged in reply before shifting around to face the side of Daisuke's head. They should at least get the two boys talking and try to put them at ease, "So... Daisuke... How're you feeling today?" He could have smacked himself for how unoriginal that sounded. 

For some reason the lightly tanned looking skin seemed to whiten a little, "Ready... ready as always, Master..." 

Startled, Ken glanced back at the brunette haired girl to see her wide eyes mirroring his own confusion and horror. Obviously that was the answer to the same question their 'Masters' had asked before starting 'business' everyday. Pushing away the slight nausea that was threatening the rise, Ken shook his head and tried to lighten his tone, "Now what did I tell you about that 'Master' business, Daisuke?" 

If anything, the other boy only paled more, lowering his head further. "Gomen nasai, Ken-san," he whispered, seeming to cringe as if he expected to be smacked. 

Helplessly Ken looked back at Hikari, pleading with her through his eyes to say something. She smiled lightly at the boys, 'though the rest of her body was tense with worry. "Takeru, Daisuke... You don't have to act like this around us, you know. We're not Masters, or anything like that. We're just kids, like you. We're all equals here, you have to trust us on this." 

There was a few minutes of silence during which Hikari and Ken eagerly watched the other two for some sign of understanding, letting them process what she had just told them. Finally Takeru seemed to relax slightly, followed by Daisuke who seemed to be able to feel the thoughts of his friend. The blonde spoke uncertainly, his eyes nervously staring at his lap, "So... so you're not... children of... of our Masters? You're not training to... be one?" 

Understanding suddenly dawned on Ken as he almost laughed aloud at the absurdity of it all. So this was why they had been acting so submissive to him and Hikari even though they were all around the same age. "No! No we're not _training_. Kami, no. Whatever put that idea into your heads?" 

"But you're..." Takeru hesitated, taking a daring glance at the two of them before once again ducking his head. 

Daisuke took over, "You're _not_ like us. You... you talk to the Mas... the adults as if you're equal to _them_." He shivered a little, shifting a little away from Ken and closer to Takeru. 

"Well, that's because we're allowed to! You can too... They're nothing like the people you grew up around." Hikari sighed as she noticed, like Ken, the sudden denial and confusion on their faces. 

Feeling exasperated over the fact that they just couldn't seem to get it through their minds that they were out of that horrible place, Ken decided to just be straightforward with the entire thing. These boys would never start to return to reality until they understood exactly why they were here. And that obviously wasn't going to happen until someone pounded it into their heads. "Daisuke... Takeru... I want you to listen carefully and try to understand what I'm about to say. Can you do that for me?" Without hesitation they both obediently nodded their heads, and Ken just hoped that they really meant it, that it wasn't just out of habit. He slid down to sit beside Hikari so that he could look at both of their faces, "You. Are. Free. 'You understand? _ Free_ As in, there _are_ no more Masters ruling your lives. You don't have to bow down to anybody. And you don't have to... to prostitute any longer. Okay?" 

Dead silence once again. Neither boy reacted, their faces set like stone as they struggled to comprehend what they had just been told. This time the silence lasted so long that Ken was starting to worry that they had gone into shock, but finally there was some movement. Daisuke whimpered quietly, drawing up his legs against his chest and hugging them tightly. Takeru just shifted closer to him so that their shoulders were touching. Ken watched all this with a pain laded heart, wishing so badly that he could go up there to comfort them, but not daring to move 'lest he frightened them even more. 

Daisuke whimpered again, sounding as though he was holding back tears, "I want 'Chi." 

"Chi?" Hikari frowned, looking at Ken who just shrugged. 

The question seemed to finally snap Takeru out of his own daze though, and he nodded slightly, seemingly having a bit of trouble breathing as he huddled against the red-head, "T-Taichi... Where is he?" 

Ken saw that they were both starting to panic, especially as he had seen first hand what Takeru was like when scared. Both he and Hikari jumped to their feet. "It's okay, he's still here." He reassured them, gesturing for Hikari to go out and find him, "We'll get Taichi for you, just try to calm down." This certainly wasn't easy, to get them to understand what was being said. The words were simple enough, it was just that freedom wasn't something they were used to quite yet. 

Hikari returned a moment later, the two older teens following close behind. Yamato instantly sought out his brother, but Ken put a hand on the older blonde's shoulder to keep him from going over to the bed. "They just want to see Taichi." He explained, trying not to flinch back from the amount of pain he saw lurking in those deep blue depths. Instead he turned his attention to the brunette who stood a few paces behind. "Go ahead Taichi, I think we upset them a bit." Taichi only blinked at him, hesitating as he turned his head to look questioningly at Yamato. Surprised, Ken only watched with interest as Yamato rolled his eyes a bit and nodded for the brunette to go ahead. "It appears that Taichi has taking a liking to you, Yamato." Ken commented as Taichi quietly walked over and crawled onto the bed with the other two. They instantly turned around and formed a small huddle in the middle of the bed, just clinging onto one another as Taichi whispered something too quiet for Ken to hear. 

With an uncomfortable shrug, Yamato sighed, "Yeah. I don't know why 'though, seeing as I seemed to upset him more than help in anyway." He swallowed, running a hand nervously through his hair, "Fuck... He... Ken, he thought I was going to... to _use_ him!" 

"But you dispelled that thought, I'm assuming," Ken frowned, wondering if that's what Daisuke and Takeru had thought of him as well. Well, at least they had proved otherwise. That was a start. Suddenly he realized that Yamato hadn't answered him, finding the blonde staring blankly at the small group on the bed. "Yama?" 

"Hmm?" Yamato blinked once, wrapping his arms around himself, a gesture that Ken had seen many times before. 

"What're you thinking about?" It was always best to be direct with the stoic blonde when he got into this type of mood. 

"Not much really..." He half shrugged, still watching the others, "Just... what are they going to do while we're at school and the parents are working?" 

"Well... they'll be going to school too, obviously." Ken answered, feeling as though he was missing something here. Where else would they be? 

Yamato snorted, turning to face Ken with a strange look, "Sure Ken, like they got so much schooling while they were busy fucking for money. Don't act stupid. They'd be completely lost." 

Oh. Ken blinked in surprise, wondering why this thought hadn't occurred to him before. Of _course_ they wouldn't have ever been in school, unless their so called 'Masters' thought it would be worth their time. Which it wouldn't be seeing as the skills they had needed to work weren't anything that they'd learn out of books. "Oh... I never thought of that..." 

Yamato predictably rolled his eyes. "And they say you're a genius," He muttered, turning to Hikari who had only been listening in on the conversation. "Give me a book." 

"A book?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow, "What kind of book?" 

With an exasperated sigh, he replied sharply, "I don't _care_, any book." She just rolled her eyes back at him, reaching into her bookshelf before handing him a small red book of fairy tales. Yamato nodded approvingly and walked over to the other boys. All three of them looked up in surprise as he sat down on the edge. Ken and Hikari followed, standing a little to the side to see what was going on. Looking at his brother first, Yamato held out the book to him, opening it to a random page, "Read this to me, please." 

For a moment Takeru only stared wide eyed at the words before hesitantly peeking up at his older brother. "I... I'm sorry... I can't..." He cringed back as Yamato reached passed him and showed the same page to Daisuke. 

The red head just shook his head without even glancing at it, staring just past Yamato's shoulder instead. "I can't either, Yamato-sama." 

With a blink of astonishment, Yamato asked, "Yamato-_sama_? Where'd you get that from?" 

"Um..." Daisuke lowered his head with a small blush, "I just thought... Taichi said that..." He trailed off, not quite knowing how to explain. 

"Taichi, huh?" Ken watched in amazement as Yamato actually smiled at the young boy before turning his head to Taichi. He had never seen such a tender look on that pale face and he wondered if Yamato even knew that his expression had changed so much. All because of that name. "And can _you_ read this to me, Taichi?" 

Taichi raised his eyes slowly to scan the page, looking crestfallen as he turned back to Yamato, "I can only pick out a few words. We... we were never really taught how to read, Yamato." Ken shared a surprised look with Hikari at how familiarly Taichi used Yamato's name. Especially since those boys couldn't seem to resist making them seem higher than they really were. Obviously whatever Yamato had said to the other teen had been very effective. 

"Just as I thought," Yamato nodded, slamming the pages shut. He tossed it back to Hikari, but never took his eyes off of the male brunette. "But you do know some words?" 

"Yeah... One of the older boys, Yukito, he taught me some basic words. I don't know how he knew how to read, though." Taichi immediately answered. All three of the boys seemed to relax a bit with the easy tone to the conversation. 

Satisfied, Yamato finally turned to face Ken and Hikari. Ken saw the look in those blue eyes and knew that the blonde was planning something. And somehow everybody around him always managed to get taken in by his plans, whether or not they wanted to in the first place. "Okay then... there's no way they can just be put in regular school now, it's way too late for that. So we'll just have to tutor them ourselves." He grinned slightly at the blank faces staring back at him. 

The bluenette tilted his head, wondering why Yamato's logic always seemed to work backwards compared to everyone else's. "Um... wouldn't they learn more from a real tutor? Why us?" He frowned at his friend. It wasn't that he didn't want to help these kids, but he wasn't sure how much they'd benefit when caught between Yamato's unpredictable mood swings, Hikari's excessive motherly concern, and his own moodiness over life's problems. 

"No... wait... I think I see Yamato's point," Hikari nodded thoughtfully, "It would be easier for us to just teach them ourselves. They already seem to be relaxing around us, and any strangers that we left them alone with would probably just scare them even more." 

"That's right. Plus it would give them something to do around the apartment while we're at school. They could take turns at our houses during the day, hopefully with some adult supervision, but that can't always be helped," Yamato added. 

Finally Ken just sighed, "I guess so. They couldn't come to my place though, I don't think my parents would go for it. It would give them a chance to study and learn to trust us, I suppose." And it would give him the chance to be around Daisuke even more, he thought with a fleeting smile. That sounded most... attractive. Fuck his _ex-boyfriend_, Daisuke was so much cuter than Asrik could ever be. 

=-=-=-= 

Daisuke had been subtly listening to the conversation with great interest, his fear slowly leaking away as they completely ignored him and his friends. The red-head was still huddled up against one side of Taichi, feeling at ease as he felt the familiar warmth of his brother seep into him. He felt exhausted, more mentally than physically, over everything that had gone on in the past few days, especially in the last hour. Everything had been so strange, especially considering the actions and words of the other three teenagers in the room. He didn't understand what they meant, that he and the his two friends were free. Free from what? The Masters, they had said. But without their Masters, how would they know what to do? He'd be completely lost without them to guide him. Just thinking about it hurt his head. 

With a silent sigh, he tried to push the worries out of his mind, and focused on snuggling closer to the one familiarity he had left. Takeru was on the other side of Taichi, having finally controlled his panic with the comfort of the older boy. Daisuke was just glad to have them both with him, making things almost feel normal again. Of course, that was while ignoring the quiet conversation of the three strange teens nearby. They had been going on about something called tutoring, and staying at each other's houses, and stuff like that. It made no sense to him, but that didn't matter. It wasn't supposed to make sense for him, he was just supposed to obey anything that they told him. 

Finally he got tired of listening in and lay his head on his brother's shoulder, enjoying the comforting arm around him, "'Chi? What's prostitution?" He whispered very quietly, hoping the others wouldn't catch him speaking without permission. But then again, hadn't they already said that they didn't need to give permission? 

Large, soothing chocolate brown eyes looked down at him, blinking with confusion, "What?" 

"Prostitution... I think that's what they said." Daisuke repeated, Takeru nodding in confirmation. 

"Oh..." Taichi thought for a moment, then grimaced, "I think... I think that's the name they use for... well, for what we do." 

"Oh." That was another thing that these people had told him he didn't have to do anymore. But if he couldn't do that any longer... what else could he do? And for how much longer would they give them free food, free clothing and stuff like that? In his experience, people only helped others for something in return. That was just how the world worked. At least the tiny part of it that he had grown up in. 

Suddenly one of the other voices penetrated through his sleepy daze, and he realized the other three were speaking _to_ them now. All three pairs of eyes were trained on him and his two friends expectantly, and it was the blonde who spoke. "So how does that sound to you guys?" 

Confused, Daisuke kept his mouth shut and hoped that Taichi knew what they were talking about. "How... how does what sound?" the older brunette finally asked quietly, his grip suddenly tightening around Daisuke's shoulders. 

"Why, having us tutor you, of course," Hikari explained, her smile never leaving her face. Daisuke vaguely wondered just what she had found that was worth smiling about. He was pretty sure he had never seen anyone as happy as these three in his entire life, not including their customers of course. "With someone like Ken teaching you, you'll be genius's in no time!" 

Daisuke suddenly perked up at the mention of that name. Although he didn't look at the one he had begun to admire so much, he could feel the comforting presence. Not that he wasn't completely unafraid or trusting of Ken, it was just that the blue haired boy didn't seem to be as terrifying as the rest of them. Ken replied in his usual silky voice, slightly sarcastic this time, "Thanks 'Kari, I'm sure. Of course, you are the one planning to become a teacher in the future, right? So this would be a good test of your skills." 

"Yep," She cheerfully replied back, "And Yamato could teach them about life and arts and things like that." 

"Hey, my marks aren't _that_ bad when it comes to math and sciences." Daisuke almost grinned at the joking offended tone of Yamato's. The blonde was another person he could easily come to like, mainly because Taichi seemed to have such a good opinion of him. The first thing the brunette had whispered to them as he had joined the two on the bed was how great Yamato had been to him. 'Hadn't hurt him or tried anything at all. That, and the fact that Yamato seemed to know exactly how to handle everything put him in a very good respect to Daisuke. 

Hikari was different though. For one thing she was a girl, and Daisuke had never had much experience with girls of any sort. There had only been a few females back where they came from in the entire building, and they were only there to cook, clean and bathe the younger boys a couple of times a week. Daisuke only saw the girls on odd occasions and never saw them as anything but meek and obedient, like the rest of the boys trapped there. This girl, however, was anything _but_ meek. She was always talking to them, trying to start conversations that never had any point, and always seemed to be cheerful around them. He wasn't sure whether or not he really like that yet. 

Then he noticed they had all went quiet and peeked up to find the three staring at them expectantly. Oh right... they had asked a question. He nudged Taichi slightly, reminding him to answer, and felt the hand on his shoulder tighten in response. "What will you be... " Taichi hesitated, and Daisuke knew why. They were never supposed to question anything the Masters told them, just obey without thinking. Severe punishment had always followed one of those mistakes. Daisuke had seen the bruises on Taichi's skin from disobedience many times, and that thought still frightened him more than anything. 

But Yamato reassured him, "Go on, it's okay to ask questions." 

"What... what will you be tutoring us about?" He went on quietly. 

It was Ken who answered this time, "School subjects, mainly. Reading, writing and arithmetic. As well as things you need to know about what's going on in the real world." He sounded so confident, so sure about what was going to happen, that Daisuke immediately relaxed, his eyes drawn to the one who had spoken. He jumped a little, startled, when he realized that those intelligent, violet eyes were studying himself. Daisuke felt himself flush as he quickly looked back down at his fidgeting hands. 

When Taichi didn't say anything else, Hikari asked, "So is that okay?" 

All three boys stiffened, none of them knowing what to do. What were they saying? There wasn't any choice in the matter, was there? There never had been before. Feeling beyond confused, Daisuke pulled up his knees again, a defensive action that seemed to have become a habit whenever he became afraid of something. Taichi's hand had tightened further on his shoulder until it was almost painful. He knew that his idol hadn't any more clue than himself. Were they supposed to answer? Or was it a trick? There might not be any more Masters, as hard as that was to believe, but old habits die hard. 

"What did I say?" He heard the girl whisper in amazement. He wished so bad that things hadn't become as complicated as they were now. Back at home, everything was just black and white. The Masters told them what to do and they did it. But now it was getting hard to tell what these people wanted every time they spoke. 

"Well?" Yamato asked impatiently. Daisuke could tell the blonde was the kind of person who like things done right away, and liked them done right. Master material alright. "Answer the question, Taichi." He added in an exasperated tone. 

Finally receiving a direct order, Taichi obediently answered with the most natural response in Daisuke's opinion, "Yes, Yamato-san." 

He heard Yamato curse under his breath as the blonde stood up abruptly. Now what was wrong? "Fuck, Taichi, that doesn't even mean anything! Don't you understand yet? There's no 'right' or 'wrong' answer, just whatever _ you_ want. What do _you_ think is best for you and your friends?" 

Shocked, Daisuke looked up at the frighteningly icy eyes staring back at them. "You can't ask that!" The words were out of his mouth before he could think, but once they were there was no taking them back. Completely terrified at his disputing exclamation, Daisuke cringed back and waited for the storm to break out. 

Silence filled the room as everyone stared at him, causing him to shiver at the force of their gazes. Finally Ken whispered, his voice filled with awe, "Did you just say what I thought you said?" 

Slowly becoming numb with terror, Daisuke nodded only out of habit. He couldn't believe what he had just done. Now he was in for it. He was going to be locked up again, in a small dark room. All by himself. They would take him away from Taichi and Takeru! He didn't want to be locked up, he hated being alone in the dark. It was horrible the first time, but to be put back there in that damned closet would be the end for him. 

"Taichi! What's wrong with him?" Yamato snapped as the other two looked on in awe at the shaking, crying boy. Daisuke couldn't stop the terrified tears that leaked down his cheeks, feeling himself quaking in the Taichi's arm. He didn't want to go back to the dark room, no... he wanted to stay with his brother! 

"He's scared because... because you're going to punish him for... disagreeing with you. He's scared of being alone." Taichi's voice sounded scared itself as he could do nothing but hold onto his little brother. 

"Well tell him that he's not _going_ to be punished!" The blonde growled, "We're not like that! How many times do we have to tell you that?" 

"Yamato, shut up. They still not used to being out of that place." Ken's voice reached through the deafening roar in Daisuke's ears as he waited for someone to strike out at him. Suddenly he felt the other come closer to him, "Daisuke? It's okay, we're not going to hurt you in any way. I won't _let_ anybody hurt you, alright?" 

Blinking away the tears that blurred his vision, Daisuke stared with wide eyes at the boy kneeling in front of him. He wouldn't let anybody hurt him? With a sniffle, he wiped his eyes, still hugging his knees in tight desperation. "Th-then... you w-won't put me i-in... in the d-da-dark r-room?" He shivered, curling up further at the thought of it. 

"No, no Daisuke. We won't do that. We don't want to hurt any one of you." The smile on Ken's face was sad as he watched the three of them huddle together. "Now, there's nothing to be afraid of, okay? We're only here to help." 

"That's right," Hikari added from where she was still standing beside the bed. "Now why did you say that to Yamato? I'm just curious, you don't have to answer if you don't want to." 

Daisuke didn't know how to answer. He still felt slightly in shock, but the warm eyes across from him helped to relax him somewhat. "'Chi?" Daisuke whispered, looking up at his brother's face with imploring eyes, hoping that the older boy would come up with the answers. 

Ignoring the others, Taichi shyly looked over at Yamato and cleared his throat nervously. "He's sorry, Yamato-san." 

"Sorry?" Yamato looked back at them with surprise, before slowly shaking his head. He sighed and sat back down on the edge, "Well, he shouldn't be. All we want to know his _why_ he said it. I'm not mad, just curious, like Hikari said." 

"Well... it's because..." Taichi paused, searching for the appropriate way to explain. Daisuke just hoped that he didn't offend them even further with the explanation. "It's never mattered... what we think. Our Masters... they didn't like us to... to have thoughts." 

"Oh... of course." Ken responded quietly, sounding depressed. "It's not like that anymore, you know..." 

"Because... you're not... like our Masters...?" Takeru's quiet voice surprised them all, and Daisuke peeked around Taichi to find his best friend staring at the other blonde. 

Yamato's eyes widened a bit, "That's right... Exactly." 

The younger blonde nodded slightly, his cerulean blue eyes turning to meet Daisuke's own cinnamon ones. They stared at each other with wide eyes, slowly figuring out what the others had been telling them all along. Then together they looked up to Taichi who was staring between the two of them with a dumbfounded expression. Finally he asked the question that was now on all three of their minds, "So what do we do now?" 

"Now you do anything you want," Hikari smiled as they turned as one to look at her. 

Daisuke frowned as she said this, not quite able to let the idea of freedom become real in his mind. Once again the thought of not having someone to guide them scared him. This couldn't be right... could it? Still unsure, Daisuke turned back to his brother and sat up to whisper in his ear. Taichi blinked at him as he pulled away, then looked at Yamato uncertainly. "Um... Yamato-san..." 

"Yamato. Remember? Just Yamato is fine." The blonde corrected him softly. Startled, Daisuke looked at Yamato, noticing how the older teen was staring at Taichi with a strange look in his eye. Not really sure what to make of it, Daisuke shrugged the implications away. Yamato had _said_ that he wouldn't hurt them, so he would never take Taichi away, what a silly thought. 

Taichi just nodded, "R-right... Yamato. Yamato... you mentioned... earlier, you mentioned lunch?" Daisuke's stomach growled just at the thought of food. But according to his calculations, it was between meals right now. They shouldn't be able to eat for another four or five hours. 

Yamato, Ken and Hikari looked surprised over this, staring at the three with disbelief. Suddenly Ken laughed out loud, causing Daisuke to flinch back from the sound. Hikari giggled with him, and even Yamato chuckled a little. Personally, he didn't see what was so funny about this whole thing. 

"Man, I had forgotten about that," Yamato answered sheepishly, grinning at them. "We were headed to the kitchen when you met us in the hallway," He explained to the other two. 

"Well then, why don't we go grab something to eat. We'll talk more about this at the table," Ken suggested, standing up. He beckoned to Daisuke and his friends, "Come on then, we'll see what we can scrounge up." 

With wonder filling him up, Daisuke let himself be pulled away with Taichi, and followed the others out of the room. They had all suddenly seemed so friendly. How strange that they would just agree so quickly with his suggestion, especially knowing the time. But he wasn't about to complain, that was for sure. He really was hungry. 

'It's like Heaven,' Daisuke thought to himself as he happily sat down at the table between Ken and Taichi, while watching Hikari beg her mother to make them all a big lunch. 'Exactly how I'd imagine Heaven to be like. It's all just too perfect.' 

=-=-=-=   
  
It was almost dark by the time the three visitors of the Yagami household took their leave. The sky had grown cloudy since the morning and now the grey clouds above looked ready to burst. A strong wind had also sprung up out of nowhere, tearing its way rudely through the three figures as they made their way down the street. The weather amazed Takeru as he fought to keep up with the other two boys on either side of him, he had never really had the chance to be outside for very long before. Everything seemed so alive, so wild and free compared to the bleak grey walls that he was so used to. Soon enough though, he couldn't wait to make it back to the apartment, his body shivering as another gust of chilly air swept through him. 

A lot of new and enlightening ideas had been learnt that day. For one, Takeru now knew that Yamato, Ken and all the rest of the people he had met in the past couple of days had no intention of hurting him. He still didn't quite understand the reason for moving in with the Ishida's in the first place, but at least they weren't planning on using him. That had to have been one of the most incredible things Takeru had heard of in a long time. Not only did he get all kinds of free things, such as clothing and food, but he did not have to earn it like he had had to at home. It might not last that long, but he was sure going to take advantage of the time off while he had it. 

He thought back on the past few hours, feeling happy as he remembered the joy of finding his two best friends in the strange house. It had been so nice to see Taichi and Daisuke again, especially after the fear and loneliness he had been feeling at the thought of never being able to be with them again. He had immediately been comforted and felt better with their support as the other teenagers in the room had tried to explain the situation to them. The hardest part of the day had been leaving them once again. The blonde had almost cried at the thought of losing them again so soon, not feeling as though he could stand it without them. But then Yamato had promised him that they would come back. He would see them again, almost everyday even. The entire view of the future had brightened considerably after that. 

Takeru was snapped out of his thoughts as he stepped out of the cold air and into the warmth of the apartment building. He waited for the other two to get ahead a little in order to follow even though he had easily memorized which apartment belonged to the Ishida family. Even if he was not expected to act so submissive, he still felt nervous when doing something that went against what he had been taught. 

They walked into the apartment together and Takeru made sure to take off his dirty shoes like the others were doing before following them to the living room. So far he hadn't really been paying much attention to where he was going, just letting his instincts guide him. It was much more interesting to study the details of the apartment, noticing the little things around him that gave clues as to what kind of place he was living in. Such as the small framed photo, hanging in the short hallway, that held the face of a young woman. She had a very pretty smile, shoulder length chestnut hair framing her features as she stared at the camera with a careless grace. Takeru wondered who she was, why he hadn't met her yet. It was obvious that she was important, seeing as there were very few pictures to begin with in the apartment, but so far nobody had mentioned her to him. 

Masaharu Ishida was in the living room when they reached it, causing Takeru to fall back into his respectful stance out of habit. The older adults made him especially nervous now as they were the ones with the power to make him do their bidding. The elder man immediately stood up from the couch and approached Takeru, "Did you have fun at the Yagami's, Takeru?" He asked after greeting the others, placing a gentle hand on the blonde's shoulder. Not quite sure how to react to this, Takeru only nodded shyly. "That's good..." Takeru could feel Masaharu's eyes on him, studying him, causing him to feel uneasy. "It's still so... unreal..." The older man whispered to himself, startling Takeru from his earnest interest in his shoes. Without thinking, he glanced up, meeting the father's kind eyes. As they held each other's gazes for a few moments, Takeru tried hard to place the strong sense of familiarity he was feeling, as if he had seen those eyes before. But that fleeting sense was lost before it was even fully formed and their connected gazes broke apart. 

With a small sigh, Masaharu pulled away and quietly asked, "Did you boys have dinner over there?" 

"Yeah, Hikari's mother invited us to stay. Did you still want me to make something for you though?" Yamato answered, tiredly leaning against a wall. Suddenly feeling exhausted himself, Takeru let out a loud unintentional yawn. Embarrassed, he covered his mouth, but was reassured that he had done nothing wrong as the others just smiled at him. 

"No, that's okay. I can see you're all probably ready for bed." Masaharu replied. "Go on then, I'm just going to watch some television before I go to bed myself." 

Takeru only wondered if this was a definite dismissal for a second before Ken gently took his arm and led him to their room. Yamato trailed behind, taking over Takeru as Ken took a turn into the bathroom. Feeling at ease for the first time in quite awhile, Takeru sleepily leaned against the older boy without much thought. He felt the body tense for a moment before an arm carefully slid around his shoulders, "Don't fall asleep yet, Takeru. You need to change first," Yamato whispered as he led the younger blonde to the bed. 

"Change?" Takeru mumbled, looking around in confusion. What did he need to change into? A minute later he saw the other teen hold up a large t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. Oh... right. He had forgotten about that. Back at... well, what had used to be home... they had always just worn the same clothing, night and day, only switching to clean ones once in awhile. And besides that, all the clothing had been meant to show off as much bare skin as possible - very short shorts with a loose t-shirt that ended just above the belly button. He had gotten used to those, only hating it when it got cold in his room. But now he was allowed to where all kinds of other clothes. His special favorite at the moment was a large black sweatshirt with a hood that Yamato had given him which kept him so warm and comfy. 

"You can sleep in the bed tonight," said Yamato once he had finished changing into the comfortable night clothes. 

Surprised, Takeru looked over at the bed, knowing that it was very soft from when he had sat on it earlier. Compared to his old bed, sleeping on this would be like heaven. But... "I... I can't... It's yours and..." He didn't want to take away from this one person that had been so kind to him. That just wouldn't be right. 

Yamato only waved this away and nudged the hesitant boy to the bed, "Don't worry about it, I'll kick Ken off of the sofa." 

"Gee, thanks..." Ken muttered sarcastically as he entered the bedroom. 

"No problem," Yamato grinned, "You love the floor anyway, just admit it." 

Takeru watched worriedly as the two bickered back and forth while getting ready for bed, but soon realized that it was all in good nature. They were good friends, that much was obvious. In the end, Ken had managed to win the small debate over the sofa with the excuse that he was the guest. Yamato just grumbled something unintelligible as he crawled into the sleeping bag, once again urging Takeru to get into bed. 

Uncertainly, Takeru crawled across the mattress and pushed back the covers before relaxing under them. He sighed as he comfortably sank into the mattress, wondering why he had never gotten the chance to do this before. Why was the home he was used to so different from this place? Everything seemed completely opposite, but so much better here. It was an enigma for sure.   
  
=-=-=-=

(A/N) Well, that's it for this chapter, more to come... whenever I get the time and energy... *cringes at the thought of all those exams to study for* shoot... well, I'll get going on it as soon as possible anyway. Thanks for reading, and review if you enjoyed it or have any more ideas :) 


	6. Understanding

**(A/N)** Hellllooooooo.... Remember me? Wow, it's been like at least a month now but I finally managed to find time to finish this part up! *cheers* I can't wait until summer, then I'll have so much more time to write. Well, anyway, so far it looks like this is definitely turning Yamachi, sorry to any of you hardcore Taito fans but its completely impossible to make it that way now... And I doubt this is going to turn into a threesome now either with Daisuke, Ken and Takeru, so it'll probably turn out more Hikeru maybe. Hmm, anythinge else? No? Then on to the fic we go! ;D  
  
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one other person." _  
-Vi Putnam   
  
Part 6 - Understanding   
  
A high pitched buzzing filled the air at the same time as it did every school morning. Snapped out of sleep by this horrid noise, Hikari jerked up while at the same time accurately slapping down a hand on the off button of the alarm clock. Fortunately she had always been the type that found it easy to get up in the mornings. Blinking away the last of the sleep, the fourteen year old brunette stretched and let out a relieved moan as she felt her muscles loosen. For another few minutes she just sat on her bed, trying to remember what day it was today. Monday... right. And that meant school. 

Hikari groaned at the thought of that, but got out of bed without anymore delay. Quickly she dug through her closet until she found a nice purple and white T-shirt with a pair of jean shorts, ran a brush through her hair, then ran over to the telephone sitting on her desk. The first thing she needed to do before going anywhere was to find out what Yamato was planning to do with his brother. She dialed the number by heart and listened to the ringing on the other end. It rang... and rang... and just when she thought that nobody was home, she heard the click of someone picking up. 

"Hello?" She finally asked when only silence greeted her, "Is that you, Yamato?" 

"Uh... No, h-he's..." The voice trailed off, but Hikari immediately recognized it from the day before. That quiet, hesitant tone, so dejected that it almost hurt her to hear him speak. 

She smiled as she pictured the confused look on his face, "Takeru! How are you? It's Hikari, 'you remember me? From yesterday?" 

It took Takeru a few seconds to answer, but at least this time there was familiarity in his voice. "Yeah... I... I 'member. I'm okay." 

"That's good to hear," Something was strangely off, and it took Hikari a moment to think of it. "Takeru, what are you doing answering the phone?" It was strange because she knew that they had practically no experience with these types of machines at all. She had been watching Taichi and Daisuke and had noticed that everytime the phone had rung they had jumped at the sound. They hadn't shown any sign of recognition when she had shown them what it was, and really wouldn't come near it anyway. 

"Yamato-san, he... he told m-me to... Ken-san's not here, so..." He sounded scared now, as if he wasn't sure what he was doing. 

"Oh, it's okay! I didn't mean that you shouldn't. Where is Yamato anyway?" She frowned, reminding herself that it was important to watch what she said to these boys. They took things the wrong way very easily. 

"Um... in the shower. I... I don't know if..." Once again he stopped without finishing his sentence. Obviously he was still unsure of the whole telephone business himself. Oh well... at least it seemed he had made some progress. 

"That's okay, just tell him to give me a call back when he gets out, alright? Tell him it's important." She reassured him. 

"A-alright... I will." 

"Thank you, Takeru. I'll talk to you later. Bye!" When she didn't hear any response, she shrugged and hung up. He had probably nodded anyway, forgetting that she couldn't see him. 

Hikari left the room and walked down the hallway to the bedroom that Taichi and Daisuke were sharing. She supposed that she should at least ask them what they thought they wanted to do today while she was at school. Although they would probably only wait for her to tell them what to do. So far they didn't seem to have much knowledge of the concept of free-will. It was so sad to see the way they flinched away from everything, unused to the new freedom they had. 

When she peeked into their room, the first thing she noticed was that once again the top bed of the bunk beds had gone unused. The two boys were lying on the bottom one, curled up together in a protective fashion, as if they were trying to seek comfort in the other. Just getting them to sleep there had taken a lot of encouragement as they were so certain that they didn't deserve anything softer than the floor. 

With a small smile at the adorable sight, Hikari backed out once again, unable to wake them up when they looked so peacefully deep in sleep. She knew that neither one slept very well, especially Daisuke who had woken up every night so far from nightmares. His panicking screams seemed to tear the very insides out of her, making her wish that there was _something_ she could do to get rid of the awful past they had had. Maybe with time he would heal. That was all she could hope for at the present. 

Her mother was in the kitchen when she arrived, setting out some cereal and toast for breakfast before school. She looked up as Hikari sat down at the counter, giving her a bright smile, "Good morning, Hikari. Eat your breakfast quick, it's getting late." The older woman kept glancing toward the hallway with a worried expression. 

Just as Hikari finished her last bite of toast, the telephone rang. "It's for me, Mum." She grabbed the phone before her mother could say anything and headed for the living room, "Moshi moshi. Yamato?" 

"Yeah, me. So what's up?" The unmistakable low voice greeted her from the other end, sounding just as irritated over something or other as usual. 

"That's what I wanted to ask you. What are you doing with Takeru today when you go to school?" She asked, sitting down on the couch. He couldn't just leave the young, confused boy alone as it was almost a sure thing that their father had work today. He rarely got a full day off, much to his distaste as it meant he couldn't spend more time with his children. 

"I'm not going to school today. Ken will be coming back here after he's reassured his parents that his grades are still exceptionally high." He paused, and Hikari could hear the noise of pans and cutlery informing her that he was preparing breakfast. Even after all these years she was amazed at his skills in the kitchen. Just thinking of some of his dishes set her mouth watering. "Oh yeah... we wanted to know if we could take Taichi and Daisuke out for the day. I've just realized that Takeru has absolutely nothing of his own over here, except for some shitty scraps of clothing of which I've already taken the liberty of throwing in the trash." 

To Hikari that sounded like a wonderful idea. As much as she wanted to, there was no way she could miss school today. Not with a huge science project to present and a test in math. This would solve the problem of Taichi and Daisuke staying home by themselves when they obviously weren't ready for that yet. "Just hold on a sec," She told him, getting up to poke her head back in the kitchen. "Mum? Yamato wanted to know if it'd be alright to take the boys shopping today. They're taking the day off from school." 

"Oh, that's perfect. I was wondering what I'd do with them. My boss wouldn't allow me any more leave, and your dad won't get home until this afternoon. What a good idea." Yuuko consented, her expression showing her relief at this information. 

Hikari ducked back in the room before relaying the answer to Yamato. "So that's great. Tell Ken to stop by here on his way back for them. And this afternoon, after school, bring them all here and we'll start thinking of a way to teach them what they need to know. Sound good?" 

"Uh huh. Takeru's been dying to see his friends again. I'll give Ken a call to tell him what's happening. It'll be a good opportunity to show them the city anyway." He replied, perking up a little. Although his voice was still unnaturally unemotional. 

"Good! Well, I better get going if I'm going to make school on time. Come by afterwards." 

"Yeah, see you." 

She hung up, feeling much better about actually having somewhere for her brothers to go now. When she went to check on them again before leaving, deciding that it would be best if they were up by the time Ken came to get them, she found the two boys already sitting up in bed. Two pairs of eyes settled on her together, widening in surprise at her unannounced entrance before flickering back down to the floor. "Good morning," Hikari greeted them cheerfully in spite of their silent ways. 

"'morning Hikari," Taichi responded, hesitantly standing up while tugging the smaller boy with him. Already they were getting used to doing some things without being told to, and this did not escape her notice. 

She decided it was time to wipe those glum looks from their faces, "Guess where you two are going today?" Hikari asked while tugging a couple of her dad's old t-shirts and pants out of the closet. This clothing was the best they had been able to do at the moment so she was very happy that they would be going shopping for something more their size and style today. 

"Um... where...?" The brunette was the one to answer again. Daisuke was still staring around a bit groggily, not quite awake yet. The younger boy was leaning heavily against his older 'brother', blinking against the morning light, but still having the sense to avoid speaking or staring. No doubt he'd learned that at the whore house, she thought with disgust directed at the people who had done this to these poor boys. 

Pushing the unsettling thoughts from her mind, Hikari brought the clothes over to them, handing them a set each. "Well, Ken and Yamato offered to take you and Takeru out in the city today." The sudden perks in their expressions were very obvious as the familiar names were mentioned. She had to smile again at this, wondering at the way these two had already seemed to attach themselves to certain people. She was sure that in no more than a month they would be completely at ease with her and her friends. "Well, I better get to school now. Get dressed and go out to the kitchen for breakfast, then Ken will be here to pick you up. Sound good?" 

All she got in response was two slightly dazed stares, their expressions still showing their confusion at having any say in the situation. Knowing that it was quite useless at this point to try to explain any further about their freedom, Hikari just let out a small sigh and left the room. She hoped desperately that they would learn soon that it was alright to have their own opinion, that they were allowed to say what was on their mind and that others would listen without hurting them. Maybe they would loosen up a bit once introduced to real life in the city. Yamato and Ken better take pretty darn good care of her brothers today, or else... 

=-=-=-= 

The bedroom door slammed shut as Yamato stomped across the room and fell onto the sofa. The tall blonde was shaking and he clenched his hands in his lap to try to stop it, but the anger and guilt that raged inside of him made it impossible to stay still. To say that he was having a bad morning would be a horrible understatement. 

It had all started with the phone call that had woken the three boys up that morning. Yamato had stupidly answered it and for the next twenty minutes he had had to listen to Ken's mother throw a screaming fit about the way he had been 'a terrible influence on her poor son, causing his grades to drop and leading him into the rebel life of drugs, girls and parties.' That accusation alone had been enough to blind him with rage, but he had somehow managed to hold it back, if only for the sake of his brother and best friend. When she had finally hung up on him, with a threat about what she'd do if he didn't _allow_ Ken to go home this very minute, he had calmly turned around and told Ken to do as he was told. The bluenette must have seen Yamato's real emotions in his face and had immediately headed out the door with a promise to come back as soon as possible. 

After that it had only gotten worse. Takeru, who was very sensitive to the emotions of those around him through long experience, had sensed the anger in his older brother. It hurt... it hurt so fucking bad to see the young boy cringe away from his every movement. Afraid of being hurt, Takeru had gone straight back to his past behavior, naming Yamato 'Master' once again. That had been the last straw. After burning breakfast, something he hadn't done in years, the enraged teenager left the younger blonde at the table and took refuge in his room. 

Fuck... what the hell was _wrong_ with him?! He couldn't stop shaking, couldn't stop the helpless feeling taking over his mind. It was that feeling that got to him more than anything else. He hated knowing that he could do nothing, he _needed_ to be in control of the situation. But... but he _couldn_'t do anything for Takeru... his otoutochan... 

Suddenly he realized he his fingers were grasping at his pockets, unconsciously searching for the escape that wasn't there. "'Kuso!" He cursed softly, jerking back his hands as if they had been burned. A wave of despair crept through him as he stared absently around the room. What was he going to do? He didn't want to hurt Takeru even more, but he was so afraid... no, he was _terrified_ that somehow his little brother would disappear again. 

"Yama...?" His head jerked up out of his hands as the slight figure of his best friend entered the room. Shit, when did he get here? "What's going on?" 

Yamato winced at the heavy concern in the other's eyes, knowing that Ken was going to start pestering him until he found out what was wrong. Struggling to push away the anguish inside of him, he looked away, "I don't know what you're talking about." His hand twitched, aching to find something to help take away the pain. 

"You do." Ken stated, slowly walking over to him until he was standing directly in front of the blonde. "Takeru's scared out of his mind out there, you know. He won't even speak to Taichi or Daisuke." 

"I..." He had done it again, hurt his brother without meaning to. "Go away," He muttered, turning further to the side, feeling the familiar empty ache settle in his stomach. "You take them." 

There was a moment of silence as Ken's gaze bore into him. "Why?" He finally asked, his voice neutrally low. "You were the one who suggested it in the first place, why the sudden change?" 

With a blink, Yamato looked up at his friend and met the glare eye for eye, "Because." was all he said, standing up so as not to have to look up. 

Suddenly Ken seemed to snap, "You _baka_! So you're just planning to hide out here in your room, feeling sorry for yourself?! You're going to let some past mistake scare you out of fixing things around here?" How had he known? Yamato stared at him with wide eyes, feeling the shock and denial rise. 

"I am _not_ hiding!" He muttered without conviction, his legs giving way beneath him so that he was forced to sit back down. His mind was just a mess of conflicting emotions. 

Ken snorted, "You don't fool me for a second, Yamato Ishida. I've known you much too long now." When the blonde said nothing in return, he sighed and sat down on the sofa as well. There was silence for a while as both were unwilling to be the first to speak. No sound came from the rest of the apartment either, making it seem as if they were the only two there. After a few minutes of this, Ken finally spoke in a quiet voice, not looking at the other, "Think of them, Yama, if not of yourself. They need to get out and I don't think I can take all three myself. I... I'm just as afraid as you are... that we might make some mistake, but... we need to at least try." 

The quiet words took a moment to settle into the older teenager as he thought them over. Then he turned his head slightly, "Ken, do you think... do they have a chance? Will they ever be able to forget?" 

Thoughtful violet eyes gazed back into his own, filled with a type of solid belief. "They won't ever forget," he replied softly, "But if we do our best to help them through this, they might be able to at least put it all behind them." 

After another moment, Yamato nodded with satisfaction. He stood up and looked down at his friend, "Alright, I'll try then. For the three of them." 

Ken also rose to his feet, smiling slightly at the taller boy, "That's the Yamato I know and love. I guess we should go ease them of their anxiety now, huh?" 

"Yeah, I did leave Takeru out there pretty abruptly." Yamato smiled back, a bit sheepishly. His own anxiety had seemed to disappear altogether. He didn't know how, but Ken had always been able to do that to him. To anyone, as a matter of fact. He shook his head in slight amusement over Ken's knack of calming down even the most violent person. Incredible. 

The scene that met the two boys as they once again entered the living room was almost not surprising but still quite shocking to their inexperienced minds. The young blonde was on his knees in the center of the room, his head bowed while the long golden bangs covered most of his face. He was trembling, obviously anticipating some sort of punishment for something that wasn't his fault. The other two, his friends, were standing off to the side. Their eyes were focussed on the floor, doing nothing to help. 

Yamato took all this in with one painful sweeping glance, knowing that the silence was because of him. He had let himself lose control and therefore he was the one to blame for causing his brother to feel fear. How was it that somehow he always managed to hurt someone close to him? "Gomen nasai..." He finally whispered, not knowing what else to say. 

Those two simple words of apology somehow spread massive confusion through the three young teens. Taichi and Daisuke seemed to choke slightly, turning identical wide eyes upon a startled Yamato. Takeru raised his own cerulean eyes toward him as well, looking lost and afraid. Yamato suddenly felt the urgent need to escape from the weight of all their staring eyes, hating to suddenly be the center of attention in such a way. The only thing that kept him there was the comforting, yet firm hand against his back, preventing him from moving. "Takeru?" 

The boy quivered for a second, bowing his head once more, "Ya-Yamato-san?" 

"I... I didn't mean to get mad... it wasn't anything to do with you. Could you... forgive me?" Yamato asked slowly, not used to saying those words. He had never been good at this sort of thing. All he wanted to do was get this over with and have Takeru start to trust him again. 

For the second time the startled blue eyes peered up at him, hardly able to understand the question. It was obvious that the young boy had been thinking that _he_ should be the one apologizing here. "I...I..." Takeru glanced around wildly, seeking out his friends for guidance while Yamato silently hoped that he would just say something. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Taichi shrug uncertainly at Takeru's questioning stare. 

"Please?" Yamato tried again, slowly walking over to kneel in front of his brother. For some reason he craved the forgiving words, wanted to know that everything was alright between them again. "I'm not like a... a Master. I want to... to be your friend like Taichi and Daisuke. That's all." 

"Really?" Takeru gasped, staring for all he was worth. The thought of being friends with this awe inspiring older teen had never crossed his mind. 

"Well... Yeah. We're brothers." That was something that Yamato wasn't sure that Takeru knew, and judging by the other's expression he was right. From beside them came a startled squeak and Yamato looked over to find the brunette and red head gaping at him. "What?" 

Taking that as a sign that they could now talk, Taichi stammered, "You... You're b-brothers? R-really?" 

"Like me an' Taichi?" Daisuke added in disbelief, hugging his companion's arm as if in demonstration. 

Yamato blinked, taken aback by the surprise that his statement had caused. "Uh... yeah... like you two, I suppose, 'though by blood. Didn't I already mention that to you Taichi?" 

"I... That's right but... I thought you meant..." The brunette trailed off, looking away again as his cheeks burned red. Yamato didn't think he even wanted to know what the other had thought. 

"We... we are?" Takeru hesitantly asked, finally finding his voice again. "You're my... my oniisan?" 

With a smile, Yamato nodded. He felt elated at the spark of interest in those blue eyes, and the disappearing fear. "Yes, I am. You didn't know?" 

Takeru shook his head, looking dazed, "N-no... I've never had a... a b-brother before..." There was also an almost desperate hope contained in his expression, hope that this was all true. 

"So... do you forgive me?" He asked again, wondering at the new warm feeling rising up inside of him. Maybe things could work out after all. Maybe 

Takeru proceeded to stare at him for a few more minutes, his gaze searching his older brother's face to make sure that this was definitely the real thing and not a dream nor a lie. Finally he leaned back a bit, blinking shyly with his lips threatening to curve into the start of a smile. "I... I do... I forgive you, Oniisan." 

=-=-=-= 

The day was already hot when the small group left for the mall. Crowds of people filled up the sidewalks while cars barely moved on the roads, heat waves were visible above anything that got caught under the sun. Taichi hardly noticed the heat, however, too absorbed with trying to catch up with everything that had changed. His wide eyes roamed restlessly over the scenery, taking in every detail with wonder. Everything amazed him, from the extensive variety of people crammed into one little area to the way a small child was screaming in defiance at an older woman in front of one of the shops. He remembered little of the city having spent the majority of his life isolated from all of it, and what bit he might have been able to recall was always pushed fearfully to the back of his mind as memories of the Masters prevailed. 

It was all so overwhelming - the noise, the heat, the people... Gulping back the nauseous feeling rising up his throat, Taichi determinedly set his gaze in front of him where he didn't have to see so much of what was going on around him. He truly hated this. Back at the old place, before they had been taken away to this new part of the world, they had never encountered anything close to what he was seeing today. He dearly missed the cool, quiet consistency of what had been a home to him for as a long as he could remember. This... this was just terrifying, to say the least. 

Suddenly he realized that he was being spoken to. Taichi turned his head to look at the two boys beside him. Daisuke was walking between him and Ken, gazing with just as much disbelief and nervousness at the city blocks as Taichi had been. Ken was staring over at Taichi with a concerned but welcoming look, "Are you alright, Taichi? You look a little pale." 

"Yeah... I'm alright." Taichi blinked some sweat out of his eyes, wishing for a cloud to hurry up and cover the sun. "'just not used to all of this..." 

Yamato, who was walking with Takeru just ahead of the three of them, glanced back over his shoulder, "If you think this is crazy, wait until you get into the mall. All of the parents will be there while their kids are at school today." 

The thought of even more people than this was enough to send a shot of panic through Taichi. He saw both Daisuke's and Takeru's shoulders stiffen to the statement as well. "What... what's a mall?" The red head nervously asked as his grip on Taichi's hand tightened. It was difficult to even imagine how much there was to learn in this strange new life. 

Ken only smiled calmly, shrugging a little, "It is where we buy clothes and other things we want. We're going to buy you some new clothing, and maybe you'll also see other things that you like." 

"Oh..." Taichi wanted to ask how they were going to buy those things, but decided to keep his mouth shut. Didn't they have to work to earn money? And even then it was the adults who kept all of the earnings. It was the way it had always worked. But then again, everything seemed to work differently now. 

They walked the rest of the way to the mall mostly in silence except for the occasional explanation on certain sights by either Ken or Yamato. Taichi spent the walk just contemplating the strange twist of events. He watched the two ahead of him, thinking how amazing it was that Takeru actually had a brother. None of them would have ever guessed that there was so much going on outside of their own little world. It was incredible, it really was. 

Taichi wished he understood more about what was happening to him and his friends, maybe it would make this all a bit more bearable. As it was, he was having a hard time just keeping himself from falling apart in front of everybody. If only he knew _why_... 

"... an' what's that?" Daisuke was curiously pointing out objects and people to his new blue haired friend for explanations. 

Ken cheerfully answered his questions, looking as if he was enjoying the role of a tour guide. "That is a city bus. People get on and ride it to where they want to go for a small fee. We'll take it on the way back, okay?" 

"Did you hear that 'Chi?" Taichi looked down at his younger friend, almost smiling at the look of wonderment on the expressive features. "They're going to let us _ride_ the... the _bus_!" 

"Yeah, that's great Dais." Well _he_ for one was not going near that huge metal monster. He didn't know what Ken meant about riding it exactly, but he wasn't risking his life on something he had never seen before. And he wasn't letting Daisuke or Takeru risk their lives either. Not now, not ever. 

Ken was now looking over at Taichi, his brilliant violet eyes studying him very intently. Taichi looked down uncomfortably, wishing that these people would stop staring so much. It wasn't right or proper. "'Dais'?" 

"It's... it's just a nickname..." The brunette mumbled, still watching the pavement at his feet without caring about whether or not he ran into something. "Dais, Dais-chan, Suke-chan, all his nicknames. But..." 

"Suke-chan? I like that one." Ken cut in, smiling brightly. But before he could say anything else Daisuke jerked away, a frightened look on his face. Taichi was forced to stop as the redhead cringed against him, shaking his head. 

"No!" Daisuke frantically buried his face in his older friends shirt, "No, no, no..." 

The blondes in front stopped as well, turning to watch as Taichi turned and gathered the shaking red head in his arms. Ken watched as well with a confused and worried expression, "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?" 

Taichi glanced up from comforting the younger boy, "You can't call him by anything but Daisuke. Only... only our close friends can use our shortened names." He saw the hurt look in Ken's eyes, but felt nothing but anger at this kid, who was practically a _stranger_ to them, acting so familiar. The anger was only barely contained as Taichi reminded himself that he couldn't do anything against these people, and so turned his eyes back to the boy in his arms. 

"Why?" It was Yamato who asked the question this time, watching the scene with unexpressive eyes. Taichi shuddered as he felt those eyes pierce through him. 

"B-because... we don't know y-you so it means that you want... want to... fuck us." Taichi trembled as he said that, hoping very badly that that's not what they really wanted. The only people who had ever used nicknames for them were their friends or their customers. These two weren't known to them enough to be called friends, so... 

"Chikuso..." Yamato cursed softly as Ken only stared in open shock. "This is... this is just unbelievable!" 

Taichi only nodded, wishing he had not mentioned anything as he felt their incredulous stares. Takeru had, by now, edged over to him and so Taichi wrapped an arm around him as well in comfort. All three of them remained silent now, waiting for the word that the could keep going to the mall again. 

"You do know that that's _not_ what we mean, right?" Ken asked while watching the three protect themselves in the only way they knew how. Taichi nodded again, thinking it best not to say anything else to make this worse than it already was. 

People were swarming around the boys now, shoving by and grumbling at them to stop blocking the path. Because of this, the two leaders refrained from saying anything else and only motioned them to get moving again. The group remained in somber silence as they headed for the mall. Taichi sighed, hugging a boy to either side of him and feeling their frightened confusion mix with his own. The heat once again beat down upon his head, and a headache started to form while he tried to keep himself and the other two from falling behind Ken and Yamato. He hadn't mean to offend anyone with his answers, only to tell the truth. He was such a screw up. 

Five minutes later they arrived at the mall. When they entered the building, Taichi was amazed at the size of it and at how many people there were wandering around. This was a _mall_? Daisuke and Takeru both pulled away as they stared as well, their eyes wide with fascination. "Wow!" Daisuke gasped, his mouth slightly open, "It's _huge_!" 

"Yup." Ken grinned at their astonishment over something he must have been to a million times before. "It's big. It also has everything you'd ever want in it." 

"Really?" Takeru asked with awe as he took another step away from Taichi in his amazement. "Wow, isn't this great, Taichi?" 

"Uh... Yeah..." It was great, but Taichi was too busy fighting his nausea to take any real pleasure from being in something so new. At least it was cooler in here, and less humid. Damn it, he felt exhausted! What was the matter with him? 

He watched through bleary eyes as the others started further into the mall, but really couldn't get up the energy to follow them. Daisuke was the first to notice, "Hey Taichi! Come on!" The boy shouted from ahead. 

Taichi only dropped his eyes to the floor, taking a deep breath to clear his head. He was worried that he'd collapse if he tried to walk. From where he was he could hear Yamato telling the others something but it was too low to make out the words. Then he felt the blonde's presence at his side. "There's nothing to be afraid of here, if that's what's stopping you." 

Taken aback by the cold tone, Taichi closed his eyes and shook his head. "No... I... I don't feel so good..." His throat was dry and his entire body just felt drained. He wondered where the others had gone. Had they just decided to leave him? Daisuke and Takeru wouldn't abandon him, would they? With this terrible thought, Taichi frantically looked up to try and find them. He was relieved to see them not too far away, waiting for him to come to them. The quick movement, however, had caused his head to spin and he lost his balance slightly. 

Yamato kept him from falling, grabbing his arm to keep him up. "Why didn't you just say so!?" He growled, and Taichi flinched away from the tight grip. "'kuso... What's the matter then?" 

"I... I just..." Taichi gulped, feeling terrible for causing more trouble. He shouldn't be worrying them, he wasn't worth any of their attention. The last time he had been sick the Masters had been so angry with him that they locked him up in his cold room all day and only fed him hot broth until he was better. It wasn't an experience he wanted to repeat. "I'm fine, really I am. I didn't mean it, I-" 

"Stop it!" Yamato shouted, and Taichi shut his mouth with horror at how he had been babbling. The blonde glared at him fiercely, "You're not _fine_ and I don't want you to pretend to be, got it?" Taichi nodded meekly, keeping his gaze blankly on the floor as Yamato sighed and tugged him towards the other three. When they got to them Yamato said, "Why don't you take Takeru and Daisuke to one of the stores, Ken? Taichi's not feeling too well, probably from the heat, so I'm just taking him to sit down on that bench over there. Meet us back there in a bit." 

Ken agreed, "Okay. Here, get him a bottle of water, it'll make him feel better." The bluenette handed some change to Yamato and told the other two to follow. Taichi could feel the younger ones' anxious eyes on him, pleading silently with him not to separate from them, but he couldn't do anything to stop it. At least they had each other for company; all _he_ had was himself and an angry, threatening stranger. 

Yamato sat Taichi down on a bench in front of some small decorative plants. He left for only a second to buy some water before joining the apprehensive brunette. Taichi looked up in surprise as the entire bottle was handed to him by a pale hand, and found Yamato staring at him with impassive eyes. Nervously taking the bottle, Taichi quickly looked away again. The water cooled his throat and the nausea receded almost instantly, causing him to sigh with relief. After that he didn't know what to do and so silently kept his eyes on his lap. 

A few minutes went by as he rested before Yamato spoke quietly, "Are you feeling better now?" He was surprised by the small amount of concern he could hear in the other's voice. 

Taichi nodded, careful to add a verbal, "Yes Yamato-san." He wasn't sure if Yamato still wanted him to call him by only his first name anymore. The blonde hadn't seemed very friendly all day and so he decided it was best to just be careful about what he said. "Thank you, Yamato-san." 

A small sigh, "So we're back to this then, are we?" Taichi wasn't sure if he was supposed to answer, but Yamato went on anyway, "Do you just want to sit here for a bit? Daisuke and Takeru will be fine with Ken for a while." 

Sitting did sound very nice. He still felt a bit sick from the heat, and wanted only to relax for the time being. "Please, Yamato-san." 

Yamato groaned slightly, "Only if you promise to stop being so damn polite, okay?" 

"O-okay..." He quickly replied, relieved that the other didn't sound so angry with him anymore. 

With another sigh, Yamato leaned back in the bench and didn't say anything else. Taichi remained staring at the small plant in front of him. He absently wondered what a plant was doing growing in a building, but mostly tried to keep his mind blank. The thought of being so far from everything he knew constantly fought to gain recognition. It was so hard... 

"It's so hard..." Taichi blinked at the sudden echo of his thoughts and turned slightly to see Yamato leaning back and staring at the ceiling. "It's so damn hard to see you guys like this. I know that I'll never understand, but it's just as hard for me to see you like this as it is for you." 

Tears threatened to break out as Taichi watched the lovely blonde gaze upwards with such a thoughtful and regretful expression. No, they _ would_ never understand. Taken away from his home and friends, trying to keep from making mistakes in this new life, hoping that somehow he would just be able to understand how this new, strange world worked. It so fucking _impossible_! And the worst thing was that he had no one to help him through this. He comforted Takeru and Daisuke as much as he could, but there was no one to ease his own fears. This whole place was terrifying him so much but he had no way of knowing how to deal with the sudden change. 

A wave of panic crashed into him. He needed to get _home_! Not the unfamiliar building that these strangers had stuck him in, but the home that he grew up with. He needed the consistency that it provided, the rules that were all laid out so carefully for him. Yamato yelled out as he stumbled to his feet and ran. No, he had to go home... home... Kami-sama, he couldn't take this anymore! Tears blurred his vision as he ran, not even realizing that he was headed in the opposite direction from the doors that they had come in. Terror sped him as he dodged around a corner. He couldn't hear the the yells anymore over the pounding of blood in his ears. His dirty shoes pounded madly over the tiled floor and long brown bangs swept across his vision. It was only when he tripped over his shoelace that he came crashing down the to floor, bruising his knees and bringing the spinning world around him to a halt. 

"Oh fucking, bloody hell! Taichi!" He lay there, curled up in a tight ball, gasping for air like a dying fish as Yamato sped to a crashing stop beside him. "Why'd you run!? Kami, why? What the _fuck_ is you problem!?" The blonde sounded almost hysterical, shaking as he too fought for breath. 

The tears finally overflowed, pouring down tanned cheeks as Taichi sobbed into the floor. He was so stupid, so foolish, so... so... Why did everything always turn against him? What had he done to deserve this!? So alone... 

Yamato seemed to finally catch his breath, falling to his knees beside Taichi, "Oh, don't cry, please don't cry. I... What do you want me to do?" 

"Go away... go away...goawaygoawaygoaway..." The pressure that had been building up inside of Taichi for the past week finally caused him to snap, confused anguish overwhelming his mind. "GO AWAY!" He screamed, clutching his head between his hands. 

A small crowd started to form around the two teenagers, but neither one of them noticed. Yamato was staring in shock, his mouth open and eyes wide. Obviously he hadn't been expecting this. For a moment they were both still, except for the occasional mutter of 'go away' from Taichi. Then Yamato hesitantly reached over and lay a hand on Taichi's shoulder, "Taichi, calm down. It's... It's not that bad. You just don't understand..." And that was the entire problem from the very beginning. He _didn_'t understand. He wanted to, but he _couldn't_. "But... but I'll help you, if you want me too." 

That was so unexpected that Taichi lifted his head and blinked with confusion, tears forgotten. Then he saw the amount of helpless fear, worry and guilt in the deep blue eyes staring back at him. "H-help?" He shivered, blinking away tears, but was too afraid to move. 

"Yes, help." Yamato replied, relief evident at this sane response. "I'll help you as much as I can. I... I know I seem kind of cold and... and horrible but I'm still dealing with the thought of you three and all of those other kids being put in this position in the first place. It's difficult for me, you must understand that, but I do want you to make this place your home again." 

Feeling considerably more reasonable now, Taichi sat up slowly. He gazed hopefully at the pale face across from him, finding comfort in the hand that was still resting on his arm. Maybe he wasn't so alone... Without a word he crumbled against Yamato's chest, hugging him desperately. Yamato's arms hesitantly went around his back, relaxing slightly while allowing Taichi to rest his forehead against his shoulder. "It's okay... We'll help you, Taichi. Just give us chance, okay?" 

Taichi relaxed as well, allowing the warmth from the other teen to seep into him. He tightened his grip, feeling almost at ease for the first time in so long. "'k, Yamato." After a sniff and a sigh, he allowed Yamato to help him up on to his feet. There they stood, staring at each other. Taichi didn't even notice that he was staring directly into the other's eyes without feeling even slightly uncomfortable about it. 

For a moment Yamato smiled sincerely at him, whispering softly as the crowd finally faded away. "Just hang in there, Taichi. I know you can do it. Hold on for Daisuke, Takeru and all the rest of us." Taichi nodded uncertainly, unable to look away until Yamato turned them back to where they had come from. They strolled silently down the mall, Yamato's arm resting comfortably around Taichi's shoulder while the brunette marveled over the kindness that Yamato was showing him so unexpectantly. He sighed contentedly and laid his head gently on the slightly taller boy's shoulder. Yamato only tensed for a moment before relaxing again and hugging Taichi a bit closer. Taichi gratefully closed his eyes and let Yamato guide him back to the others. 

_'Maybe I'm not so alone after all.'_   
  
=-=-=-=

(A/N) Dun, dun, dun! To be continued! Yup, Yamachi for sure by the looks of that last part, oh well, as long as Taichi and Yamato end up together who cares about anything else!? I'll try to get the next part up sooner, but I'm not making any promises now with so much between school, job searching, and getting ready for Uni. Any ideas and comments will be greatly appreciated! Ja! ^_^   
  
  
  
  
  



	7. So Close, And Yet So Far

**(A/N) ***singing Happy days are hear again!!!* Yay! ff.net is FINALLY up and running again, for now at least! I was starting to go into fanfic withdrawal, but everything is good again! Ah, another fanfic part finished and with school over I'll probably have a lot more time to write now. Soooo... I don't think there's any new warnings for this part... have fun ^_^  
  
**State Of Mind**  
  
"The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."  
-_Allan K. Chalmers_  
  
Part 7: So Close, And Yet So Far  
  
It had been quite an amusing day full of surprises but with very few mishaps. Ken's first real shock of the day had been when the two older boys had returned to them in the mall. It was a shock because he had never seen Yamato seem to care about anything much at all, but here he was holding Taichi with a protective arm as they slowly made their way through the crowds. The blonde hadn't strayed more than a few inches from the bushy haired brunette the entire trip and Ken had caught the worried, guilty glances from those normally expressionless blue eyes. Something had happened while they had been separated for those few moments in the morning, but Ken was planning to dig the information out of his best friend later when they were alone. Taichi, on the other hand, had seemed to relax considerably in the musician's silent company. Even Daisuke and Takeru had appeared to notice the difference. 

The trip to the mall had been very productive and a welcoming adventure to the three awed boys who had never seen the like of it before. That had been the amusing part, watching them gawk at all of the objects being sold while trying not to seem as if they were staring. At first they had stayed in a tight group, none of the three willing to separate from one another. But as the day wore on they had eventually relaxed enough to join in with the shopping. Neither Takeru, Daisuke or Taichi dared to ask for anything, but it had been easy to tell by their longing looks what they wanted most. And by the end of the trip, the group of five had exited the mall victorious, each of them carrying as many bags as possible until they could barely walk. It was a good thing that Hikari's mother had told them to spend whatever they needed on her credit card. 

At the moment they were walking home, despite Yamato's annoyed grumbles from behind. It was an awkward walk with all the bags, but Taichi, Takeru and Daisuke had all been too stressed with even the thought of taking a bus home that they had had no choice but to just take the alternative. All three had almost been brought to tears when the bus had pulled up at the stop they had been waiting at, and Taichi had actually started pleading with Yamato not to make them go on. After a few minutes of mass confusion, and more than one threat from the eldest blonde, they had finally pulled out the reason from Taichi. "It'll take us a-away again! P-please... I-I don't want to... to go to more st-strangers!" Even Yamato had backed down after that. 

"Damn it! My feet are killing me!" Ken turned looked over his shoulder at Yamato's quiet complaints and almost fell over from surprise by what he saw. The blonde had now three times as many bags in his arms. On either side of him was Taichi and Takeru, wearily dragging their feet and slightly leaning against the one carrying their things with sleepy eyes. "Stop looking at me like that, Ken." 

Ken turned around again with a hidden smile, a tremendously happy feeling growing inside of him at the thought that Yamato might actually be feeling better. He had been worried the past few days that his friend's guilt over something he had no control over might be getting to be too much for him to handle. 

Daisuke was walking up front with Ken as well, peeking curiously into one of the bags in his arms. Warm, cinnamon colored eyes blinked up at Ken when they caught him watching, "Are these really for... for _me_?" He looked as if he was having trouble convincing himself that this was not just a dream. 

With a wide, unconcealed smile, Ken nodded, "Yup, all of that. Do you want me to carry it for you for a bit," He asked, as the younger boy stumbled slightly over a crack in the sidewalk. Out of all of them, Daisuke actually looked the most alert, his eyes still darting around at everything that was to be seen. 

The red head reluctantly frowned a little, hugging the bags of clothes and toys closer to his chest as he shyly shook his head. "I... I don't mind carrying them. If that's okay..." 

"Of course!" Ken said with amazement, wondering at the boy's stamina after an entire day of walking around. He'd have to ask Taichi about that as well. "We're almost home anyway." 

"I thought we'd never make it. Remind me never to go shopping with you again." 

"Yamato, stop acting like a two year old." Ken admonished his friend with stern look behind him. The blonde only snorted and glared up ahead as Taichi looked up at him with an uneasy expression. 

"Hey Ken! Yamato!" Startled by the shouts, they all looked up to see a boy with red hair running towards them from across the street. The boy, a year older than Ken, stopped when he reached them. 

Ken grinned, "Hey Koushiro, what's up?" Izumi Koushiro was another of his very good friends, especially as he was another smart genius so it was easy to hold intelligent conversations with him. Koushiro was a part of the tight circle of friends that Yamato, Ken and Hikari were part of, his easy going nature and considerate behavior making him likable to anyone at once. 

"I was heading home from school," was the reply with an indication to the green uniform that all the high school students were forced to wear, "when I spotted a couple of truants." He raised a red eyebrow questioningly at the shopping bags that they were carrying. 

"Truants, huh?" Yamato readjusted his load and stepped forward, "And this coming from the guy who skipped a day last week just to go to some silly technology convention." 

Koushiro laughed, "Okay, you have a point there. So what's going on? Somehow I don't see you two as the type to skip school for a shopping spree." Another questioning look, this time as he noticed the other three boys with him. "And who are your new friends?" 

The three in question had come together once again a few steps back, nervously watching the cement at their feet. Ken sighed, "Koushiro, meet Yamato's younger brother, Takeru. And these two are Hikari's brothers, Taichi and Daisuke." 

That seemed to shock the red head right out of words as he stared dumbfounded at them with his mouth slightly open. His almost completely black eyes glanced at the three submissive boys, then back at Ken and Yamato. Finally he took a breath, "You're kidding right? Hikari does _not_ have any brothers. And yours, Yamato, he..." 

"I know." Yamato snapped quickly, "But he's back. They found them and we're all still trying to deal with it." 

"It's too long of a story for right now, Koushiro, we'll explain when we all get together this weekend, okay?" Ken told him with a weary look. All he wanted to do right now was get to the Yagami residence and drop every bag that he held. 

With another curious look at the boys, Koushiro nodded in understanding. "Okay then, but make sure I'm around when you tell it. So you are still coming on Saturday then?" The poor boy still looked dazed from the news, but he had always been the patient type and so could wait until later to hear more. 

"Of course," Yamato replied, "Have we ever missed the get togethers yet?" 

"Actually, yes." Koushiro shot back calmly, "We all know that your band takes up a lot of your time and-" 

"Shimatta! My band! Fuck, I had completely forgot about the practice we were supposed to have yesterday night. They're going to be pissed." The blonde cut him off, stalking towards the apartment again with anger. Taichi and Takeru both glanced up, silently debating whether or not to take the chance and follow. 

"Uh... right. Anyway Ken, I was wondering if you could pick Jyou and I up at our place on saturday. His car broke down a couple of days ago." Koushiro went on as if nothing had just happened, shifting his school bag to the other shoulder without a second glance at Yamato. They were all used to his moods by now and this was nothing compared to some days. 

Ken nodded without hesitation, "No problem. We'll be taking the band's van anyway, so there should be plenty of room. I'm not surprised that his car finally stopped running though, it always looks as if it is about to just fall right apart." 

"Yeah, I'm trying to convince him to just get a new one but he's so attached to the old heap that so far I've gotten nowhere. Well, I have to get home now. Jyou has to go to this seminar tonight and he wants me to come with him." He rolled his eyes at the thought and Ken laughed at his expression. 

"Okay, we'll talk to you later then." The two friends waved and separated, Ken beckoning his three remaining companions to start walking again. They did, looking relieved that they were going home again. 

Daisuke took his place at Ken's side again, but this time dragging Taichi and Takeru to the other side of him as well. The bluenette watched as Taichi stared at Yamato's figure up ahead, the most longing and miserable expression on him that Ken had ever seen. No... that couldn't be right, could it? Could Taichi actually be having feelings for Yamato? They hardly knew each other, and after all that Taichi had been through for the last so many years it was very unlikely that he could be attracted to anybody at the moment. Of course, Yamato had been helping the boy quite a lot lately, so there could be some longing for a friend or companion at least, although that may grow into more later on. Ken shook his head at the thoughts, bemused over this new twist of things that he hadn't seen coming. 

"...Ken-san?" The hesitant, soft voice caused him to shake away the lingering speculations and turn to the red head beside him. Actually, he thought the boy's hair wasn't quite red. It was darker, like maroon maybe, or burgundy. There was no real definition to the color of Daisuke's hair and that almost bothered Ken. "Who... who was that?" 

"Koushiro? Oh, he's a good friend of ours. He is very nice, so there's nothing to worry about from him." Ken answered, tearing his eyes away from the intriguing strands of ever changing hair at his shoulder. Stupid hair. 

"Oh... I like him." Daisuke said quietly, leaning his head against his brother's shoulder. Taichi didn't even flinch, he only brought an arm around Daisuke's back in acknowledgment. 

Surprised, Ken looked over at him and watched the naturally bronzed face look up ahead thoughtfully. "Why?" 

Daisuke shrugged a little, closing his eyes slightly as if the tiring day had finally caught up with him. "Because, well..." His mouth opened as a yawn escaped. From the other side, Takeru yawned as well and also snuggled into Taichi's side as they walked. Ken knew that the minute they sat down they'd all fall asleep in an instant. "He wouldn't hurt us, I don't think." 

"What?" Ken blinked at this small reason, "How would you know?" Not that Koushiro would, of course. The computer genius wouldn't hurt a fly if he could help it. 

Taichi finally spoke, looking over at Ken from the corner of his eye, "Can't you just tell? It's just something we all can feel..." Then he sighed and turned his eyes back to the ground. 

"Oh." Ken intelligently responded. It was possible that they would be able to sense whether or not someone had evil intentions towards them after all these years, but it still didn't make much sense when considering how they had acted towards himself, Yamato and everybody else who had wanted to help them in the first place. Maybe their instinctive knowledge only worked when they were calm, or... Sadly, Ken's silent speculation of the strange matter came to a halt when they arrived at the apartment. 

By the time that Ken had followed the others through the door, taken off his shoes and made his way into the living room, Taichi, Takeru and Daisuke were fast asleep on one couch while Yamato was quietly arguing on the phone in another corner of the room. 

=-=-=-= 

*** 

"Mommy! I-I-I w-want my Mommy!" 

"Shut the fuck up, kid, you're not see'n your _Mommy_ ever again so get over it." 

"NO!" The tiny boy screamed in defiance, hate coursing through him. He had never felt hate for anybody before, but he knew that this man deserved it. The dark haired man was pulling him through a strange, almost empty building, swearing out loud every few seconds as the boy tried to fight the hold. His little arm hurt so much from the tight grip the man had on him. "MOMMY!!" 

"I said shut your trap, you brat! You better learn to do as you're told pretty damn quick or - OW! Fucking bitch! You bit me!" Suddenly the boy was sent sprawling to the ground by a large fist, his trembling lip split and a tiny stream of blood dripped down his chin. He had _never_ been hit before! Trying to keep from crying, the red headed little boy took this bit of freedom and scrambled away. The scary man cursed again and ran after him. It was only a matter of seconds before he was caught again, his short legs leaving him at a major disadvantage. "Ooh, I'm going to enjoy _your_ training, little bastard. Better get used to calling me 'Master', you're _never_ leaving this place." 

The boy whimpered as the huge hand twisted his arm, and two large tears stood out in his eyes before trailing down his cheeks. His lip hurt, his arm hurt - why were they doing this to him? He wanted his mommy so bad. 

"Hey Maud, I gotta biter here for ya!" The man tossed him casually through a door where he landed painfully on cold, hard tiles. 

Wiping away a film of tears, the boy fearfully peeked up and saw another strange man standing a few feet away from him. This man was even taller than the last one, with a completely shaved head and rings through his ears and nose. The new man smirked down at him with cold amusement, "A biter, huh? We'll soon cure you of that. Let's get started right away, I'm on a tight schedule here. Take off your clothes, kid." 

And that's where the real pain began, where his entire comforting world crashed down and formed something completely new. A new place where the pain never ended and the screams never seemed to die away. Agony... 

*** 

Daisuke's eyes flew open with a start, his arms wildly thrashing at an unseen enemy. His throat was so tight that the terrified screams were unable to make it through. It was that same nightmare again, always the same. It had been where it all started, but it couldn't be real... 

Gasping, he lay still, trying to push away the overwhelming panic. It wasn't real, it couldn't be. He would never fight against the Masters, he obeyed them with everything he had in him. Never would he disobey them, attack them... Kami, just the thought of that... 

Finally after a few minutes he realized that he was being held tightly against someone, his face buried in their shirt. Taichi... it had to be Taichi. Relieved, the red head looked up and met with a pair of wide, frightened chocolate eyes. His brother... "Dais-chan, are you okay?" 

He nodded carefully, "Y-yeah... I am." Everything was better now that he was safe; his onnichan would never let anything happen to him. Even now the scary dream was fading away to the back of his mind, where it would stay until another night came. 

"Another nightmare?" Taichi asked, not loosening his grip one bit. The older boy always worried so much about them. He hated to see anything bad happen to him and the other boys and was always ready to protect them as much as possible. 

Daisuke sighed and nodded slightly, pulling back only to find that Takeru was behind him. The other young boy's arms were wrapped tightly around him as well, sandwiching him between his two very best friends. "M'fine now." He reassured them quietly, snuggling back into Taichi's shirt where he felt safe. Safe from reality. 

The three boys whispered to each other for a while; comforting one another in quiet words. Soon, though, they went silent, drifting off as weariness overcame them once again. Taichi and Takeru were quickly asleep, but Daisuke was unable to settle his active mind. The day's excitement was slowly creeping into him again, until he was unable to push down the curiosity. Carefully he raised his head and looked around, realizing for the first time that the room was empty of everybody but them three. After listening for a bit, however, he could make out a quiet conversation coming from another room. Satisfied that nobody was around at the moment, Daisuke slipped out of the arms of his friends with practiced ease. With barely contained eagerness he crept over to where he had dropped his bags. After double checking to make sure that no one was awake or in the room, he reached for the first bag and nimbly stuck a hand in. 

There were so many things! Never in his life had he really owned anything, even his clothing had technically belonged to the Masters. But now there were all kinds of cool shirts, pants, socks and more. And they had told him that it was all for _him_! Happily the young teen held up a t-shirt in front of him, admiring the colors and design. His, all his own. Putting that down, he reached in and felt around inside the bag some more. Then his hands closed on another object which he quickly pulled out. It was two circles of framed glass attached together by a thin, black strap. He stared at them in amazement, unable to believe that this unknown item actually belonged to him. Ken had already explained what they were, _goggles_. Then _Ken_ had bought them for him. Unable to control his excitement much longer, Daisuke quickly pulled the goggles onto his head, pushing away his bangs as he did so. They fit perfectly. How cool was this! 

Joyously Daisuke set to work emptying the rest of his bags, digging through to find all of the interesting, new objects. Most of it was clothing, but there was also the odd something else thrown in. Like a flashlight that had attracted his attention, and a _watch_ that Ken had promised to teach him how to use. It was like _Christmas_! Christmas was something that a boy named Wallace had once described to him. This boy had come all the way from America when he was five only to be kidnapped while on holidays with his parents in Japan. His story about the seasonal holiday had sounded so real and so delightful that Daisuke had dreamt about it for days on end. A day where everybody got presents and lived in peace and happiness. 

Daisuke was so deep in his bliss that he failed to notice the entrance of the others. He was intently studying a large stuffed teddy bear, surrounded by his mess of presents, when there was a small giggle from behind. Horrified, he dropped the bear and jumped to his feet, staring despairingly at the kids in the doorway. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be opening his presents now, or maybe he would get in trouble for making such a mess. Miserably he dropped his gaze to the floor and waited for them to say something about how stupid he had been. 

"Oh wow, Daisuke! You just look so cute in those!" Hikari squealed delightfully as she approached him with Ken at her side. Yamato was no where to be seen, so he must have stayed in the other room. 

Confused, Daisuke peeked up and tried to figure out what she was talking about. Ken put an end to the confusion when he reached up and lightly touched the goggles that were resting in the thick reddish-purple hair on his head, "They do look good on you. So you like them?" 

"I... I do... Ken." Ken was still here! He didn't quite know why that made him so happy, but over the day he had really come to like the quiet bluenette. Like him a lot. 

Ken smiled, "That's good to hear." 

They all stood staring at each other silently then, not quite knowing what else to say. Daisuke shifted nervously as they watched him, wondering what they were expecting him to do or say. Slowly he took a step back then sank down to his knees, reaching around him to start gathering up the mess he had made. It was the only thing he could think of and he knew that they couldn't be happy about him throwing around the stuff they had just bought him. 

"Oh! Don't worry about that, Daisuke. I'll take care of it later." Hikari quickly told him, taking a pair of shorts from his hands. He stood up again, avoiding their gazes and feeling foolish for doing something before he was told. 

The awkward silence threatened to return, but Daisuke glanced over at the couch and noticed that Taichi and Takeru were now sitting up and watching them. Before they knew it, the red head scrambled over to his brother and was soon huddled on his other side, face buried in his shoulder to shut out those awful stares. "It's okay, Dais, you did fine." Taichi whispered in his ear, comfortingly rubbing his back. 

Daisuke only shook his head, denying that he had done anything that was 'okay'. At that moment Yamato came through the door and the younger boy felt his brother stiffen. Daisuke took a peek at the scene. The blonde glanced at them, before coolly raising an eyebrow at Hikari and Ken, "So're we going to find out what they know, or what? Takeru and I have to leave in an hour for dinner, so we better get going." 

"Sure, I'll go grab some books," The only girl among them said before rushing to her room. Her parents weren't back yet, and wouldn't be until later so they had a lot of time to figure out what to do. 

Yamato flopped into a large armchair as Ken asked, "Why don't you three come join me on the floor? It will be easier if we get into a small circle to see everything together." 

Daisuke waited for Taichi to agree before crawling down with Takeru. Taichi, however, didn't follow. When Daisuke turned to see the reason for this he found the older teen staring pleadingly at Yamato. Surprised, Daisuke looked over at the elder blonde. Yamato was staring back at the brunette with expressionless, cold eyes. There was silence as even Takeru and Ken watched the staring match. Takeru looked just as confused as Daisuke felt, but Ken had a knowing smirk on his face. 

Finally Yamato rolled his eyes and slid off the chair to the floor, motioning for Taichi to join him. Taichi's own eyes seemed to light up as he went over to sit next to the blonde. Daisuke felt... hurt. Why would Taichi rather go sit with that unemotional stranger than with his own brother? Trying not to show that it bothered him, he slid a bit closer to Takeru and took comfort in at least one companion he could count on. Taichi was probably just a bit confused anyway after all of the excitement of the day. 

Ken, still smirking, sat down on the other side of Daisuke. Soon Hikari joined them with a pile of books in her arms. She dropped them in the middle and joined the circle, picking up a large book with pictures on the front. "This is a good starting place," Hikari said, opening up it up. 

When Daisuke caught a glimpse of what was inside he immediately forgot about his previous scare and worries. "Are we gonna count?!" He _loved_ counting. It was one of the things he could do well, especially since it had been one of the required lessons back at his old home. 

Everyone except Takeru and Taichi turned their surprised stares on him and he shrank back uncertainly. Of course, he shouldn't have spoken out of turn. That's what always seemed to get him in trouble lately. But they didn't look angry so much as stunned. "Can you count?" Ken finally asked, looking as if he was trying to figure out some huge puzzle or something. 

"Yeah..." Takeru answered hesitantly, "Can't everybody?" 

This seemed to confound them even further. Surely they didn't think that they were _that_ stupid, did they? "But... but I thought that you hadn't been educated..." Hikari helplessly looked at them for an explanation. Oh... right, the whole education thing. 

This time Taichi decided to inform them of what was going on, "We can all count. We have to for... for money an' time and stuff. It's really important, the Masters... they _made_ us learn." 

Startled, Yamato backed up a bit to stare at them all, "Money? Time? Fuck... you mean..." He looked away uncomfortably. 

Daisuke didn't understand what they were getting so upset over. Wasn't it a good thing that they knew their numbers? It had always been important so that customers wouldn't get more than what they had paid for. And if one wanted something extra on the spur of the moment, then they would know how much to charge them. It made sense, didn't it? With a sigh, Daisuke pushed away all the confusing implications and instead focussed on what made sense, "So are we gonna count numbers?" 

Hikari blinked at him with the book still dangling limply in her hand, "Um... I guess..." She handed it over to him. 

Eagerly, Daisuke took the book and set it half on his lap and half on his friend's. Takeru and him stared at the familiar numbers. It was a strange book though, only one huge number on each page and then a picture underneath the numbers. "Hey! That's a kitty, like the one that was hanging around the food room last year." Takeru exclaimed, pointing to the picture under the number one. 

"Wow," Daisuke stared at the little drawing of the orange kitten. Taichi had crawled over to look over their shoulders, wanting to find out what all the commotion was about. "What're those thingies then?" 

"What's pictures doing with numbers?" Taichi wanted to know, reaching over to touch one of the pages. 

The other three shared amused looks before Ken told them, "It's to help beginners to count. See, one kitten... two puppies... three birds... and so on. Learning to count with animals, see?" 

"Why?" Takeru asked, staring hard at the 'birds' in a nest. It did seem strange to associate animals with numbers. And how did this help someone to add and multiply or anything? 

"Well... It just makes it easier, I suppose." Ken shrugged, moving closer to Daisuke's side in order to see better. Yamato and Hikari had shifted further in as well, curious at the amount of amazement that the pictures had produced. 

Daisuke turned the page, then grinned, "Hey 'Chi, don't those look like the pet I had a few months ago?" 

"Um... Daisuke..." Hikari wrinkled her nose, "Those are snails." 

"So?" The boy looked at her in confusion, "It was a great pet. The best, even if it was a bit slimy. It died though when someone stepped on him," He said defensively. It had been his second pet ever, the first had been an ant that Rio had found for him. Rio... for a second the remembrance of all his friends that he had been separated from sent a tremor through him, causing him to blink back tears. Quickly he turned the page, putting the memories to the back of his mind as he did with all painful things. 

Takeru whispered to him, "This is boring, it's easy stuff." 

"No shit," Taichi whispered back, overhearing the comment, "Should we tell 'em?" 

But they had already seen the looks on the three boys' faces and decided that it was time to move on. Hikari reached back into her pile and pulled out a thicker book, "Okay then, if you are so good with numbers, I want you to try some calculations." They looked at her and nodded, ready for anything. "Five plus five." 

Daisuke gaped at her. That was it? A stupid addition? Takeru groaned slightly but obediently answered for them, "Ten." They had already gone through this training, they didn't need it again. It had all been drilled into their heads quite thoroughly, and they were not bound to forget it anytime soon. Not with the type of lessons that the Masters gave. 

"Okay, just testing. Um..." She thought without even looking at the text which was obviously much more advanced, "2 x 6?" 

"Twelve," Taichi answered in a toneless voice, settling his chin on Daisuke's shoulder with a sigh. 

"Hmm... Four squared?" 

Daisuke blinked and looked up, "Squared? Why're you bringing shapes in? I thought we were doin' numbers?" 

"Ah... there we go." Ken said in a satisfied tone, "You only can do the simple math. None of the advanced or different types." 

"Well, of course," Yamato added, "They only needed to know enough to count money and figure out the time. Nothing else." 

Hikari nodded in agreement, setting down the book, "At least we have a starting point now. And we don't have to teach them from scratch, it will make it a lot easier." 

They were going to... teach them? Daisuke quivered at the thought, pulling up his knees to his chest as the memories of the past 'teachings' forced themselves into his mind. He didn't want to go through that again, all the pain that they had inflicted over every little mistake. That was how they had been taught. No cute kitty or puppy pictures, only 'this is how you do it, remember it or else.' The Masters had never hesitated in beating the lesson into them. Bruises would fade over time anyway. As long as they left no scars on their 'precious children' they could deal with them as they liked. It was for that reason that Daisuke and all of the other kids had such good memories. 

Taichi had drawn closer to the other two, hugging their shoulders in both comfort and in warning over disobeying. Not that Daisuke would even think of not doing whatever they told him to do. 'I'm sorry! Please don't hu-Aah! Sorry, sorry, sorry...' 

"We'll have to wait until another time though, Takeru and I have to get going." They were saved by Yamato's toneless comment, and Daisuke almost went completely limp with relief. He noticed Ken's concerned stare from the corner of his eye, but managed to ignore it. 

Takeru scrambled up to his feet immediately, looking as if he was trying to suppress a joyful smile as he also thought about their escape for the moment. Everyone stood up as Takeru and Yamato headed for the front doors, the older of the two picking up the shopping bags that belonged to them. Daisuke still felt a bit sick over the idea of more lessons, but he pushed it away for now. Lot's of time to worry over that later. 

=-=-=-= 

What does freedom mean? There is so many forms of freedom: the freedom of speech or thought; the condition of being free from restraints; liberty of the person from slavery, detention or oppression; political independence; civil and human rights... the list goes on and on. It is a different feeling for everyone. Some grasp at the freedom right away, able to see what it is and know what to do with it. For others, freedom is almost indiscernible. They have never tasted liberty before and so do not recognize it even when it is directly in front of their very noses. 

It was like this for Takeru and his friends - how would they know that this was what freedom was like? It seemed instead like just another cage, a larger one but with just as strong a lock as the last. There was no escape. In fact it was almost worse than his last home because at least he had known the rules there, what would hurt him and what wouldn't. Here, he had no idea. Plus, there were so many similarities between this new life and the old one. There were still rules that he had to obey, even if he didn't know them all yet. And earlier they had learned of another parallelism of the past. Once again they would have to take up lessons, and learn fast or deal with the harsh consequences. Where was the freedom in that? 

As Takeru lay in bed staring through the darkness towards the ceiling, he thought about the fairy tales that someone used to tell him about when he was younger. The storyteller had been a young girl, no more than ten years old, who had come in twice a week to wash clothes and sweep floors. The first time Takeru saw her, he knew that she was not someone to be afraid of. She had often been in his part of the building, and so while she swept out his room and gathered his dirty clothing, she would tell him wonderful tales of fantasy. And every tale would be about a certain character who defied all odds and managed to escape from some prison, or evil enchantment. The character would usually find someone to love and lived happily ever after. That's how every story ended... 'happily ever after'. 

The blonde youth sighed mournfully into the night, turning over to his side. He snuggled deeper into the quilts and tightly shut his eyes. All those dark nights and exhausting days that he had spent wishing there was some way out... and now all he wanted to do was go back. Go back to where everything was familiar. Where he didn't have to struggle to understand what was going on. But it seemed that now there would be no turning back. Not now that he had ties to this frightening world. 

The strongest tie was his brother. Brother... never in his short life had he ever dreamed of having another related to him. Someone who could watch over him, help him through the tough times. He had never wanted to admit it, but Takeru had always been a little envious of Daisuke's and Taichi's close relationship. They had each other, even going as far as to say they were brothers. But even though Takeru knew that they were his closest friends, he had longed for someone to call 'brother'. And so maybe... just maybe he would be able to learn how to live here... if Yamato helped him. 

Takeru opened his eyes again as a quiet snort was heard from across the room. He could barely make out the black shape of Yamato who was fast asleep on the sofa. It was incredible how fast the other blonde fell asleep, while Takeru would have to lay awake for hours before sleep finally came to him. He supposed that it was even worse now that there was no over tiring work for him to do during the day. 

Feeling restless, Takeru sat up in bed. He couldn't sleep, not right now. There was just too much going on in his mind. Instead he quietly slipped out from under the covers, sitting just on the edge of Yamato's bed while squinting through the dark. Yamato had told him a while ago that he was allowed to go anywhere in the small apartment without permission, especially if he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Under no circumstances did the elder blonde want to be woken up just to be asked about that. 

Silently Takeru stood up and tiptoed to the door, which had been left open for his benefit. He was hesitant about leaving the room, knowing that in the past he would have been severely punished, but it did not seem so threatening anymore. At the very least, he needed to understand his boundaries in the new life. Takeru quietly stepped out of the door, unable to make out much detail in the dark. At first he thought he heard a noise, but was unable to detect anything further as he strained his ears to listen. Taking a deep breath, and gathering what little courage he still had, Takeru slowly walked down the hallway. He had intended at first to go straight to the bathroom and then back to bed, but found himself wandering over to the other side of the apartment instead. It was then he noticed the light on in the kitchen. 

Startled, Takeru peeked from around a corner to try to figure out if anyone was around. He knew for a fact that Yamato had turned off all the lights before heading to bed, but obviously someone had turned this one back on. Unable to stand the frightening suspense any longer, Takeru came to a quick decision and turned back to where he had come from. As he did, he collided painfully into something moving from behind him. 

With a surprised yelp, Takeru fell down to the ground, and sat there in a frightened daze. He heard someone else curse from above him, "Shimatta! Yamato, what are you-" A light turned on and Takeru blinked in the sudden flood of brightness. Staring down at him was Masaharu Ishida. The man looked just as surprised as he, "Takeru? Are you okay? What are you doing up?" 

Takeru shakily stood up again, keeping his head bowed as he felt his breathing speed up. Already the panic started to well up inside. What was he thinking? Wandering around in the middle of the night, now he was in for it for sure! Closing his eyes in a vain attempt to shut out the rising fear, he quietly answered, "I am sorry, I-Ishida-san." 

"Sorry?" The older man sounded surprised, "Oh... don't be. I just wasn't expecting you to be up so late." His tone of voice gave off vibes of concern and uncertainty as well. 

Takeru was confused. He hadn't had much time to learn about the oldest Ishida, but he had expected the man to be the same as all the adults he had known in his life. Commanding and strong. For some reason though, Masaharu seemed anything but forceful. 

Masaharu was staring at him, he could feel it. But it wasn't a glare of hatred, or anger... more of an equally confused and kind stare. "Why are you out here?" The man asked, but not accusingly in any way. 

Slowly opening his eyes again, Takeru looked up in to Masaharu's kind eyes, "I... I just..." He didn't know how to answer. There wasn't any specific reason for him being up and wandering around, so what could he say? 

"You couldn't sleep?" Masaharu finished for him. Takeru nodded in agreement. "Oh... well, I just got home, myself. From work..." The blonde remained silent, wondering what this had to do with him. The Masters had never just said anything to him unless there was a reason for it... for him. "Here, why don't we head to the kitchen where we can talk without waking up Yamato." 

Takeru nodded and turned around, then waited for the other man to lead the way. There was another thing that was confusing him. Why did Masaharu Ishida seem to care so much about Yamato, and vice versa? The man did not seem to have any control over his boy, and Yamato acted a little too casual around this imposing adult. To them there was no such thing as Master and subordinate. They acted almost like... friends or something. 

Takeru was led to the kitchen table where he was motioned to sit down. Masaharu went over to the cupboards instead, and proceeded to rummage around for them, reaching over to turn on the kettle at one point. "Did you have fun today, Takeru? I heard you all bought a lot of good stuff at the mall." The man asked as he took down a couple of mugs. 

He started to nod, but then realized that the other couldn't see him with his back turned like that. Instead he answered, "Yes, Ishida-san." 

"That's good. At least you'll have something of your own to wear now." Masaharu went on, seemingly oblivious to how meaningless his words were to the younger one. "So are you and Yamato getting along then?" 

"He's my brother!" Takeru blurted out before he could think. Cringing back a bit, he waited for a well deserved reprimand about speaking out of turn like that. 

But Masaharu only smiled crookedly at him, raising one eyebrow while slowly scooping something into the mugs, "Well, that's good news. I hadn't known that you'd figured that out yet. Makes things a bit easier. Do you want marshmallows in your hot chocolate?" 

With a confused blink at this sudden strange question, Takeru only stared back. The question really didn't make any sense to him. "Um... marshwhat?" 

Shaking his head slightly in what looked to be exaggerated pity, Masaharu explained, "Marshmallows. Basically all sugar. Well, seeing as you've obviously had neither those nor hot chocolate, I'll just stick some in for you. They're very good... 'though Yamato's never liked them. He has a thing about sugar." 

Takeru frowned, trying to follow the strange answer, but was unable to figure out what the man was going on about. There was a lot he still needed to learn, that was for sure. He was starting to relax, however. The casual conversation put him more at ease, making him realize that hurting him was the last thing Ishida-san wanted to do to him. In fact, the older man seemed to be trying to purposely gain his trust. 

He was pulled from this unnerving thought as a mug of some sort of brown, steaming liquid was placed in front of him, complete with floating white lumps. He scrunched his nose slightly, wondering if it was safe to drink. "Careful, it's hot," Masaharu warned him, blowing gently into his own mug. Takeru watched for a moment before copying this action.   
  
They sat across from each other at the table in silence for a few minutes. Masaharu was amusedly staring at Takeru as the boy suspiciously sniffed at the hot drink. Hesitantly, Takeru brought the rim of the mug to his lips and took a tiny sip. Then he pulled back in surprise. The drink tasted like... well, he had never tasted anything like it before, but it was so _good_! It was sweet and filled his stomach with a warm, pleasant sensation. Boldened by the first taste, Takeru took a bigger gulp, ignoring the heat that burned his tongue. 

Masaharu grinned a little as he watched, drinking at a slower pace from his own drink. "Like it?" He asked as Takeru licked his lips. A brown, chocolate mustache had formed on the boy's upper lip. 

"Yes, thank you." Takeru nodded, clutching his mug as if to keep it from being stolen away like all the other good things that had come into his life before. 

"So, now that I seem to have gained some ground into your good graces, I would like to know some things about you. And I would like to explain some of what is going on as well. I know that you've probably been finding it hard to understand the sudden change in your life, but we're doing everything we can to help you fit in." Masaharu set his mug down, looking quite serious all of a sudden, "Takeru... do you know what freedom is?" 

Takeru looked up, a bit startled. When he saw no mocking look, or threat in those narrow brown eyes, he responded shyly, "That's... what I was thinking of. When I couldn't sleep." The man only raised his eyebrow again at this, but remained silent. "It means... well, that you are free from... from something bad. I think." 

"But do you understand what it means to _be_ free?" The look in those dark eyes were intense, as if trying to convey some hidden clue to him about something so obvious. 

The blonde leaned back in his chair, suddenly afraid. Not of this kind man in front of him, but of what he might learn along with this conversation. "I don't... don't know." 

Masaharu sighed, rubbing his head slightly, but then changed the topic so fast that it made Takeru's head spin, "Did you like living at the other... place." 

Takeru noticed the slight waver in the other's voice, and tensed in even more confusion. 'Like' wasn't exactly the word he would use. "I... I don't think so." He answered truthfully. More likely than not, Masaharu knew the answers already. He wouldn't want to be caught in the act of lying. "It was... a home." 

"Home?" Masaharu sounded surprised, "Takeru, does the word family mean anything to you?" 

"Sure... everybody there was part of my family." He honestly told him. It was true, all of the children needed each other for support and so it was like one huge family. They were all brothers in a way. 

"I mean, a _real_ family. The family you were born to." The serious words had an edge to them, as if this was an important idea that the boy should know of. But the concept was lost to him. The _only_ family he had ever known was the Masters and the other kids. He had never thought of where he had really come from. "You already know that Yamato is your brother, right?" Takeru nodded hesitantly, "Well, I am his father, which makes me your father as well. _We_ are your family." 

Takeru only frowned harder, unable to grasp the meaning of all of this new information. The word 'father' only meant so much to him. But somehow, in a vague sort of way, it all made sense. He could feel a distant sense of familiarity to this man, although he didn't really understand why. 

Masaharu saw the apparent confusion, and sighed again, immediately backing off. "I'm sure you'll understand some day. Anyway, it's pretty late... or early I should say. You look like you could easily fall asleep now." 

With a start of surprise, Takeru realized that he really did feel drowsy. All of the talking at mentally worn him out, and now he felt as though he would be able to drop off to sleep. "Yes, Ishida-san." 

"Takeru... You don't have to call me that. I'd rather you would just call me Masaharu, at least then this will seem less like a formal occasion between strangers and more like a comfortable family relationship. Okay?" Takeru nodded, unable to say anything to this strange request. He would never have thought of calling an adult by their first name before. It seemed so absurd and dangerous. "Well then, let's get some rest. I know I'm exhausted, especially after working so late." 

Takeru nodded and stood up, placing his now empty mug on the table. He waited for Masaharu to get up as well before heading down the dark hallway. The man only stopped for a moment to turn off the light. Masaharu bid Takeru a good night before turning off to his own room. Takeru went on to Yamato's bedroom alone, finding it very strange how much they seemed to trust him not to run off or something. The Masters had never let them wander anywhere alone. 

He got back into bed without waking up the other boy in the room, and snuggled into the comfy quilts once again. His body felt more relaxed now that he had had that small talk with Masaharu. At least now he knew that he wasn't going to be hurt for small things, and some boundaries had been figured out. With a tired yawn, he laid still and listened to the even breaths coming from his brother. Comforted by this presence he felt himself drift off to sleep. He couldn't wait for tomorrow to come so that he could start learning more things about this new life. 

  
=-=-=-=

**(A/N)** Hmm, not much really happened in this chapter, did it? Oh well... good fics take time, ne? ^_^;; Well, hopefully I'll start bringing the relationships closer soon, but these things have the tendancy to run away from the original intent, as I'm sure some of you know! *sigh* ...   


  
  



	8. Pic-a-nic

**(A/N)** Yep, yep! I'm back again, and still writing. I finally got my lazy behind back into gear and voila! Here's the next part! How's everyone's summer going? I'm just having a lazy type, between work and doing absolutely nothing. Hope you all have more to do for fun than me! ^_^ Ah well, c'est la vie, just ignore me and start reading!  
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"The cure for all ills and wrongs, the cares, the sorrows and the crimes of humanity, all lie in the one word 'love.' It is the divine vitality that everywhere produces and restores life." _  
_-Lydia Maria Child_  
  
Part 8: Pic-a-nic  
  
"I think I'm in love!" 

Chocolate brown eyes were torn from their hypnotized gaze on the television set to stare down at the boy snuggled into his side. As usual, the two were the only ones awake in the apartment, because they always woke up so early, and were taking advantage of this to have some quiet time in front of the TV. The entire week had been one hectic learning experience that had not seemed to stop except to sleep at night. When their new friends had to go to school during the day, the parents saw to it that they continued discovering new things about the places, people and objects surrounding them. Then in the afternoon and on into the evening when the others came home, the three innocent boys were taught to read, write and do different types of arithmetic. All in all, it had been a very exhausting period. Hikari had promised that today they would get some time off from the lessons, and that they were going to be going to meet some of her own friends. 

Finally Taichi shook his head and leaned back further into the couch. He hugged his adopted brother closer to him, but turned his attention back to the moving images on the screen in front of them. Daisuke pouted, "'Don't you wanna know who with?" 

"Oh, I know who," Taichi shrugged, intently staring at the strange cartoon that they were watching. It didn't make much sense to him, but he supposed it would be funny for someone who hadn't spent their entire life locked away from life. "Ken, right?" At Daisuke's eager nod, he sighed, "Dais-chan... you _know_ you can't be in love..." 

The red-head frowned, "But-" 

"No buts." Taichi cut him off firmly, "We're not allowed to. Just because our Masters aren't around at the moment doesn't mean we can disregard every rule that has been taught to us. Have you forgotten already?" 

"No... I 'member..." Daisuke sighed sadly, and shivered a bit at some distant memory, "We're not real people... just brainless scum who... who're not allowed real feelings. M-mindless trash who are o-only allowed to... to live as long as other's w-want us..." 

"Dais... shh..." Turning sideways, Taichi quickly took up the younger boy in his arms, trying to calm him down. He hadn't meant to make him so upset, but Daisuke couldn't be allowed to start disobeying lessons that had been forced into their minds from the moment they had entered that awful place. Any day now the Masters might come back... "It's alright, 'Suke... we'll be okay." 

"B-but Ken-san wouldn't _hurt_ me! He... he's s-so nice! An-and..." Daisuke's frantically mumbled excuses were drowned as he buried his face in his older brother's shirt, trying hard not to break down and cry. 

Taichi winced, feeling horrible as he heard the distress in Daisuke's voice and felt the boy tremble in his arms. He wished so badly that things were different, that they really could do as they liked and didn't have to worry about the painful consequences. But as it was... "Remember... Master Genjo-san." 

The boy instantly stiffened in his arms, letting out a startled whimper at this next horrible memory. Master Genjo had been one of the best masters they had ever had. The tall, burly man had seemed to have some sympathy for the little children who were forced to work for him every day. Unlike the others, he gave them breaks like extra food on good days, and time to talk quietly among themselves during meals. All the kids had to agree that they liked him more than any other master, feeling as though he actually understood the stressful time they were going through. Daisuke and Takeru had both especially felt more at ease around Master Genjo... until he had betrayed them all. Takeru had been a bloody, unconscious mess on the floor by the time some of the other masters found out what was going on. There had been eleven children in all, two of them dead and the others with extensive damage. Takeru had barely survived and even now hated to go away alone with strangers. The young blonde had only been six years old at the time. Taichi had actually cried that night as he held a sobbing, horrified Daisuke in his arms, both of them fearing that they'd never see their friend again. 

It was obvious that Daisuke understood as he pulled away a bit, looking up at the brunette with tearful eyes. "You're right... but Ken wouldn't... I know..." But Taichi only raised a sceptical eyebrow and hugged the boy back to him in comfort. He didn't really believe that Ken, or any of the others, would do such a thing either, but it was better to be safe than sorry. 

A few minutes later Hikari brightly skipped into the room. One look at the two on the couch swept the smile off of her face. "Are you guys all right?" She gently asked with a worried frown. They only looked away and nodded together. "Okay..." The brunette girl sighed, deciding that it would be futile to try to get the truth out of them, and sat in the armchair near by. Taichi warily kept an eye on her, feeling uneasy at the way she was observing them. "We are going to be leaving in about an hour to the park. Yamato will be coming with Takeru after picking up Ken, Jyou and Koushiro to get us. Are you hungry now, or do you think you can wait until the picnic?" 

Daisuke slid off of Taichi's lap, but kept close to his side while the older boy wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders, "We... we can wait." It wasn't as though they had never gone without a meal before. 

"What's a pic-a-nic?" Daisuke asked curiously, worriedly rubbing his stomach. 

Hikari grinned at the pair, standing up again to turn off the television. "It's where everyone gathers together for a day of fun in the park. And there's a lot of food to eat, so don't worry about starving or anything. You'll both love it, I know you will." They had both perked up at the mention of food, feeling a bit less concerned about the event. "Now you guys should get dressed into some clothes that you _haven't _slept in. And I need to get some stuff ready for the picnic. Alright?" 

They nodded, hopping off the couch and quickly heading for their bedroom. Taichi was feeling excited... food, Yamato, his friends, what more could complete the day? The only thing he was unsettled about was the thought that a bunch of strangers were going to be joining them as well. 

The first thing Daisuke grabbed as he rushed into the room was the pair of goggles lying on the desk. He snapped these onto this head before tearing through the drawers full of clothes. Taichi smiled as he watched this, stepping out of the way just in time to avoid being hit by a bright orange shirt. "What're you gonna wear, 'Chi?" Daisuke's excited question was muffled as he stuck his head into one of the drawers to see the contents better. "'Found our shorts!" Two pairs of khaki shorts came flying out of the drawer to land in a heap near Taichi's feet. It still felt really weird being able to actually choose what to wear for the day. There had never _been _a choice before. 

"I want my green t-shirt," Taichi said as he picked up the largest of the two shorts and started putting them on. A light green shirt flew into his face, causing him to lose his balance. 

Daisuke grinned happily as he turned and held out his own purple striped t-shirt, "I'm wearing this one. What're you doing on the floor, Taichi? Get up, or we're gonna miss the pic-a-nic!" 

Barely keeping himself from rolling his eyes in exasperation, the brunette managed to get back on his feet and continue getting ready. The two boys had never been embarrassed about changing in front of one another, it was something they had never before been able to avoid and so it was just regular routine. It was impossible for any of the children who had once lived in the prostitution house to be ashamed of their bodies. 

They changed in a matter of minutes and hurried back to the kitchen where they could hear Hikari preparing for the picnic. A large woven picnic basket had been set up on the counter, and in it were all kinds of desert goodies. Hikari was just adding a small plate of chocolate brownies when the boys entered, causing them to stop at the sight and let the jaws hang open. Never had they seen anything that looked so delicious. 

Hikari smiled at them, noticing the hungry looks on their faces, "Don't worry, there'll be plenty to eat once we get there. "She snapped the lid shut with a satisfied look at her work. "I'm just going to go grab my camera and fix my hair, okay? So go put your shoes on, and answer the door if they get here before I'm out." 

Taichi and Daisuke went to do as they had been told without a second thought. As they quickly finished tying their new running shoes, the doorbell buzzed. Remembering what Hikari had told them, Taichi hesitantly opened the door which revealed the two Ishida brothers standing together. 

"Takeru!" Said blonde was suddenly sent backwards a few steps by the small force that crashed into his arms. Daisuke grinned up at him, "Miss me?" 

Takeru slowly grinned back, obviously feeling secure in the familiar hold, "'Course." 

Yamato and Taichi watched this exchange with smiling faces, the former seeming to be in a rare mood. He looked more relaxed than Taichi had ever seen him, blue eyes glittering brightly with happiness. "Hi." Taichi greeted the the taller blonde shyly. 

"Hey Taichi, how are you this morning?" Yamato replied, leaning against the door frame as the two younger boys in the hallway continued to quietly chat about the promised picnic. 

Taichi shrugged, making himself look away from those mesmerizing ocean colored eyes. He forced himself to remember everything he had told Daisuke earlier, to remember Master Genjo, and to forget the sense of comfort he got whenever he was in Yamato's company. 

Yamato regarded the brunette with a single raised eyebrow, "What's wrong?" There seemed to be a hint of concern in that pale face, something that Taichi both wanted and was loathed to see. 

"Nothing..." Was his only reply, trying to shrug away the question again. He decided he was just tense about meeting a bunch of new strangers today, and went back to staring at the floor. 

A moment later, Hikari rushed out of the apartment, shooing Yamato and Taichi away so that she could lock the door. A camera was now hanging around her neck, and her hair was neatly brushed back with a small, pink barrette to keep the bangs from her face. "It's about time, 'Kari. The others are still waiting in the van, you know." Yamato grumbled as he helped her by taking the basket before setting off down the hall. 

Taichi quickly joined his two best friends, feeling slightly better when they didn't hesitate to latch on to either side of him. Of course, he couldn't help staring at the back of a certain blonde, wishing that he just go up and have a nice conversation with him for once. Taichi had never been the least bit shy when conversing with Yuki, Rio and the other older boys back home, but for some reason he felt too intimidated by those penetrating, soulful blue eyes. 

=-=-=-= 

The drive to the park had not been long at all, fifteen minutes at the most and only that because of the traffic. But to Yamato, it had seemed to take much longer than that. He couldn't believe that it could take so much energy to get three kids to just step near the van, much less sit down in it. Taichi, Takeru, and Daisuke had taken one look at the vehicle and decided that it was way too much like a bus for their comfort, immediately backing away again. The worst thing of all, though, was seeing the real terror in their eyes as they stared in silence at the pavement beneath their feet. 

Surprisingly enough, it had been Jyou who had been able to draw them into the van. Being the oldest among the group of friends, he was very responsible at the age of nineteen. With encouraging smiles and words, he succeeded in wiping away their fears that they were about to be taken away to somewhere even worse than where they were now. Again, they seemed to trust Jyou the minute they met him, as it had been with Koushiro earlier that week. 

Out of the three, Taichi had seemed to be the most afraid of what was happening. While the other two slowly became a bit more courageous about the venture, staring out of the windows and exclaiming over everything that they had never seen before, the oldest brunette had only huddled into the middle seat. He wouldn't speak, looking as though he had something weighing on his mind, and stared vacantly at the floor of the van. Yamato, who was driving up front with Ken next to him, couldn't help but feel concerned every time he looked into the rear-view mirror and saw the dejected expression on Taichi's face. He just hoped that the picnic would be able to cheer him up some. 

Meanwhile, Koushiro had managed to start a small conversation with Daisuke. The red headed computer genius was surprisingly good with the younger teen, somehow knowing exactly the right things to say in order to draw the shy boy out of his silence. The didn't really have a lot in common, but the moment Daisuke asked Koushiro about the computer that had been mentioned in their discussion, he was only too happy to launch into a detailed description of these machines and their applications. For the most part, Daisuke just stared in wide eyed fascination with no clue to what all of the big and unfamiliar words meant. 

Yamato only felt some of his anxiety slip away once they reached the parking lot and the gang piled out of the van. It was going to be a beautiful day; the sun was shining and the temperature was perfect for the activities that they had planned for the day. Of course, it would be all that _more _ perfect if he could just get Taichi to brighten up and take part in the activities. 

The blonde shook his head bemused as he watched the large haired brunette carefully duck out of the van and join his two friends nearby. He wished so badly that there was more he could do for them, something more that would help them to forget the past and to accept the truth. But as it was, he was just as helpless and unhelpful as ever before. 

"Yamato, stop it." Blinking out of his grim thoughts with surprise, Yamato turned to look at Ken who was glaring at him in a determined sort of way. "No thinking bad or guilty thoughts today, okay? We're here to forget about all of that for now. How do you expect _them _to have a good time if they see you over here sulking?" 

Even though he should have been almost used to the way Ken always seemed to be able to read his mind, it still amazed him. He glanced over at the others, noticing how Taichi was now staring at him nervously along with Takeru. "I wasn't sulking." Was all Yamato said, mock glaring back at the bluenette before replacing his frown with a grin directed at the waiting group. "Well, let's get going before they start partying without us then!" 

Daisuke immediately turned to Taichi at his side and asked in an unintentionally audible whisper, "What's he mean... _partying_?" 

Yamato was torn between amusement and pity at the innocence of these boys, but instead only began walking away towards the park. The others followed behind him quietly for a few moments until Yamato suddenly realized that Taichi was following exceptionally close to his heels. Wondering, the blonde turned his head slightly to look at the other out of the corner of his eye, noticing that Taichi kept staring to his left in a confused and anxious manner. It was obviously Jyou and Koushiro who had caught his attention, or more precisely, the way they were walking side by side, hand in hand. This didn't surprise Yamato in the least; he was quite used to the relationship between the studying doctor and the computer whiz, but he could also see that something about it was unsettling the brunette. 

Just then, Taichi turned his gaze and caught Yamato's eye, his own chocolate ones widening with surprise. Yamato only smiled at him gently, knowing that Ken was right about having to watch his attitude towards them. This seemed to give Taichi some encouragement as he promptly picked up his pace a bit to walk directly beside the other teen. 

"Why are..." Taichi started, but then cleared his throat as if too embarrassed or shy to continue with the question. 

Fortunately, Yamato knew exactly what he was trying to ask. "'Cause they like each other." There was a quiet 'oh' in response, and then silence. It was a silence that, for once, Yamato hated. Behind them, the voices of Ken and Hikari reached him, chatting happily to the other two boys. He wished it could be that easy for him; just strike up a conversation and distract himself from all the horrid pictures that kept floating through his mind about what it must have been like for these guys during the past. It was just so _hard _to understand how anyone could survive, could _live _through that... 

"'Mato?" The mumble was so low that he almost thought he had imagined it. Startled, Yamato looked over at Taichi and saw the brunette gazing almost tearfully at him, quickly darting his eyes back to the ground when he saw Yamato watching. 

It was strange, as well as painful, to see how despairing the almost mature teenager appeared to be. How could anyone look so lost and hopeless? "What Taichi?" Yamato finally answered, looking away so that he did not have to see the other's expression. 

For a while it didn't appear as though Taichi was going to respond, but finally he whispered in an almost heartbroken way, "You... you don't like me very m-much... do you...?" Yamato almost stopped walking in shock, staring over at Taichi in disbelief. But before he could react, the brunette continued softly, "Nobody much does... 'cept 'Keru an' 'Suke, but... I thought... dunno..." Taichi was avoiding the other's eye, wrapping his arms around his stomach as if trying to keep himself under control. Then suddenly he slowed down, dropping back behind Yamato. 

Too astonished by this unexpected revelation, Yamato could only stare straight ahead in bewilderment. He had no idea that Taichi felt that he didn't like him, or that Takeru and Daisuke were the boy's only friends. It was terrible, and once again it came back to being his own fault. Hadn't Ken warned him that these boys could feel his strong, guilty emotions. And now look... Taichi thought he hated _him_, when all it was was frustration against the people who had done this to them in the first place! 

Feeling the need to suddenly punch a tree or something, Yamato hardly reacted at all as they finally came over a small hill and were greeted by a familiar group of kids. They had obviously all heard about Takeru, Daisuke and Taichi, and were very excited to finally meet the infamous brothers that had come back from supposed death. 

Silently he backed up, away from the commotion, and watched as the three girls and young boy were introduced to the newcomers. Stubbornly, he ignored the concerned glances from Ken, examining the reactions of the others instead. 

Mimi was the first to be introduced. The three boys looked in startled fascination at her wildly strawberry pink hair as if they had never seen hair dye before in their life. Of course, Yamato thought bemusedly, they probably hadn't... at least not on girls. The ever exuberant eighteen year old teenage girl looked as though she was going to burst with joy at seeing the younger boys alive and in front of her. Three pairs of wide eyes only stared with gaping astonishment, and looked more than a little scared over her wild switches between "Poor dears!" and "I'd love to _kill _those bastards!" Really, quite amusing to watch. 

Than Miyako, every bit as sympathetic and enthusiastic as Mimi came forward. She reached out and shook each of their hands, despite the frightened and confused looks she received. Her large glasses almost slipped right off her nose as she also told them how much she'd love to hurt the horrible people who had done this. This, of course, only agitated the boys further. Purple hair swishing around her head, she quickly reached around and pulled a short, brown haired boy up to them. 

Iori only looked up at them with shy green eyes, looking as though he wished he were anywhere but here in front of abused teenagers. He seemed upset as he bowed slightly to them. He did try a small smile for them, at least, but then he quickly stepped aside to go stand with Jyou and Koushiro. 

The last, a reddish-brown haired girl of seventeen gave them all a sad, motherly smile and introduced herself to them as Sora. She quickly tried to ease them of some of their fears, telling them that they really weren't scary strangers after all. Yamato had known from the start that Sora would feel as though she had to personally make sure that the boys were comforted, but he also knew that she was one of the best for that job. Although, the three still looked very perplexed as she moved away to speak with Mimi for the moment. 

Yamato sighed, forcing himself not to act sulky with Ken watching him so closely. Taichi had moved off with the others to examine the large blanket set over the grass with numerous large picnic baskets spread across it. Even he had perked up at the sight of all that food, although he still seemed to have his mind on something else. 

Everybody relaxed after that, chatting amongst themselves about things that had gone on earlier that day, or week. They were all great friends, having known each other since junior high, some even since pre-school. The three boys, who weren't a part of the group of friends yet, stood back and hesitantly watched the others. They were obviously feeling out of place. 

They huddled nervously together as Sora and Mimi tried talking to them, answering only what was asked of them while trying to keep from staring. Yamato shook his head, almost used to seeing them like this by now, but still finding it horribly sad. 

He jumped suddenly as a voice greeted him from his side, and turned to find Sora smiling at him. She came over and stood beside him, looking out over the picnic scene like he had been doing. "How are you doing, Yamato?" 

For a while, Yamato chose to ignore the question. He should have expected this; Sora had always had a sixth sense about troubled minds. Instead, for the moment, he kept on just staring ahead. Miyako, Ken and Hikari were now showing Takeru and Daisuke how to unpack the food and where to place it all. The two boys seemed to be getting more excited by the moment about all of this, but seemed to be doing a good job at keeping themselves from showing it too much. Taichi, on the other hand, had been pulled aside with Koushiro who was talking animatedly to the blank faced brunette. 

Finally Yamato realized that Sora was not going to just leave him alone, 'though she knew better than to push him too much with questions. He sighed, habitually running a hand through his golden bangs, "I'm fine, Sora. Really, I am." 

She glanced over at him with an expression that told him that she didn't believe that statement one bit. "Are you getting along all right with your brother?" 

"Yeah... I suppose. It's just..." Brother? Yamato still couldn't completely follow the idea that Takeru was his brother. He seemed too different, like he was a completely different boy. A stranger staying at his home, and nothing more. "...nevermind." And with that he walked away from her, heading for the others. The least he could do for the three boys was to lighten up a bit today. It wouldn't kill him to cheer up a little. 

=-=-=-= 

The second that the baskets had been opened, and the food laid out, Daisuke had dug into the yummy delights with great enthusiasm. He was still getting used to having so many good types of food to eat, much less being able to eat until he was completely full and satisfied. This time, of course, it went way beyond unusual. Eating outside, under the bright blue sky, surrounded by free kids all laughing and enjoying themselves. It had never been heard of before; at least not from where he came from. But somehow it just seemed... right. He was having a wonderful time while feeling really good about this entire experience for the first time. 

Stuffing his mouth with another sushi roll, he proceeded to question Ken about the different foods that they had brought. Most of the treats were unfamiliar and so he felt the need to learn the name of every one. Of course, he went about the questioning carefully; making sure not to offend or speak too loudly. He didn't want to be the reason for ruining the good picnic, that was for sure. Ken didn't seem to mind supplying him with answers, however. The bluenette answered with a smile every time, sitting by the younger boy's side along with Takeru and Taichi. 

As Ken shot him another sparkling grin, Daisuke thought about what a shame it was that he couldn't have feelings for the boy. It would have been really great to have someone to return his love for the first time. It wasn't a first for Daisuke to feel more for someone than the rules allowed. Living the life that he had, he and every other child were forced to grow up faster in certain ways than normal. Nobody should have ever gone through the experiences that he had at that age. But even so, he didn't know any better, and so did not really understand that what they had done was wrong. 

Through out his life, he had met many strangers, the majority of them men, the men who had come for what little he had to give them. He had never felt hate for these men; after all, without them he wouldn't be able to please the masters. There were even a few who had seemed to have a bit of heart in them. Those guys had always tried to give back to Daisuke a little of what they received. They were gentle, comforting, even after they were finished with him. But they always left when the time was up, and rarely came back. 

But now... now he was_ free_, or so he was being led to believe. And Ken _hadn't _left yet, and there _was _a chance, however small, that Ken could comfort him like some of the others. The only problem left was that Daisuke would rather go through his first lessons with the Masters again than break their rules. No... there had to be some other way. 

He glanced over at Taichi, wishing that the older brunette would wrap a comforting arm around him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Taichi always knew how to chase away his fears. But at the moment, it seemed that the other teen was too wrapped up in his own problems to pay any attention to anything else around him. Daisuke sighed, sending a small glare at Yamato for daring to make his onniichan upset, before turning away again. It was hopeless anyway. Taichi couldn't help him here, not with all these strangers crowding around them. 

"So, Daisuke, what do you think of your first picnic?" It was the purple haired girl, Miyako if he remembered correctly, who asked the question. She had come back from socializing with Hikari and squeezed into the spot between Takeru and himself. Takeru only glanced at her, looking a little miffed at being shoved aside, before shifting closer to Taichi. 

Quickly swallowing the last of a small blueberry pastry, Daisuke gave her a weak smile and answered, "It's great, Miyako-san." Frankly, girls scared him. Perhaps it was because, while he knew everything there was to know about men, females were still a complete mystery to him. Automatically he leaned in a little closer to Ken. 

Miyako didn't seem to notice this, or chose to ignore it. Instead she leaned over to wink at Ken and then turned to the blonde on her other side. Confused, Daisuke didn't know what to make of that, and so only turned back to picking out another desert. He listened in fascination as the girl at his side started speaking to Takeru so fast that there seemed to be no pauses between sentences at all. Poor Takeru didn't seem to know what to make of the gossip being thrown at him, staring at her with wide, blank eyes. 

Ken had seemed to be listening in as well, giving a small snort of amusement as he saw the looks on the boys' faces. "Don't worry, it's nothing personal," He told Daisuke with a grin, "She's like this all the time. Almost as bad as Mimi. But, gods, can she work wonders with a computer." 

"'puter?" Daisuke asked between a bite of desert, looking shyly over at the other. Koushiro had mentioned the word earlier during the ride over to the picnic, but the explanation had been so confusing that Daisuke still had no idea what it was all about. 

There was a look of surprise on Ken's face before he seemed to realize just who he was speaking to again. "Computers... they... well, it's kind of hard to explain. I'll show you mine later. They are really neat; you can find almost anything you need to know with them." 

Well, that still made absolutely no sense... but Daisuke just nodded anyway and turned his attention back to the food in his hands. For a little while he was left alone as Ken started conversing with Koushiro who had overheard them mention computers. It seemed that the redhead also had a great interest in these mysterious know-alls. Daisuke looked around at the others only to find his interest caught by Yamato. The blonde was sitting near the edge of the large group, and looked as though he wished he were anywhere but with them. It was strange but... he almost looked sad, in a way. He caught the blue eyes glancing from time to time at Taichi, but Daisuke couldn't figure out why. 

A few moments later Iori, the smallest boy who was sitting nearest to Yamato, turned to the blonde and seemed to be asking him a question. Yamato shook his head, his eyes hardening into a stubborn glare aimed at the grass close to his feet, but the young boy persisted. Soon, Yamato relented a little and they started up a small, closed off conversation. 

Daisuke sighed, wiping some crumbs off his shorts, and turned his gaze away. Everything was just so confusing, and none of it made one bit of sense. If only he could ask Ken about why people were acting so strange, but he was afraid that the other teen would take offence at this. Maybe one of those computers could help. Ken _did _say that they had all the answers, after all. 

Suddenly he realized that Ken seemed to be asking him a question. He blinked and shook his head, "Sorry, I... I missed what you said." 

Ken only smiled, looking as cool and collected as always, "I was just wondering if you wanted to go for a walk. I bet you want to see some of the sights, and I know a great ice cream vendor near here." 

"Yeah!" Miyako jumped up, startling everyone sitting near her in the process, "That's a great idea Ken! Come on, Takeru, we'll go with them! Yamato, get your cute ass over here, I bet Taichi would love some ice cream too!" 

Both Daisuke's and Takeru's jaws dropped at this, shocked that a _girl _would say such things, and so _loudly_! Yamato only looked startled at being included so suddenly, but otherwise seemed unfazed. He coolly stood up, brushed off his pants, and wandered over to them, reaching a hand out to Taichi as he did so. Daisuke felt as surprised as Taichi looked by this action. The brunette stared at the hand uncertainly before hesitantly taking it and standing up. Daisuke noticed how careful his brother was to not look at the blonde's face. 

"Anyone else coming?" Ken asked, looking around. There was a general murmur of various no's, everyone else either too full to move or currently engaged in some sort of interesting conversation. 

"Well then, let's be off! I've been craving a maple walnut cone for ages now." The only girl of the group announced, wrapping a friendly arm around a startled Takeru's shoulders. 

Ken laughed, copying her movements with Daisuke as he teased her about her sweet tooth. Surprised at the sudden closeness to Ken, Daisuke only tensed up and silently allowed himself to be led across the park. Yamato and Taichi trailed behind the other four, their hands still loosely clasped together. 

The group slowly walked across the grass, heading for the paths up ahead. It seemed more crowded up there as people hung around the vendors or fooled around on the cement paths. Daisuke would have been shocked at the sight of so many noisy kids and adults if he hadn't just been to the mall a little while ago. 

He glanced over to Ken's other side where Takeru was walking with a terrified look on his face. Catching the blue eyed gaze, Daisuke sent him a small, comforting smile. He knew that the blonde was doubly afraid of strangers, and with good reason. Takeru seemed to relax a little as he looked back at his friend, even offering him his own barely noticeable smile. They'd be okay, so far nobody had tried to hurt them and hopefully things would stay that way. 

Ken and Miyako continued to banter good naturedly until they all reached a small wooden shack with an open window at the front. A large, smiling woman greeted them from the other side of the window, asking them what they wanted today with a booming voice. Daisuke pulled back a little, intimidated by this loud attitude. 

Ken tightened his arm around Daisuke's shoulders and smiled at him, "What'll be, Daisuke? They've got everything here." Daisuke only stared blankly back at him, having no clue what was going on. 

"He means that you have to tell the lady what kind of ice cream do you want." Yamato told him, coming up suddenly to his side with Taichi in tow. "You know what ice cream is, Daisuke. We had it yesterday after lunch, remember? Cold, and disgustingly sweet." 

"You're so strange, Yama-chan, how can anyone _not _like sweet things, especially ice cream?" Miyako informed the blonde, quickly ordering her own maple walnut two scoop ice cream cone. 

He rolled his eyes back at her, but chose to ignore her, gently pushing Taichi up to the window, "What kind do you want, Taichi." 

"Um..." Taichi looked as though he was facing the ultimate challenge, and really did not want to be there at all. He looked back at Yamato, asking with a shaky, shy voice, "Could... could you t-tell her? I don't r-really know..." 

The blonde shrugged, looking over the brunette's shoulder at the menu, "Uh... How about just plain chocolate. Everybody likes chocolate." 

"Everybody except you." Muttered Miyako from the side. She only grinned at the sharp glare he sent her way. 

"Sure, get Daisuke and Takeru the same." Ken put in hurriedly before any fights could start to break out. "And I'll take Rocky Road, please." 

Soon they all had their cones, with the exception of Yamato who had settled on a diet coke instead, and set off in a random direction down a path. Daisuke was practically in heaven as he licked away at the ice cream in his hand. It was the tastiest thing that he had ever had, including the food at the picnic. Why had they never had this at the Masters' place? 

"Diet... how the hell can _anyone _like _diet _anything?" Miyako was commenting on Yamato's choice of drink as they came to a stop beneath a large oak tree situated away from the path. Far enough to be away from the main of the crowd. 

Yamato glared at her again, taking a noisy, rebellious sip from his coke. "Mind your own fucking business, Miyako." 

"Aw, lighten up, Yama-chan. I was only teasing." She grinned, not looking at all apologetic. Then she turned and whispered something in Takeru's ear, to which the blonde suddenly let out an uncontrolled giggle. Everyone stared at him in surprise, except Miyako who only grinned with satisfaction, until he blushed and took a sudden interest in the grass at his feet. 

Yamato narrowed his eyes at the girl suspiciously, obviously trying to make up his mind whether or not to kill her for whatever she had told his brother about him. Finally he settled on another glare, and turned away to ignore her again. 

Curious, and not just a little shocked, at this strange interplay between the two teens, Daisuke looked questioningly at Ken. The bluenette only rolled his eyes with an expression of 'don't ask'. "It's a long story." Was all he said by way of explanation. 

"Oh." Daisuke suddenly realized that he and Ken were separated a bit from the others. Miyako was chatting with an almost smiling Takeru again, and Yamato seemed to be trying to have a nice conversation with Taichi. He turned back to Ken, taking in the sparkling violet eyes and the silky blue-black hair that framed his pale face so nicely. He knew he shouldn't be finding this so attractive, it was completely against the Masters' rules to have real relationships. But it wasn't _fair_. 

"How's your ice cream?" Ken finally asked when Daisuke only continued to stare. Startled, the mahogany haired boy quickly nodded and stuffed the last bit of his cone into his mouth. "So you're enjoying yourself today, Daisuke?" 

"Yeah..." Daisuke nodded again, nervously reaching up with one hand to straighten his goggles. Then suddenly he blurted out, "D'you have a... a b-boyfriend?" He was certain that that was what they were called, he had heard the term 'boyfriend' numerous times in his life. 

Violet eyes suddenly seemed to darken, a shadow passing over his face. Ken looked as if he was almost ready to glare, but only shook his head, "I did... but he was a jerk. 'Broke up with me." 

Daisuke blinked with surprise, then instantly felt horrible for asking such a question. It wasn't his place at all to be making inquiries about other people's personal lives. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... to make you m-mad." 

And just like that, Ken's face brightened up again, as though the clouds had passed from the sun. He smiled, shaking his head again, "Don't worry about it, I'm not mad. I just don't like thinking about him. Ask Yamato about it some time, I'm sure he'll explain. Why _did _you ask, though?" 

"I..." Daisuke stared at him again, not even sure himself why he had asked. It was wrong of him in any case, but... He hugged himself, feeling cold all of a sudden, before quickly explaining what he had been thinking of all along. A few minutes ago he had come up with the answer to his problems, and if Ken would only agree... "I... I know this might sound strange to y-you, and... and you've pr-probably never done it but I really, really l-like you, and I know I'm not s'posed to, but it's o-okay if... if you pay someone. That's how it's always done, you've got to p-pay someone, maybe... maybe Yamato-san, or... or Yagami-san, and then it'd be alright for... for m-me to... to pleasure you, to..." 

Ken, as pale as he already was, seemed to go completely white as he listened to Daisuke go on at a very fast pace. It was obvious he was getting the idea of what the other was talking about, "Daisuke... gods... I..." 

"...and it'd be okay, I wouldn't mind. I've done it so many times that... that... but you've just gotta talk to who's ever in charge and..." 

"No... Dais... stop it..." 

But Daisuke didn't stop, it all made so much sense now. Maybe these people had just never heard about paying for sex before, maybe that was why they hadn't asked yet. It wasn't as though he loved doing his job, but if it was with _Ken _maybe... maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Besides, it _was _his job. "...I'm really good at i-it, Ken-san, and I won't screw up, please believe me. I've never done bad before, and you get to choose..." 

"Stop it, Daisuke... be quiet!" Ken was shaking now, a look of horror on his face as he listened to what Daisuke had to say about the subject. Mostly the horror was for the way the boy could so easily speak of it and _want _to do it now. "Don't..." The other's were now aware of the commotion, all of them staring at the two with confused expressions. Taichi seemed the first to catch on to what was happening, his own expression growing more terrified by the moment as he thought about what the results of _this _mishap would be. 

"Please Ken-san... I-" 

"_Shut up!_ NOW!" 

Daisuke clamped his mouth shut so fast that he bit his tongue, staring in horrified terror at what had just happened. Oh Kami... he hadn't stopped. He hadn't stopped talking when Ken had told him to. He had never said so much in his life. Ken had hated it, hated him talking, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this! Rigidly, he turned his eyes to the ground, trying to keep the horrified tears from escaping. 'Stupid boy.' 

The once soft violet eyes were now glaring at him with such force that he could feel it even though he wasn't looking. "How _could _you say things like that?! That's disgusting! Don't you _know_ ... do you have any idea...?" Ken sputtered angrily, looking ready to lash out any moment. 

Daisuke cringed, biting his tongue hard on the spot that was already injured as he held back a sob. Stupid, stupid, stupid... He tasted the blood as it welled up in his mouth, shutting his eyes tight. He waited for the punishment to come. Oh Kami-sama... not alone again... not the dark room... so cold... so alone... 

He was a horrible person and he knew he deserved whatever happened to him now. Taichi was right, he shouldn't have tried to disobey the rules. He shouldn't have spoken out of line. 

There was a loud thump, confusing him until he realized that he had just fallen to the ground. His head hurt, he felt sick with the knowledge that he would probably be sent somewhere else now, away from Taichi and Takeru. Ken wouldn't want him now, neither would the Yagami's once they heard. 'Stupid boy, how dare you disobey...' 

"Daisuke...? Oh no..." Breathe... breathe. Gotta breathe. Then he felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around him and the tears came. His brother was here now. He sobbed into the shirt, ashamed that he had ever disobeyed Taichi. He cried and cried as he finally broke under the stress of the past couple of weeks. 'Horrible child.' 

"Shh... Suke-chan... it'll be okay..." Never, _never_ okay! He was so frightened, so afraid that he had just ruined everything for them. Him and his big mouth! Why did he ever have to leave his home? Why did everything always seem to go wrong for him? He cried harder, the acid taste of blood burning his mouth and a hot waterfall of tears burning his face. The only people who had ever cared for him were Taichi and Takeru... how could he have betrayed them like this?

=-=-=-=

**(A/N)** Ah! I just can't seem to help myself, ending such a nice chapter with more angst! *sigh* I honestly didn't mean to, but it happened. Hopefully I'll get the next part out much sooner, although I still don't really know where I'm going with it all... Ideas appreciated!! ^_^   



	9. Breaking

**(A/N)** Wow, now this really must be a record time for getting my fic up! I didn't take months this time, mostly because I thought I should get at least one more part up quickly before school starts distracting me. Well, more angst ahead... I must be addicted to the stuff ^^; Oh yeah, there's also some pretty heavy language in here, so watch out!  
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."   
-Carl W. Buechner _  
  
Part 9: Breaking  
  
Night had fallen, 'though it had been dark long since as the rain poured down against the window panes. It wasn't very late, but Takeru had lost track of time quite awhile ago as he huddled miserably against his two best friends; his only friends. It had been hours since Daisuke had broken down in Taichi's arms. They had all been taken back home soon after, the older boys not knowing what else to do. Takeru, Taichi and Daisuke had not spoken or dared to look at anyone since. 

Takeru blinked hard, trying to stop his own tears while they slid down his cheeks, as he stared mournfully at his reddish haired friend. The blonde shivered as he remembered the way Ken had yelled, had glared so disgustedly at the poor boy. He clung harder to the other two, one arm around Daisuke and the other hanging desperately onto the older brunette. This was it then... things had gone horribly wrong. The strangers, well maybe not quite strangers anymore, could only be forgiving up to a certain point and Takeru was sure that they had gone way too far past that point now. 

He couldn't blame Daisuke though. He would have probably done the same thing if he had been in the other boy's place. But if only it had all never happened in the first place; if only Dais had been able to stop when he had been told to. Gods, what a mess. 

Yamato and Ken were nearby, he could hear them speaking in low, urgent tones near the sliding glass doors that led to the balcony, though he couldn't make out the words. Hikari was elsewhere, trying to explain to her mother what had happened and to convince the woman not to crowd or bother the boys too much. Takeru just wished he knew what everyone was planning to do with them so that he would be prepared when the time came. As long as he wasn't separated from his friends, then at least he'd be able to face the change. 

Absently he stroked the reddish brown hair of Daisuke, trying to give some comfort to the still shaking boy. Daisuke hadn't separated from Taichi for one moment since the incident, trembling viciously as he held desperately onto his 'brother'. The young teen was scared, Takeru knew, scared that the entire thing was his fault and that he had let the other two down. 

Closing his eyes, Takeru rested his head against Taichi's shoulder and decided that until a real decision had been made for them, he wasn't moving. The three stayed exceptionally still on the couch for quite awhile, pressed together so tight that it would have to take a great force to separate them. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the blonde felt the other two older boys approach their huddle. 

They sat down on the couch, one on either side of the small group, but remained silent for a while. Yamato was the first to make a move, probably because he was the oldest and felt that it was his responsibility. Takeru was just glad that Ken wasn't going to do anything else quite yet. "I think... I think there's been a... misunderstanding," the eldest blonde stated quietly. 

The three of them remained silent and motionless. Takeru kept his eyes shut and his grip on the others tight, knowing that Taichi would be the one to answer if the brunette deemed it necessary. But then again, knowing how Taichi was... he wasn't going to forgive or forget what had happened that easily. He could actually feel Taichi's already tense muscles tighten even more at Yamato's voice. 

"Gomen nasai, Daisuke, I'm so sorry!" Ken suddenly blurted out from the other side, his voice sounding strained and ready to break at any moment. 

Surprised, Takeru opened his eyes and turned his head just enough to peek over his shoulder at the bluenette. Neither Taichi nor Daisuke looked up however, but Takeru felt them flinch slightly. 

Ken's eyes were wide, and slightly reddened as though he had been crying, as he stared desperately at the huddled group. When he noticed Takeru staring at him, he didn't say anything, but pleadingly looked back into the bright blue eyes. Uncomfortably, Takeru looked away again. 

There was a frustrated sounding sigh that came from Yamato as the blonde stood up again and started to pace. "Fuck, this is stupid. We finally make some progress, then _bang_, back to square fucking one!" 

"Yamato," Ken warned him quietly, shifting nervously on the cushions. Then he turned back to them, "Daisuke... I really am sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, I was just... well... I wasn't really comfortable with what you were asking me to do. Please just listen... I'm not mad." 

"Stop apologizing, you're just making things worse!" Taichi suddenly snarled, shocking everyone into stillness as his heated eyes snapped up. He looked around with a frantic expression for a moment, as if he wasn't quite sure where he was, before leaping up with Daisuke in his arms and Takeru clinging to his left side. With a whining sort of noise, he ran from the room, to the bedroom that belonged to him and Daisuke. 

"I can't _take_ this anymore!" Taichi growled as he slammed the door shut behind them. Takeru instantly grabbed Daisuke from the older boy's arms and brought him to the bed where they fearfully curled up together, watching as the brunette paced the room. "I can't, I can't, I can't, I _can't_ !" The anger filled voice was quickly changing to almost a sob, thick and tearful. "_Fuck_ this! Fuck Yamato, fuck Ken, and fuck this _life_ !" 

Takeru felt Daisuke slowly stop shaking, a large cinnamon colored eye peeked out at his enraged brother. Together they watched with scared attention as Taichi cursed everything he could think of before smashing a fist into the wall. They had never seen him like this, as if he was about to explode with anger and every other emotion that he had kept pent up all these years. "I can't... fuck, I can't... too much..." 

At that moment Yamato and Ken burst into the room, their eyes wide as they took in the scene. The normally emotionless blonde was now staring at Taichi with an expression of horror and disbelief. He wasted no time in hurrying over to the sobbing brunette who was still crying out his feelings for the life they were living. "Taichi, it's okay! Please stop, I-" 

"It's _not_ okay! It's not! It's _not_!" Taichi screamed hoarsely, looking as if he was about to punch the other. Tears slipped unbidden down his reddened cheeks, "Why? _Why_ is this _happening_?!" 

Despite the threatening stance, Yamato reached out and gathered the teen in his arms, fiercely holding on as the brunette struggled to break free again. "Because, Taichi... it's just right. You don't understand, we're not trying to hurt you." 

Takeru could feel the panic growing inside of him, and knew that Daisuke was feeling the same. If Taichi didn't think he could handle this, if he couldn't believe that they would be okay, the how could _they_ be expected to know what to do? The two boys sat tensely at the edge of the bed, clutching onto each other as they tried to control their terrified emotions. 

Taichi had finally stopped trying to fight Yamato away and was now clinging onto him as if the blonde was the only thing keeping him up. Takeru could hear his friend's sobs from where he was sitting, which only served to frighten him even more. It was very rare to see Taichi cry, he was usually so strong and was always the one comforting everyone else. This just wasn't right. 

Takeru bit his lip, trying to stop from crying out himself, and turned away to block the sight from his eyes. Instead he saw that Hikari had now entered the room. She was with Ken, hugging him as though to calm him down and whispering steadily into his ear. They both looked over at him and Daisuke, catching him watching them. Then they were on the bed as well, Ken sitting on Daisuke's side but not too close so as to be crowding the boy. 

"Are you scared, Takeru?" Startled, the blonde only stared at the girl as he tightened his grip slightly on his friend. "It's going to be okay, Taichi just... needs someone to help him, like we all do." Hikari looked over his shoulder at Daisuke, who was currently curled up tightly as he hugged his knees and hid his face behind them. "Ken..." 

The bluenette startled, then looked toward the red head with an apprehensive frown. He shifted closer, hesitantly laying a hand on Daisuke's shoulder. The boy flinched away, moving even further against Takeru, which caused Ken to pull back with a heart broken look. "Don't be afraid of me... please..." He whispered sadly. Then he turned his bright violet eyes to Takeru, "Why... is he acting like this? I apologized, I... I didn't mean to..." 

"Y-you didn't want him..." Takeru whispered, lowering his own eyes as he leaned his head against Daisuke's shoulder. He felt tired, drained of energy after the long day. All this confusion wasn't helping one bit either. "...he wasn't good enough..." 

"Good enough?" Ken sounded confused himself, drawing away again. "I don't understand..." 

Takeru didn't even bother to answer this. He didn't really care one way or the other what the other was feeling, all he wanted at the moment was to be alone with his friends and sleep. A silence fell across the room, except for the occasional murmur that could be heard from the two older boys standing near by. It was a while before Takeru finally felt Taichi's arms wrap around him and Daisuke. Yamato spoke quietly to the other two, "They want to be left alone now, come on." Ken and Hikari reluctantly stood up and Takeru listened to the three sets of footsteps slowly walk out of the room. When the door finally clicked shut, he lifted his head to look at Taichi. 

Reddened chocolate brown eyes looked back at him sorrowfully, "I'm sorry about all of that, 'Keru, I just..." 

"S'okay, really. I'm just glad you're with us again, Tai." Takeru wrapped his arms around his older friend for a warm hug, his panic sliding away as he took in the familiar heat and strength that the other had to give. 

Then they looked to Daisuke who was still tightly hugging his knees. Taichi was kneeling in front of them on the floor, a hand on each of their shoulders. "Dais-chan?" 

The younger boy shuddered momentarily before lifting his head a bit. He stared at Taichi with a blank expression for a minute before launching himself into the brunette's arms, "He-he hates me! He h-_hates_ me, 'Chi! Why? Why's he hate me?" Takeru winced at the desperate note in those words. 

"No, Dais, no... he doesn't hate you. It's just... you made a mistake, that's all. He doesn't hate you for it." Taichi soothed him, hugging him back just as tightly. He looked up at Takeru for a moment to see if he was all right, but the blonde just nodded for him to calm Daisuke first. "Yamato told me... he told me that Ken was just shocked about what you were saying. He said they don't do things like... like _pay_... you know. But... but they're not going to punish us, he promised." 

Daisuke sniffed a bit, but didn't answer. With a tired sigh, Taichi only shook his head and lifted himself and the smaller teen onto the bed beside Takeru. Together, the three of them curled up in each other's arms and closed their eyes. They were all exhausted, and hoped that tomorrow would bring an answer to all of this, or at least some understanding. Takeru wasn't sure what to make of Taichi's explanation of Ken's actions, but he decided that there was no point in asking any more questions at the moment. Better to sleep; better to dream of a time without pain, or confusion, or sadness. 

=-=-=-= 

Ken was shaking by the time they walked into the living room, his thoughts going in a million different directions at once. The three of them immediately collapsed onto the closest available space; Yamato and Hikari on the couch while Ken took the armchair. There they commenced to stare blankly at one another. 

It had gone from a beautiful, wonderful day to terribly wrong so fast that it made his head spin to think about it. But... how could Daisuke have said such horrible things? That... that he would pay to _use_ Daisuke? That was just sick! Then Ken had screwed things up even worse by yelling at the confused boy and everything went downhill from there. 

That look of complete despair on the younger boy's face just kept passing through Ken's mind over and over again. He hated himself for causing it. 

"Well... looks like we fucked up." Yamato grumbled from where he was sprawled across half the couch, swiping a hand through his golden bangs in frustration. 

Ken frowned, shaking his head, "_I_ did. It was my fault, I shouldn't have yelled." 

"Ken, don't start blaming yourself now, you just reacted the same as anyone in that situation would have." The brunette girl reasoned, curling up on her own side of the couch, "And besides, we have enough to do without putting anyone to fault and feeling sorry for ourselves." 

With a sigh the bluenette nodded, deciding it was just easier to agree with her. Instead he looked toward his best friend, "What did you and Taichi talk about?" 

Yamato shrugged slightly, staring up at the ceiling with apparently great interest, "He was pretty upset. I guess all the pressure is really starting to get to him... you know, all that he has to do to keep the other two from panicking. I just tried to explain to him _why_ you had disagreed with what Daisuke was going on about. Once he realized you didn't really hate Daisuke's guts and weren't about to hurt any of them, he calmed down a bit." 

"But why had he said earlier that Ken was just making it worse by apologizing?" Hikari asked with her own little frown. 

"Because it's different from what they were used to, I guess." Yamato shrugged again, "Nobody's ever been 'sorry' for anything they did to them." 

"That's awful," She whispered, "They're so sensitive. No wonder we scare them so much." 

Ken sighed, wanting to cry but knowing that it wouldn't help matters at all, "What I don't get is why Daisuke... why he said those things. How could have he _wanted_ me to... to... you know. I would have thought that they would avoid the business whenever they could." He sighed again, shifting a bit as he looked towards the blonde, then noticed how the blue eyes were now staring at him with an unsure look. "Yama... what's the matter?" 

"It's just... Taichi told me something..." Yamato stared harder, as if trying to make up his mind whether or not to give away a secret. 

"What? What did he say?" Ken finally asked, knowing from experience that Yamato could take forever to get to a point. 

Yamato frowned, then grinned so suddenly that Ken and Hikari jumped with surprise. He sat up with a small laugh as the other two looked at him as though he had lost his mind. "He loves you!" 

"What?" Ken blinked, unsure if Yamato actually knew what he was saying or not, "_Taichi_ loves me?" 

Yamato laughed again, looking even more amused, "No, not Taichi." His grin widened, though he refrained from explaining any further. 

"Then... oh gods... Daisuke?" At Yamato's nod, Ken fell back into his chair with a hand to his mouth. _Daisuke_ loved him? Daisuke _loved_ him? That was crazy, why would the nervous red head like him at all? "Are you sure?" He mumbled through his fingers. 

Yamato nodded again, gaining back some of his usual seriousness, "I'm quite sure, Taichi isn't the type to just say things that he doesn't mean. He said that... that Daisuke claimed he was in love with you and so went about trying to have you in the only way he thought was safe." 

"But..." So Daisuke thought he loved Ken. And then Ken went and destroyed all the boy's hope by yelling at him to shut up! Oh... what a mess. Daisuke was never going to understand this one. "He _can't_ love me!" 

"I don't see why not," Yamato smirked a bit, "It's not like you're homophobic, right?" 

"No, you don't understand!" Gritting his teeth with frustration and guilt, Ken stood up and stared down at Yamato, "I betrayed his trust... He... he didn't think I'd ever hurt him but I-I did! To him, my response to his feelings was... was terrible. Kami... I'm just like... just like Asrik!" 

When his two friends only proceeded to stare at him with shocked faces, he turned around and rushed to the front door. He had to get away, his mind was screaming with so many confusing emotions while the rest of him was just filled up with an unimaginable amount of guilt. Slipping on his shoes, he ran out the door. 

"Ken!" There was a yell that he recognized as belonging to his best friend behind him, "Ken, wait!" 

Knowing that the elevator would just delay him, he headed for the stairs, taking them two at a time. He could hear Yamato's frustrated curses behind him as the older boy ran after him. It wasn't until they reached the third landing that the blonde caught up, grabbing Ken's arm to force him to stop and face the other teenager. "Fuck... Ken... why..." Yamato panted, trying to control his breathing while glaring down with narrowed eyes. 

Ken didn't respond, staring down at the concrete landing to avoid the icy gaze. There was the sound of a deep breath being drawn in, then he was forced to look up at the older boy as his chin was raised roughly by the other's hand. "You're _nothing_ like that fucking onore! _Nothing_, you got that? Asrik cheated on you, he lied to you, he didn't give a shit about your feelings. All _you_ did was tell Daisuke to stop talking about a fucked up idea. Does that sound anything like your ex?" 

"But I... to Daisuke it would seem..." Ken winced as the blue eyes hardened even more at his feeble attempts to defend himself. It hurt to think of his ex-boyfriend, of how the other had lied to him about everything. 

"It might have seemed harsh to Daisuke, but he'll get over it. Believe me. Taichi'll explain to him, the boy believes anything that Taichi tells him." Then Yamato's face softened, taking on an almost pleading expression, "Please Ken... don't blame yourself, and don't think of yourself like that. I hate seeing you so upset..." 

"I know..." Ken sighed, "But... what do I do?" 

Yamato echoed his sigh, then carefully pulled the younger boy into a comforting hug. They stood there together in silence for a while, thinking the question over. Finally the blonde said quietly, "I'm sure you'll think of something, Ken, you always do. Somehow you always manage to find a way to fix a hopeless situation." 

Ken smiled, looking up at the other with brightened violet eyes, "Thanks, Yama. You're a great friend, you know that?" 

The older teen snorted gently, pulling away again as he shook his head, "Aw, don't get all mushy on me now, Ken. Besides, you've always been a better friend to me, 'just trying to pay you back some." 

"Right, Yama, whatever you want to believe." Ken's smile widened as he hooked an arm around Yamato's thin waist, "What say we go back up and see what Hikari's mother made for dinner?" 

Yamato laughed, swinging his own arm around Ken's shoulders as they made their way back up the stairs, "Knowing her, probably something that includes some sort of fungus. But whatever floats your boat." 

"Are you going to stay here tonight?" Ken asked. 

With a nod, Yamato answered, "Yeah... I don't want to leave Takeru alone." He seemed to grow serious again at the mention of the younger blonde, his face losing most of its smile. Ken wanted to ask him about what was bothering him, but at that moment they came up to the Yagami's apartment door and walked in. 

Hikari was anxiously waiting for them inside and the moment she spotted the pair they instantly found themselves struggling to breathe as she threw her arms around them, "What's the matter with you two?! Leaving like that, really! Oh Ken, are you okay? Don't ever do that again!" 

"I... I'm fine... really!" Ken gasped as he finally tore away from her vice like grip. "Yamato talked some sense into me. And, well... you know how hard it is to argue with the likes of him!" He grinned at Yamato to show he was only joking. 

"Oh, how I know! Those eyes..." she shivered, also grinning at the now perturbed looking blonde. 

The older teenager muttered, "See if I ever try to help you guys again..." before giving up and heading for the kitchen. The other two followed close behind. 

The Yagami mother was in the kitchen as usual and was busy stirring a pot of what looked to be some sort of brownish stew. Ken's stomach growled as he spotted it. He had never understood how Yamato could find Mrs. Yagami's creations so disgusting when they always ended up tasting wonderful. 

The three teens spent dinner at the table with Mrs. Yagami as the woman drilled them about the situation with the other children. They tried to convince her that it really wasn't as bad as it seemed and that everything was under control. She didn't seem satisfied with the answers but trusted them all the same to do what was best. 

After dinner, Ken followed the others back to the living room and collapsed on the couch, patting his stuffed stomach absently. Yamato took the other side, immediately claiming more than his share of the couch as he lay across it, forcing Ken to curl up a bit. The two had already gotten permission to stay the night, which was easy because there was no school the next day, and now they were both secretly making plans to grab the couch to sleep on before the other could. Of course, Ken knew he would lose the fight, he always did, but it was fun finding new ways to irritate the blonde even more. 

Hikari looked at the clock on the shelf near by, not even bothering to sit down as she noticed how late it was. "I'm going to bed, then. You two should get some sleep as well, no bickering until three o'clock in the morning like you did last time you slept over." And with that she bid them good night and swept off to do whatever it was she did before going to sleep. 

It didn't take very long before Yamato stretched out further and shoved Ken off the couch, staring at the ceiling with an innocent look all the while. Mrs. Yagami had already finished cleaning up in the kitchen and had gone to her own bedroom. Her husband wouldn't be returning until the next evening as he had gone on a short business trip earlier that day. 

Ken thought about trying to fight back for his right to sleep on the soft couch for once, but then decided there really wasn't any point. Instead he went out to the hallway closet and grabbed a couple of quilts, throwing one on top of Yamato as he made his way to the armchair. It definitely wasn't a comfortable place to sleep, but it was better than the hard floor. Yamato grunted as the blanket fell on his head, but didn't say anything as he tucked it around him. 

There was silence for a while, but Ken couldn't seem to sleep quite yet. There was something bugging him, "Yamato?" There was a short grunt of reply. "You said... Daisuke likes me, right?" 

He heard a tired sounding sigh, but Yamato answered anyway, "Actually, I said he _loves_ you, but yes." 

Ignoring that, Ken continued, "Why?" 

"... How the hell should I know? 'Cause you're nice to him, I suppose." 

"Well, what about Taichi?" 

"What about him?" Yamato mumbled, snuggling further into his quilt. 

"Doesn't _he_ love _you_? You are nice to him too, after all." Ken smiled into the dark as he heard a snort of surprise from across the room. Obviously Yamato hadn't been expecting that. 

It took a few minutes before Yamato replied gruffly, "No I'm not. He thinks I hate him." 

"I doubt it... I saw you holding his hand today." Yamato tried to cut him off defensively, but Ken added, "Besides, Daisuke probably thinks I hate him now too." 

"... good point. But he likes you too much to stay afraid of you forever. Like I said before, he'll get over it. All you have to do is prove to him that you're not mad or going to hurt him." 

"Do you like Taichi?" 

Yamato once again was startled by the question, almost sounding as if he was choking in shock for a moment. Again it took a while for him to answer, so long in fact that Ken almost thought he had gone to sleep. But finally the blonde teen whispered, "Fuck, Ken, of course I like him, he's a nice guy." 

Ken rolled his eyes, shifting once again to get into a more comfortable position as the arm of the chair dug into his back. "That's not what I mean and you know it. Do you _like_ like him? As in more than 'he's a nice guy, I want him to be my friend' sort of like?" 

"How should I fucking know?" Yamato sounded almost angry, or frustrated, which surprised the bluenette. "Every time I get somewhere with him, get to know him some, something fucks it all up and he starts acting all afraid and hurt again. He's just too fucking scared of me! I try to be nice, I really do, but some how I always manage to fuck up because he can sense the slightest bit of anger in me whether it's directed at him or not." 

"Oh Yamato..." He really didn't know what to say to that. He could tell that Yamato was hurt by the way Taichi, and probably his brother as well, always shied away from him as if he was some horrible person who was going to smack them. It didn't help either that Yamato had always been rather guarded about forming new relationships. The blonde had never had a steady girlfriend _or_ boyfriend, though he had had many flings with people of both sexes. It took a lot just to befriend the stoic teenager as Ken had seen when Sora, Mimi, Jyou and the all rest of the group had had to work hard just to gain his trust. Now just when he finally was _trying_ to make friends with someone, that someone, namely Taichi, was just pushing him away over and over again. Knowing Yamato, it wouldn't be that long before his patience finally snapped and some rather drastic consequences came from it. 

It was obvious that Yamato was now ignoring him, pointedly turning to face the back of the couch in order to hide his frustrations all the better. Ken sighed and decided to let it go, knowing that too much prying could only lead to the other teen putting up his guard further and ignoring him for days. Instead he closed his eyes and turned his thoughts to his own problems with Daisuke. It was hours before he actually fell asleep, his mind busy mauling over his feelings for a certain complicated maroon haired boy. 

=-=-=-= 

*Rock-a-by baby, in a tree top...*__

_"You fucking son of whore! I told you to get down on your knees boy..."_

*...when the wind blows, the cradle will rock...* 

_"Do as I say, bitch, or I'm not pay'n shit for your skinny ass."_

*...when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall...*__

_"Give me what ya got, you little mother fucker, and don't hold back on the noise neither."_

*...And down...* 

_"Whoring bitch!"_

*...will come...*__

_"You don't deserve what I'm giving ya, you don't deserve this, you hear?!"_

*... baby, cradle...* 

_"That's it, boy, cry out for me! Tell me it hurts, tell me how much it fucking hurts!"___

*... and all.* 

Taichi lay still, his eyes turned unseeing at the bottom of the bunk bed above them. Memories of the past refused to let him sleep. All the men who had forced him to do their will, forced him to cry and plead for mercy, forced him to _beg_ for what they were about to do to him. They had never been allowed to permanently mark him but there were still many ways to feel pain without that. Some men had taken perverse pleasure in hearing him cry out to them, screaming for them to stop. But they never did. Sure, some of his clients had actually been pretty gentle and generally thoughtful, but that still left many men who did not think twice about demanding anything they had wanted from him. 

It had all made sense before. He was merely a stupid whore for the Masters to use as they willed and if they willed these men to do as they pleased with him, then so be it. Who was he to say what he did or did not want? It had never been up to him. And he had appreciated the Masters, respected them to no bounds, because without them they had claimed that he would have been homeless, starving and without a single person to care for him. 

But now things had changed. Once again Yamato had tried to explain to him that their previous services were not wanted here. They were not expected to perform for the needy perverts, nor bow down to anyone. 

It was all so confusing and yet... it made perfect sense. When he looked at how Hikari, Ken, Yamato and all the rest of the kids behaved, how they seemed to be almost on equal terms with the adults, it just seemed bizarre to have to work like he had anymore. The Masters did not exist here... and that's what scared him the most. 

No Masters to take care of them; no Masters to tell them what was and was not okay; no Masters to think for them. Whoring was the only thing he was good at, that he knew how to do with perfection. What would he do now? 

With a shiver, Taichi sat up in the bed, feeling a familiar aching pain in his chest. Takeru and Daisuke had rolled away at some point during the last few hours, still curled up together and blissfully asleep. This left Taichi alone to deal with his thoughts and nightmarish memories. 

He felt numb as he stared blindly at the dark lumps of his friends, wishing that he could do so much more for them. They must be so disappointed with him, especially after the freak out he had had earlier. He was supposed to take care of them, it was his responsibility as he was the oldest, but he had failed them. That was one thing he was sure of. 

Without thinking, Taichi slid off of the bed and silently padded out of the room. He felt overwhelmed with new thoughts and ideas, most of them not to his liking, and just felt the need to get away from it all for awhile. He didn't know where he was going, or what he was thinking, until he entered the living room and spotted the mess of familiar hair sticking out from underneath the quilt. A bit of light that shone through the blinds on the windows caused the hair to glow golden. 

Taichi started to shake as he stood in silence, watching the dark lump on the couch with wide, uncertain eyes. His chest felt tight, as though he couldn't breathe properly. His feet and hands were freezing in the night air, but all he did was shiver and ignore it. Yamato... He had told Daisuke that it was against the rules to fall in love, that they shouldn't even be thinking that way, but now that the Masters were gone...? What now? Did those rules still apply? Would the Masters come back? So many questions and all of them went unanswered. 

He was so scared... so scared that he was doing everything wrong, or that this wasn't going to last and the Masters would be there the next day to march them right back home again. Another shiver ran through him. He could almost hear the Masters now, their footsteps coming down the hallway to stop right outside the apartment. They would come in, tell him that it was all a test and that he had failed miserably, that now they had to punish him. And he knew what their punishments were like... 

As the first wave of panic shot through him, he stumbled over to the couch and frantically pulled away the quilt, trying to make sure that Yamato was really there. The other teen woke up with a start as the cold air hit him, staring around in confusion. 

Taichi only stared, caught between relief and blind panic over what might still happen. Yamato finally appeared to figure out where he was and soon caught sight of Taichi standing there. "What... Taichi?" He whispered with sleepy surprise. 

Shaking more than ever, the brunette took a step back, prepared to bolt if Yamato should suddenly decide that his presence was not wanted here. He shouldn't have come, shouldn't have woken up Yamato, but he had craved the comforting arms so much... 

"Kami... what time is it?" Yamato yawned, turning to properly face the other. Then he seemed to realize that everything wasn't right, "Taichi? What're you doing up?" 

"Gomen..." Taichi whispered, backing away another step. He was feeling the cold now as it crept through his thin clothes. "I... I d-didn't mean to..." 

"Yama...? What's going on?" Taichi gasped as he heard Ken's groggy voice behind him and was only stopped from fleeing the room by the firm hand that grabbed his arm. 

"It's all right, Ken, go back to sleep. Taichi just decided to join our little party." Yamato reassured the other, staring at Taichi with searching eyes all the while. When Ken didn't say anything else, Taichi was pulled back towards the couch until he was standing in front of the confused blonde. "Are you okay, Taichi?" 

Taichi blinked at the question before his mind caught up with the present, "I... yes. I'm s-sorry." 

Yamato narrowed his eyes, causing Taichi to flinch and try to pull back. The hand only tightened a bit on his arm, "Don't lie to me, I just want to help. You know I'm not going to hurt you." 

Did he? Taichi suddenly realized that he _did_ know that. Not once since they had met had Yamato abused him in any way. Sure he got a bit snappish, but from the looks of things he was like that to even Ken sometimes. "I'm scared." Taichi blurted out quietly, hoping that the other would understand. 

For a few moments, Yamato didn't say anything as he only stared sympathetically at the brunette through the darkness. Then he tugged Taichi towards him and whispered, "Come here, then." 

Taichi gladly fell into the other's arms, burying his face into the shoulder provided for him. He felt the warm arms encircle him and finally let his frightened tears slip free. He cried quiet sobs for all the things he had been worrying unceasingly about. Yamato let him, without comment, only holding him tightly in a comforting hug. It was that comfort that Taichi had been wanting so badly, had needed for so long. Why was Yamato so good to him? 

He cried and cried until the tears dried up and he felt himself relax. Yamato felt it too and only then pushed Taichi back a bit, reaching a hand to wipe away the last bit of wetness on his cheeks. "Feeling better, now?" He asked kindly, smiling a bit 'though the concern still hung heavy in his eyes. 

Taichi nodded slightly, still clinging on to the other's shirt with shaky hands. "Th-thank you..." 

"Hey, don't thank me. I know you needed it," Yamato told him, "Are you sure you feel better?" 

"A... a little... It's just..." Taichi hesitated, but gained a bit of confidence at Yamato's encouraging nod, "The Masters-" He stopped again as he felt the blonde freeze under his fingers. Taichi pulled away, horrified at the response, "I'm sorry! I... I shouldn't have... gomen nasai!" 

He started panicking again, afraid that Yamato was mad at him now. He hadn't meant to anger him! But Yamato held onto him determinedly as he tried to jerk away, aware of what was going on. "Taichi! Stop it! I'm not mad, I promise. Calm down!" He hissed, trying not to wake Ken again. 

Out of habit, Taichi obeyed what he thought was a command and stopped struggling. In fact he stayed very still, though he couldn't stop shivering. "G-gomen-" 

"Stop apologizing, please Taichi. There's nothing you should be sorry for right now." Yamato pleadingly looked at him, "You can ask the question, I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't even realize that you... But please go ahead." 

For a moment Taichi only stared back, still shaken up by whatever had just happened. Then he nervously continued, hesitating to gauge the reaction, "The... the M-Masters..." No response. Gathering up all of his nerve, Taichi asked shakily, "They... W-will they co-come back and... and p-punish us for... for failing...?" 

"Failing?" Yamato blinked, looking stunned. Then he shook his head vigorously, "Oh Kami-sama, no! They're not coming back Taichi, ever. You'll never see them again, you shouldn't worry about that. And you haven't failed anything! Fuck, you still don't see, do you?" 

Worriedly, Taichi frowned, "Never?" 

"Never, ever." Yamato smiled again, reaching up to tousle the soft, chestnut brown hair. "You're safe with us, Taichi, that I _can_ promise you." 

"So... so you do l-like me, then?" Taichi asked hopefully, remembering how he was sure that Yamato had started to hate him for being so weak earlier that day. He had even gone so far as to try to ask Yamato about it. 

Yamato laughed quietly, "Of course I do, I've never _not_ liked you. You're just too cute to be mad at!" 

They both froze as the words left his mouth, staring at each other in shock. Yamato seemed to flush, though it was hard to tell in the dark. Taichi asked, hardly daring to believe it, "You think that... I'm cute?" 

Yamato looked as though a revelation had suddenly hit him in the head, a stunned look on his face. Then he smiled as a knowing expression formed, "Yeah..." All Taichi felt was confusion at this, wishing he had a mirror to look into so he could figure out exactly what Yamato meant by 'cute'. As far as he knew, it was a good thing, but then again what did he know? Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted as his mouth widened to let out a huge yawn. Yamato blinked, his smile turning into a small grin, "It's really late, I'm guessing. Or early, depending how you look at it. I think it's time we get back to sleep, if you're okay now." 

"Can I... sleep with you?" Taichi asked timidly, not wanting to make the trip back to his room through the dark. Plus, Yamato was so warm, how could he leave that for the cold? 

"Yeah, sure." Yamato agreed, looking down at the narrow couch with a doubtful frown. Then he shrugged and lay down, pulling Taichi down with him while tugging up the quilt. "Cozy." The blonde commented drily at the tight squeeze, but Taichi just happily snuggled into the other teen with a contented sigh. Yamato sighed as well, hugging him back. "G'night Taichi..." 

"'night 'Mato..." Taichi smiled at this, finally able to stop shivering as the other's body heat seeped into him. He hoped Yamato was right, that the Masters weren't coming back and that he was safe here. Before, he had wanted to go back to where everything was familiar, but now he realized that that would mean he would have to go back to pain, cold and a place without Yamato.

=-=-=-=

**(A/N) **Yay, it didn't end in complete misery this time! Heh. Well, hope to hear from you all! Thanks for all the reviews, they're really encouraging ^_^  



	10. To Forgive is Divine

**(A/N)** *clears throat* Um, hi... bet you never thought you'd see me again, huh? It's been over two months since I last posted, where does time go?! Very sorry about that, I didn't mean to take so long, just was very preoccupied with starting university and then midterms hit and well... you know how it goes. *sigh* well, I'm here now. You're very persuasive reviews finally got me off my behind and back to the computer. Thanks! And I'll try to post more often again. Oh yeah, I've changed my name to 'Ambivalence', if you haven't noticed, just because I like the word, and I'm always split minded about everything ^^; So... here's the fic, sorry again about the wait!  
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"You have to be able to center yourself, to let all of your emotions go... Don't ever forget that you play with your soul as well as your body."  
-Abdul-jabbar, Kareem  
_  
Part 10: To Forgive is Divine  
  
So warm... so comfortable... Still mostly asleep, Yamato sighed lightly and hugged the source of that delicious warmth closer to himself. He did not want to open his eyes just yet, reluctant to face the new day and the problems that were sure to come with it. Instead his mind remained peacefully in a state of blissful half unconsciousness, where it wouldn't have to think about anything important at all. Steady, hot breaths of air caressed his neck gently and he couldn't help but smile slightly with dreamy pleasure. He had missed this so much, waking up with someone in his arms, knowing that he was not alone for now. Of course there was still the question of who it was with him this time. Not that his mind or body really cared at the moment, but Ken wasn't going to like this one bit. His protective friend had never cared for the way Yamato occasionally slept around so he hadn't actually done so very much lately. But how could he give this comfort up? So nice... 

"Yamato? Are you awake? You're smiling..." 

Yamato's eyes flew open as he mentally matched the sudden voice with a name. Ken?! What was he doing here? Unable to comprehend anything over the shock, he only stared dazedly at the familiar grinning face above him. And then it all came back to him in a rush. The memories of Taichi coming to him last night, of comforting the frightened brunette, promising him that no one was going to take him away... and most of all, agreeing to share the couch with him. 

"Ah, so you are up." Ken's violet-blue eyes were bright with some unknown glee as he took a step back to give Yamato some space. He gave the couple on the couch a contemplative look before raising an eyebrow at the blonde, "So... just _how_ cute is he again, Yama?" 

The glaring blue eyes hardly blinked as Ken suddenly clapped a hand to his mouth in order to suppress his laughter, not wanting to wake Taichi up. Yamato had been expecting this from the moment he had let it slip last night. There was no way the nosey boy would have gone back to sleep without listening in on their conversation first and gathering up every little detail for use later on. And then, of course, it wouldn't be long until Ken got in touch with Miyako and shared the fun with her. He was going to be endlessly teased about this, he just knew it. "Ken, you're not funny. Especially not this early in the morning. So fuck off and let me go back to sleep." 

This only made Ken's face turn so purple with contained mirth that Yamato was afraid he was going to explode. It took a few minutes for the bluenette to gather himself again, but the grin never faded, "Right... sorry. I almost forgot what an absolutely cheerful person you are in the mornings!" 

Yamato groaned slightly, knowing there was no way he was going to be left alone now. But he was distracted from this thought when he felt movement within his arms. Looking down, his gaze was met by a sleepy pair of chocolate brown eyes, blinking up at him in innocent confusion. "'Keru-chan?" Taichi mumbled with a frown. 

"No... Yamato. Remember?" The blonde informed him, finding himself unable to look away from the adorable puppy dog eyes. Maybe he really did feel something for this boy, at least some kind of strange attraction. It didn't make much sense, not even to himself, but Taichi seemed so different from anyone he had ever known. 

The mesmerizing eyes closed again as Taichi snuggled back up to him, drowsily mumbling, "Right... Y'mato... 'member." 

"Aw, that's so sweet." Ken laughed, pretending to wipe away tears. 

Rolling his eyes, Yamato was about to reply when, without warning, Taichi bolted upright, staring at the blonde with terrified awareness on his face. Trying to gain his breath back from the surprise of the sudden movement, Yamato shook his head to clear it, "Taichi? What's the matter?" The brunette said nothing, but appeared to be in shock. Yamato frowned, then carefully reached out a hand to touch the other's shoulder. 

The moment he made contact, Taichi uttered a short screech and promptly fell off the couch, quickly scrambling backwards until he hit the wall. From there he only stared back at Yamato, his eyes wide and his breaths coming out short and fast. 

Yamato didn't know what to do, he had no idea what he could possibly have done wrong. Frantically he looked to Ken, but his friend was staring in just as much astonishment at the shaking teenager in the corner. "What happened, Taichi? You're not afraid of me, are you?" How could the brunette be scared of him now? Especially after all that had happened that night. 

There was only silence as Taichi dropped his gaze to the floor. Trying to keep control of his temper, Yamato gritted his teeth and slowly slid off the couch, inching his way toward Taichi. He tried to appear as unthreatening as possible, but it really was hard under the circumstances. "I'm not going to hurt you... I just want to know what I did to frighten you like that. Tell me?" He stopped about a foot away from the other boy who had started pushing backwards against the wall again as if he was trying to melt right into it. 

"I... I shouldn't have..." Taichi stuttered, looking hopelessly at the floor. 

"Shouldn't have what?" Yamato tried again, speaking quietly while trying to keep himself from reaching out to touch the shaken teen again. Kami... he hated seeing Taichi looking like this, it wasn't right. 

The bright, brown eyes slowly peeked up, shimmering as though they were about to shed tears. He whispered, sounding ashamed of himself, "'Shouldn't have s-slept with y-you... Bad... 'Told Daisuke not to... th-then I just..." 

Yamato frowned, unable to make much sense from the half formed sentences. But he did understand, and knew from past experience, that Taichi probably felt he had gotten too close to him. "Hey... Taichi, calm down. It's alright. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise. Did you mind sharing the couch with me?" 

"Well... well n-no..." Taichi shook his head, warily peering out from under his long bangs. "But the... the M-masters said..." 

"Fuck the Masters!" The brunette's eyes widened as he gaped in open mouthed surprise at what Yamato had just said. "I _told_ you, they're never coming back. You don't need to follow their fucked up rules any more! Just forget about them and live your own life!" 

Taichi blinked, opened his mouth, blinked again, then shut it. He stared at Yamato, looking shocked, scared and mostly confused. Yamato sighed, knowing that maybe he had gone a little too far, but Taichi _had_ to get it through his stubborn mind that he wasn't going to ever see those 'Masters' again. "Oh," Taichi finally managed to squeak, his eyes still wider than should have been possible. 

With small groan, Yamato crawled the rest of the way over to Taichi and hesitantly laid a hand on his shoulder. This time the brunette did not freak out. "See, it's fine. Understand?" 

Taichi stared a bit longer before his mouth curled into a barely detectable smile. He shook his head and shrugged, "Not really, but... but I... I'll try." 

"Good enough." Yamato smiled back, then stood up to find Ken again. He turned and found Hikari standing next to his best friend, a knowing smile on her face. "Uh... hey, 'Kari. I didn't know you were up." 

"Oh, I was up for a while now." She grinned, obviously hinting that she had seen almost everything that had happened. Yamato almost groaned out loud, they were never going to stop teasing him now, just for the fun of it. "I came looking for Taichi actually. Takeru and Daisuke are wondering where he went..." Her smile turned into a worried look, "Takeru's almost demanding to see him, but Daisuke wouldn't say a word to me. I don't think he's feeling much better about yesterday." 

"What?" Ken frowned, staring guiltily in the direction of the bedrooms, "Are you sure he's not speaking?" 

Hikari nodded while Yamato turned back to Taichi, noting the very concerned look on the tanned face. Chocolate eyes stared pleadingly back at him as if asking for permission to go to his friends. "Taichi... you should probably go see them. I bet they're worried about you." 

With a nod, Taichi took a step towards the hallway, but then seemed to change his mind. Instead he turned and threw his arms around Yamato in a tight hug. "Thank you..." He whispered, holding onto a dumbfounded Yamato a moment longer before breaking away and hurrying out of the room to find Takeru and Daisuke. 

Yamato was so startled that he could only stand there and stare after the brunette. Slowly he raised a hand to his cheek, still feeling the soft breath that had hit his skin and the warm glow spreading through his chest. 

"Hello? Yama, you with us buddy?" Fingers snapped in front of his face, jolting him back to reality. Ken grinned, shaking his head, "You are so falling for him." 

Yamato blinked, "What?" Then his mind finally processed the words and he glared back at Ken, "I am not! What makes you say that?" 

The bluenette rolled his eyes, "Never mind. I'm sure Hikari understands, though." 

Said girl was currently doubled over with suppressed laughter, her hands to her mouth with the occasional giggle escaping through her fingers. Yamato felt his face heat up and knew that he was blushing, something that he really hated. "Whatever. Can we just change the subject now?" 

"S-sure, Ya-Yamato-o" Hikari managed to get out before she promptly collapsed on the armchair in a heap of giggles. The blonde just glared before moving his gaze over to Ken, silently conveying through his expression just what would happen to the boy if he so much as said one more word about the matter. 

Ken got the message and quickly decided it would be best to do as Yamato wanted, having had a little too much experience with the unpredictable teenager's wrath. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot! I've got a soccer game this afternoon. It's here in Odaiba, actually, so I don't even need to go home first." Ken had always kept an extra uniform at Yamato's home for just such times as these. Of course, it was Yamato who had forced him to do so after he had gotten sick of having to drive Ken all the way back to Tamachi just for the uniform when the game was being played in Odaiba anyway. 

"Oh no, the game! I'd promised Miya that we'd go over some of our new cheerleading moves before it!" Exclaimed Hikari who had apparently gotten over her little fit, much to Yamato's relief. "I've got to go get ready, I had told her I'd be at her place by eleven to practice." She jumped up and rushed out of the room, leaving Ken and Yamato to themselves. 

Not knowing what else to do now, Yamato raised an eyebrow at Ken, noting the thoughtful expression of the other. "What's on your mind?" 

Ken blinked as though disturbed from some deep thought and shrugged, "Nothing. Well, nothing important really," He amended when Yamato only gave him a skeptical look, "Are you coming to the game?" 

"Sure, I guess so. It's not like I have anything else to do today," He replied with a nod. "Besides, I'm trying to see how long I can put off my math homework and still get it done in time for class tomorrow." 

Ken laughed at that, "I did my homework on friday, but you can phone me tonight if you need help." Yamato grinned back, having already planned on doing just that. "Hey, Yama? Do you think they would want to come watch the game?" 

"What?" The blonde frowned, "I don't know about that Ken. I mean, look what happened yesterday. It might be a little _too _much excitement for them if they had to go out again after that." 

"Yeah but... wouldn't it be better than keeping them here by themselves? At least this way they'd know we're not upset with them, right? Not if we were taking them with us. And maybe Daisuke would..." Ken trailed off, looking down to the floor. 

With a sigh, Yamato reluctantly nodded. He hated seeing Ken look so guilty, it really didn't suit him. Besides, wasn't _he _supposed to be the depressed one here? "Fine, maybe it will help. I'll keep an eye on them and you can go impress your little Daisuke-chan with your super cool soccer skills." 

The other teen's pale cheeks bloomed red as his bright eyes looked hopefully up at Yamato, "Thanks, Yama." 

Yamato just lay back on the couch, covering his eyes with one hand while wondering why everyone felt the need to thank him this morning. It just gave him a headache and filled him with more confused feelings than he felt was possible. Especially when it came to Taichi. Taichi... A smile unconsciously grew as he sat up again and prepared to go and explain to the three boys what the plans were for the day. 

=-=-=-= 

Daisuke stared blankly out of the van's window, quietly watching the drops of water slowly slide down the glass. It had started drizzling a little while ago, completely saturating the world in a light, misty rain, and yet they were being driven to some strange 'field' to sit out in it and get soaked. At least that was what he had understood from the quick explanation right before they were all dressed up in rain gear and ushered out of the apartment. If he had been speaking at the moment, Daisuke would have made it clear that he really wasn't looking forward to this stupid outing. But he wasn't speaking and he was never going to again if he could help it. Every time he opened his big mouth he ended up making some mistake that hurt either himself or his friends. Both Taichi and Takeru understood this, though they did not approve one bit, and had tried to explain it to the others without much success. As it was, Yamato and Ken had tried to persuade him talk to them for an entire hour before realizing how hopeless it was. 

Ken... Just the thought of that dark haired teenager made Daisuke shiver and try to curl up further into his seat. The way Ken had yelled at him the other day had been one of the worst things to happen to Daisuke in a long time. It scared him to know that he had crossed a line that he hadn't even known was there, hurting Ken, Taichi and Takeru all in one blow. If he just had not spoken, hadn't opened his fucking mouth! But that wasn't going to happen again, never again. Ken hadn't yelled at him since, even while trying to get him to talk, so that proved that it _was _working, right? It hadn't made the other teen mad or caused him to scream or anything. It wasn't hard not to talk, not anymore. He'd had practice with this sort of thing quite a few times before under the command of their Masters. 

They had to make a quick stop at Yamato's apartment to grab something before they headed for where ever it was they were going. Daisuke sighed, leaning his head back against Taichi's shoulder and wished that the day was over already. All he wanted to do was crawl back into bed and stay there for the rest of his miserable life. Hide under the covers from all that he wanted so badly but couldn't have. 'Ken... oh Ken... don't be mad... it hurts...' 

He could feel Taichi and Takeru giving him worried looks, but they knew there was nothing they could do to help. When Taichi had first come back to them that morning he had tried to tell them what Yamato had said, but Daisuke really didn't give a damn what that blonde _said. _What someone said and thought were two completely different things. Besides, he was still a bit angry at his brother for abandoning them in the night just to go cuddle with _Yamato. _

Knowing that he was letting his thoughts go a little to far, Daisuke blocked his emotions from his mind once again and went back to staring at the gray world outside. Bad thoughts led to bad actions and discipline, the Masters had told him, so he would have to keep that in mind. 

Suddenly he realized that the van had come to a stop and doors were being opened. Automatically he followed Taichi's back out of the vehicle and into the rain, wincing a bit when he felt the cold drops hit his face. Right then and there he decided that he hated rain. It was too wet and cold and he would never have had to put up with it back _home. _

They started walking across the gravel parking lot towards a large open space already filled with people. Daisuke nervously latched onto Takeru's side when he heard the noise coming from the crowd. The blonde held just as tightly onto his arm as they both stuck close to Taichi. 

Once they reached the edge of the field Ken separated from them, "I'll see you guys later. After I've won the game, I'll treat us to some hot chocolate!" Then he ran off to another building. Daisuke tried not to stare after him, but couldn't help it as he felt his chest tighten slightly. Why was Ken leaving them? He must still be mad at Daisuke for disobeying and so didn't want to sit near him... 

With a sniff, Daisuke bit his lip and turned away, forcing himself not to cry. He deserved this anyway. As they walked over to the huge stacked benches, bleachers Yamato had called them, he kept his head down, ignoring the way water was dripping from his bangs onto his nose. Yamato kept muttering darkly about forgetting the umbrellas until his name was called from the side. Everybody stopped as a tall, black haired teenager jogged up to them. 

Daisuke heard Yamato groan slightly before greeting the stranger, "Konnichi wa, Roka-kun. Daijoubu ka?" His voice was was filled with a sweet innocence that really did not match his guilty expression. 

The boy came to a stop in front to the blonde, glaring daringly back into those icy blue eyes, "Cut the crap, Yamato. Where were you saturday?" 

"Saturday? You mean yesterday? Uh... on a picnic, if I remember correctly." Yamato replied with a quick grin, his eyes widened slightly as he tried to keep up his innocent façade. 

"A _picnic_?!" The stranger, Roka, spluttered. "Wait... I don't want to know. Not if it involves you. But you _knew _we had a practice! And then you just call and cancel last minute? Sachi's already planning your very painful death. What the fuck were you thinking? We have a concert in a _week_!" 

"Roka, shut up, really. You wouldn't understand." Yamato said, rubbing his forehead painfully. 

"Try me," The other spat back, looking ready to hit someone. Daisuke huddled a little further into Takeru, just in case. He didn't like this tension one bit, it gave him the feeling that something very bad was about to happen. And then suddenly the feeling vanished as the strange teenager's face unexpectantly lit up with a sheepish grin, "Ah, nevermind right now. I'm sure we'll hear all about it Tuesday night, right? If the others have let you live that long, that is." 

Yamato's own glare faded away to a relieved smile, "Tuesday? I'll make sure I'm there, promise. And don't worry, Sachi's all talk, I can handle him. He's really just a kitten at heart." 

"Kitten... right. I'll be sure to tell him that!" Roka laughed, casually running a hand through his spiked, raven black hair, completely ignoring Daisuke and his friends. "Just make sure you make it. Anyway, I've got to run. My brother just finished a game before this, so I'm supposed to meet him outside the changing rooms." 

"Yeah, I'll see you later then." They clapped hands before the other teenager went running off down the field towards the building that Ken had disappeared into only a few minutes ago. Daisuke blinked some water out of his eyes, still not sure what _that _was all about, but figured it really had nothing to do with him and so he should just forget about it. 

Yamato led them up the bleachers to an empty spot near the top. Amazingly enough, they could see the entire field, which Daisuke assumed must be the purpose of having them raised like this. Once they were sitting, the red head huddled into Taichi's side, finding himself in between his brother and Takeru. At least he was a little warmer this way. 

Daisuke remained silent, blocking out the noise of the small crowd around them, and shut his eyes. His plan was just to sleep until Yamato said they could stop this pointless misery and go back to the warm apartment. Sleep... yeah, that sounded good. 

Of course, just like most of his plans, this one fell apart as Takeru suddenly spoke up, "Hey, is that Miyako-san down there? And Hikari-san?" 

"Yup, they're cheerleaders for our team." Agreed Yamato, "You remember Miyako, Daisuke?" Daisuke didn't even bother to look at him, not nearly stupid enough to fall for that. "Uh... right then. Anyway, Ken and his team should be coming out soon. He's the captain, by the way." 

"I met a captain once..." Takeru said absently, still squinting at the field through the rain. "'Said he was the captain of an air... an air-o-plane, I think he said." 

There was silence for a while before Yamato finally mumbled in an oddly choked tone, "Different type of captain," then didn't say anything more. 

A few minutes later, the crowd unexpectantly started cheering, startling Daisuke right out of any thoughts of sleeping. He looked frantically around, trying to figure out what was going on, wondering if something had happened. Yamato had joined the cheers, clapping and whistling at the field which Daisuke suddenly realized was now filled with teenagers all wearing some sort of uniforms. Beside him, Taichi whispered, "What's happening?" 

Yamato grinned at them, sitting back down and said, "The game's going to start, warm up time's over. See, there's Ken down there near the center. All the kids wearing the same uniform as him are on his team, the others are on the opposite side. The object of the game is to kick around that ball and try to get it into the other team's net." The hasty explanation didn't do much to help Daisuke understand, but at least he knew now that it was some sort of game. 

Despite Daisuke's earlier plan of sleeping through the entire thing, he couldn't keep himself from watching the game, completely fascinated by the movements going on below him. He watched as the small black and white ball was passed from person to person and started anticipating it's moves. The game soon had him so completely involved that he noticed nothing else and found himself almost cheering with the rest of the crowd when Ken and his team scored goal after goal. 

Look at Ken go! Down the field, dodging the opposing team, keeping the ball in tight control. It was like nothing Daisuke had ever seen before. He started picking up on some of the rules as the game progressed, watching closely for similar occurrences. Like how the team members always went for the opposite net, and how the game would come to a short halt whenever the ball crossed the outer line and then someone would have to throw it in again. It was amazing, truly amazing to see something like this. 

It was disappointing to see it finally end, but Daisuke found himself clapping along with Taichi, Yamato and Takeru, although he still didn't make any other sound. His earlier depression seemed to have vanished for the moment as all he could think about was the game. Wouldn't it be great to be able to run around like that? To chase after that sneaky ball and beat the other team? To be so _free_... 

"Let's go find Ken and congratulate him!" Yamato hopped off of the bench, pulling Taichi after him, who in turn hung onto Daisuke and Takeru so that they all remained together. The tall blonde led them through the excited crowd and down onto the field where he finally let go of Taichi and ran over to his friend. "Ken! You were great, as usual." 

Ken laughed, hugging him back, "I know! Did you see the way I got that last goal? They didn't know what hit them!" 

"Ah, the ever modest Ken," Yamato grinned, ruffling the other's hair. Then they started going on again about the game. 

Daisuke listened for a while, but quickly lost track of what was being said, not able to understand most of the terms used. Besides, he was worried that he might give into his urges to ask about some of the soccer rules that he wanted to know about. Instead, he turned away and looked over the field. Then he noticed something that completely stole his attention away from anyone else. Sitting on the grass, only a few feet away, was one of those perfectly round, black and white soccer balls. The one they had been kicking around in the game. Just there, all by itself. 

Unable to help himself, Daisuke stepped towards it, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. Everyone was busy with Ken for the moment, so he took another step towards the alluring item. His feet seemed to have a mind of their own as they led him right up to the soccer ball. For a moment he just stood there, staring at it as though it might suddenly come to life and run away. But as it didn't move, he cautiously raised a leg and touched the top of the rain slicked surface with his toe. Still it did nothing, except roll slightly from the pressure. 

Without meaning to, a smile lit Daisuke's face. This was it then, his chance to do what he saw the others had done. The closest net wasn't far away and was at the perfect angle for a direct kick into it. Perfect. He forgot all about the others, focussing instead on remembering what he had seen Ken do before kicking the ball. Carefully he looked at the net, then raised his right foot behind him. And then... he let it fly. His foot hit with a satisfying thud against the ball, sending the thing flying in a perfect arc through the air. Daisuke watched it, feeling pride and happiness well up inside of him. It just looked so free flying through the air like that. 

Only a moment passed, though it seemed an eternity to the mesmerized teenager, before the soccer ball landed again, rolling effortlessly into the goal. Just like Ken, he had scored a goal just like him. He had won. 

Without warning the silence was filled with the sound of clapping and whistling, forcing Daisuke back to reality. He spun around, only to slip in the mud and fall to the wet ground. Terrified, he stared at the group near by and could only think about how he had touched that soccer ball without permission. Oh Kami, why couldn't he ever learn! Even without speaking, he still screwed up! Ken was going to be so mad, he was going to scream at him again. Scream and maybe hurt him this time and hate him forever. 

Gasping, Daisuke felt the tears pouring down his cheeks. He hadn't meant to be so stupid! An arm wrapped around his shoulders and he turned his head to find Ken's face only inches away. Oh no, he was right, Ken was here to deal out the punishment now. What if this was so bad that he had to leave Taichi and Takeru? To be alone and in the dark... oh no, oh no... 

"Daisuke, hey, it's okay," Ken's soft voice broke through his panicking, hysterical thoughts, "that was really cool, what you just did. That was a great shot, are you sure you've never played soccer before?" 

Daisuke stared in shock at the smiling face in front of him, unable to move or answer for the moment. Why was Ken smiling? Why wasn't he yelling like before? It didn't make sense. Ken hated him breaking the rules! Finally he noticed that Ken was just kneeling there in the mud waiting for an answer so he hesitantly shook his head slightly. 

"Really? Never? Well you're a natural then." The wonderfully clear violet-blue eyes winked at him, causing his cheeks to redden slightly from the praise. But still... this wasn't right... Maybe Ken was... was waiting for him to make another mistake before freaking out again. "Daisuke, what's the matter? It looked like you enjoyed kicking that ball, am I right?" 

And there it was. Ken was going to find out that he _did _like that game, that he wanted to kick the ball again. Then he'd be in trouble. Daisuke shook his head frantically as he jumped up out of Ken's reach. "No!" He cried out, then realized it and clapped his hands over his mouth in horrified surprise. He'd said something! He had made the final mistake, couldn't he do _anything _right?! 

With a sob, he tried to turn around only to end up back on the gound as he lost his grip in all of the mud. Scared out of his mind, Daisuke hid his face in his knees, wildly muttering, "no... oh no... no..." over and over. This was it... he was in so much trouble. Nobody would save him this time. 

"Daisuke! Daisuke, please!" Once again it was Ken who interrupted his panicked mind. "Tell me what's wrong, why won't you say anything? Please, tell me?" 

He couldn't... he couldn't talk again, not again! Faintly he felt the warm body beside his again and the arm wrap persistently around him. "Please, Daisuke," Ken whispered, hugging him carefully, "I won't hurt you. Just talk to me. You're scaring all of us. Look at me, I'm not lying to you. I'd never lie or intentionally hurt you." 

Shocked at this strange behavior, Daisuke peeked up at Ken's face and saw the anxious sincerity in his eyes. For a moment he considered the possibility that maybe Ken _wasn't _upset with him. "Y-you... you h-hate m... me?" So much for the vow of silence. 

Ken's eyes widened, "Hate you? No! I've never hated you and I never will! What made you think such a thing?" 

"You... y-yesterday..." Daisuke couldn't finish the sentence. Ken had yelled, had screamed because he hadn't obeyed. He had been bad and deserved what Ken did to him. The Masters had never allowed anything but complete obedience and Daisuke still didn't understand how things could have changed so quickly. 

"Oh." Ken sounded guilty, pulling away a bit to look Daisuke in the eyes. "That was different Daisuke. I... what you were saying just wasn't... wasn't appropriate, I guess. It upset me to hear that you thought I'd use you like that. I just panicked, I didn't mean to yell but I couldn't stand it any more." The eyes dropped, darkening with a sad look, "I can understand why you'd think I hate you now, but I don't. Honest. I'm not a terrible guy or anything. I only... I only want to help you." 

Daisuke didn't know how to respond to that, he'd never heard anything like it before. It didn't make much sense to him, but then again... He sighed, confused beyond belief, and slightly uncurled to look back at Ken. The bluenette was still watching him, eyes narrowed against the spray of rain but full of honesty and hope. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to trust him again... maybe Ken really meant what he had said. Hesitantly he let himself relax and held up a very dirty hand, "I... I'm all muddy." 

"Huh?" Ken blinked, looking surprised, then slowly smiled, "Me too. Want to kick the ball around with me? It's not like we can get any more filthy than we already are." 

Kick the ball around? With _Ken? _Daisuke nodded, daring to let the hope grow inside of him, and allowed Ken help him stand up. It didn't seem so bad letting himself relax a bit around Ken. It felt so good running around, in fact, that most thoughts of the Masters were sent to the back of his mind for the time being. Besides, it wasn't like _they_ were here right now to tell him whether having this much fun was wrong or not, so they couldn't do anything about it. Not that he would ever really follow deeper into that line of thought or say it out loud. 

The best thing of all, though, was that Ken was laughing right along side of him. There didn't seem to be any more hard feelings over what had happened the other day so Daisuke assumed that he'd somehow been forgiven. Ken liked him again, maybe even enough to be his friend, and that was all that really mattered right now. 

=-=-=-= 

"I'm soaked!" 

"No fuck, Miya." 

"Watch your language around the children, Yamato." 

"Hate to point this out to you, but you're just as much as a kid as they are. I'm the only mature one here, it seems." 

"Mature... you... I'm sorry, but my mind is not comprehending this pairing of words. Sounds like an oxymoron to me." 

Takeru sighed as he listened to his brother and Miyako bicker, wishing that the older boy would just hurry up and unlock the door to the apartment. He was soaked to the bone, not to mention freezing from having to stand out in the rain for over half an hour watching Daisuke learn how to pass a soccer ball, and just plain tired. Pressed tightly against Taichi's side to try to gain at least a little body heat, he tried not to glare at the arguing pair, knowing that that might get him in more than a little bit of trouble. It wasn't until Ken finally yelled at them from the back of the large group that Yamato managed to ignore the purple haired girl long enough to slide the key into the lock and let them all squeeze through the doorway into the apartment. 

Quickly Takeru slid off his muddy shoes and was about to get out of the way when he realized just how wet he really was. His clothes and hair were dripping, making a small puddle form around his feet, so he remained on the mat, scared to get the floors wet. 

Both Taichi and Daisuke seemed to realize the same problem at the same time as he had, moving to stand with him and look questioningly at the others. Hikari and Miyako had already ran to claim the bathroom before any of the boys could, while Yamato had wandered off to the kitchen. Ken was about to follow his best friend until he noticed the unmoving trio still at the front door. 

He raised an eyebrow at them, "Are you three coming in or not?" 

"But... we're wet." Taichi explained for them, laying a light hand on both of their shoulders comfortingly. 

"So?" The bluenette shrugged, but seemed to realize that this wasn't a good enough answer, "We're all wet. Don't worry about getting a bit of water on the floor, it's not like this place isn't usually a mess anyway. I'm just going to go get some towels and blankets from the hall closet, why don't you go wait in the living room?" 

"I... I guess so." The oldest replied doubtfully before slowly leading the other two towards the room. Takeru's feelings mirrored the tone of the other's voice, still finding it hard to understand how the Ishida's did not care if the apartment became a bit of a mess. Back home... the Master's home, that is... they had always been very adamant about keeping the rooms clean. Not so much their own rooms, as there wasn't much in those anyway, but the ones that they did their business in everyday. 

The three of them sat down on the couch together, remaining stiff and uncomfortable in their wet clothes. Ken came back a few moments later carrying a huge pile of blankets along with a few towels. He threw them each a towel, telling them to rub their hair dry and to take off their wet shirts. They did so without hesitation, trying to dry off as quickly as possible. Of course the wet pants that they still had on did not do much to help the situation. 

Yamato entered the living room while they were in the middle of toweling their hair, their shirts having already been discarded. Surprisingly, he already looked completely dry, obviously having gone to his room and changed. He smiled at Takeru who couldn't help smiling back a little, pleased that his brother had noticed him. Then Yamato turned to Taichi and Daisuke with a small frown, "Looks like you two are going to need some dry clothes. You can probably borrow some of Takeru's stuff, Daisuke. And I'll lend you some of mine, Taichi. It should fit you, I think you're a bit smaller than me anyway." Taichi barely nodded, still furiously rubbing his hair with the towel. The great, brown bush still appeared as wet as ever, no matter how hard he rubbed. Yamato noticed this with a laugh, "It'll never dry that way, Taichi. You've just got too much hair. I'll grab you a hair dryer once the girls get out of the bathroom, okay?" 

"What's Ken gonna wear? He's wet too." Daisuke suddenly spoke up, his short spikes already mostly dry. He was actually staring with a concerned look at the mentioned boy's still dripping shirt. 

Ken grinned, "Don't worry about me, Daisuke. I always steal Yama's clothes when I need to. They're a little big, but they work well enough." Takeru noticed that the blue haired boy appeared a lot happier than he had since this morning, his violet eyes shining brightly and the smile almost never leaving his face now. He had a feeling that this happiness had something to do with Daisuke speaking to Ken again. Somehow those two had become a lot closer in the few hours since the red head had forgiven the other. 

Satisfied with this answer, Daisuke reached over and took Takeru's hand, "Let's go get your clothes, I'm cold." 

"Yeah, me too." Takeru agree whole heartedly with this plan. He stood up, pulling Daisuke with him, and led the way to the bedroom that he shared with Yamato. His clothes were kept in the bottom drawers of the dresser as well as in the closet. Carefully he went through one of the drawers, searching for something suitable to wear. Daisuke knelt down beside him to help. 

They went through the drawer silently for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company, before Daisuke quietly said, "I don't think Ken's mad at me anymore." 

"No, he's not." Takeru agreed, pulling up a large t-shirt to look at. But it was soon tossed back in as he decided that long sleeves would probably keep them warmer. 

"Maybe... maybe he even likes me again." Daisuke mumbled while studying the bright patterns of a tie dye shirt that Yamato had bought for his younger brother. Takeru nodded absently, not really sure where this was all going but knowing that he'd support his friend no matter what. "Are you still mad at 'Chi?" 

Takeru looked over at the other boy's profile curiously, but without surprise. He _had _been upset with Taichi earlier for leaving them. Of course, he hadn't said anything about it, but the red head was just as sensitive about other's emotions as he was and so had known exactly what he was feeling. The problem was that he hadn't just been feeling hurt over Taichi's quick abandonment, but over Yamato's quick acceptance of Taichi as well. Wasn't Yamato supposed to be _his _brother? Not Taichi's. But lately the older blonde had seemed to be drawing closer to his friend than to himself. It wasn't fair... but then again, maybe he was just being selfish. "No... I don't think so. Are you?" 

"Not if you aren't. I think he likes Yamato a lot, anyway." Daisuke snickered at this while standing up to pull off the rest of his wet clothes. 

Takeru did likewise, having finally found a pair of pants for each of them. Regretfully, he agreed, "Yeah, he sure seems to." Silently they slipped on the dry pants before once again searching for some shirts. Takeru sighed, "'Suke?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you... do you think that Yamato... well, maybe he'd rather have Taichi than me around?" It hurt to think of it that way, but with everything that had happened lately it seemed more than likely that it was true. Maybe Yamato wouldn't even _want _him as a brother anymore. 

Daisuke stopped digging through the clothes, turning to face him, "No, I... I don't think so. I mean, you're his brother and Taichi... well, I don't think Taichi'd want to be his _brother. _Yamato-san probably likes you both, just in different ways. Of course he still wants you around, 'Keru." 

With a watery smile, Takeru leaned over to give his friend a tight hug. Already he felt a bit better. He had always trusted Daisuke with all his heart and the answer did make a lot of sense. "Thanks, 'Suke." 

They smiled at each other as they pulled apart, glad that they still had each other to confide in. Taichi was good for that too, of course, but sometimes there were things that the older boy just wouldn't be able to fully understand. 

After another couple of minutes, Takeru finally decided that they should wear the t-shirts with one of his favorite hoody sweatshirts over top. Daisuke was thrilled with the choice, having been reluctant to put down the pretty tie dye t-shirt. Plus the hoodies were big, comfortable and very warm. They quickly put these on and hurried out of the room, worried that someone might come looking for them soon. When they entered the living room once again, they found Miyako and Hikari there with Ken. Yamato had apparently dragged Taichi off to the bathroom to get his hair dried. 

Three friendly smiles greeted them as they sat back down on the couch, sharing it now with Miyako and Hikari. The girls happily moved over, chatting continuously about the soccer game, cheerleading and, for some reason, shopping. Takeru just shook his head slightly, curling up against the arm of the couch. He was so tired, maybe he could fit in a quick nap while the others were preoccupied. His eyes slowly closed as he listened silently to the others talk. Soon he felt Daisuke's head on his shoulder, although the boy was still listening closely as Ken explained some more rules of soccer. His mind was lulled to unconsciousness by the comfortable warmth of the other's body and the quiet hum of the other conversations. Everything really was turning out pretty good, considering all of the difficulties they had been having since leaving their old home. Maybe it could all stay this way forever... maybe they would never have to go back to the old business. Even though he knew that it was blasphemes to even think that way, he couldn't help but smile at it anyway.

=-=-=-=

**(A/N)** To be continued, of course. Hopefully much sooner than this one was! Yay, Daisuke and Ken are friends again, which is a start ^_^ Well, I'm not sure how the entire fic turned out, I really wanted to get this done once I got started, but hopefully it doesn't seem too rushed or anything. And thanks again for all those reviews that urged me to continue, they're exactly what I need.  


  



	11. Persistent Past

(A/N) Happy New Years!! Wow, 2003 already... where's the flying cars? And what better way to start the new year than with another part to my fanfiction? ^_^ Yeah, I thought it was about time too... At least it wasn't quite so long this time to put up. So, more angst, more kensuke and Yamachi hints, and more brotherly love! Yay!   
  
**State of Mind**  
  
_"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."   
-Ralph Waldo Emerson_   
  
Part 11: Persistent Past  
  
"I'm home! Anybody here?" Ken yelled out as he kicked off his shoes and headed for his room. His hurried pace came to a halt, however, as his mother called out to him from the kitchen. With an irritated sigh, he turned around and went to greet the short, dark haired woman. "Mama..."  
  
"Don't you 'Mama' me, young man. Where have you been?" She turned to him with a frown, crossing her arms over her chest. "I haven't seen you all day!"  
  
Ken shrugged, snagging a fresh, hot cookie from the pan on that was cooling on the counter, "I went to school and then over to Yamato's apartment. He's waiting out in the van right now, in fact. I just stopped by to grab some stuff and then we're heading out again."  
  
"Ken, honey..." Uh oh, there was that _tone_ again. He knew what it meant and he really did _not_ feel like starting the same old argument up again. "As happy as I am that you have so many friends, I just think that maybe you're spending a little too much time with them. There are more important things that you should be concentrating on right now."  
  
"Mama, we've been over this. I'm not spending _too _much time with them. My grades are still way above everybody else's, and I've been completing all my chores. Just because you have a problem with Yamato doesn't mean that I should have to stay away from him!" He bit into his cookie with a glare, trying to suppress the old feelings of resentment towards his parents. They always seemed to be on his case for hanging around with his friends, and yet they were never home to keep him company anyway! They were too busy trying to uphold their reputation and reaping the benefits of his genius. That's all they cared about, his talents.   
  
"I don't have a problem with him, it's just that I don't think he's a very good influence," she defended while he stared stonily back at her, "I've heard things about that Ishida boy which I really don't want you getting mixed up in. It's great that you helped him with his... problems... in the past, but he doesn't need you-"  
  
"Doesn't _need _me?!" Ken snapped, tossing the half eaten cookie back on the counter. He couldn't stand listening to this bullshit any longer, it was the same old thing every time and he hated his mother for trying to force her presumptuous opinions on him, "You have _no _idea what either of us need! I'm not going to listen to this, I have to go. Yamato, my _best friend_, is waiting."  
  
The angry bluenette stomped out of the room, ignoring his mother's attempts at ordering him to apologize. The nerve of her! Maybe if she was around more, and paid a little more attention to _him _instead of his grades and reputation, she'd understand why his friends were so important to him. He needed _them, _just as much as Yamato had always needed him around. As quickly as possible, feeling the desperate need to escape the apartment and his mother's company, Ken changed out of his school clothes and grabbed the computer disk he'd come home for in the first place. Then he rushed out of his home, stepped into the elevator, and waited for it to bring him to the ground floor. It was then he noticed how much he was shaking, bringing a trembling hand up to face for inspection. Kami, he was a mess. Why did he let his Okaasan's words get to him every time?   
  
Ken was still fighting to calm down by the time he reached the van, hating the prickling feeling of angry tears in his eyes. The moment he slid into the front seat of the van his golden haired friend noticed his mood, "What's the matter, Ken? You're so pale, 'you okay?" He answered with a shake of his head, but remained silent, scared that he'd start screaming if he opened his mouth. Instead he settled for glaring out of the window. Yamato sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot, but knew better than to pry until the other had calmed down somewhat.  
  
They drove in silence for awhile, heading back to the Odaiba area. Even the three boys in the back kept absolutely still, sensing the tense mood, until Daisuke tentatively leaned forward, "Ken...?"  
  
"What?" Ken responded harshly, turning his glare to the other boy. The dark expression on his face and the peevish tone he'd used caused the red-head to shrink back into his seat with a hurt expression.  
  
"Gomen..." Daisuke whispered, fearfully staring down at his lap.  
  
"What?! No, Daisuke, don't be sorry! I didn't... I'm not mad at _you, _I swear." Desperately, Ken reached around the back of the seat to place a hand on Daisuke's knee. He hadn't meant to scare the younger boy again! Why was he always screwing up this one friendship that he sought so badly? If Daisuke stopped talking to him again, he didn't know what he'd do. The first time had been bad enough... "Please, I'm sorry. It's just... my stupid _parents... _you don't understand."  
  
The cinnamon brown eyes flickered back up to his face, still expressing fright and uncertainty, then down at the hand resting on his knee, "S'okay, Ken... don't be upset. I know you're not mad at me..." He patted the hand softly while looking back up apologetically.  
  
Ken gave him a small smile, squeezing his knee gently before turning back around. When he was sure that Daisuke couldn't see his face any more, he squeezed his eyes closed and let out a low, quiet growl of frustration. His parents always ruined _everything! _  
  
"Your mom was there, huh?" Yamato's sudden question startled him out of his thoughts and he turned his head to catch one of the blonde's concerned glances.   
  
"Yeah, she was." He sighed, leaning back against the seat again. "It was the same old thing. I've always wished that they could be more like your dad."  
  
"My dad's hardly home any more than your parents are." Yamato pointed out, staring intently at the road with a frown. "I don't think it'd make much of a difference."  
  
"Yes it would." The bluenette replied, "At least he's more understanding than _they _are. He actually listens to you and _tries _to be there for you. _They _don't care about my feelings, only about my grades and my rep."  
  
Yamato just 'hmm'ed and dropped the subject, unable to deny Ken's perceptions of his parents as he had had the bad luck of meeting them on several occasions. They had never greeted him very warmly, especially after they'd heard about some of his... bad habits.  
  
"Where are we going?" Takeru suddenly broke the depressing silence, "This isn't the way to your apartment, Yamato."  
  
"Huh? Oh... Ken needs to be dropped off at the school to meet Miya and help her with some computer thing. Then I've got to go to band practice. I'll drop you three off with Hikari's parents on the way to that." Yamato told them absently, pulling into the school parking lot. "Well, here you are, Ken. Try to cheer up, ne? You know the depressed look doesn't suit you."   
  
Unable to hold back a smile, Ken just shook his head at his friend and jumped out of the van. "Pick me up after your practice, we should be done by then."   
  
He was just about to close the door and let Yamato continue on his way, when suddenly Daisuke crawled into the front and slipped outside. Both Ken and Yamato stared at him with shock as Daisuke stepped away from the van, "I'm goin' with Ken. Taichi said I could." He stared stubbornly down at the ground as the others only continued to gape at him, his lips pressed tightly together in what almost could be called a pout.   
  
Ken blinked, unsure of what to say to this. He had definitely not been expecting the usually quiet, shy boy to do anything so assertively. Finally Taichi poked his head between the two front seats with a worried frown, "It's okay, isn't it Yamato? He wants to stay with Ken. And then me and Takeru can go with you to your practice thingy."  
  
"I..." Yamato shook his head as if trying to pull himself out of shock, "I guess it's fine. Are you sure though? I don't know how long the practice is going to take and I know you and Daisuke have a thing about separating for too long..."  
  
"No, it's alright. I... I trust Ken and you. If you think Dais will be okay, then..." Taichi trailed off uncertainly, momentarily looking unsure of the situation. He was letting his little brother go off with someone they still didn't know all that well, after all.  
  
Yamato was quick to reassure him though, hastily letting a confident smile show, "Of course he'll be okay, Ken will look after him, won't you Ken?" The bluenette nodded without hesitation and without taking his hopeful eyes away from Daisuke. "Well, then it's settled. Have fun you two. I'll be back later. Get your seat belt back on, Taichi." He waved and gave Ken a knowing wink before slamming the door shut and driving away.  
  
Ken stared after the van for a moment, unable to believe his good luck. Not only was Daisuke speaking to him again, but apparently the boy had gained enough trust in him to feel safe being left alone with him. Well, almost alone, Miyako would be there after all. Finally he turned back to his companion who was now staring at him with those adorably wide, questioning eyes. "Um... Well, I guess we should head in now. Miyako is probably already there."  
  
With a quick nod, Daisuke fell in step beside him, staring curiously at the large school building in front of them. As they neared the doors, the red-head asked hesitantly, as if afraid that he was going to be snapped at again, "Is... what is this place?"  
  
"This is the school that we were telling you guys about. Remember? It's where we come to learn things about... well, about everything. I actually go to one closer to where I live, but Miyako, Iori and the others come here." Ken explained in what he hoped was a friendly tone. The last thing he wanted to do now was scare the boy.   
  
Daisuke did not reply to this, but seemed to tense up as they stepped through the doors. His cinnamon eyes were wide as he stared around while they walked down the empty hallway. The school was practically empty at this time, except for a few teachers and students who stayed to work late, lending a spooky quality to the air. Rows of metal lockers lined the whitewashed walls while the doors that led to the classrooms broke through them every so often. Abruptly Daisuke stopped at one of the doors, staring at it with a wary, fearful expression.  
  
Confused, Ken also stopped and watched, but the other boy didn't move, seeming lost in his own world. "Daisuke? What's the matter?" When Daisuke still remained frozen, the bluenette touched his shoulder lightly, "Daisuke?"  
  
Daisuke flinched away, now staring Ken in the face with a frightened and confused look. He shook his head, glancing at the door once again before taking a step backwards. His breath had quickened, Ken could hear it quite clearly in the silence. "What is it, Daisuke? Is something wrong?"  
  
"Are th-_they_ h-here...?" The other suddenly gasped, crossing his arms defensively over his chest.   
  
"Who?" Ken asked, not liking the look of things one bit. What could have upset Daisuke so quickly? He hadn't been like this when they were still outside... "Who, Daisuke? Tell me!"  
  
"The _Masters!" _Daisuke looked as if he were about to faint, fighting painfully for air. "The... the d-doors a-and... and... oh Kami... This p-place is... is... Wh-where's 'Chi?!"  
  
Feeling his own fright well up, Ken frantically reached out and grabbed Daisuke, bringing the slightly smaller body against him. The other was shaking badly, but Ken only held on tighter, "Daisuke, they're not here. I swear to you, there are no Masters here. It's just a school, not... You're safe here, I'll keep you safe. Please don't be scared, there's nothing here that's going to hurt you." He whispered continuously in Daisuke's ear, trying to make him listen and praying that his words were having some affect. He would never have dreamed that Daisuke would find the school so comparable to the terrible place he had lived in before. "It's okay... calm down Daisuke... no Masters here..."  
  
It seemed to take forever for Daisuke to finally stop shaking and for his breathing to slow down. He still shuddered slightly and refused to look anywhere but at the floor. Ken sighed, hating himself for agreeing to take the sensitive boy in here with him, but there was nothing else to do other than go on to the computer room now. Slowly he pulled away from Daisuke, relieved when the other made no movement to run away, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "Come on, you'll feel better once you sit down. Miya's waiting..."  
  
Daisuke didn't say anything, still appearing a little spaced out, but allowed himself to be led down the hallway again. Still a little in shock, Ken remained silent as well, eager to get to the brightly lit computer room where Daisuke might be able to relax again. He blamed himself for Daisuke's panic, wishing that he had insisted on the red-head staying with Taichi. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?  
  
Miyako was waiting for him when they entered, impatiently tapping her foot and glaring at the clock. Her face softened, however, when she noticed that Daisuke was with Ken. "Hi, Daisuke, I didn't know you were coming too. You're late Ken. You're never late."   
  
He sighed, "Sorry, but we had a little trouble on the way. I've got to get Daisuke settled before we start." Ken led Daisuke over to a chair next to the computer that Miyako had turned on for them to work with. The red-head still refused to speak, staring past Ken's shoulder at something that nobody else could see.   
  
The lavendar-haired girl came up beside Ken, watching Daisuke with a concerned expression, "What's wrong with him? What sort of trouble was it?"  
  
"This place reminded him of... of where they came from. You know? I think it's just the size of the school and all its doors." Ken explained, look up at her. He didn't know what to do now, feeling helpless. Maybe it would be a good idea just to call Yamato's cell and ask him to turn around and grab Daisuke again.  
  
"Oh!" Her eyes widened at this. Then she shook her head and gently moved Ken out of the way, "Here, let me handle this. Daisuke?" Miyako brought her face up until it was directly in Daisuke's line of sight, giving him a huge smile, "Want to play on the computer? I remember you seemed interested in them when Koushiro and Ken mentioned them at the picnic." The young teen blinked at her, seeming to come out of his daydream long enough to look confused over her presence. When he said nothing, only remained staring at her, she continued brightly, "Here, I'll find a great game for you. It'll be fun!"  
  
Miyako turned Daisuke's chair until the boy was facing the computer screen, then rapidly clicked through a bunch of programs until she found something the suited her. Ken watched as Daisuke frowned with concentration while the girl quickly showed him what to do. It was one of those 2D pacmen games that Ken had always found pretty boring himself, but Daisuke seemed to take interest in it right away, even venturing to ask a few questions about the controls and rules. When he finally seemed ready to be left alone with it, the game capturing his undivided attention, Miyako backed away, still smiling victoriously. It didn't take long before Daisuke was grinning excitedly as he pounded at the keys, deeply engrossed with learning how to avoid killing off his character.  
  
"There, that should keep him occupied and take his mind off of things for awhile." Miyako told Ken while proudly polishing her glasses with her shirt. "Now, did you bring a copy of that program you were telling me about?"  
  
"Uh... yeah." Ken watched Daisuke for a few more moments before reluctantly sitting down beside Miyako at the next computer. He couldn't believe how easily Miyako had diverted Daisuke's attention away from the past. If only he could help the other boy like that, but he always seemed to make matters worse somehow. "Here, let's get started then."  
  
As they waited for the program to load, Miyako turned to Ken, "Don't worry so much, Ken. He really likes you, I saw you after the game last weekend with him. It just going to take a lot of time for him and the other two to figure things out, that's all."  
  
He nodded slowly, running a hand through his long, bluish-black hair in an effort to calm his mind. She was right and he knew it. "Yeah... I guess. It's just hard, you know? There's just so much he needs to learn. And I wish I knew how to help him..."  
  
"But you _are _helping him. I mean look at him! At the picnic, he wouldn't even look anyone in the eye, much less allow himself to be more than a few feet from his two friends. And now he's here, _smiling, _because of you."  
  
Ken thought about this, then gratefully smiled at his friend, "Thanks, Miya. You're right. I'll try to be more confident about everything."  
  
"Good, now that _that's _settled, I've got some questions of my own," She grinned evilly, leaning forward in her chair with apparent eagerness, "Is it true that Yamato slept with Taichi?"   
  
=-=-=-=  
  
"Hey Yamato! You never told us that you were bringing an audience! Hello cutey, I'm Sachi, what's your name?"  
  
"What?! Yama brought guys? I didn't know this was going to be one of _those _practices tonight. I'd have brought some along too!"  
  
"Shut up, both of you. That's my brother you're drooling over, so if you know what's good for you..."  
  
Taichi jumped as the door closed behind him, wishing desperately that he had gone with the original plan and just went home. Instead, he was stuck here with a terrified blonde attached firmly to his arm while they had become the immediate center of attention of three teenagers who he could not remember ever meeting before. Two of these strangers had been only too eager to show Takeru and himself into the unknown apartment, which only served to frighten and confuse him even more. When Yamato had told them he was going to this band practice thing he had neglected to inform them that there were going to be other people involved.  
  
The strangers seemed taken aback by Yamato's comment, but not by the threatening part of it. One of the pair standing in front of Taichi, a teenager of average height dressed in such bright clothes that Taichi was sure he was the only thing lighting up this place, scratched at his neon green hair in astonishment, "Brother? But I thought... Didn't he...?"  
  
"No, obviously he did not." Yamato snapped, still hovering protectively at Takeru's and Taichi's side, "I'll explain later, now's really not a good time."  
  
The third member of the unfamiliar group was still sitting on a sofa in the middle of the living room, peering out at them from under his long, dark bangs. He spoke for the first time since greeting Yamato, "Maybe you should at least introduce us then, seeing that they're apparently going to be hanging around for a time."  
  
"Oh... right. Uh, this is Takeru, my long lost brother," He grinned slightly at this before continuing, "And that's Taichi, Hikari's older brother." This seemed to cause even more bewilderment among the three strangers. "Taichi, Takeru... These are the other three members of the band. Roka, Sachi and Akeno."  
  
Taichi studied the group, carefully matching names to faces for future reference. If these were Yamato's friends, then it would probably be a good idea to remember who they were. Sachi was the one dressed in blinding colors, his vibrantly green hair strewn about in long, disorderly layers. His glaring yellow t-shirt had some foreign words scrawled across the front in bright pink, competing for the most sight shattering glow with the florescent blue of his knee length shorts. He hadn't stopped grinning at them since they entered, making Taichi wary of him. When people wore that expression, it was certain they were up to no good.  
  
Meanwhile, Roka was grinning almost as widely beside Sachi, thankfully dressed in much more reasonable colors. His raven black hair couldn't have reached past his ears, but it was hard to tell with the way it was spiked. Sparkling green eyes swept over Taichi's body in a very unnerving, but familiar fashion. Taichi faintly remembered seeing him just before the soccer game a few days ago.  
  
The last of the trio was Akeno, sitting comfortably on the sofa with his long legs resting on the coffee table. He seemed calmer than the other two and was satisfied with just watching Taichi and Takeru from under his aforementioned veil of ink colored bangs, cool blue eyes twinkling with amusement. Multiple ear piercings caught the light through the chin length hair as he smiled in a friendly manner at the two nervous teens.  
  
All in all, it was a very strange group of friends. Taichi could not understand how Yamato, of all people, could have become associated with them.  
  
"So, are we going to practice, or stand here all day gawking?" Yamato finally asked impatiently when his friends only continued to stare. They immediately started moving at this and Taichi, along with Takeru, was directed to the couch, recently vacated of Akeno. "You two just sit here while we get our instruments set up and enjoy the show. Don't worry, I doubt it will be too long, given the attention span of these guys. The neighbours will probably put an end to it pretty quick anyway." The older blonde gave them a reassuring grin and went over to where the other three were huddled around an unfamiliar set of equipment.  
  
Still not sure what to make of all this, Taichi sighed and pulled Takeru against him, feeling comforted by the familiar presence. He wondered how Daisuke was doing with Ken, hoping desperately that his brother was all right by himself. "What are they going to do?" Takeru broke through his thoughts quietly.  
  
Taichi shrugged, watching curiously as the four teenagers seemed to be arguing over something or other, Yamato waving about a bunch of papers. "I honestly don't know. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. What do you think of his friends?"  
  
"They're... weird. I dunno..." Takeru muttered, frowning a bit. Then he shrugged as well, "I've seen worse."  
  
"Hmm... know what you mean." The brunette answered, thinking of all the men they had met over the previous years. At least this group seemed reasonably nice, if a little eccentric.  
  
They curled up comfortably on the couch, waiting anxiously for the 'show' to start. Taichi recognized some of the equipment as musical instruments, like the guitars, having seen some owned by the Masters and customers in the past. They hadn't long to wait before Yamato finally came to stand in the middle of the room, his friends spreading out behind and beside him with various instruments. Sachi was behind what looked to be some sort of keyboard while Roka grinned excitedly from behind a huge set of drums. Akeno was to the left of Yamato, both of them holding guitars.   
  
Yamato winked at Taichi before closing his eyes in concentration for whatever he was about to do. It wasn't until the music started that Taichi finally realized what was going to happen. He watched, mesmerized, squeezing Takeru's shoulder with anticipation as the slender, blue eyed teen swayed slightly to the music in front of them. Then the brunette lost his breath all together as the first smooth, sweet notes were produced through Yamato's mouth. It was... beautiful... intense... Taichi didn't know how to describe it. The lyrics washed over him in a wave of unidentifiable emotion. All he could do was stare, wide eyed and completely oblivious to anything or anyone other than the stunning golden haired singer before him.   
  
He was hardly aware of the song coming to an end a few minutes later, still completely overwhelmed. It was only when Takeru nudged his side sharply that he blinked out of his dream-like state. "That... that was... amazing." Taichi stuttered, unable to express his feelings over the music, and especially Yamato's voice, accurately enough. "... beautiful, like... like an angel..."  
  
Sachi cracked up from behind Yamato, causing Taichi to duck his head as a blush stole over his cheeks, "Hear that Yama-sama, he thinks you sound like an _angel. _He doesn't know you all that well yet, does he?"  
  
"Shut your mouth, Sachi." Yamato commanded, smiling brightly at Taichi as he wiped some sweat from his brow. "Thanks Taichi, I'm glad you enjoyed that. All right guys, we still need to go over the last few we're playing next weekend then we can relax."  
  
"Wow, he really is good, isn't he?" Takeru whispered to the still red faced brunette, "You're right, it was beautiful."  
  
"Yeah," Taichi smiled, raising his head again as he waited eagerly for the next song. He didn't think he'd ever get tired of hearing Yamato sing. Something about the way the intriguing, angelic voiced teenager sang and moved just stole Taichi's breath away, making him feel like... like... well, he really did not know how to describe his feelings at the moment. He had never experienced anything like this before, it was so different from anything that he had ever felt with all those other men.  
  
By the time the last note rang out and the band members started putting away their instruments, Taichi was in a state of bliss, unaware of his dreamy smile. He remained unmoving, just replaying the sound of that beautiful voice over and over in his mind, until he was shocked out of his stupor when someone sat down practically in his lap. "So... now that business is over and done with, how's about we get to know each other a little better?" Sachi's teasing grin hovered inches away from Taichi's startled face.  
  
"Wha? I-I..." The gawking brunette had no idea how to respond to this, not having expected such a forward approach. Was he supposed to do something with Sachi? Did Yamato want him too? _He _certainly didn't, but if Yamato wanted it... "'Mato?" Taichi gulped, staring pleadingly over at the blonde who was glaring at Sachi with a murderous look in his eyes.  
  
"Get the fuck away from him, you have _no _idea what he's been through," Yamato ground out causing the green haired teen to jump up again with an innocent expression, "He might actually take you seriously. So stop it."  
  
"Alright, alright. Sorry. Don't have a hissy fit, I was only teasing him." Sachi grumbled, plopping down on the other couch to sulk as Roka and Akeno laughed from nearby.  
  
Yamato gave him one last glare before collapsing into a large, comfortable looking orange armchair. "It's okay, Taichi, just ignore him." He reassured the brunette with a smile at the two boys.  
  
Roka spoke up, having packed up the last of the gear, "Do you have to leave yet, Yama? Why don't you stay for a couple of drinks first, or something. You look like you could use a breather before driving home."  
  
The blonde nodded wearily, "Sure Ro', I am kind of thirsty. You want something?" He directed the question at Takeru and Taichi.  
  
Taichi shrugged slightly, looking over at Takeru to see what the other boy wanted. Takeru only stared back without saying anything. Finally Taichi answered, "O-okay..." Were they going to have to get drunk? That worried Taichi, he really did not want that right now, but he was afraid to offend the others. He could still easily remember the few customers who preferred their young 'toys' drugged, enjoying the feeling of complete power over a child who couldn't even think straight. That was something that Taichi had always hated, especially when Daisuke or Takeru were returned to their room in that state. It was so sickening... but there was nothing he could ever do about it.  
  
"Tai..." Takeru squeezed his arm slightly, a concerned look in his large, blue eyes. "You're shaking," he whispered, trying not to let any of the others hear.   
  
Taichi looked back at him, feeling the old protective worries rise up again, "Just... just try not to drink too much, 'k Teeks?"  
  
"'kay... I know." Takeru nodded, suddenly appearing nervous. He seemed as though he was recalling the past as well. It didn't help that there were three strangers in the apartment, two of which obviously had no objections to fooling around with other guys.   
  
Roka stepped back into the room with an arm full of bottles, tossing one each to Sachi and Akeno who were sitting together on the smaller couch. He also stopped in front of Taichi and Takeru to offer them one before Yamato said sharply, "Roka! I meant they could have a soda, or something. You are _not _giving my little brother booze and that's final."  
  
"Oh." The raven haired boy blinked with realization, "Sorry 'bout that, I didn't think... just a sec." He quickly tossed two bottles over to Yamato before running back to the kitchen. Re-entering a few moments later with two cans of rootbeer. "S'all I have, hope you like it."  
  
Taichi gratefully accepted the pop, relieved that neither he nor Takeru would be forced to drink the alcohol. He couldn't understand why the others would willingly do so in the first place. Takeru, too, let out a quiet sigh of relief.  
  
After handing out the rootbeers, Roka went over to the armchair and comfortably dropped into Yamato's lap, grabbing one of the beers for himself. Taichi stopped in the middle of trying to open his own drink to stare, feeling slightly baffled by this action, but Yamato only looked amused as the other teen relaxed against him. What the hell was going on here? Trying not to gawk, he turned his eyes away from the pair, but was unable to keep himself from listening in when they started talking to one another. He felt Takeru give him a questioning poke but chose to ignore it, too intent on trying to figure out if Yamato and Roka were just behaving in the way friends usually did around here, or if it was something more.  
  
"Everything sounded fine, as far as I could tell. The concert should go off without a hitch," Akeno commented from his corner of the opposite couch, apparently trying to kick the ever persistent Sachi to the other end.  
  
Yamato sighed, resting his chin thoughtfully on Roka's shoulder, "I sure hope so. I know I haven't practised with you guys for awhile..."  
  
"You sounded great, Yama. Don't worry about it. It's obvious you've had a lot on your mind, getting back your brother and all." The black haired teen grinned up at Yamato's face, reaching a hand to pat his friend's head consolingly and Taichi's eyes narrowed slightly as he watched those fingers rake gently through the long, golden strands.   
  
Sachi finally broke off the shoving war on the couch, reluctantly giving the other some more room to spread out across it, and spoke up, "Hey, are you coming to the club with us tonight? You look like you could do with some relaxation time!"  
  
"Uh... well..." Yamato frowned, glancing over at Taichi and Takeru with an indecisive look. The former of the two had unknowingly commenced to glare at Roka, who was currently cuddled up against Yamato with an unconcerned smile. When Taichi finally realized that those questioning blue eyes were resting on him, he started and looked away, trying desperately to keep himself from blushing again. Great, now what will Yamato think, catching him glowering at his friend like that? Besides, it wasn't his place to be upset over someone else getting to be with Yamato like that... "I don't think so, not tonight anyway."  
  
"What? Why not? You hardly ever miss the chance and it's been weeks now!" Roka pouted up at Yamato, "It would be a shame to let your sexy charm go to waste and have some poor, lonely boy's or girl's wish of getting a piece of that sexy Ishida booty go unfulfilled, now wouldn't it? Besides, Sachi's right, you need a fun night out with us."  
  
After another thoughtful moment, Yamato finally sighed regrettably and shook his head, "No, I can't. I'm supposed to pick up Ken and drop the Yagami boys at home. Then there's Takeru... I'm just not in the mood right now. Sorry, maybe next time, guys."  
  
"You're just worried that Ken will find out again and throw another hissy fit over your 'lack of morals and judgement' and shit, aren't you?" Sachi snorted, then he shrugged as he caught Yamato's warning look, "Hey, you know it's true!"  
  
"Sachi..." Akeno kicked the neon colored boy in the shoulder from his sprawled position on the couch, "It's fine Yamato. We understand, it must be a pretty hectic time for you right now. Try to focus on the upcoming concert though, at least."  
  
"You know I will, it's important to me as well," Yamato replied, waving off Roka's offer of another drink, "I've got to get going now, the other's will be waiting. Taichi, Takeru, it's time to go."  
  
Taichi blinked out of the stupor he had just fallen into, still trying to work out the conversation he had just heard. The problem was, he had definitely understood the stuff about the club, 'relaxation' and Ishida booty... But Yamato wasn't like that, was he? The blonde had not given any indication before that he... he... Taichi shook his head vigorously, trying to clear it, and stood up to follow the others to the door. As he walked, he stared at the back of Yamato, seeing the sensational singer in an entirely new light. Yamato... sweet, caring, moody Yamato was really... just like all the other guys he had ever known! It was unbelievable and yet he could not deny what he had just heard.  
  
As they headed back towards the school to pick up Daisuke and Ken, a sick feeling started to twist Taichi's stomach. The thought that Yamato was _that _sort of guy had not once entered his mind before. Just like all those men who had used the childrens' rented bodies over the years, the golden haired teen just used others to derive temporary pleasure and escape. Taichi knew the type very well. If Yamato was truly like that then... fuck. The brunette leaned back against the seat with a confused sigh, trying desperately to shove down the growing mix of anger, hopelessness, hurt and fear. His head hurt, his _heart _hurt, and all the while he could not come up with a reasonable explanation as to _why _he felt this way. It was Yamato's life after all, none of his business or concern... but... but what if Yamato-san tried to use _him _like that? It scared him, and yet he couldn't do anything against it as it was his only purpose for living in this world. Only... he had hoped that maybe it was a _different _world outside of the Masters' Home.   
  
At that moment Taichi felt hate for Yamato spring up inside of him. Hate for the way the blonde had promised it would be different from the way it used to be when really it was all the same, only hidden behind a veil of beauty and lies. The fucking, deceitful, golden-voiced Siren... well, Taichi wasn't going to trust anything the other said anymore. He shouldn't have even started trusting him in the first place. The only ones he had ever believed in were Daisuke and Takeru, no one else. The Masters were to be respected and feared, not trusted. That's the way it had always been, no need to change anything now!  
  
But even all of the evoked anger could not wash away the pain and betrayal the boy felt over the discovery that Yamato was not quite all that he had appeared to be.  
  
=-=-=-=  
  
Takeru's eyes snapped open, staring wildly into the darkness that filled the room. His body was covered in sweat, shaking as he gasped, the nightmare still lingering in his mind. It was fading already, the images blurring in his mind until they all blended into one vivid memory of pain. He couldn't remember... just... pain, lots of bloody pain. Oh Kami-sama...  
  
The small, blonde boy curled up into a tight, defensive ball, trying to force himself to forget the pain as well as everything else. Bruises... bones snapping... darkness... blood everywhere... Shit, why couldn't he just forget?! An angry, betraying sob forced its way out of his mouth as he shivered. The worst thing about it all was that he was never able to recall anything specific, just a great amount of agony and distress. The only bits he knew for sure came from Taichi, but the ever caring brunette had obviously left out so much more.   
  
Head pounding in time with his heart, Takeru slowly sat up and opened his eyes again. It was dark in the room and freezing. He shivered again, wiping all tear tracks from his face. There was no way he was going to sleep again tonight, not after that. He just couldn't face it again. The young, quivering teenager quietly stood up and glanced at the sofa where his brother should have been sleeping. Instead the spot was empty, quilts thrown aside onto the floor.   
  
Takeru sighed, wishing that Taichi or Daisuke were around to talk to. It was impossible to explain what was going on inside of him to Yamato, even if the older blonde _was _his oniisan. Yamato just couldn't understand, he had probably never even experienced real pain before!   
  
Finally, after a few moments of indecisiveness, Takeru crept over to the closet and pulled out a large, warm hoody. Pulling it over his head, he sighed with relief as the thick cloth kept the chilly night air from reaching his skin. It wasn't until he stepped out of the bedroom that he heard the quiet, musical tunes floating through the apartment. He listened in amazement as a low voice sang with the music, feeling a shiver run through him at the eerily depressing sound. Silently he followed the music, entering the living room only to see a tall, slender form perched on the window seat, head bowed over a guitar. Takeru remained silent as he stood in the doorway, letting his presence go unnoticed for the moment. The soothing, yet forlorn melody held him until the last note, cutting straight to his soul as it so resembled the emotions of his own confused mind.  
  
As Yamato finally let out a soft, tired sounding sigh and set his guitar aside, he turned his gaze to the window, letting his forehead rest against the glass. Takeru couldn't help but notice the sad look in his elder brother's eyes as light from the street lamps shone through the window and illuminated the bright, enchanting blue depths. Silence reigned for awhile as Takeru was unsure of whether or not to disturb the other teen.   
  
Finally Takeru took a deep breath and, gathering all of his remaining courage, crept further towards Yamato. It was only when he was close enough to really make out Yamato's face that he noticed the shimmering tears that slowly rolled down those pale cheeks. He came to a stop, staring in wide eyed amazement. Yamato was crying? But why? What did _he _have to be sad about? "'Niisan?"  
  
His disbelieving whisper startled Yamato as the older boy gasped and jerked around, almost falling off the seat. "Fuck, Takeru, give me a heart attack why don't you?" Yamato grumbled as he gained his balance back and quickly wiped a sleeve across his face in an effort to hide his tears, "What _are _you doing up? It's so late... Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. You should have just told me to shut up..."  
  
Takeru blinked in even more astonishment as his brother continued to babble. Something was seriously wrong here. Even though he still did not know Yamato all that well, he had come to expect the cool, guarded personality that had always been shown before.   
  
Yamato suddenly realized what he was doing and snapped his mouth shut, turning his gaze to the carpet uncomfortably. There was a bit of strained silence after that, until Takeru timidly stepped closer and laid a hand on the other's shoulder, "S'okay... I... I like your songs. B-but that wasn't what... what woke me up."  
  
"Oh, I... gomen." Yamato gave him a small smile before dropping his head into his hands and mumbling, "Go back to sleep... it's late."  
  
Was that an order? Takeru thought about it for a moment, but decided that it had sounded more like a defeated plea. His brother _was _hurting inside, just like himself. But... why? It didn't make any sense at all. Of course nothing _had _made sense since the day they had been forced from home, so it really wasn't all that shocking anymore. "I... I don't w-want to."  
  
Startled eyes met his own, but there was no trace of anger at the disobedient words, only shock and disbelief. "You don't?"  
  
Takeru shook his head, feeling a bit braver as he realized that there was going to be no punishment. It was okay to say no here. Nobody was going to punish him for it. No Masters here... Somehow that thought brought on a huge wave of relief. "Why were you... crying?"  
  
"I wasn't _crying_!" Was the harsh reply, Yamato's voice suddenly sounding hard and angry.  
  
Confused, Takeru pulled away a little. Why was he denying it? It wasn't something to be ashamed of. "Yes you were, I... I saw..."  
  
"No!" Yamato jumped up, glaring at the startled, younger boy, "I _wasn't _crying. I _don't _cry! I... I'm not that weak..." His breathing was now loud, coming out in harsh, ragged gasps as though he was trying not to break out into tears again.  
  
This strange behaviour scared Takeru who still did not understand how crying implied weakness. He had never said that Yamato was weak, or that crying was bad... Why was he so offended? All he wanted to do was help. "G-gomen nasai." He bowed his head, afraid that Yamato would lash out at him now if he so much as looked at him. "I... I shouldn't h-have..."  
  
"Oh fucking mother of..." Yamato groaned, banging the wall with his fist as he passed by it in his pacing. "Don't Takeru, please don't. You're right, I was crying like the fucking baby I am. I'm pathetic." He let out a short, self-loathing laugh as he collapsed into the near by armchair, once again cradling his head in his hands. "'not mad at you... I'm just so confused right now. And tired. I just can't sleep... I need a smoke so bad..."  
  
"You smoke?" Takeru asked, latching onto the one thing he did understand. He was starting to feel very concerned about Yamato. This was so unlike the usually stoic teenager who rarely showed this much emotion as far as he had been with him.  
  
Yamato only snorted, shaking his head, "No... I used to, but... and I still want..." He finally gave up and let out another long sigh. Suddenly he seemed to relax slightly, lifting his head once again to give Takeru a sheepish smile, "Don't tell Ken I said that. He'd kill me for sure."  
  
Takeru nodded uncertainly, still wondering what had suddenly brought all of _that _on. He decided that maybe a change of subject would be good right about now, "Is Masaharu-san here? He could make us some... some of that... that hot stuff." What was it called again? Well whatever it was, it had sure been tasty and helped him to relax the last time. Maybe it could help Yamato too.  
  
Yamato blinked with surprise, then frowned, "No... he's working late again. I doubt he'll be back for another few hours. What hot stuff?"  
  
"Oh." Takeru felt disappointed to hear this, then wondered if Yamato knew how to make it as well. Probably, he _was _pretty smart after all. "It's a drink and... very yummy. I don't 'member what it's called though... Oh! It had mushmarllows in it!"  
  
"Mush... wha?" Yamato grinned, laughing a little, "You mean marshmallows, I hope. And I bet you're talking about hot chocolate. Not to worry, I can make that easily enough."  
  
Takeru grinned back, feeling relieved over this more optimistic response. He hoped that maybe Yamato would act a bit more normal now and not so frighteningly panicked. Together they headed for the kitchen and Takeru sat down at the counter, watching in awe as the older blonde went about making the hot drink. Yamato seemed so at home in the kitchen, so familiar with everything in it.  
  
Once the hot chocolates were made they sat down across from each other at the table. Takeru gripped his warm mug tightly, staring happily at the small floating, white lumps submerged in the steaming brown liquid. As he sipped it, the hot drink warmed his stomach, relaxing him rapidly. But when he looked up again he realized that Yamato hadn't touched his own drink and was instead staring at him with a blank, dreamy frown. "What's the matter, oniisan?" Takeru asked quietly, startling the other out of his thoughts.  
  
"Nothing." Came the short reply as Yamato immediately turned his eyes to his mug.  
  
Feeling put off by this response, Takeru set down his mug, "Can... can I ask you something?"  
  
"Hm? Sure..." Yamato shrugged, running a finger around the lip of his mug absently. He still seemed so down about something...  
  
Takeru took a deep breath, then asked in straightforwardly, "Why do you always lie?"  
  
This certainly caught the other blonde's attention, blue eyes widening with surprise at the question before narrowing into a suspicious glare, "What makes you think I lie?"   
  
"Well... It's just... It's obvious..." As the dangerous looking eyes hardened further with warning, Takeru quickly amended, "I mean, you... you just said nothing was the... the matter but... I can see something is..." The younger boy gulped slightly, hoping that he hadn't gone too far. This did seem like pretty risky ground to be stepping on...  
  
Yamato only stared at him silently, his expression full of thought. Then he sighed, his face softening as his eyes flickered down to his drink, "When I said nothing was the matter I just meant that it wasn't anything I wanted to talk about. It wasn't really a lie..."  
  
Again Takeru frowned, trying to work this problem out in his mind. Yamato was so confusing. First he was denying his actions and now he just didn't want to talk about them. It was so much more simpler among the kids back at home. If you were feeling sad, you cried, if you were happy, as rare as that was, you smiled. And it always, _always _helped to talk to one of the few friends they had there if something was wrong. Bottling it up only led to more pain and confusion... Maybe if he somehow explained this to Yamato... but then he didn't want to offend him or anything... "Yamato?"  
  
"Hmm?" The older teen glanced back up at him, but he had a distant look in his eyes. And he still hadn't even taken a sip of his hot chocolate, much to Takeru's dismay.  
  
Takeru took another gulp of his own drink for the warmth he would need to speak so openly to this other boy who's mind worked so differently from his own. He stared down at the table as he spoke quietly, not wishing to upset his brother any further, "I... I think you should talk to Taichi about why you're so sad." There was a surprised noise from Yamato, who was now staring wide eyed at Takeru, but the younger one ignored him and explained, "When me or 'Suke feel bad or... or just need to be comforted, Taichi's always there to talk to. He's really good to talk to, he never tries to argue or take... control, or something. He just listens and gives... gives advice. Tai'd never hurt you, honest."  
  
As he trailed off, he peeked up at Yamato to find the other blonde gaping in open astonishment at him. He decided to remain silent until Yamato finally found his voice again, "You... I don't think I've ever heard you say so much at once before." Takeru only blinked at this strange response, but let the other continue. Yamato gave him a small, shaky smile, "So you think I should talk to Taichi then, huh? I don't think... well, I doubt he'd understand my problems."  
  
Takeru shook his head, "He might! He's really smart and... But you might want to explain to him first that your not like _them_."  
  
"What do you mean?" Yamato frowned in confusion. "Who's 'them'?"  
  
"Oh..." Should he say anything? Taichi might get mad... but then again, it might help if Yamato actually knew that the brunette was upset. Maybe he could help him in return. "We... we heard you talking to your friends about... about a... club? And... they said some things... But we knew what you were really talking about. Taichi thinks that you're just... just like every other guy we've known. You know... just want to use people for sex. I think that maybe he thinks you're just going to do that to him too." Takeru looked at his brother questioningly. It wasn't _really _true, was it? He thought maybe they had only been joking, but Taichi had apparently taken it very seriously. Takeru had felt his friend's rage and sense of betrayal as he sat beside him in the van on the way home.   
  
With renewed astonishment, Yamato opened his mouth but nothing came out. Then he groaned, pushed his mug aside, and smacked his head down on the table, "Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! No wonder... Shit!" It took a few moments before the continuous curses finally trailed off and the older blonde seemed to gain some control over himself again. He look up at Takeru sadly, "I'm sorry."  
  
"For what?" Takeru asked with surprise. It wasn't like he had never heard foul language before...  
  
Yamato grimaced and swept a shaking hand through his hair. Finally he reluctantly whispered, "It's true. I... I _am _a fucking slut. Ask Ken, he'd tell you. But... that was before..." He swallowed, pressing the palms of his hands against his eyes. "... not anymore... My band knows... they just like to tease. But it's so true..."  
  
Wide eyed at this confusing confession, Takeru shook his head, clutching his mug to himself, "No you're not!"  
  
Yamato let out a humourless, self-mocking laugh, "And how would you know? You don't know me at all."  
  
"But... but I _do _know you! Maybe not that well, but enough to know that you... you would _never _hurt Taichi. I know you wouldn't!" Takeru desperately tried to convey the trust he had in his brother. It was strange, but he actually _did _trust Yamato. The caring, though unpredictable teenager had never tried to actually cause any harm yet. "I trust you, Yamato."  
  
His brother sat up in shock, "You... you do? But... I..."  
  
"Of course I do. You're... my oniisan. Right?"  
  
"Yeah..." Yamato smiled slightly, though with a hint of sadness. "Not that I'm much of a brother. Gomen, Takeru."  
  
"Why are you sorry?" Takeru asked, wondering why everything always became more complicated when dealing with Yamato. Couldn't they just leave it as it was? There really was no need to take this any further... it wasn't that complex, was it? "I'm sure you're a... a great brother."  
  
Yamato shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "No..." he whispered painfully, "I'm not... it was my fault." Then just as suddenly, his face cleared and he managed a smile again, "But never mind that. My problems are my own to deal with. Are you done drinking your hot chocolate yet? You must be tired by now."  
  
Takeru sighed, quickly gulping down the rest of his cooled drink and stood up. Silently he walked around the table to stand beside Yamato. He _wanted _to get to know Yamato better, although he didn't know why. It just seemed right to have this intricate Ishida boy as his brother. And 'though he had no idea just what had happened in Yamato's past to make him so full of pain, he felt the need to help out as he much as he was able. His own pain may be impossible to ever forget but he was sure that Yamato could get through anything if only he had some confidence in himself. And who better to inspire hope and confidence then his own Taichi?  
  
With a sad smile, Takeru reached over and gently wrapped his arms around a startled Yamato's shoulders. He buried his face into the soft hair, breathing in the strangely familiar scent. His brother... his Oniisan... That's all he had ever wanted in those dark, painful moments of the past. Someone to look out for him, and someone for him to protect as well. Daisuke may have Taichi, but now _he _had Yamato. As he pulled away, he smiled again at Yamato, feeling happier than he had in a while, and much more protected from the evil nightmares that had plagued him for so long. Maybe now he could get a good night's sleep. "Promise me something, oniisan?"  
  
"W-what?" Yamato whispered, still staring with wide, disbelieving eyes. As if he couldn't believe that anyone could possibly forgive him for his wrongs.   
  
"Talk to Taichi? Tell him... tell him what you're really like. Explain to him..." Takeru stepped back, suddenly feeling exhausted. It was so different talking freely like this, and yet very satisfying. "Please? I... I don't like to see you hurting."  
  
"But..." With a small sigh, Yamato lowered his eyes and nodded slightly, "Alright. I'll try, for you. Not that he'll want to listen anyway, though."  
  
"Yes he will, I know he will." Takeru insisted, not about to let his brother give up before he even tried. "Taichi's never turned anyone away, ever. Even if he's angry at you he'll... he _will _listen. He wouldn't be able to do otherwise. Believe me..."  
  
Yamato looked up and nodded again, "Okay, I will. I promise."  
  
"Thank you. Good night, Yamato."   
  
"Good night, TK."   
  
"TK?" Takeru asked with a confused frown. It sounded so... familiar. Like he had heard that before.  
  
Yamato grinned, shaking his head sheepishly, "Gomen... it's what I used to call you, when you were young. It just kind of slipped out."  
  
"Oh." Takeru thought about this for a moment, then smiled back happily, "I like that. I wish I could remember. It's so nice, to know that you used to take care of me." Then the young blonde turned around, walking back to the bedroom, feeling so much lighter then before. As he turned away, he missed the pained look on Yamato's face and the way his older brother curled up in the chair as if protecting himself from the haunting demons of the past.   
  
=-=-=-=  
  
(A/N) Yay, another chapter done! All thanks to these encouraging reviews I keep getting, and the insistant pokes from my cousin and best friend. I should make a new year's resolution to get these things out faster, huh? And there, I put in a brotherly moment. ^_^ Hopefully there'll be more action later on... but we'll just have to wait and see!   
Thanks for the reviews! Ja!   
  
  
  
  



	12. Misgivings

(A/N) Thank you for all of the reviews! Makes me feel so ashamed for not getting this next part up until now... I just lost my writing mood for awhile, but I think it's coming back now. Another reason it took so long to get up was because I wasn't entirely happy about this chapter, but... I decided I wasn't going to get anything better typed up so hopefully it's good enough for all you readers out there. ^_^ It mostly focusses on Taichi and Yamato, not much Kensuke or anything. There's a bit more reference to Jyou x Koushiro too. Not much else to say... some cursing and stuff... yeah.   
**  
State of Mind**  
  
_"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."   
-Oliver Wendell Holmes_  
  
Part 12: Misgivings  
  
*"Game Over"*  
  
"Aw man! Not again! I just about had it too... Stupid game." Daisuke glared at the television, throwing the control of the playstation down to the floor. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and proceeded to sulk, still glaring for all that he was worth. He had been working all morning at beating the racing game but as hard as he tried he had been unable to get past the third level. The car always lost control around the turns, then the opponents would get ahead and that would be the end of the that. It was a stupid game anyway!  
  
The young boy sighed, pressing the power button of the system off with his toe before sliding off of the couch. Now he was just plain bored. The new game could keep him occupied for only so long before it became dull. Besides, it still seemed weird to be using such a thing and deriving such fun out of it when he normally would have been 'working' at the moment if things were still the same as in the past. Not that he didn't enjoy the bit of freedom. It was worth hanging on to while it lasted.  
  
Reaching up to his forehead, Daisuke brushed back a few loose strands of hair and straightened his beloved goggles. It was definitely time to find something else to do now. The house was silent, empty of all but him and his brother. Hikari had gone to school of course, seeing as it was thursday, and the two adults had gone to work. The woman, Hikari's mother, had been very reluctant to leave them, even for the few hours that she was being forced to work if she wanted to keep the job. She had spent all morning racing around the apartment, making sure that they knew what to do in case of an emergency and that they were allowed to eat anything that didn't require cooking. It had been really different, being fussed over that way. Daisuke had never experienced anything like it. But it was nice that she seemed to care, even if she was an adult.  
  
Daisuke quietly hummed to himself, making his way slowly to the bedroom door. He hoped that Taichi might be up to doing something by now. So far the older brunette had refused to leave the sanctuary of his bed, despite his brother's pleads. In fact, Taichi had seemed to be in a sombre mood all day yesterday and was apparently still determined to remain sulky and snappish today as well. This didn't suit Daisuke one bit. He wasn't used to his brother acting like this. Maybe he was coming down with a cold or something. So far, however, Taichi would not say one word about whatever was the matter.   
  
Cautiously he opened the door, peeking around it to assess the situation before entering. Taichi was _still_ in bed, his back towards the doorway and he appeared to still be asleep. But of course that was impossible, it was already almost lunch time and Taichi _never _slept through lunch. At least not ever since they had discovered that lunch time was a regular meal in this part of the world and something that was never going to be denied to them. Quietly he crept over to the side of the bunk bed, trying to catch a glimpse of the older boy's face.  
  
"'Chi?" He whispered, trying to decide whether or not it was safe to poke at him. "'You 'wake?" When there was no answer given, Daisuke carefully crawled onto the bed with his brother, kneeling at his side. "'niichan?"  
  
Finally Taichi gave a small groan, his eyes still tightly shut as he tried to pull the blanket over his head, "Go 'way... leave me 'lone."  
  
Disconcerted by this unusual response, Daisuke pulled the blanket back down and brought his face right up to Taichi's until their noses were almost touching, "It's okay, it's only me." Only an annoyed snort met this statement, causing Daisuke to frown with confusion. "What's wrong, 'Chi? You sick?" Worriedly, he brushed back Taichi's bangs to feel his forehead. He hated it when Taichi was sick, seeing his usually strong brother so weak and hurting. Especially since their Masters had never seemed concerned in the least about their personal health, only about a loss of money and time.  
  
Taichi swatted the hand away, finally cracking open one eye to give Daisuke a half hearted glare. "I'm not sick. What d'you want?"  
  
Surprised at the harsh tone of voice, Daisuke only leaned back a bit in confusion. If his brother wasn't sick, then why was he still in bed? Was he hurt? Did someone do something to him? Was he depressed or... or sad... or what? "What's wrong, Taichi?"  
  
"_Nothing_. Is that all you came in to bug me for?" Taichi growled, turning away again as he curled up beneath the blankets. He _did _seem sort of sad... his eyes were so dark... Daisuke shivered, knowing that look. Remembering what had happened the last time he had seen his oniichan's eyes so dim before...  
  
Daisuke bounced a little, suddenly feeling a bit afraid. "Get up, 'Chi! I'm hungry, we can eat now. And then let's do something, I'm bored." The last time... it had been after Takeru had almost died at the hands of the deceiving Master. Taichi had been so mad, so... so distressed and heartbroken. But that had happened a long time ago. "Ne... Taichi? Please?" Still no response, no movement. Fearing that the past was about to repeat itself, Daisuke shakily laid down at his brother's back, curling up against the warm body as he tried to shake the memories. He wrapped one arm loosely around the brunette's side, resolving to stay with Taichi no matter what happened.   
  
They lay together in complete silence, both wrapped up in their own dark thoughts. Neither wanted to move or speak, occasionally slipping off into a light sleep only to snap awake again as the dreams persisted to haunt them. It wasn't until hours later that a noise other than their own quiet breaths broke the stillness that had fallen. A door creaked open somewhere in the apartment, then soft footsteps approached their own bedroom doorway.  
  
"Taichi? Daisuke? Are you in here?" The whisper disturbed Daisuke a little from the numb stupor he had fallen into. His eyes cracked open slightly, frowning a little as he tried to focus on the voice. "...Still in bed?"   
  
Unable to ignore the familiar presence any longer, Daisuke turned his head away from where it had been buried against Taichi's back and stared blankly, through half open eyes, at the unexpected visitor. Ken pleasantly stared back at him, a soft smile lighting up his face, "Hey there, I didn't wake you, did I?" The tired red-head only shook his head slightly, unable to find the energy to answer properly. Why did Ken have to come here now? Taichi still wasn't himself yet... "Oh... well, I just came over to check on you two. Yagami-san has to work longer than she had been expecting. She got worried and called me when she couldn't get ahold of Yamato to make sure you're all right."  
  
Suddenly Ken frowned, looking a little closer at the two of them, "You _are _okay, aren't you?" When Daisuke only shrugged slightly and tried to turn away again, the blunette took a concerned step towards them. That was when Taichi decided to act, speedily sitting up and pulling his startled younger brother behind him.  
  
Daisuke couldn't see the older boy's expression from this new position but, judging by Ken's own shocked look, it couldn't have been very nice at all. "Don't you come one step closer to him." Taichi growled, shaking slightly as he kneeled in a defensive position.  
  
Confounded by this threatening behaviour that was so unlike Taichi, Ken automatically took a couple of steps backwards before stopping himself, "W-what?" Taichi only remained silent, still glaring. "Taichi? What's the matter? You know who I am."   
  
When still the suspicious teenager wouldn't answer, Ken came a bit closer again. Taichi did respond to this, pushing further back on the bed until Daisuke was forced back against the wall, clinging fearfully to Taichi's back. He still didn't know why his brother was acting like this right now. There was no reason... was there? Had something happened that he hadn't heard about yet? Taichi would have told him though, wouldn't have he? "Don't!" Taichi whispered harshly, shaking harder, "Don't come near him. I won't let you! I won't..."  
  
Ken held up his hands unthreateningly, not daring to approach any further at the moment. He appeared to be just as confused as Daisuke felt, "Why won't you let me come closer, Taichi? What are you afraid of? I haven't done anything. And I'm not going to. I just want to help with whatever you're afraid of."  
  
Wondering, Daisuke moved slightly to peek over his brother's shoulder to look at Ken. The other boy was still standing there, apparently bewildered by this strange display. "'Chi, what's goin' on?" Daisuke whispered in Taichi's ear.  
  
Taichi only shook his head, reaching behind him without taking his eyes off of Ken to roughly push Daisuke back behind him. "I know, Ichijouji... I _know _you don't really care about him."  
  
"Who? Daisuke?" Ken asked bemusedly, then shook his his head, "Of course I care. What's bringing this on? What happened?"  
  
"Go _away_!" Taichi insisted forcefully, apparently in no mood to explain why he was acting like this. "I won't let you use us! Not you or Ishida or _anybody_!"  
  
Ken nervously brushed a strand of hair from of his face, frowning with concentration, "What does Yamato have to do with this? Just tell me what happened."  
  
This only seemed to distress Taichi further as he was now shivering intensely. Daisuke desperately wrapped his arms around the older one's waist, trying to remind him that he was still there and not to suddenly go crazy on them all. Why was this happening? What was _wrong_?! It scared him to see Taichi like this, so unpredictable and upset. "He's just a fucking slut! Like... like everybody else. You a-are all alike! I... I thought it w-was different now but... H-he just wants a good fu-fuck!"  
  
"Now just hold on a god damn, fucking moment!" Daisuke gasped as Ken effectively cut Taichi off, his eyes going wide with shock as he heard the blunette swear for the first time that he was able to recall. He sounded so angry! "That's my best friend you're talking about! I don't know where you get off calling him that but I won't stand for it." Taichi had been shocked into silence, going completely still and rigid as Ken took a determined step forward. The usually soft violet eyes were now darkened with anger.   
  
"What do you know, Yagami Taichi? What do _you _know about Yamato?!" Ken growled, advancing another menacing step. "You don't know _shit _about him, that's what!" Daisuke cringed, pressing painfully against the wall in an attempt to get away from this maddened Ken. He didn't like this one bit. He did not know why Taichi was angry with Yamato but there had to be a good reason. Taichi never did anything without a reason. And Daisuke trusted his brother completely. Ken had no right to yell at him like this...   
  
Then Ken's tone softened slightly, though his eyes were still full of heat, "What did he do, Taichi? Tell me."  
  
"N-nothing." Taichi answered in a hushed voice, still pressing back against Daisuke with even more determination. "I won't le-let h-him..."  
  
"Listen Taichi. Yama's my friend, I know him more than anybody. He's _not _a... a _slut _and he would never use you or anyone, ever. I don't know what you heard, but-"  
  
"I heard_ him_!" Taichi suddenly exploded, his fingers digging into the mattress on either side of him. "With his _other _friends. He was... he w-was going to... to go with them! F-find someone to fuck for fun! Just like... like..."  
  
"So _what_?!" Ken shot back, shocking Taichi into silence again as he was unable to answer this appropriately. "It doesn't make him a what you think. He doesn't always... he just _needs _somebody, sometimes. It's different with him. You just don't know..."  
  
"Know w-what?" Taichi asked quietly, his earlier anger dampened by Ken's defensive response to it. He was now hugging Daisuke's arms which were still wrapped around his stomach, trying to calm himself down and find some familiar comfort.   
  
Ken sighed, his eyes still watching them with a sorrowful look. He shook his head slightly, "Gomen, but... I can't tell you. He wouldn't like it. If he feels like you should know anything of his past, then he'll tell you himself. But you have to believe me, Yamato's nothing like that, not now and never again as far as I know. He does do some things that I hate, that are wrong... but he's still figuring things out for himself."  
  
Daisuke blinked, peering around the larger body in front of him again. Was everything okay now? Was it safe to become involved again? Probably not... at least not until Taichi told him it was. "'Chi?" His own voice sounded strained, even though he had hardly said one word during the disagreement. He hated fighting, someone always ended up getting hurt in the end. "S'okay, 'Chi... 'Mato cares... I know he does."  
  
Finally Taichi turned his head to look at Daisuke for the first time since Ken had arrived. The two self-proclaimed brothers locked gazes, conveying their thoughts, concerns and comforts in an understanding long developed by their close relationship. Finally the brunette slumped wearily, leaning his forehead on Daisuke's shoulder. "Guess or fact?" He whispered questioningly, ignoring Ken's bemused stare.  
  
"Fact... definitely." Daisuke quietly replied, also avoiding Ken's gaze, too intent on trying to bring back his brother's confidence. "'Keru told me."  
  
"He did?" Taichi asked, looking up again hopefully. "When?"  
  
Daisuke nodded, hugging Taichi to give and gain the needed comfort, "Not long ago... couple of days. Please...?"  
  
With a sigh, Taichi hugged him back, "Yeah." He slowly turned back to Ken who was still standing in the middle of the room awkwardly, obviously not wanting to interrupt anything but not knowing what else to do while he waited. "Ken... I..."  
  
"It's okay." Ken quickly cut him off with a smile, "I can see why you'd have a hard time trusting us." Then he frowned a bit, biting his lip, "But just... don't say things like that about Yamato again. Don't judge him until you know more about him, okay?"  
  
Taichi hesitantly nodded, "'Kay. I... I'll try not to..."  
  
"S'okay now?" Daisuke asked Taichi, feeling the tension drain out of the other's body.   
  
"Yeah..." Taichi smiled weakly, ruffling the younger boy's spiky hair gently. "Sorry 'bout that, it's just..."  
  
"Don't worry," Daisuke grinned back, knowing that his brother was going to be fine for a little while now. Maybe it was a good thing that Ken came when he had, getting it all out in the open like that. "I know. Can I...?"   
  
The brunette frowned, glancing away to stare worriedly at a wall for a moment before giving a barely perceptible nod. He slowly slid off the bed, taking Daisuke's hand to help him up as well. Then the taller teen remained still, his head bowed to the floor in front of Ken. He was ashamed, Daisuke knew. Ashamed of acting out like that in front of Ken, who still wasn't anywhere near close enough to them to be called a friend, and expressing his thoughts against one of Ken's friends in such a way. It was not the way they had been trained. If the Masters had been here to see such undisciplined behaviour...  
  
Daisuke shuddered at the thought while drawing closer to his brother's side, unable to look at Ken's face which was probably filled with disappointment and anger. Instead he glanced up at Taichi and his heart dropped as he noticed that the deep brown eyes were still filled with darkness, 'though maybe not quite so much as before.  
  
"Are you two... hungry?" Ken finally broke the sombre silence, shifting uncomfortably in front of them.  
  
At the mention of food, Daisuke immediately perked up, his stomach rumbling in response. Neither of them had eaten any breakfast or lunch, having been still in bed by the time the rest of the Yagami family had left the apartment. And Daisuke had been too nervous to take any food without Taichi there to help him. He tugged softly on Taichi's hand, looking up at him questioningly.   
  
In response, Taichi squeezed his hand back, turning his head to give the younger one a tiny smile. Daisuke smiled back, a sense of relief and happiness washing over him. Then, slightly hesitant, Taichi looked up from the ground to where Ken was standing. "Is it okay if... if we eat now?"  
  
Ken seemed to relax at this, giving them both a wide smile as he shrugged, "Well, it's completely up to you, of course. This isn't my home, you know. But... would you mind if I joined you for dinner?"  
  
Surprised, Taichi shook his head after gaining a look of confirmation from Daisuke, "H-hai, of course."  
  
Daisuke nodded eagerly, slowly beginning to realize just _how _hungry he really was. Then he wondered aloud, "Can... can you cook, Ken?"  
  
"Well enough, I think. Do you want me to prepare the meal?" Ken questioned, his expression just as eager for their acceptance.  
  
Taichi was the one to answer, staring intently back at the ground, "If you... wouldn't mind. We... we've never had to learn before..."  
  
With a nod, Ken beckoned them to follow him to the kitchen. They sat at the counter, side by side, as they watched in rapt attention as the graceful teen started pulling things out of cupboards and the fridge as though he had lived here all his life. He smiled at them as he set a pot of water on the stove to boil, "Did you two stay in bed the entire day?"  
  
"Taichi did," Daisuke told him, ignoring the glare sent his way as he leaned on the counter, supporting his head on his hands. "Hikari-san had to go to school today. You... you don't go to school anymore?"  
  
Concentrating on pouring the right amount of rice into the pot, Ken just shook his head distractedly, "I do. My school just gets out a little earlier than theirs. I go to a private school nearer to my apartment."  
  
"Oh." Was all Daisuke said, changing position to lay his head on his folded arms now. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that Taichi wasn't even paying attention to them anymore, just staring out of the kitchen window expressionlessly instead. He really hoped that Taichi would start acting normal again soon, it scared him to see his brother this way. It was hate, a very dark, intense hate that could be seen in those usually bright eyes at certain times when Taichi could not hold it in any longer. The hate was rare, only showing through when teenager became overwhelmed with grief, anger or knowledge of pain. This time Daisuke wasn't sure if the hate was directed inwards at Taichi himself or at Yamato, who had somehow deceived the distrusting brunette.  
  
Whatever it was this time, it was bad. Taichi hadn't even been able to sleep the past few nights, or at least not restfully. It was worrying Daisuke greatly but he didn't know what to do about it. His older brother so rarely lost control like this that Daisuke did not have much experience in dealing with it effectively. Takeru would know, Daisuke decided. The blonde had been with Taichi that afternoon when something had obviously happened. Daisuke would definitely have to find a time alone with his friend to gather the details. But for now... all he could do was be there for his brother. Hopefully it would be enough for a little while, until things were sorted out properly.  
  
=-=-=-=  
  
Jyou Kido let out a huge breath of relief as he strolled down the sidewalk, readjusting his grip on the briefcase hanging at his side. It was good to be back out in the fresh air instead of that stuffy lecture hall where he had spent the better part of this beautiful, sunny saturday. Once again he tried to remind himself just why he was taking weekend classes at the university, still wishing that there was an easier way to get ahead in life. At least it was over for the day and now he had the rest of the afternoon to do whatever he wished.   
  
The hard working, blue-haired man allowed himself a smile as he turned a corner, knowing that a certain red headed boyfriend of his was probably at their apartment right now, anticipating his return. Koushiro had most likely not even stepped foot outside yet today, knowing his habit of losing track of time while working on the computer. A small software company had hired Koushiro part time a while ago for designing and troubleshooting new programs. Of course that gave the two of them even less time to themselves, between both of them working and school. But still they managed to make room in their busy schedules for each other.   
  
Only another fifteen minutes and he would be home, leaving him plenty of time to tear his partner away from that infernal computer and... well, he'd think of something when the time came. He only got another few steps further when he noticed a dejected looking, yet familiar trio walking down the other side of the street. After a moment of undecisiveness, Jyou turned and ran across the quiet road, calling out a greeting to the only daughter of the Yagami family, a good friend of his, "Hikari! Hey, wait up a moment!"  
  
The petite brunette turned when she heard his voice, visibly brightening up as he came to a stop in front of her, "Hi Jyou, where'd you come from?"  
  
He smiled at her, glancing quickly at Taichi and Daisuke before answering, "From the university. Weekend lectures, you know. Are you three headed home?"  
  
"Yeah..." Hikari's expression fell a little again as she momentarily looked over her shoulder at the two boys stopped a few feet behind. "They had appointments with a psychologist today, like they do every week. Mum dropped us off this morning but we had to take the buses back."  
  
"Oh." Jyou replied, not knowing how else to respond to this. It made sense, of course, for the kids to be seeing someone who could help them with the trauma of their past years. They would need somebody to talk to. But as he looked at them again, seeing the two young teens just standing quietly with their heads slightly bowed and sporting identical forlorn expressions, he wondered just how well the therapy was working. They still appeared almost the same now as they did the last time he saw them. "What's the matter?" He finally asked when Hikari made no move to tell him unprompted.  
  
She sighed, her thin eyebrows drawing up worriedly, "They won't talk to the guy. Not really. And... well, look at them. They've been like this for the past couple of days now. It's so frustrating! And on top of that, we've been informed that they need to start attending school."  
  
Jyou nodded in partial understanding, "Well, it's too soon for any drastic changes, 'Kari, you should know that. Maybe going to school and interacting with other kids their age will help settle them some more." He agreed that the boys should be going to school, they were too isolated where they were right now. Besides, he had heard that Hikari, Ken and Yamato had been trying to teach them on their own, which he felt was a bad idea. While it was okay for a start, they had no real experience with teaching and it only closed off the three even more from experiencing a social life.  
  
"I suppose," Hikari said, lowering her voice to exclude the two behind her, "But I'm worried that it's a little fast for them. What if they think... well, you heard what they had been doing all those years they were missing."  
  
He had heard, though he tried not to dwell too much on it. The mental image it produced was so nauseating that he really had almost thrown up the first time that the details were given on their whereabouts. "I'm sure they'll be fine. They seem smart enough to figure things out." Jyou tried to soothe her before raising his head again to take a closer look at the older of the two adopted brothers. Then he frowned, feeling concerned as he noted the pale, drawn face and darkened eyes. "That's Taichi, right?"  
  
When Hikari nodded, Jyou stepped around her and walked over to where the tall brunette was standing. The other didn't even twitch as he approached, still staring despondently down at his shoes. "Hello, Taichi. Do you remember me? From the picnic?" The slightly younger teenager gave a jerky nod before stilling into the exact same position once more. "Could you look at me for a moment, please?"   
  
Taichi's shoulders seemed to sag slightly but he slowly did raise his eyes. Jyou peered into them, worrying about the dazed blankness that seemed to have formed in them as well as the dark bags under his eyes. It was obvious that Taichi hadn't been sleeping properly for quite a few nights now. His skin seemed even paler up close, drained of life. The doctor side of Jyou's personality kicked in immediately, "Have you been feeling ill lately, Taichi? Or do you normally experience insomnia at night?"  
  
For a moment Taichi only blinked with confusion, seeming a bit flustered by the sudden interrogation. He started to shake his head, then hesitated. "W-what's ins... insom-nia?" He whispered, looking slightly frightened of the word.  
  
"Oh..." Jyou had forgotten to keep in mind that the recently rescued teen would probably not have learned many seemingly obvious terms before. "It just means that you have trouble sleeping, especially at night when you should feel the most tired."  
  
"Is... is that bad?" Taichi asked, his tone still kept carefully lowered. His entire body was tense as though he were readying himself for something unexpected.  
  
Jyou only sighed, shaking his head a bit, "It can be serious, but... It's fine, don't worry about it. I was only asking because it looks as though you didn't sleep a wink last night."  
  
"Ah..." Taichi frowned, now looking back at Jyou willingly. He appeared to be contemplating something serious. Finally he turned his gaze back to the ground, shuffling his feet a bit as he shivered slightly, "Jyou-san?"  
  
Jyou watched him with a quizzical expression, wishing he knew what was going on in that obviously confused and darkened mind. "Yes?"  
  
"Can I... we... g-go..." The brunette trailed off for a moment, closing his eyes as if he expected to be smacked for what he was about to ask. After an unsure minute, he finally opened them again and took a deep breath. Jyou waited through all of this patiently, knowing that it was very hard for them to communicate properly anymore. "I don't want to see... to see... Ya-Yamato-san r-right now..."  
  
For clarification, Jyou glanced over at Hikari with a raised eyebrow. She shrugged, biting her lip slightly, "Yamato's coming over to my place this afternoon. He usually does on saturdays if there's no practice. I... I don't know why Taichi wouldn't want to see him though."  
  
Still slightly confused but knowing that there was something deeper to all of this, Jyou turned back to Taichi and asked, "Would you like to come over to my apartment for a bit then?" He had a feeling that that was what Taichi had been trying to ask him before. "Koushiro wouldn't mind, I'm sure."  
  
With a relieved and hopeful look, Taichi nodded slightly, "If it's okay with Hikari."  
  
"Oh no, it's fine, Taichi. I don't mind." Hikari quickly agreed, smiling at Jyou, "Just make sure they're back before it gets too dark."  
  
"I can come too?" The youngest boy spoke up suddenly, taking his eyes off of his shoes finally.   
  
"Of course," Jyou smiled, "Koushiro could use the distraction from his work."  
  
Daisuke visibly brightened, grabbing one of Taichi's hands as they walked towards the apartment. "He... he likes computers... right?"  
  
Surprised at their talent for memorizing passing details like that from days ago, Jyou nodded, "That's right. It's impossible to tear him away from them most of the time." Seeming pleased to hear this, Daisuke turned his head to stare ahead eagerly at their destination and fell silent.  
  
When they finally reached the door to his apartment, after completing the journey in complete silence, Jyou unlocked the door and crossed his fingers in hope that Koushiro was still home and in a good mood. He needed his room mate to distract Daisuke while he spoke to Taichi privately in hopes of determining the cause of the obvious depression. "Shiro-chan? Are you here?"  
  
There was a muffled shout of affirmation from the study room and Jyou grinned with relief. He quickly showed his two guests where to put their shoes and jackets, then ushered them down the hallway and through a door at the end of it. Koushiro was half standing up at the computer desk, rapidly clicking the mouse and keyboard as he appeared to be shutting down programs as fast as possible, "Just a nanosec, Jyou-chan, I'll just shut down the computer and-"  
  
"No, keep it on." Jyou cut him off, walking over to place a hand on the other's shoulder, "I think Daisuke wants you to show him some stuff on it."  
  
"Huh? Daisuke?" Koushiro turned his ebony eyes to Jyou's in a puzzled manner.  
  
Jyou smiled back, waving to the couple behind him, "I've brought company with me. Met them on the way home. You don't mind, do you? I'll explain everything later."  
  
"Oh, of course I don't mind." Koushiro stood fully up and turned a smile on the visitors, running a hand quickly over his neat mop of fiery red hair in an effort to smooth it further. "Hello Daisuke, Taichi, how are you today?"  
  
There was a mumble of indiscernible responses as the two looked to the floor shyly. Jyou asked, "Do you want to play on the computer a bit with Koushiro, Daisuke? I need to talk to your brother for a little while, if that's okay with you."  
  
With a sudden, tense frown, Daisuke looked up at the older brunette. He looked as though he were about to protest, obviously worried about leaving Taichi alone, but Koushiro quickly took over the matter with a friendly smile and a gentle guiding of the hand, "You can trust Jyou to take care of Taichi for a while, Daisuke, don't worry. Here, you can sit down in this chair. Have you ever accessed the internet before?"  
  
While Daisuke's attention was diverted, Jyou turned to Taichi and signalled him to follow. He noticed the pained expression on the other's face as Daisuke became completely absorbed in the computer but Taichi silently followed Jyou to another room. He sat Taichi down on the sofa, taking a nearby chair himself. Taichi stared down at his lap, his hands clenched tightly together and, Jyou noticed with a worried frown, he was shaking slightly.  
  
Jyou sighed, knowing that he was going to have to be the one to break this silence. "Would you like anything to drink, Taichi?" The brunette only shook his head sharply, his jaw tight as a sign of clenched teeth. "Do you... want to talk about it?"   
  
Taichi shook his head harder this time, pressing further back into the couch and Jyou sighed again miserably. This was harder than he had thought it would be. And no wonder. Although he had taken some psychology courses in university, he had focussed mostly on the physical aspects of the body, not the emotional ones. How was it really possible to heal something one couldn't see? Finally, feeling slightly frustrated, Jyou asked, hoping to startle Taichi into saying something, "What does Yamato have to do with anything?"  
  
This had immediate effects as frightened chocolate eyes widened and looked up. His mouth worked silently for a moment as though he had forgotten how to issue sounds from it. Then finally he stuttered, "K-Ken-san said... said I sh-shouldn't judge Y-Yamato be... before... b-but it's... I don't w-want... can't..." He looked away again, seeming so much younger and smaller than he really was with that terrified and lost expression.  
  
Jyou winced at the tone and was trying to think of how he should respond to this when he noticed that the other's shaking had suddenly increased. Taichi had curled up in a defensively and was apparently starting to have a hard time breathing. Quickly, Jyou stood up and kneeled in front of the dazed boy, taking note of the rapid breaths and tense muscles, "Taichi, calm down. What is it?" But the other teenager did not calm down, hugging himself tighter in an effort to appear as small as possible. His eyes were shut tightly now as his breaths came out in quick, short gasps. Panic attack. "Shit." Jyou uncharacteristically swore as he raced to the kitchen, grabbing a paper lunch bag from a drawer and filling a glass with water. He placed the glass on the coffee table in front of the couch before forcing the paper bag over the hyperventilating boy's mouth.  
  
"Breath, Taichi. You hear me? You've got take deep breaths." Jyou commanded, trying to sound as calm and professional as possible. "Deep breaths, come on, you can do it. Just calm down." He reached over and placed one hand on the cold, sweating forehead, smoothing back the chestnut bangs in an effort to soothe. Slowly Taichi did as he was told, guided by the constant encouragement from Jyou. In the end he was still shivering slightly but managed to get his breathing under control again, the blue tinge around his lips disappearing much to the doctor in training's relief. "There, you're okay, Taichi. You're fine. What was that all about? You can tell me. I won't tell anyone else if you don't want me to."  
  
"'d-don't n-ne-need me..." The still shaking boy finally gasped, his eyes still squeezed shut. "Th-they don't n-need me 'nymore... D-Dai an'... and Take..."  
  
Gently, Jyou rubbed the other's arm, still trying to calm him down. "What do you mean? I think they still need you. Daisuke looked really worried about leaving you."  
  
Taichi shook his head, "N-no... no... H-he has Ken-san... now and... rather go o-on 'puter. 'Keru l-likes Ya... Yama... to b-better. Don't need me... Nobody..." He hid his face in his hands, shoulders shaking.  
  
That's it, Jyou realized with growing astonishment. That was what had Taichi in such a panic. Daisuke and Takeru had probably depended on the older brunette all their life and Taichi was used to being the one who could comfort and guide them. He had been the one they looked up to. And in that 'safe', never changing environment that they had grown up in, where nothing was ever questioned, he had never had to deal with anything that he couldn't handle. But now, tossed in this new life where everything was so completely opposite to what they were used to, he was seeing Takeru and Daisuke taking interest in other people and things. It was probably slightly easier for them to take in new ideas as well, seeing as they were younger and had had Taichi to partially protect them all their lives.   
  
But Taichi couldn't handle it, hated watching them stretch their tightly knit bond, hated sharing their unconditional love with others. Hated being alone to deal with everything in this screwed up world.  
  
With only a quiet sigh of regret, Jyou remained silent to this and allowed Taichi to gather himself again. Reality was terrible sometimes, especially when it claimed the innocence of children at such a young age. And if he was going to be a doctor someday he was going to have to be prepared to see more and more of this sort of thing. Not a pleasant thought.  
  
Finally there was a small sniff and Taichi raised his head slightly. His wide eyes were watery but no tears had apparently escaped. They had been raised to hide their personal feelings, which Jyou knew was making it all the harder now. The bottled emotions just grew and grew until they burst out in dangerous ways, as he had just witnessed. "You're not alone, Taichi. No matter what you think. Daisuke and Takeru will always need you, remember that."  
  
Taichi only blinked at him, frowning thoughtfully as though he were trying hard to convince himself of this. Then he asked in a voice not much above a whisper, seeming to completely change the subject, "Do... What is Koushiro-san to... to you?"  
  
"Koushiro?" Jyou repeated with surprise. "Why he's... he's everything to me, Taichi. We've been together for a long time, best friends for even longer."  
  
Another frown greeted this, "A... a long time? H-how?"  
  
Utterly confused now, Jyou could only ask, "How what?" But he had a feeling he wasn't going to like where ever this was leading.  
  
"Koushiro-san doesn't... doesn't make you m-mad?"  
  
"Mad?" Jyou shook his head, "Well, we get into arguments every now and then. But every couple has their disagreements. Taichi, what is your point here?" He didn't mean to sound harsh or anything but he realized that Taichi could take a long time in getting to what he really wanted to ask.  
  
Taichi narrowed his eyes, searching Jyou's face for something, "When... when you sleep w-with other guys-"  
  
"What?!" Jyou shot to his feet, his glasses almost sliding right off his nose in his shock. He stared down at Taichi, wondering if he had just heard him wrong.   
  
Worriedly, Taichi stared back with a whisper, "Or... or is it Koushiro-san? D-doesn't he..."  
  
"Oh Kami-sama, help me." Jyou groaned turning away from Taichi in an effort to gain control of himself. Why was Taichi asking these stupid questions? Where was he getting those ideas from? And then it hit him. Oh hell... of course Taichi would be thinking thoughts like that. Look at where he had spent almost his entire life! The confused teen didn't understand! He did not understand that he had only experienced a small percentage of the real world locked up in that horrible place. The perverted men who had went there probably had wives, girlfriends or boyfriends back home. As far as Taichi knew, that was how it was with everybody. People couldn't stay in a long relationship. They cheated on each other, got in huge fights and started hating each other, calling their partner names and taking their anger out on the small, helpless boys. Jyou wasn't sure whether to laugh at the absurdity of it all or cry for Taichi's confused mind.   
  
Determinedly he turned around again, trying to appear calm and unangered over those implications. He stared directly into a frightened pair of watery brown eyes, "Taichi. Koushiro and I love each other. We have never and _will _never cheat on one another. I have too much faith in him to even let the thought enter my mind for a second. Most people are not what you think they are."  
  
Amazement washed over Taichi, his eyes widening even further, "But..."  
  
"No Taichi, don't ever think of us like that. You have to start letting go of the past and see what everybody here is trying to teach you. It might seem hard, and it probably is, but if you want to be happy you're going to have to try to handle the truth." Jyou told him earnestly, hoping that he was getting through to the stubborn brunette. He took a deep breath and continued, "And nobody is going to let you be alone here. Daisuke and Takeru still love you just as deeply as they ever did but you're going to have to deal with the fact that they are going to make other friends here too. As you will. We would all like to be your friends, Taichi. You just have to accept that."  
  
Taichi intently stared at Jyou in silence after the blue-haired man finished his speech. His sun touched eyes were aglow with a multitude of indiscernible emotions, impossible to read. Eyebrows scrunched together, he sat very still, contemplating all that had just been said. He finally asked, sounding serious, "Do you... do you think that Yamato is a... a better person th-than those men?"  
  
Taken aback, Jyou's eyebrows shot up as he was forced to push up his glasses once again. That had been the _last _question he was expecting. He still wasn't sure where Yamato fit into all of this exactly. Although he was gaining an inkling of an idea. Jyou had known Yamato for years now and had been there with the rest of his friends as Yamato's raging depression had finally gotten the better of him. He still didn't think that Yamato had completely recovered from that time. But surely Taichi didn't know anything about it? Yamato certainly never liked to talk about his past, though it still sometimes showed through his tough image, and none of his friends would dare relay to anybody what had happened without the temperamental blonde's explicit consent. No, it was something else that brought on this question.  
  
Jyou firmly replied, leaving no hint of doubt in his voice, "Definitely. Yamato is nothing like them. He's always been loyal and takes his friendships very seriously."  
  
Taichi's expression cleared after hearing this, his body relaxing slightly as though in relief. He nodded thoughtfully, then slowly uncurled and stood up. "Arigatou, Jyou-san. I appreciate everything you've said, very much."  
  
Resting a hand on the brunette's shoulder, Jyou offered him a warm smile, "Think nothing of if, Taichi. I'm just glad I could somehow help out. Although I don't know exactly how all of that _did _help, but..."  
  
"Oh, it did." Taichi gave him a tiny smile back. "Can... can we go back to Daisuke now?"  
  
Jyou nodded, relieved that Taichi appeared to be feeling better now. He didn't look quite so haggard or depressed, which was a good sign. The older man led the way back to the study room, almost having to dodge out of the way as Daisuke hopped out of his chair and ran to his brother, meeting him in a tight hug, "'Chi, 'you okay now?"  
  
From on top of the desk, where he was currently sitting beside the computer, Koushiro gave Jyou a concerned look which turned into a grin as he was given a discrete thumbs up sign. The couple watched as Daisuke gave Taichi's nod a suspicious glare before pulling his older brother over to the computer. "You _have _to see this... this int-er-net, 'Chi! You can find _anything _on it. Koushiro showed me how to work it." Taichi watched with interest as his younger counterpart pointed out various things on the screen.  
  
Koushiro slid off of the desk, walking over to Jyou who immediately wrapped his arms around the shorter teenager. "Daisuke was worried about Taichi. Even the excitement over the internet couldn't hold his attention for long."  
  
"Yeah," Jyou sighed, resting his chin atop the bright red hair that he loved so much. "They're closer than most blood brothers are."  
  
"Is everything okay now?" Koushiro asked, still watching the two teenagers at the desk. When Jyou shrugged slightly with an affirmative sound, the red head smiled, "Honestly, Jyou-chan. You really should have become a psychologist. First Yamato and Ken, and now Taichi."  
  
"Believe me, setting a broken leg is so much easier than trying to figure out what is really going on in that maze that people call a mind." Jyou explained with a tired sigh.  
  
Koushiro laughed quietly, shaking his head at this. A few minutes later, after making sure that the other two were going to be alright for bit by themselves, they left the room. Jyou seriously hoped that Taichi had gotten something good out of their conversation and would think about it hard. And maybe he could even face Yamato again. Jyou had the feeling that those two, once their differences were worked out, could become very good friends. As crazy as it sounded, the two reminiscent teenagers just seemed to complement each other's strengths and weaknesses perfectly.  
  
=-=-=-=   
  
Music pounded against the walls of The Dragon's Den, filling the air with throbbing vibrations for the people to lose themselves in as they each danced to it in their own way. The club was packed, as it was every saturday night, with men and women of all kinds. It was just the sort of place that one could go, get lost in the crowd, and drown away their sorrows by the bottle full which was probably Yamato's number one reason for agreeing to come with his fellow bandmates this evening.  
  
The golden haired teenager sighed miserably from his position at the bar counter, nursing a bottle of something very alcoholic. He couldn't even remember what he had ordered anymore, just kept asking the bartender for more of the same even if it did taste slightly like rotten peaches. Maybe, though, it would be enough to let him forget the past week entirely, at least until the next day. He knew he shouldn't even be here, knew that his friends would probably bore him with long, righteous lectures if they found out, but somehow he just couldn't bring himself to care what they thought right now. Besides, where was their friendship when he needed it the most? Well... maybe it wasn't right to think that, it wasn't like they knew what he was going through.   
  
Everybody was mad at him, in someway or another. He still didn't even know what he had really done wrong! Taichi was still completely ignoring him... no, avoiding him was more like it. The mind boggling brunette had somehow managed to always be elsewhere when he knew where Yamato was going to show up. This certainly made it impossible to get him alone in order to have that long overdue talk with him, which must be disappointing Takeru greatly. Now his own brother thought he was either a liar or a wimp. And to top it all off, he had both Ken and Jyou harassing him about the same thing! They both claimed to have had strange, heartfelt chats with Taichi and had decided that it all came back to Yamato somehow. It was Yamato's fault that Taichi was upset, it was his fault that he was never any good at dealing with others' emotions, it was all _his _own damn fault that he was a fucking, heartless bastard who should be shot rather than hang around to piss off even more people.   
  
... okay, so they didn't actually say that. But he could take a hint.  
  
Yamato sighed miserably, emptying what was left of his current bottle in one quick gulp before waving it at the bartender. It was promptly replaced with another, just as terrible tasting drink. Nobody would dare refuse the great lead singer of the Teenage Wolves. Right... that was a joke. If he was so great then why had the concert, that they had been working so hard at perfecting, been cancelled last minute? That was the real reason they were all here right now, trying to take their minds off of what they should have been doing tonight.  
  
An arm quietly snaked around his shoulders, derailing his thoughts as he turned his head to try and focus on the face at his side. A narrow pair of gleaming eyes winked backed at him, "Hey baby, I haven't seen you 'round here in a while. I've missed you."  
  
Trying to shrug the arm away, Yamato pointedly turned back to his drink without saying anything. He knew the dark haired teen, one of the few he had used to like fooling around with and more. But right now he didn't want to go anywhere with him, having promised himself and his bandmates that he was only here to have a bit to drink and to get his mind of things, nothing more. Maybe this way he could prove to everyone that he really wasn't a slut, that he did have _some self-respect_ and control, however little.  
  
"Aw, don't be like that, babe," The grinning boy only pulled him closer, "I know you missed me too."   
  
Yamato moaned slightly as he felt a pair of burning lips against his neck a second later, a wet tongue pressing insistently against his skin as the other's teeth nipped softly, teasingly. "No... Kado... not t'night."  
  
Hot, forceful lips met his own in response, effectively shutting him up as he gasped in surprise. He felt the taller teen slide onto his lap and Yamato groaned again as a hand slid under his shirt to play across his chest. Pleasure ran along the blonde's spine, fighting against the part of his mind that was telling him to stop the other boy from going any further. He _could _push Kado away, he wasn't _that _drunk... at least he hoped he wasn't. But why should he? Maybe this really was what he was, maybe everybody was right about him. Maybe he was just a stone hearted slut.  
  
Finally he gave in, too exhausted to fight anymore. Why struggle against his nature? Slowly he returned the other's embrace, opening his mouth a little to invite the probing tongue in. Then Kado pulled back slightly, grinning as he ran a finger along Yamato's cheek, "'So beautiful..." Before he knew what was happening, Yamato was pulled from the bar stool and dragged through part of the crowd to the nearest wall. His back was pushed against it as the other teen hungrily went back to sucking on his mouth. But by now, Yamato didn't really care where this went, he just wanted to lose himself. His mind drifted as he let out an involuntary groan, feeling Kado grind eagerly against him. What would the others say if they saw him being used in such a fashion? They'd probably be disgusted. _He _was disgusted, but only in the remote part of his mind that wasn't in control at the moment.  
  
He leaned his head back against the wall, blue eyes dulled as they stared blankly at the ceiling through the cloud of smoke that floated all around them. The nipping, sloppy kisses were past his neck now, making their way down his chest and absently he put his hands on Kado's head, urging him down in an unconscious need to get this over with as quickly as possible.   
  
But then suddenly the teenager's head was pulled out from under his grip with a yelp of surprise and, disoriented by the sudden lack of warmth, Yamato opened his eyes just in time to see Kado brutally shoved back into the crowd. Then Akeno was there beside him, watching him with a serious and questioning, but not accusing, expression.  
  
His fellow guitar player and back up vocalist did not speak at first, instead waiting for Yamato to blink away some of the numb haze that had fallen across his mind within the last few minutes. After a moment, Yamato sighed, and tiredly pushed away from the wall. Of course. There was _always _someone there to stop him from doing things he shouldn't. Even those who had done it many times themselves with complete strangers. Hypocrites.  
  
Once standing, though, Yamato remained staring emptily at his bandmate. He smirked slightly at the other's expression, not understanding the strong feeling tearing him up inside, leaving him so vulnerable. Akeno shook his head as he closed the distance between them and gently pulled Yamato's shirt straight again, buttoning it up carefully. The dark haired teen then reached down and zipped Yamato's jeans up with startling speed before directing the stunned blonde back to the bar where they sat down facing each other.  
  
Yamato was the first to look away, taking time to order another drink before commencing to stare sourly at the counter. He hoped Akeno wouldn't make a big deal over what had just happened but it was wishful thinking.  
  
"I thought you were going to stay clean tonight." Akeno finally said expressionlessly, casually swiping the bottle from Yamato's grip and taking a swallow from it.  
  
Yamato glared down at his empty hands, hunching further over the counter and ignoring the other's gaze. He shrugged, "What's the point?"   
  
"The point?" Brushing the sweaty, ebony bangs from his eyes, Akeno frowned slightly as though thinking about the question carefully. "Point is you promised."  
  
"Promises mean shit, now'days." Yamato informed him rudely, grabbing for his drink again. However, Akeno easily kept it out of reach.  
  
They glared at each other for a few minutes, neither knowing what the other was thinking. Yamato felt his head swimming slightly, realizing that maybe he had had a few more drinks than he first thought. Finally Akeno replied, his tone soft and serious, "Promises always meant everything to you."  
  
Yamato tried to shake his head but stopped as he almost tipped off of the stool, "Maybe... but not 'nymore. Fucking shitheads like me don't care 'bout keeping stupid promises."  
  
Suddenly he yelped, rubbing his cheek as Akeno glared back at him with a raised fist. "Snap the fuck out of it, Yamato. What's with the attitude?"  
  
"Why would you care?" Yamato shot back, glaring dangerously. "Go away, I'm fucking tired of listening to you, bastard."   
  
His friend looked ready to hit him again, but stood up instead, "Fine then. I'm calling Ken."  
  
"What?!" Yamato stood up, grabbing the counter for extra support as he almost lost his balance, "Why? He's not my fucking keeper! Fuck you, 'Keno. Don't bother!"  
  
Akeno matched his glare, shoving him back down onto the barstool. "I'm not going to let you sit here and hurt yourself with that fucked up attitude of yours. You told me to give Ken a ring if you started getting out of control and that's what I sure as hell am doing." Then he stomped off in the direction of the nearest pay phone, leaving Yamato staring stupidly after him.  
  
Grumbling slightly, and sure that Akeno wasn't serious, Yamato slowly turned back to the now unguarded bottle. He took a long swallow of it, letting the burning liquid do its work on his mind in order to just forget about everything around him. Damn caring friends, why did they have to listen to him?  
  
By the time he was halfway through the next drink, Ken was there to snatch it away and stick it far out of reach. He grabbed Yamato's shoulder turning him so that they were face to face. Yamato winced as he faintly processed the look of hurt, anger and sympathy in those always bright, violet eyes. He looked away, staring at his lap in preparation for the expected anger-filled scolding. Instead he was taken by surprise as Ken pulled him into a tight hug.  
  
"Why do you do this to yourself, Yama?" Ken asked quietly as Yamato relaxed slightly against his friend. He liked this, it was warm and safe in Ken's arms. Ken didn't hate him, he was just disappointed by Yamato's actions, that's all. "I don't understand you, even after all these years."  
  
Amused by this, Yamato smiled slightly, hiding his face against Ken's shoulder with a muffled, "Me neither."  
  
Ken just sighed and tried to pull away a little. However, Yamato was determined to stay right where he was, too tired to make it anywhere on his own. "Where's Akeno? He called me and-"  
  
"Fuckin' snitch, he is." Yamato grumbled, turning his head slightly to look over at the mass of dancing bodies on the floor. He couldn't spot any of his friends, though there were a few other people he recognized. Not that he really cared at the moment 'though. "Can I have my drink back?"  
  
"No." The bluenette replied absently, still looking around. Then he carefully pushed Yamato away, back onto his own stool again, before staring worriedly into his eyes. "Kami, you are drunk, aren't you? What's gotten into you lately?" Ken frowned, bringing a hand to rest gently against Yamato's forehead, brushing away a few limp strands of hair. Yamato redirected his gaze back to the dance floor, trying not to see the concern that filled his best friend's eyes. "I haven't seen you this depressed for awhile now." There was a slight tremor to his quiet voice now but it was quickly steadied as Yamato turned to face him again, "Can you walk?"  
  
Yamato shrugged, leaning against the counter and away from Ken. He didn't want to go home yet, however tired he was. At least here he did not have to face his stupid emotions and problems. "Go home, Ken."  
  
"I'm not leaving you here after I came all this way," Ken replied firmly, "I'm taking you back to your apartment first, at the very least."  
  
"No, M'fine right here."  
  
"Why are you doing this?!" Ken let out a frustrated breath, looking away a moment as he fought to keep control of himself.   
  
"Doin' what?"  
  
Ken growled something incomprehensible and pulled Yamato off of the stool by his arm. Yamato had no choice but to go along with it. It wasn't like he was in any condition to fight right now anyway. His eyes widened slightly with surprise as the room decided to tip over sideways when he got to his feet. He quickly closed his eyes then, afraid that if he had to watch to place spin around like that he'd puke. The two teenagers slowly made their way to the exit, Yamato leaning heavily on Ken, his eyes still shut. Ken didn't comment on his apparent lack of balance but supported his weight without complaint.  
  
After being dumped on the nearest bench outside, Yamato leaned back and listened as Ken pulled out a cell phone and called a taxi. It would have been dark outside if it weren't for the bright street lights and a buzzing, florescent lighted sign above them on the side of the building. At least it was cooler out here. The throbbing in his head eased a little as he breathed in the slightly fresher air. He felt faint and faraway, completely relaxed as the mix of exhaustion and alcohol finally overtook him. He hadn't been sleeping well the past few nights, busy worrying over what he was going to do about the problems he had caused, but it didn't matter now.   
  
Yamato slept through the cab ride, only waking up slightly as Ken helped him up to his apartment. Once inside, he stumbled over to the couch, ignoring his friend's questions, and fell back into a dark, dreamless sleep.  
  
When the tormented singer finally woke up again, the sun was high in the sky and a parade of elephants had taken up dance lessons inside of his head. Groaning, Yamato slowly sat up and put a hand to his pounding forehead and tried to open his eyes against the burning, bright light that was seeping in around the curtains.   
  
"Kuso..." He whispered, wincing a bit as he turned his head experimentally. What the hell had happened last night? Well, obviously he had gotten smashed, that much he knew. But beyond that... He sighed, lying back against the cushions again with an arm slung over his eyes to block the light. Maybe he just didn't care what he had done whilst drunk out of his mind.  
  
Then he felt another presence, someone sitting nearby watching him. He knew who it was, it had always been the same thing. His saviour, his friend, and though sometimes he knew that he was really not worth all the trouble he was still glad to have someone watching him so protectively. "...Ken?" His voice was raspy, throat dry from dehydration caused by the alcohol. What he wouldn't do for a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers right about now.  
  
"Yes, Yamato, I'm here." The other announced his presence emotionlessly. Definitely no pity from over there. Ken had always hated it when he drank but usually held his peace about it. It had been so much worse in the past when alcohol wasn't the only thing that Yamato had been putting into his body, so as long as the blonde went no further than this now Ken would deal with it silently.  
  
Yamato licked his lips nervously for a moment then struggled to his feet, desperate to get to the bathroom where the pills were kept in one of the cupboards. But before he could stand up properly he was firmly pushed back down again with a glass and two white pills shoved into his hands. Gratefully he swallowed everything, already feeling physically better now that he knew the pain would go away soon. Setting the glass down on the coffee table beside him, he silently looked up at his best friend, hoping that the other wasn't too upset with him. Instead of anger though, all he saw in his darkened amethyst eyes was confusion, hurt and... fear.  
  
Ken closed his eyes suddenly, tilting his head foreword so that his face was mostly hidden by a curtain of silky, blue-black hair. He was shaking slightly, Yamato noted with concern. Startled, Yamato blinked and frowned, "Ken? What...?"  
  
"You're doing it again." The pained whisper was so low that Yamato had to strain his ears to hear it. He opened his mouth but Ken continued, fists clenched at his side, "Why won't you tell me?"  
  
"Tell... tell you what?" Yamato finally ventured as a few minutes passed in silence. He didn't understand what Ken was trying to say and he couldn't think. His mind felt clouded and completely messed up, as it had for the past few days now. Everything was just becoming too much... he didn't want Ken to add to the confusion.  
  
In an instant, Ken's head snapped back up, his eyes misted with unshed tears and his face distorted with rage and hurt. "What the fuck is _bothering you_! You won't talk to me anymore. You won't talk to _anybody_. Did you think I wouldn't notice how you're distancing yourself again?!" Seeing the shock on Yamato's face, Ken's tone softened a little, "After... after everything that happened, you'd always tell me what you were feeling, what was going on in your mind. And now you... you're closing yourself up again. I don't even know _why_!"  
  
They stared at one another as the last word left Ken's mouth, both pairs of eyes wide and swimming with emotion. Then Yamato looked away, unable to watch his friend's pain and accusing expression any longer. He couldn't tell Ken what he was feeling or why he was having such dark thoughts lately because _he _didn't know the answer to any of it. It was just... he couldn't help it. He felt like he had failed somehow but he didn't know at what or why.   
  
"Where's Takeru?" Yamato asked quietly at last, avoiding Ken's eyes as he did the questions. He _couldn't _talk, not right now. There was no reason not to but...  
  
Ken's expression darkened further in misery as he let out an strange, distressed noise from his throat. Without a word he pointed to the hall before turning and leaving the apartment. Yamato flinched back as the front door slammed shut, feeling horrible as his only true friend left him. He knew it was his fault, he had purposely driven Ken away, but it didn't make him feel any better about. "Sorry, Ken..." Yamato whispered, forcing himself not to let the tears run free. He wouldn't cry, he wasn't weak. Not now, not ever again. But God, how he wanted to...  
  
Unsteadily, Yamato climbed to his feet and silently left the lounge to head for his bedroom. His mind was blank again, as it usually was when he felt upset about something. Better just not to think of it then get worked up about it. He stopped outside of his door, uncertainly pausing with his hand over the doorknob. There were sounds coming from the other side, people talking. Takeru wasn't alone.  
  
Hesitantly the blonde put an ear to the wood, wanting to know who was in there before he walked in. He could make out words, barely, and voices. Takeru's and... was that Daisuke? And... oh Kami... Taichi as well. They were all here.  
  
"Why... would he...?" He heard Takeru's quiet question, no more than a murmur.  
  
Daisuke's voice was louder though, comforting, "Maybe it was an accident, maybe-"  
  
But Taichi cut him off sharply, "I knew it, knew he was like that. You heard too, Takeru, you should have expected it."  
  
"But... Tai, he's not..."  
  
"... I know." There was a pause and then, "Gomen, but... I don't want him to be like that. It's just, I'm afraid..."  
  
"I know..."  
  
"Even Ken looked upset this morning." Daisuke commented sadly, "It's gotta be bad."  
  
Yamato finally jerked away from the door, not wanting to hear any more. He knew they were talking about him. They knew for sure now, knew how horrible he was, how he couldn't control himself. Takeru probably thought so little of him now that he had proved how weak he really was.  
  
In a daze, Yamato walked back to the couch and sat down, staring blankly at the wall across from him. Now he really felt like crying. He had made a fool of himself, Ken was mad at him, Takeru and his friends were upset because of him. He hadn't even been able to keep any of his promises, including helping Taichi to cope with the unfamiliar new life. He failed everybody!  
  
He remained staring into space, dark thoughts filling his mind, until a small cough snapped him back to reality. Just inside the doorway from the hall was Taichi, watching him with unsure eyes. Yamato straightened in surprise, unable to help the bit of warmth and confusion he always felt when gazing into those beautiful, chocolate filled puppy eyes. He didn't say anything as the brunette cautiously approached the couch, coming to a stop beside it.  
  
"I... I think..." Taichi faltered, looking down to the floor with a bewildered expression. Yamato waited, wondering what could be so important as to bring the one who probably hated and feared him the most anywhere near him. Finally, Taichi took a breath and glanced back up, "I think we... we need to t-talk."  
  
=-=-=-=  
  
(A/N) Yep, I'm leaving it there *grins*. Wow, I think this is the longest chapter yet... probably because I felt so bad for the lateness of it. The next chapter might take a little time to show up as well. *sighs* I really can't wait for summer holidays to start. So much more time to write and such then...  
Anyway, reviews much appreciated! They're very good motivation.  
  
  



	13. Bigger Than The Eye Can See

(A/N) No… you are not seeing things, this is an Update!! It's been, what? 6 months? Yeah, much too long of a wait. Honestly, I was going to give up the fic and move on, seeing as I hadn't updated in so long and couldn't for the life of me figure out where any of this was going to end up. I still don't, but that's okay, I'll figure it out. And I just couldn't leave it like that! Even after half a year, people were _still_ telling me they wanted me to continue. So… I typed up another chapter in less time than it usually takes me. It's more of a cutsey/angsty chapter, and two of Yamato's band members play quite a big role just because I didn't feel like bringing in one of the other overused digidestined, and I happen to like the band.   


Okay, A/N is long enough… If this chapter is a little off or maybe not as well written… it's been 6 MONTHS since I last did this. But hopefully, it's not too bad. Thanks for putting up with the delay.   
  
**State of Mind**   
****   


_"You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses." _-_Ziggy_   


Part 13: Bigger Than The Eye Can See

"Wanna go out?"   


The surprising question cut through the heavy silence that had grown within the last few minutes. Slowly, Takeru lifted his head slightly from where it had been resting on his friend's stomach and turned it to stare sleepily into the wide, puppyish eyes looking back at him.   
"But… Taichi said he wanted to be alone with Oniisan," Takeru commented with a yawn, laying his head back to its previous position again. He didn't want to move from his current position anyway, whether their oldest comrade had made the request or not. It had been an exhausting and frightening night, having been left alone through most of it to worry about what was happening to his new friends elsewhere. Now that the two he trusted most were with him again, he just mostly felt tired and confused. Yamato's sudden change of character scared him and Takeru still couldn't shake the image of his brother being half carried into the apartment, reeking of sweat and alcohol like… like… 

The younger blonde let out a quiet, unexpected whimper at the memory and closed his eyes to try and block everything from his mind. He felt hurt and scared… his brother had never acted like that before within Takeru's presence, so why now…? 

Above him, Daisuke sighed softly and started to stroke Takeru's hair in a comforting manner, "S'okay, 'keru… I just meant… I-I mean I feel so…" Cerulean eyes opened again, appearing calm once more as Takeru regarded his stuttering companion curiously. He let his mouth curl up into a small smile, relishing the feeling of the fingers running gently across his head while he waited for Daisuke to sort out his thoughts. It was easy to forget the past when he had Daisuke and Taichi here to ease his fears. 

Finally the red-head sighed again, though with more frustration this time, "I just wanted to go outside." He looked up to the ceiling, hugging Takeru closer to him while the other tried to sort out what his friend was saying. 

"Outside? Like… out of the apartment?" Takeru asked, shocked that the other would think such a thing. Slightly baffled by this, he lifted himself up and crawled completely onto Daisuke, sitting lightly on his friend's stomach to stare down questioningly into bright cinnamon eyes. "Without… them around?" 

Daisuke grinned weakly, staring back up at him, "Yeah. I… I just feel trapped here, you know? I wanna get out… but…" He looked away again, almost shutting his eyes in an ashamed sort of way, "A bad idea, right? They… they wouldn't like us to…" 

"Bad?" Takeru took a moment to think about this, leaning down to rest his forehead against Daisuke's. They both remained silent and still for a while, each thinking about the consequences of leaving without anybody's permission. Then suddenly Takeru grinned, feeling a bit reckless for no particular reason, and whispered, "Let's do it!" 

Daisuke's eyes snapped open again, filled with disbelief, "Really? You… you think…?" 

With a quick, firm nod, Takeru sat up and beamed down at his staring friend, "Sure. We don't have to go far." Then his smile faded a bit as Daisuke raised an eyebrow in question. Takeru sighed, "Besides, I… I know how you feel 'bout… being trapped. I do too, sometimes." All their lives they had been trapped. Forced to remain indoors, unable to do anything outside of the boundaries set for them. But now everything had changed. They didn't _have_ to be here… not really. 

"B-but, we… we've _never_ gone out without one 'o them before!" Daisuke protested, but sitting up eagerly all the same. 

Takeru slid off of Daisuke's stomach and the bed, then reached out a hand to help Daisuke to his feet, "I… I know that. But… Maybe… 'not far." He frowned, realizing that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. Yamato and the others might not like it if they even left their room, much less the apartment. He hated feeling so trapped… Like there was no air within the walls. 

"Hey, I'm sure they… they won't mind, 'Keru." Daisuke grabbed his hand, a reassuring smile on his face, "Don't worry. 'Chi said he wanted to be 'lone anyway." 

Takeru smiled back, "'kay… let's go then." They grinned nervously at one another, both hesitant to take the first step towards the door. It was almost exhilarating, the fact that they could just walk out the door and nobody would hurt them for it. At least they didn't think anybody would… 

Still gripping each other's hands tightly, they slowly crept out into the hallway. They slid along the wall, avoiding the living room where they knew the others to be. Takeru hesitated for a moment as he heard Yamato's voice rise threateningly, but Daisuke tugged him on, shaking his head. He was right, there was nothing they could do for the others anyway. Takeru sighed, hoping that the two older teenagers would sort out whatever was hurting the both of them. 

It wasn't until they had actually stepped through the front door, closing it as quietly as possible behind them, that Takeru realized that they had no idea where they were going to go. The two boys turned and stared at one another, standing motionlessly in the middle of the hallway. 

"So…" Daisuke grinned nervously, "Where to…?" 

"I… I don't know," Takeru shrugged uncomfortably, "'was your idea." 

Daisuke nodded, and looked down the hall, "'vators, I s'pose." 

As one, they grimaced, looking to where the large metal doors of the elevator was. Neither one liked the frightening, noisy contraption much. It was too small, too airless and cold, and it somehow moved up and down in a sickening, stomach twisting sort of way. They sighed and approached it, 'though neither moved to press the button. 

"'Suppose it's booby trapped?" Daisuke wondered, staring at his wide-eyed reflection in the metal doors. 

"'Never been before." 

"Maybe 'cause they know the secret code to… to stop the traps." Daisuke tried to reason, taking a step back and pulling Takeru away with him, "Maybe this _was _a bad idea." 

Takeru shook his head determinedly, "No. It's not. We'll just… just…" He looked around frantically for a moment, trying to find a way to skip the elevators and still get down. Then he spotted the doors off to the side, "…take the stairs!" 

"Oh…" Daisuke blinked before a grin broke out, excitement lighting up his face, "Okay!" 

They ran down the stairs, not stopping until they reached the bottom and by then they were both gasping for air. Breathless, they leaned against each other in the lobby, giggling quietly when they noticed that nobody else was in the area. It was strange but for those few moments they felt as though the weight of the world had finally lifted from their shoulders. It was just the two of them having a bit of fun, something they could never really do in the past. It was freedom. 

They grinned at each other, finally catching their breath as they looked curiously around. There wasn't much in the lobby, just a few sad looking plants, worn out carpet and doors leading off to other apartment rooms. And then of course there were the front doors leading to the outside world. It was to these that they looked, their grins fading as they realized that they were planning on going out there. Throngs of people passed by the glass doors, the noise of the traffic seeping into the quiet room. They had never faced the crowd and noise without somebody older with them, somebody to protect them and guide them. 

"M-maybe we should…" 

"And climb all those stairs again…?" Daisuke snorted, stepping closer to the blonde as he glanced nervously outside. 

Takeru looked over at his friend, "Where did you want to go?" Of course, it wasn't as if they knew how to find anything and they would get completely lost in no time at all. 

"I d-don't know. Where'd you wanna go?" 

"Your idea, 'member?" 

Daisuke sighed in defeat, then shrugged, "Well… We could try to find Ken's home." He smiled hopefully. 

Takeru thought about it for a moment and then smiled back, "Sure!" He wouldn't mind seeing where Ken lived either. The gentle, intelligent bluenette surely wouldn't mind them visiting. Maybe he'd even be proud of them for walking there by themselves! Ken and the others did keep telling them to do things for themselves, after all. 

Bravely, though still keeping their hands clasped tightly together, they exited the building and stepped out into the sunshine. At first they stood frozen at the edge of the sidewalk, staring with half terrified, half awed faces at the crowds passing them by. 

"Do… do y'think 'Chi's goin' to be mad at us?" Daisuke whispered, pressed closely to Takeru's side. The blonde didn't answer, too busy trying to stop his heart from breaking out of his ribcage. Silently, clinging to each other's side, they edged along the side of the walkway, not daring to get in the way of the strangers. Neither one could figure out how they got this far without giving up and just going back to their room, but they both decided that everything would be fine once they reached Ken's house. It didn't seem to matter that neither one had the slightest idea of where their friend lived, it couldn't be _that_ big of a world, could it? They'd run into it sooner or later. 

There were so many strangers! Takeru shivered, tightening his grip on his best friend. He hated strangers. Strangers were bad, scary. They hurt you, did bad things to you. But as long as none of the strangers noticed them, they would be all right. So far they had managed to come almost three blocks without incident, making a few random turns in hopes that they were going in the right direction. It wouldn't be long now, he kept telling himself. His stomach felt tight and queasy as somebody brushed by him, causing him to shove nearer to the wall of the building they were currently beside. 

"S'okay," Daisuke whispered. His skin was pale but he forced a smile for Takeru, knowing how even worse off the blonde was around strange people and places. "We'll be fine. We're almost there…" Takeru didn't even bother telling him that they hadn't a clue how long it'd be, or that they didn't even know if they were headed in the right direction. 

Okay… so maybe this whole thing really had been a bad idea. It had seemed like a fun thing to do at the time. But now… "I… I th-think we'd better g-go back," Takeru mumbled, trying to keep himself from outright shaking. He hadn't realized that there'd be so many people outside. It had never really seemed like this when they had Ken, Yamato and Hikari around to keep them safe. 

"Y-yeah… but…" They looked around frantically, unsure of the turns they had made to get to where they were now. Takeru's breathing hitched as he came to the conclusion that they really were lost. Lost in the city, with nobody they knew and unable to find their friend's home. "D-don't… don't panic, Take-chan! We… we'll get back. Or… or Chi'll find us." 

Takeru just nodded, unable to speak as he shut his eyes against the sight of all those people. He felt Daisuke tug at his arm, then let himself be led blindly by his friend as he tried not to let the panic take control. It suddenly felt cooler and the noise of the crowd faded slightly. Slowly, Takeru dared to open his eyes again and found himself huddled against Daisuke in a quiet alleyway. 

"You… you o-okay now?" Daisuke asked, looking terrified as he held tightly onto his blonde friend. He was shaking slightly himself. "Nobody'll c-come in here. 'Cept Chi when he… when he comes for us." 

"R-right." Takeru shivered as they slid to the ground, resting back against the dirty, brick wall. This hadn't been a bad idea, walking outside like this, it had been a very _stupid_ idea. Nobody knew they had left, and Ken wouldn't know that they had been trying to find him, assuming he had even _gone_ home in the first place. But… but Taichi would figure it out, surely he would. He was smart. He would be able find them soon. 

It was then that they heard the laughter echoing through the long alleyway. It sounded like a group of people joking around, curses and shouts mingled with their laughs. And the sounds were getting closer, coming from the opposite way that they had entered the alley. Fearfully, the two young boys looked at each other before curling up further against the wall, clinging to each other as though their lives depended upon it. The strangers were going to find them! 

Unable to do anything else, they watched as a group of four teenagers emerged from the gloom. There were two boys shoving playfully at each other as they argued and an almost gothic-like girl egging them on, none of which Takeru had ever seen before in his life. But the third boy! Takeru's eyes widened as he pulled slightly away from his confused friend, but there was no doubt about it, he could never mistake those blindingly bright clothes or hair. 

"I… I know him…!" Takeru whispered to Daisuke, "I think… Sachi… yeah." Sachi, one of the boys from Yamato's band that he had met a little while ago. The bright and mischievous teenager that had tried to flirt with Taichi that day. 

Unfortunately, Takeru's movement caught the attention of the group as the neared. They stopped laughing and talking, staring a moment at the odd scene of Takeru and Daisuke huddled miserably together on the filthy pavement. 

"'The fuck?" One of the boys muttered, frowning curiously at them. 

Then Sachi's eyes widened with realization as his mouth dropped open, "Oh… holy shit! That's… damn!" The band member slowly walked over to them, motioning for his friends to stay put as he ignored their attempts to find out what he was talking about. "You're Yamato's brother, aren't you?" 

Takeru felt Daisuke tighten his hold on him, but nodded slightly, unsure of whether to be terrified or relieved that Yamato's strange friend had found them. But at least he knew that Sachi wouldn't hurt them… or at least he hoped he knew that. 

"Yeah… okay, then." Obviously unsure of what to say to this discovery, the green haired teen rubbed his neck, then caught a glimpse of Daisuke's expression, "Woah, hey, it's cool. I'm not gonna hurt either of you or nothing!" 

Curiously, Takeru looked up at Daisuke and blinked as he saw the unwavering, threatening glare as the red-head held him protectively closer. "Dais? It… it's fine… I think. H-he's Yamato's friend," he whispered, trying to calm down his friend before he did something stupid. 

"What the fuck are you two doing out here?" Sachi finally asked, looking completely lost. 

Takeru hesitated, then turned his eyes to the pavement before truthfully answering, "Trying to… to f-find Ken-san's house, Sachi-san." It definitely didn't hurt to be as polite as possible. 

The incredulous expression on Sachi's face, though, was far from reassuring. "Ken's? As in Ken Ichijouji?" Takeru nodded, confused. What other Ken could he be talking about? Yamato's friend finally grinned, his face filled with amusement as he shook his head, "You're no where _near_ the Ichijouji place. That's all the way in Tamachi! It would take you days to _walk_ there!" He started laughing, waving off his friends' complaints about staying there. 

"Days?" Daisuke whispered unbelievingly. Takeru just shook his head, not understanding what Sachi was talking about. How could anything be that far away? It wasn't possible. It had never taken them long to walk anywhere. 

Suddenly, Sachi stopped laughing, "Wait a minute… Does Yamato know you're out here? He told us a little bit about you guys… and I'm assuming your overprotective friend there is the other of Hikari's supposed brothers. I honestly doubt that Yamato would agree to let you wander off by your lonesome, now would he?" 

Takeru turned to Daisuke for help, not knowing what to answer to this. Would Yamato be that angry with them for leaving? He didn't know… Daisuke frowned, still glaring suspiciously at this wild looking teen who seemed to know his friends. Neither one of the boys spoke. 

Finally Sachi ran a hand through his neon hair, looking a bit exasperated over the whole thing, and turned back to his own friends, "You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up later." They grumbled a bit but agreed, soon leaving the three teens alone. Then the oldest of the three sighed and kneeled in front of the two frightened boys, "What happened? Did somebody try to hurt you again?" 

Again? Takeru frowned, trying to figure out how this stranger could possibly know that they had been hurt before. More than hurt. But he just shook his head. Sachi rolled his eyes a little before standing up again and brushing himself off. "C'mon then, I'll take you back to Yamato. He'd fucking kick my ass if I didn't get you safely home." Takeru and Daisuke just stared at the hand held out to them. Neither one trusted him enough to let go of each other and take it. "Well? You comin' or not?" Sachi raised an eyebrow, smiling despite his words. 

"N-no… We… we can't!" Takeru finally managed to get out, feeling his friend's arms tense around him with surprise. They couldn't go back to their apartment now. It would disturb Yamato and Taichi, interrupting the talk they needed to finish so badly. And then they would never make up and be friends! 

Daisuke, as though he could read Takeru's mind, looked pleadingly up at Sachi, "Onegai… could… could you take us t-to Ken-san's home?" 

Sachi stared from one to the other, baffled by their answers. "But… I told you, it's miles away!" 

"C-call him… please?" Daisuke persisted, sounding almost desperate now. They wouldn't be able to argue if Sachi ordered them home, but maybe they could get him to change his mind before he tried to. 

The keyboardist just kept on staring for a while, as if trying to figure out what the two were really up to. Then finally, just as Takeru was about to give it all up as a lost cause, Sachi's mouth lifted into a teasing half grin, "Aw, it's impossible to say no to you two cuties. Fine, I'll take you to him, but if big, bad Yamato finds out you ran away then you know for a fact that I was out of the country for the day, got it?" He winked and Takeru smiled at him in relief. The guy couldn't be so bad if he was willing to do this for them. 

"_Take_ us there?" Daisuke asked, confusion in his voice, "How?" At least he didn't sound so suspicious anymore. 

"Oh… we'll just take the ol' van for a spin," Sachi explained unhelpfully but looking excited by the prospect. "'Keno actually has it at his place this week, but it's not a far walk from here. I was going to drop by there anyway today, so don't worry about it!" 

Takeru looked doubtfully at the once again proffered hand, glancing at Daisuke to see what his opinion of the matter was. The red-head only shrugged back uncertainly. Of course, it wasn't as though they could argue with their new 'friend' and risk angering him. It had been bad enough that they had insisted on not going back to their apartment, as they were first asked to. But, no matter how friendly and helpful Sachi acted now, Takeru couldn't help but be nervous about going off alone with somebody they really didn't know at all, especially since nobody else knew that they had even left the apartment. Takeru's previous experiences had taught him to be cautious in situations such as this. And so he left it to Daisuke's discretion, hoping that they weren't getting into anything more than they could handle. 

Sachi's hand was starting to waver and a worried frown was replacing the grin on his face, but before he could open his mouth to ask the obvious question, Daisuke slowly pushed himself up from the ground, pulling Takeru with him. Neither of them touched the now retreating hand. 

The green haired teen gave them both a strange look, then shrugged, turning to the end of the alley, "Well, come on then. We gotta catch 'keno before he decides to take off. Plus it might take a while to convince him to let us take the van out. He hasn't let me even touch the _steering wheel_, much less drive the thing, since I put that teen-tiny dent in the rear after backing up into that misplaced light post." 

On that reassuring note, Sachi led the way to Akeno's apartment, Takeru and Daisuke following more hesitantly after the bouncing neon teen. Both of them hoped that day would get a lot better than it had been so far. 

=-=-=-= 

This day could _not_ get any worse! Not only had he walked out on his very frustrating, idiotic best friend but now Takeru and Daisuke were apparently missing. Just vanished, into thin air. And as if that wasn't bad enough, he now had to deal with a very panicked Yamato over the phone. Nope, this just wasn't his day at all. 

"Ishida Yamato, if you don't calm down this instant I'm going to come over there and knock some sense into you!" Ken finally resorted to yelling, just to shut up the blonde who, when panicked, could not seem to stop babbling guilt ridden thoughts. The other end of the line went silent, probably due to the shock of hearing Ken threaten somebody so loudly. 

"That's better. Now, you're sure you checked all of the rooms? They're not just hiding somewhere?" Ken listened to the frantic answer, dread settling in his stomach. He could not believe this was happening. How could they just lose them? "Okay… okay, Yamato, I believe you! No… Of course I haven't seen them! In case you've forgotten I live a little out of the way… alright… Okay, you and Taichi go out to search for them, I'll be over as soon as possible, and keep your cell with you. Yeah… don't worry… we'll find them." 

Ken sighed as he set down the phone, hoping beyond hope that the two young teens weren't wondering lost in the city where any horrible stranger could get them again. They probably wouldn't even resist if someone tried to kidnap them or hurt them in any way. They'd just accept it as they had before. 

Horrified by the thought, Ken quickly grabbed his jacket and wallet from his room and hurried to the door, but before he could open it, a knock sounded from the other side. Great, company. Just what he needed right now 

Prepared to politely tell the person to just bug off and come back later, Ken answered the door and found himself almost blinded by glaringly neon colors. His eyes narrowed, taking in the suspiciously innocent grin, "What are you doing here?" 

"Ken! Good to see you too, buddy!" Sachi mockingly answered back, sounding a little out of breath but still looking cheerful as ever despite the rude greeting he had received. "I'm here to see you of course. We don't spend enough time together, so I've come to remedy that!" 

With an irritated glare, Ken shook his head, "Well, we can bond later, Sachi. I was just on my way out and –" 

"And now you're on your way back in!" Sachi cut him off with a wink, slinging an arm around the increasingly annoyed bluenette, pulling him back into the apartment. Although Ken had had lot's of practice in dealing with stubborn people (nobody was more stubborn than Yamato) he knew that the wildly dressed keyboardist was stronger than he looked and would make his life miserable if Ken tried to run out on him. The only thing to do now would be to explain the emergency and hope that Sachi's loyalty to the band's lead singer would be strong enough to call for immediate departure. 

"Sachi, really, I've got to go. Yamato needs my help to –" 

"Naw, I'm sure he'll be fine," Sachi waved his arguments off and sat on the couch. Then, just to make sure that the frustrated teen couldn't make a run for it, Sachi pulled the younger of the two onto his lap, firmly wrapping his arms around the boy's stomach. 

There was a moment of stunned silence and then, "Um… Sachi? Just what do you think you're doing?" 

Sachi gave him a mischievous grin, "You know what, Ken? You're just way too uptight. You've got to learn to relax, man." 

"But…" 

"No buts! You're not going anywhere until you do something about it." 

"Damn it, Sachi no baka! I don't have time for your stupid little games!" 

At that moment they heard the front door slam open and Sachi jumped a little, giving a nervous 'eep'. A second later, another member of the band, looking rightly pissed off, came storming into the living room. Ebony bangs did nothing to cover the glare aimed at Sachi who was now trying to use Ken as a human shield. 

"How many times have I told to _not_ jump out of the van while it is still moving!" Akeno growled, acting quite the opposite of his usually calm and relaxed nature. 

Sachi peeked over Ken's shoulder, who still couldn't move despite his struggles to, "But 'Keno-chan, I was only –" 

"I don't care what you were _only_ doing. If you wanted some cuddle time with Ken, you could have just asked us to take the stairs instead of almost killing yourself in parking lot!" 

Ken gave an indignant squawk, blushing as he finally tore himself away from the restraining arms, "Sachi, I swear… you are the biggest –" He stopped in mid-sentence, turning to look curiously at the newest arrival. "Wait a minute, who else is here? You said 'us'" Oh gods, if the entire band had decided to come over and harass him now, he was _never_ going to get out of here and Yamato was going to kill them all! 

"Hm?" The tall guitarist glanced at him, seeming to notice Ken for the first time. "Yeah, the other two. I left them at the entrance so they wouldn't have to see me strangling this idiot here," he explained with another glare directed at the 'idiot' in question. "Takeru and Daisuke…" 

Ken gasped and ran out of the room the moment he heard those names. He skidded to a stop in front of the two boys, staring at them as though they'd disappear any second. How did those two insane band members get a hold of them?! 

"K-Ken-san?" Daisuke finally stuttered, both him and Takeru stepping closer together as Ken's eyes narrowed. 

"You… you two…" Ken sputtered for a moment, anger rising as he realized what must have happened. Either Sachi and Akeno had kidnapped them right out of Yamato's apartment, or they had found the two younger boys wandering the streets and for some reason decided to bring them here. He was betting on the latter. "How could you run away like that?! You have Yamato and Taichi worried _sick_, you had me terrified, and now you think you can just walk in here as if nothing happened? I thought you were smarter than that!" 

The two boys gaped at him in shock, not moving or daring to speak. Finally Ken spun around, fighting the urge slap both of them for doing something so stupid, and stormed off to his room to calm down before calling Yamato to put his worries to rest. None of them had figured that normally submissive teens would gain enough courage to step outside of the apartment without one of them there to lead them. It was completely against their usual behavior. They had no idea how the real world worked and didn't seem to realize just how big it was. They were too naive! Anybody could have picked them up… 

Finally he realized that he was pacing and forced himself to stop. It didn't matter now anyway, they were safe. Nothing did happen to them, thanks to Sachi and Akeno. Although he still didn't understand why they didn't bring the two lost boys back to Yamato's apartment, which made a lot more sense considering Takeru was his brother and his place was much closer than Ken's. 

Still confused and upset, Ken sighed and reached over to his bedroom phone to call Yamato. He managed to convince the older blonde that the two were fine and that he didn't have to come all the way over here just to see them. He would get them dropped off later. After he hung up, he heard the door open and looked over to see Akeno waiting for permission to enter. 

Ken waved him over, both of them silently going over to the bed to sit down. He saw Akeno studying him from the corner of his eye, but only kept his gaze on the floor. He was glad at least that it was him and not Sachi that came to see if he was okay. The guitarist was easier to talk to and was a lot more reasonable about things. 

Ken had accepted the band as friends a while back when he saw how happy Yamato was to be playing with them. It had lifted the depression slightly from the blonde and had given him an outlet for his anger and guilt. That didn't mean that Ken approved of some of the other things the band did together, but he still got along with them all right in the end. They helped when Yamato was in one of his blacker moods, the kind where he would go an entire day without talking to anybody, sinking into his guilty thoughts and memories. And the other three band members had accepted Ken right back, treating him as a younger brother when they found out how close of friends he and Yamato were. They enjoyed teasing him constantly, especially over his protectiveness of Yamato, but were always there to help and talk to when he needed it. 

"Ken," the concerned voice shook him out of his thoughts, "Why were you so upset to see them?" 

With a sigh, Ken tilted his head to hide his face within his curtain of hair. He didn't feel angry any more. Just… helpless and confused. "It's not like that," he finally mumbled, still feeling the other's intense gaze, "Where did you find them?" 

"Find them?" Akeno's voice was slightly edged with confusion now, "Sachi showed up with them at my apartment. He just told me he needed the van to take Takeru and Daisuke to your place. I just thought Yamato had asked him to or something." 

"Oh." Ken frowned down at his hands, wondering why Sachi had had them in the first place. It didn't make any sense for him not to take them back to Yamato's, especially since he knew of Yamato's quick temper. "Well, they were supposed to be at Yamato's. They left, for some reason, and both Yamato and Taichi had a fit." 

There was a moment of surprised silence while Akeno registered this new information. Then he grumbled, "Damn Sachi. Don't worry, I'll deal with that baka later. He just can't say 'no'. You know how he is." 

Ken frowned, "What do you mean by that?" 

"Well… obviously he wouldn't just decide to take them here for no reason," the other explained, sounding almost amused, "They wanted to come see you and he's never been able to say no to the cute ones." 

Surprised, Ken blinked up at Akeno, "Why would they want to come here?" 

Akeno rolled his eyes slightly, "You can be so clueless sometimes, Ken-chan." 

About to protest, Ken opened his mouth but closed it again as he thought of something else. Eyes widening, he stood up, "Oh no… I yelled at them. They're going to think… shit." Ken immediately left the room, Akeno following close behind. 

Stepping into the living room, fearing the worse, Ken saw the sight and did a double take. In shock, he could only gape at the scene, completely surprised by what he found. Instead of the cringing, terrified, crying boys he had expected to see, they were curled up against Sachi on the small sofa, his arms around them as they hung on to him. The two younger ones gave Ken a frightened look when they heard him enter, but quickly turned away again. 

Akeno stepped around the stunned Ken, taking in the situation with a glance then shrugged, "Well, at least he calmed them down like I told him to. They were practically hysterical when I left." 

Sachi grinned at the two of them standing in the door way, giving them a cheerful little wave from around Takeru's shoulders, "Hey guys! Everything a-okay?" 

Instead of answering, Ken's eyes narrowed suspiciously, "What did you do?" 

"Do?" The green haired teen blinked innocently, "What, to these two?" 

When Ken nodded, Sachi grinned and affectionately tousled the boys' hair. They, on the other hand, kept on ignoring everyone and everything around them, not looking as though they wanted to move from their spot any time soon. Sachi rolled his eyes at Ken's expression, "Aw, come on, Ken. You don't seriously think I'd do anything like that, do you? I'm not _that_ stupid. Yamato would kill me anyway, so there's no point. They know I'm not going to hurt them, that's all. All I did was explain to them what it was that got you in such a pissy mood and told 'em not to worry about it." 

"That's all?" Ken asked disbelievingly. It sounded way too simple. He knew from experience what those boys were like when they thought they had done something wrong. 

"What do you mean by _that_?" Sachi held his grin, but anyone could tell it was becoming a little forced. His body remained relaxed however and Ken suddenly realized that this was to keep Takeru and Daisuke from becoming nervous or frightened. It amazed him that someone like Sachi would ever think of something like that. 

"He didn't mean anything by it, Sachi," Akeno finally said, walking closer to the couch. He stopped, however, when he saw Takeru and Daisuke press closer to their new protector. So they were still scared, but just not unreasonably so. "We should just get them back home where they can relax." 

"But…" Takeru whimpered, looking pleadingly up at Sachi. 

"But what?" Akeno frowned, also staring at Sachi with a raised eyebrow. 

He shrugged but Daisuke answered, his voice barely even a whisper and Ken had to strain to hear him. "Ya-Yamato-san and… and 'Chi n-need to t-talk." 

Ken frowned when he heard this. Was that why the two had left the apartment? To give their siblings some alone time together to work out their problems? He sighed, "It doesn't matter now. They found out you two left and went out looking for you. They're back at the apartment now, but I'm sure that there's going to be no more 'talking' until you go back." 

The youngest two flinched slightly when they heard this, looking a bit guilty. But again they refused to look at Ken. That was definitely a bad sign. Ken winced, knowing that they didn't fully believe that he wasn't mad at them. 

"Well, you heard the man," Sachi said cheerfully, "Time to go home!" They nodded, if a bit reluctantly, and yet didn't move an inch. Sachi sighed and shook his head in mock despair, "Look, as much as I enjoy cuddling up to you two beauties, we can't stay here forever. Eventually Yamato and your Taichi will go crazy with worry and come hunting us all down, which will end with my very painful death for holding out on them." 

The two in his arms were now staring up at him with wide, curious eyes. Neither one looked sure about whether or not Sachi was joking. Finally Takeru gaped, "Really?" 

Sachi grinned, loving every minute of their attention, "Well… maybe I won't actually _die_, but it'll be pretty close. Don't worry, I'll drive you home safely." 

"No you won't," Akeno interrupted, crossing his arms over his chest, "I didn't let you drive here and I'm sure as hell not letting you drive back. You've caused enough damage to our van as it is. I'll drive back and you can keep them company in the back." 

"Fine," Sachi pouted, dragging the two teens to their feet as he stood. They were still watching him with almost delight on their faces. They seemed to have forgotten Ken and their fear of him as they were cheered up by Sachi's antics. But that didn't mean that everything was fixed between them. 

Slowly, Ken approached them, feeling a bit apprehensive when he saw Daisuke and Takeru turn to stare at him while drawing closer to the keyboardist. Hoping it wasn't as bad as it seemed, Ken nervously smiled a bit at them, "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I was just scared and didn't know what to think when you showed up like that. I'm just relieved to see you are safe. I hope you can forgive me." 

Wide cerulean and cinnamon eyes regarded him with surprise and confusion, then with hope. Takeru tilted his head slightly, "You… you mean that? You're n-not mad anymore?" 

Ken shook his head, feeling a bit more confident when neither one of them appeared ready to run from him. "I was never really _angry_, just upset that you had put yourselves in danger like that." 

"Danger?" Daisuke whispered, ducking his head halfway behind Sachi's bright orange shirt when Ken turned his attention to him. "H-how?" 

"When you ran off without letting anyone know," the bluenette answered with a smile at the shy boy. "Just make sure you tell one of us where you're going next time, okay? You had us all really worried." 

"Okay," they replied as one. There were small, hopeful smiles on their faces now, much to Ken's relief. 

"One question, though," Ken said curiously, "How did that nutball con you into letting him help you?" 

Sachi stuck out his tongue at him and sulkily tried to turn away, but Takeru and Daisuke wouldn't let him move. Takeru's smile widened as he looked up at the pouting keyboardist, "He said you… you just hung around Yamato too much and that's… and that is why you are so… so moody and b-bitchy." 

Daisuke nodded, despite Sachi's horrified gaze as he noticed Ken's raised eyebrow, "Y-yeah! And… there was something about… PM…PMS? Don't know what that is… but it sounded funny." 

"And he said he knows just wh-what we're feeling," Takeru finished happily, hugging the older teen who looked as though he wanted to just disappear, "He says he gets scared of… of your t-temper too." 

"No-nobody told us stuff like that before," the red-head said softly, "Except Yu… Yuki a-and Rio when… when th-they were be-being funny." 

Takeru nodded, looking sad at the mention of their old friends, but Sachi quickly fixed that by wrapping his arms around them again and hugging them to his sides, "See? Aren't they the sweetest?" Then he leaned over and whispered loud enough for Ken to hear, "Now get ready to run if Ken blows his top. He doesn't like to be reminded of his Yamato inherited PMS-syndrome." 

They glanced wide eyed at Ken, who rolled his eyes, "Very funny, Sachi. If they weren't looking so happy right now, I'd punch you in the nose." 

"Sure you would, you ol' softie," Akeno teased, as he walked past them to the front door. "Now would you three hurry it up? I have other things to do today, you know." 

"You coming with us, Ken?" Sachi asked as Daisuke glanced at the bluenette hopefully. 

But Ken shook his head regretfully, "No… I can't. My mom will be home within the next hour. If she finds out I'm not here doing homework and getting ready for that damned soccer photo shoot…" 

Nodding understandably, Sachi pulled the two younger teens along, "All right then. I'll pass that along to Yamato so he can go rescue you after the shoot's done." 

Ken nodded thankfully and went to see them out. They waved back at him as they went down the hallway to the elevators. The last thing he heard before he shut the door was Sachi squealing, "Takeru, you're so much cuter than your brother! Can I keep him?" 

"No." 

"Can I carry him then?" 

"No." Was again Akeno's exasperated response, even though Sachi went right ahead and ignored him. Ken shook his head as he slipped back into the apartment, wondering what Yamato would do to Sachi if he caught the other band member flirting with his younger brother like that. There would definitely be some bloodshed. 

He sighed, hoping everything was okay between him and Daisuke now. It would be horrible if the other stopped speaking to him again. He wouldn't be able to stand it. But it seemed that he was back in their good graces when they had left, so hopefully that wouldn't happen. 

Finally, after a few minutes of aimless wandering from one room to another, dreading the moment his mother came home, he went over to the phone to call Yamato again. He thought it best to let Yamato know the others were on their way back, Takeru and Daisuke safely among them. This would hopefully give the stubborn blonde some time to lighten up a bit before they arrived. And he decided as well that he would hold back on Sachi's new interest in the younger Ishida, knowing that it would just cause Yamato to unreasonably start a fight, even with the knowledge of the keyboardist's playful, yet harmless nature. 

=-=-=-= 

Hours Before… 

=-=-=-= 

"You thought _what_?!" 

Taichi winced and took a step back at the sound of angry disbelief in the other's voice. What he saw scared him. A mixture of hurt, anger and disgust clouded those normally calm, cold blue eyes. He should have known the other teen would respond like this, but there hadn't been any other option other than to tell the truth. Yamato had seemed surprised by Taichi's blunt ways of sharing his feelings, his fears, but the brunette had never thought to hold back some of it. Growing up, he and the other kids had always shared everything when they needed to get things off their minds. They had never thought to lie about or keep back their true feelings, it wouldn't do them any good otherwise. How else would they gain the help and comfort they all so desperately sought? 

Obviously it was a mistake to assume the same thing here. Yamato appeared horrified by Taichi's confession, but there was no taking it back now. Anyway, everyone had kept telling him to just talk to the one causing him so much distress, so that's exactly what he was doing. There wasn't any other way but to be honest about it. 

Seeing that Taichi was not being even the slightest bit humorous, Yamato groaned and fell back onto the couch, his head resting in his hands. The following silence did nothing to calm Taichi's nerves and he remained staring desperately at the carpet. All he could do now was wait for Yamato's response and let the blonde punish him at will for thinking such thoughts, for doubting him like that. 

"Why?" Yamato finally whispered, his voice strained and rough, "Why would you think… think I'd do _that_ to you?" 

Taichi gaped silently, wishing he knew exactly what the other was thinking. It would be so much easier if Yamato was more like him and just told him what was on his mind. "I… I told you… already. B-because of wh-what I heard, Yam… Ishida-san." Best to be as safe as possible now. Be polite and obedient. He could be hurt for the tiniest mistake now. 

"Fuck…" The blonde teenager moaned, rocking forward slightly as though he were about to be sick. "F-fuck! I… I wish Ken were still h-here. I'm no good at this. I can't even think…" 

Taichi's eyes widened as he heard the singer's voice waver dangerously. He had never seen Yamato as close to crying as he sounded now. Why though? Shouldn't he be angry? Taichi didn't understand, but felt horrible for causing such distress all the same. "I-Ishida-san?" 

"Don't call me that!" Yamato spat, lifting his head to glare at the wide-eyed brunette. "I can't stand it!" But his face softened slightly when he saw Taichi's terrified expression, "Am I really… that horrible?" 

Daring to raise his eyes at the hint of vulnerability in the other's tone, he was surprised to see those icy eyes glistening with unshed tears. Why? Why was Yamato so emotional now? The… the Masters had never been like this. They would have beat Taichi senseless for even thinking thoughts of what he had just told Yamato. It just… just didn't make any sense! Taichi hated not understanding, not knowing his place in a situation. It just made it all that much harder. 

When he received no response, Yamato scowled and looked away, "Then why are you even talking to me. If I'm such a terrible, sick person, why are still here?" 

"Because…" Taichi looked away too, back to staring at nervously at the ugly brown carpet, "Because I… I wanted to kn-know. If… if you a-are really like… like that, I mean." 

Yamato snorted, his expression darkening as he curled up further on the couch, "Well I must be, huh? Everybody thinks so, so it must be true, right?" He seemed almost… almost like he was convincing himself of that. Or maybe he was already convinced and was just reinforcing that belief. 

Uncertainly, Taichi shook his head, "Well… that's why I w-wanted to… to talk to you. Every… everyone I've talked to d-doesn't think that. So… so I… want to believe them." 

"They don't?" Yamato turned to look at him again, his eyes narrowed with suspicion, "And just _who_ did you talk to?" 

Uh oh, he didn't sound too happy about this. Taichi mentally sighed, knowing he must have said the wrong thing again. "J-just… just D-Daisuke and Ken-san and… and Jyou-san." 

"You told Ken and _Jyou_ about my fucked up behavior? Great… No wonder they are so pissed at me." His frown grew as he wrapped his arms around himself, almost protectively. 

Concerned, Taichi came a bit closer and asked, "A-are they mad at you? G-gomen nasai…" 

"No…" Yamato sighed, tiredly brushing the loose hair from his face, "They're not mad. Just… just annoyingly concerned. They always are though, for some stupid reason." 

"Oh." 

They finally looked at each other, staring uncertainly until Yamato beckoned to the empty spot beside him on the couch. "Well… they were right about one thing at least. We definitely need to get a few things straightened out." When Taichi hesitated, Yamato gave him an irritated frown, "I won't bite, you know. Or… or are you really that afraid that I'll…" 

Taichi quickly sat before the sentence could be finished, hating the hurt and self-disgust he had heard in his tone. He had to admit, though, that if Yamato hadn't done anything to him yet, then he wasn't likely to any time soon. Not, at least, if he managed to be more careful about what he said. 

With a slightly surprised expression, Yamato turned to face him, then looked down at his lap, "I… I guess I should tell you why I'm so fucked up…" He really didn't look too happy by this prospect. Taichi was beginning to realize why Yamato had been so surprised by the brunette's openness. The lead singer of the Teenage Wolves was completely opposite. He was the type that kept all his feelings hidden from others, kept the hurt and fear buried so deep that no one, not even himself, would be able to see it. That's what made him seem so cold and unfeeling sometimes. It made sense now. 

"No," Taichi blurted out, facing the shock on the usually unemotional face without flinching, "I… What I w-want to know is… is why you hide… Why you lie." He was taking a big risk here, trying to get Yamato to open up to him. But before Yamato explained anything, he had to make sure that he wasn't going to lie about it all first. 

Astonishment filled Yamato's voice, "You… You want to know…? That's _exactly_ what Takeru asked me!" Taichi didn't know whether or not to respond to this, so he kept his mouth shut. He wasn't surprised, though, that his younger friend had thought of that before. Takeru had always been able to feel when other's were lying or hurting, especially after the… the beating. "I'll tell you the same thing I told him, I _don't lie_." 

"Yes, you do." Taichi contradicted, feeling slightly braver when Yamato made no movement towards him. He even cut off Yamato's protest, something he would never normally do under similar circumstances, but he could see now what Takeru had been trying to explain to him earlier. Yamato really _did_ have problems and needed so very badly to sort them out. "When you say you… you're fine, and you're not, tha-that's a lie." The blonde was on the edge of scowling, but remained quiet, "And… and you smile when… when you're not ha-happy. That's lying too." 

"But…" The musician tried halfheartedly before giving up, "Fine. I lie, have it your way then. But who cares? Everybody lies." 

Taichi shook his head, trying not to slip into his past memories as he thought about that statement, and softly said, "No… not everybody. Just… just some people who… who can't face the t-truth." Like those men… all of them. Those men who had tried to justify their need to use the kids like Taichi. It was all lies. He hated it when they lied like that, hated when they used him to hide and further their lies. 

Yamato must have seen something in Taichi's expression that hinted at what he was thinking, as the blonde went slightly paler than before, "Taichi… I … I didn't mean…" 

"I know," Taichi tried to smile, but failed and looked to his lap instead, "It…it's okay. B-but I want to know the truth. If… if th-that's all right." He would feel so much better to hear what was really hidden in that dark mind, the secrets that lay within. Maybe then Taichi could start to really trust the beautiful singer. 

"The truth?" This was whispered in an empty tone. Taichi looked over and saw the far away look in the other's eyes. "I… I can't. I just can't, Taichi. I was such a… a dirty… a terrible person." He shivered a bit, jumping to his feet and stumbling away until he was against the opposite wall. There he slid down and sat on the floor, not looking at Taichi. "I… I hated myself. 'Hated everything." 

Taichi restrained his instinctive need to go hug the other, as he would have done if he had seen Daisuke or Takeru so upset. But he didn't want to push Yamato further away. Not now, not when he was so close. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst if Yamato decided to take out his anger at the past on him, "Why?" 

There was such a lost look in those alluring sky colored eyes. An expression that was almost identical to the one he had seen on Takeru for weeks after he had come back to them, hardly able to move without feeling pain. Oh gods, he didn't want to see that look again. It brought back those memories… the ones he tried so hard to forget. 

Finally, just when Taichi began to think that the other hadn't heard his question, there was a whimper, "It was my fault… all my fucking fault. If… if I hadn't turned… hadn't stopped watching him…" 

"Wh…who?" He almost didn't want to know, but this was no time to back out now. He didn't think he'd ever get to talk to Yamato like this again. There was little possibility that the other would ever again let down his guards. 

Suddenly Yamato seemed to snap. His eyes came up, filled with such anguish and self-hatred that it made Taichi feel the need to run from their piercing gaze. "Who the hell do you think?!" The terrifying blonde practically screamed as he stumbled back to his feet, "Takeru! My brother, my little TK! I… I lost him, to _them_. I couldn't save him, I couldn't do _anything_. You don't know how it feels! I had to live with the guilt, I still do. They hurt him…" He was trembling now, wrapping his arms around himself as though to keep himself from falling apart, "Th-the bastards hurt him so… so much. They killed my little brother, the one I knew. The Takeru that c-came back is nothing… nothing like him. And it's _my fault_!" 

Taichi curled up further into the couch, terrified by Yamato's rage. He only understood some of what the blonde said, but enough to get the meaning. His heart hammered against his chest as he shook, wondering how Yamato could have kept this in for so long. Wondering if the other would take it all out on him now. 

"Oh… oh gods…" Taichi peeked out from behind his hands to see Yamato's wide, horrified eyes staring at him. "I… I'm sorry, Taichi. S-sorry. I shouldn't have… Oh fuck…" He ran his trembling hands through his blonde hair and squeezed his eyes closed. "Shit!" 

Cautiously, Taichi uncurled a bit, and whispered, "It… it'll be okay." Well, maybe not _okay_, but he didn't know what else to say. He was still trying to get over seeing Yamato so out of control. 

"I… I've got to get out of here." Yamato suddenly choked out, his eyes darting around to avoid Taichi's staring eyes, "G-got to find Ken, or… or someone. M-maybe Dad…" 

"W-what?" Taichi realized that Yamato was as white as a sheet and looked like he was going to be sick. 

"I n-need…" The older teen's hands crept uncertainly to his pockets, for some reason that Taichi didn't understand, but pulled away again as Yamato's expression became more agitated. He swayed slightly, seeming lost, sweat beading on his forehead. 

"Yamato!" Taichi didn't know what to do. He couldn't believe how the other teen was acting. This really didn't make sense. What could upset him so much? Just Takeru? Wasn't there something he could do to help? "P-please stop…" 

Yamato glanced at him blankly, as though his mind was had shut down and left him completely. Then he blinked, his eyes filling with despair instead, "I… I was hurting myself. That's what Ken told me. 'Hurt him too, he said." 

Through trembling lips, the shaken brunette asked, "Why…?" He couldn't take much more of this. He had hardly been able to deal with Takeru back then, but this was so much worse because he still didn't know exactly what had happened to Yamato. 

"I don't… remember much…" Yamato sighed, calming slightly, 'though his eyes were still glazed as though he wasn't even seeing Taichi anymore. "K-Ken and… and the others… they helped me. My dad even… Ken wouldn't leave me. I tried to get him to hate me too… like… like I hated myself. 'Thought I deserved it. He said I didn't, 'said it wasn't my fault." He winced, shaking his head slowly, "Bullshit. But…" 

Then he choked out a laugh, his eyes suddenly focusing on Taichi again, "But why the fuck am I telling _you_ this? Like you'd understand." 

"I… I kind of do." Taichi admitted, closing his eyes against Yamato's unconvinced glare. He sighed, glad that Daisuke and Takeru hadn't been here to hear all of that. Even Takeru probably had no idea just how deep Yamato's pain was. He started talking, just to fill the heavy silence, not really knowing what he was saying as he thought about the past, "There… was this man once. He kept coming back… always asked for… for me. And one day h-he told me why. S-said I… I reminded him a bit of his dead boyfriend. Then he explained that his… his boyfriend had been… hurting himself. The boyfriend had hated himself, 'though the man wouldn't say why. But… but the guy c-couldn't save him when he… when he… he…" Taichi paused, remembering the horror he had felt that someone could do such a thing. He pulled his legs up, hugging them to himself for comfort. 

Finally he took a breath, continuing, not noticing Yamato's growing horror, "His boyfriend k-killed himself. S-slit his wrists. The man de-described it all to me, a-all the blood. It was horrible. But he felt so guilty, felt he… he could have done more to help. He… he was scared too. That's why he kept coming back to me. Said I… I was safe. I couldn't hurt him like that 'cause I was just a kid. Said I didn't know a-about pain like that, so I couldn't understand. I… I was safe to talk to about it 'cause of… of that." 

Then he opened his eyes, feeling sad as he watched Yamato's darkened face. He didn't want the same thing to happen to this wonderful, beautiful teenager. He didn't want him to drown in his own blood. It couldn't happen… he wouldn't let it. "But… but you know what, Yamato?" His voice was strained and trembled slightly as he tried to hold back the tears that were just aching to come out, "I _did_ understand. I… I understood how hurt the guy must have been over his boyfriend's death. I _understood_ why… why he felt guilty even if it wasn't his fault. I didn't need to know the whole story to understand because… because it didn't matter why he hurt. It only mattered that he _did_ hurt." 

He shut his eyes once again, shutting out the world around him. Why was this always so hard? It hurt to comfort others, to help them. How did one keep from feeling their pain and despair? He hated it. And yet he always felt to need to listen to them, to find out where they hurt. Maybe he had nobody to turn to when he needed it the most, but he wasn't going let others feel the same. Takeru and Daisuke had always found him ready to listen and help wherever he could. They knew what it was like. But… this was different, in a way. He didn't know if he had enough strength to keep this up with Yamato on top of everything else. 

The couch shifted under him as a new weight was added to it and, surprisingly, he felt Yamato's hand rest on his shoulder. "Taichi, I… I'm sorry." 

With a confused frown, Taichi mumbled, "'bout what?" What did Yamato have to be sorry about? It wasn't his fault, even if he didn't believe that. 

Yamato sighed, his voice still unsteady but much calmer than it was before. Taichi took comfort in that fact, hoping that the blonde was in a more reasonable mood now. He didn't think he could take much more of those drastic mood swings. "For laying it all on you like that, I suppose. I shouldn't have lost control like that. But… but I couldn't help it. You made it so easy to…" He trailed off, bowing his head further as though in shame. 

"It's all… all right, Yamato-san." Taichi whispered, watching the musician from the corner of his eye. He hated it when someone appeared so despairing. "I asked you to t-tell me." 

"Yeah, but still," Yamato looked at him, unsmiling, "You don't deserve it. It was my stupidity, no one else's." 

Taichi shook his head, "It wasn't stupid. Everybody needs to talk about their feelings sometime. It… it doesn't help to keep them inside." 

This time a small, barely distinguishable smile formed on Yamato's face, "You know what, Taichi? You're a good person. I don't know where you learned to be so wise, but everything you say makes sense. I never really believe Ken when tells me the same things…" 

Surprised, Taichi turned his head, "Really?" He smiled at the other's confirming nod, feeling a whole lot better about himself and the situation. He rarely heard Yamato complement anyone like that. "That… that means a-a lot. Coming from you, I mean." 

This time it was Yamato's turn to be surprised. His eyebrows drew together in confusion, "Why?" 

"Because I like you," Taichi stated without thinking about it. It was true though, he _did_ like the wonderful, if unpredictable blonde musician. There was no point in lying about it either. "You… You've been helping me and my friends. It d-doesn't matter what you think, Yamato, you're very… very kind hearted." 

He looked stunned by this comment, and almost looked as though he was going to deny it. But he only shook his head, "If you say so, Taichi. But thanks." 

"And… and maybe one day…" Taichi continued hopefully, "You'll be able to… to trust me 'nough to tell me why you… you're so sad all the time." 

"Yeah… maybe." Yamato said unconvincingly. Then he shrugged and stood up. "But not today. You've got to understand Taichi, it's not as easy for me just to say what's on my mind. Even Ken has trouble getting me to admit my problems. I just… can't." He shuddered slightly, staring at the wall, "I hate thinking about it all, much less talking about it. But I'll try, Taichi, just not right now." 

"O-okay, that's alright, Yamato." Taichi told him, standing up as well. He still didn't fully understand why Yamato had trouble talking about his past, but he knew better than to push him. He was just lucky he had gotten this far unscathed. 

"Thanks," Yamato smiled a little, running a hand through his hair again as though it calmed him down. "Maybe I… I should talk to Takeru and Daisuke now. Just to let them know I'm okay." 

"Yeah," Taichi agreed, "They're worried about you." 

"Well, come on then," the blonde beckoned, heading slowly for the door, "I'm not facing them alone." 

Taichi grinned, happy that Yamato wasn't upset with him. And he felt better about the situation as well. Yamato definitely didn't act like he was going to hurt him or use him like those other people had. Something would have happened by now if that were the case. And Yamato wanted him around, still! Nothing could have made Taichi happier at the moment than knowing the beautiful guitarist was going to put up with him for a while longer. Everything would turn out for the best, he was sure of it. 

"Uh… Taichi? Where'd they go? They're not here!" 

=-=-=-= 

(A/N) Whew, that was painful to type, but it's done and I'm happy with it. Next chapter will probably focus on getting those kids into school, and stuff. Poor things. So? Was it worth the wait? Maybe? Well, my updates will take less time than this one did from now on, when I find time around my classes and homework. So if you still want more, I'll keep on writing! 


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